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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24121804">I'm in Love with My Brother's Best Friend</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyuugamistress94/pseuds/Hyuugamistress94'>Hyuugamistress94</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Boy Love, Boyfriends, Comedy, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Funny, Gay, Humor, M/M, Modern Era, Naruto is Just Naruto, POV Uchiha Itachi, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Humor, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Uchiha Itachi-centric, Uchiha Sasuke &amp; Uzumaki Naruto Friendship, Yaoi, almost everyone is gay, sakura is just a friend</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:35:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>114,383</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24121804</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyuugamistress94/pseuds/Hyuugamistress94</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's literally the title. Itachi got the hots for Naruto!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Uchiha Itachi/Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>390</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>536</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I Have a Confession</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>When you see “123 321”, it signifies a time jump in the story OR a change in setting.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>I’m in love with my brother’s best friend.</p><p>What? Don’t look at me like that! You read the title, you clicked the link, right?!</p><p>So let’s just get right to it. This is about the time I fell in love with my brother’s fucking stupid, sexy ass, best friend.</p><p>123 321</p><p>There he was. Sitting in <em>his </em>living room, drinking some fizzy soda in a cup. Naruto laughed at something Sasuke said from the kitchen, his brilliant blue orbs shining in mirth as he placed the cup dangerously close to the edge of the marble table.</p><p>Naruto’s full lips grinned as he threw back a teasing retort at Sasuke who scowled. Itachi could vaguely make out his brother’s response, but he could tell Sasuke was not amused. The young men before him were best friends, rivals, and each other’s punching bags when necessary – which was about 80% of the time, Itachi had soon discovered.</p><p>The condos living room was high fashion and modern. Sleek marble countertops, costly decor with plush white carpet in the dining area and dark wooden floors elsewhere. The blonde was such a striking contrast; giving colorful light to the minimalist space. All he saw was Naruto’s shining aura.</p><p>Itachi often returned from work and found he had unexpected company. The oldest Uchiha worked for the prestigious Rinnegan, one of the top tech companies in the world, which happened to be owned by his father. So let’s just say he had a lot to live up to.</p><p>He was a senior vice president for the prestigious company, while his little brother was a senior at a prestigious private university. Not really little anymore, but Sasuke was 5 years younger than him, so Itachi always viewed him as such.</p><p>Itachi closed the door softly behind him, not wanting to alert them of his presence just yet. He needed to get a grip before he made himself known. Just seeing Naruto made his body react in dangerous ways.</p><p>How did Sasuke even start living with him? Itachi didn’t know just how high and drunk he must have been that night he gave Sasuke a spare key to his condo just last year, but now he would randomly find Sasuke sitting on his couch after work. The little shit was slowing down his internet.</p><p>At first, Itachi thought it was weird. They weren’t that close, due to Itachi being so much older and their father working Itachi like a dog – so they didn’t spend much time together during Sasuke’s childhood. Itachi figured because Sasuke still lived at home, he just needed to escape their parents, so Sasuke ended up hiding out at his place. Or maybe, now that they were both adults, Sasuke wanted to be closer to Itachi; seeking guidance into adulthood that only Itachi could give him as his older brother.</p><p>Soon Sasuke started showing up more often. They would talk and even hang out together and realized they had similar interests and dislikes. He learned so much more about his little brother in those first couple of months than he did growing up with him.</p><p>For instance, Sasuke attracted weirdos. As an Uchiha, it was normal to have a fan club or two, but random men, women, dogs – <em>anything </em>would walk up to Sasuke and ogle him. Like what the fuck was he? A Disney princess?! Anyways, before Itachi could even notice, Sasuke had his shit in his guest room and came and went as he pleased.</p><p>Sasuke was clean and never bothered Itachi when he brought work home. He was also an amazing cook, which Itachi didn’t know <em>how </em>he learned since their mother was shit at it and their father could set the kitchen on fire just from standing near the entrance. Itachi had unfortunately inherited his parents issues with preparing food and good food was hard to pass up, so he was secretly happy to rekindle his relationship with his brother . . .</p><p>. . . until Sasuke started bringing <em>him </em>around.</p><p>Itachi quietly removed his shoes and placed them on the shoe rack at the entrance by the door. He heard Naruto’s rich laughter again and his heart fluttered in desperate beats.</p><p>He didn’t mean for this to happen. He didn’t even <em>want </em>this to happen. He didn’t even know <em>how </em>this happened!</p><p>Itachi turned back around, still unnoticed by the blonde who was now standing, leaning over the table as he told an animated story.</p><p>The older Uchiha’s dark eyes looked over Naruto’s lean physique, in awe of the rather revealing tank top Naruto wore with fitted jeans. How the hell did he make such a simple outfit look so fucking rugged and <em>hot</em>?!</p><p>Itachi didn’t know what to do about his situation. What does one do when they have a crush? Just tell the person you’re crushing on how you feel, right? Nope, not Itachi. He couldn’t.</p><p>There was just one little problem . . .</p><p>Naruto suddenly slammed his fist down on the table, “Take that back teme or I’ll beat your ass!” he yelled at Sasuke, just as the fizzy soda fell and spilled all over the lush carpeted floor.</p><p>“Clean that fucking shit up!” Itachi immediately hissed like a knee jerk reaction before either Naruto or Sasuke could react.</p><p>“I’m s-sorry Mr. U-Uchiha, Itachi s-sir!” Naruto screamed in absolute fear before scurrying to the kitchen and grabbing cleaning supplies under the sink and screaming as he ran over and began scrubbing away at the white carpet.</p><p>. . . Naruto was <em>terrified </em>of him.</p><p>“Must you always make a mess?” Itachi asked, irritated. He couldn’t help it. He was a germophobe.</p><p><em>Everything</em>, needed to be clean or else he became a vengeful spirit.</p><p>“I’m sorry Mr. Uchiha, Itachi sir!” Naruto practically had tears running down his face and Sasuke was hiding behind the kitchen island, not wanting to witness a potential murder.</p><p>Itachi sighed as he walked from the entrance, past the living room, and slammed the door shut to his room.</p><p>“Your brother is the scariest person I’ve ever met.” Itachi could hear Naruto mention to Sasuke.</p><p>“He’s only like that when things are messy.” He heard Sasuke respond.</p><p>“Are you sure? Every time I see him he looks pissed off.”</p><p>“That’s because you’re <em>always </em>messy!”</p><p>“Shut the hell up!”</p><p>“Better hurry up with that or else you won’t get it out.” Sasuke ordered.</p><p>Something inside Itachi snapped as he flung open the door. “IF THERE’S A STAIN I’LL BREAK YOUR FOOT UP YOUR ASS <em>NARUTO</em>!”</p><p>“EEP!!” He heard Naruto scream before ferocious scrubbing movements ensued. Damn, hope he didn’t make a hole in the carpet.</p><p>Itachi bit his tongue before he screamed something else at the mere thought of Naruto fucking up his carpet even more.</p><p>He covered his mouth and slammed the door shut again, hearing “eeps!” from both his brother and Naruto from the action.</p><p>Itachi had to wrestle himself to fight down the urge to go out and make sure everything was cleaned <em>perfectly</em>. He hurriedly took off his work clothes and changed into loungewear.</p><p>Feeling miserable with each step, Itachi sighed as he walked to his bed and – as gracefully as one could - belly flopped onto it.</p><p>How do you confess to someone who is scared shitless of you?!</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. He Touched My Petunias</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His love for Naruto all started when Sasuke suddenly burst into his room a couple of months ago . . .</p><p>123 Flashback 321</p><p>Itachi only had one rule for Sasuke.</p><p>Don’t touch his fucking petunias.</p><p>They sat in a marble bowl in the center of the marble dining table, filled with volcanic rich soil imported from some exotic island and sparkling white crystals were strategically place for optimum aesthetic on top. It was one of his most prized possessions; a rich exquisite purple flower with a deep plum color in the center, turning a pastel hue as it reached its flawless wavy edges.</p><p>They were absolutely stunning and blooming lavishly, the necessary pop of color in Itachi’s dull, meaningless life of work and deadlines.</p><p>Sasuke was usually clean, although not as neurotic about it as Itachi, and always made himself scarce on Sunday mornings when Itachi vigorously scrubbed down the entire condo. Sasuke made the mistake of being around one Sunday morning and never quite <em>recovered </em>from that experience. But now that he knew how terrifying Itachi could be, he inclined to get the fuck out at the mere <em>thought </em>of Itachi cleaning.</p><p>So Sasuke knew Itachi meant business when he said he’d regret it if he ever fucked around with his flowers, especially since he dusted the flower pot for fingerprints every morning.</p><p>On a random Saturday morning, Itachi was working in his home office, typing away at a proposal before he heard a sharp knock at his door as it opened. He didn’t even understand why Sasuke bothered to knock when he was just going to open it a split second later. Itachi didn’t have anything to hide, so he didn’t really care that Sasuke just barged in like this.</p><p>Maybe he should talk to his brother about personal space and privacy – nah, it’s not like Sasuke would barge in on him in the shower or something.</p><p>He didn’t bother saying anything as Sasuke leaned against the doorframe, hands tucked away in his designer jeans pockets. Sasuke wore a navy blue t-shirt which sported a breast pocket that had a gold leaf symbol embroidered on it.</p><p>“I need money.” Sasuke said, finally ending the comfortable silence he usually shared with his sibling.</p><p>“For what?” Itachi asked as he typed. As an Uchiha, Sasuke was filthy rich. If he needed <em>more </em>money, he must have been up to something their father didn’t approve of.</p><p>“I’ve decided not to work at Rinnegan after university.”</p><p>Itachi’s fingers paused as he looked up at his younger brother, duly alarmed. “Huh?” he asked, intelligently.</p><p>“You heard me.” Sasuke scoffed.</p><p>Itachi thought it over. This was a joke right? “After uni you will work at Rinnegan.” Itachi stated simply, not amused by his younger brother’s jokes.</p><p>“No.” Sasuke continued quickly before Itachi could continue typing. “I am pursuing a law degree.”</p><p>“Might as well tell father you’re dropping out to join the circus.” Itachi scoffed. His father would be upset no matter where he ended up if it wasn’t at Rinnegan.</p><p>“That’s why I need money. To pay for law school.”</p><p>Itachi pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why law school? Your major is Cybersecurity and IT with a minor in Business Administration.” Itachi stated, trying to find the correlation with that and law school. Not to mention, Sasuke never showed the slightest interest in law.</p><p>“I like a challenge.” Sasuke said confidently.</p><p>Itachi had no idea why Sasuke would pass up a perfectly lavish life for the stress of law school and struggle. All for the sake of a challenge?</p><p>“Ok.” Itachi said, not attempting to reason with his brother any longer. This was Sasuke’s life after all.</p><p>“I’m looking for a job, so I won’t have as much free time.”</p><p>An Uchiha working a commoner’s job? Blasphemy.</p><p>“And I’m going to be studying more when I’m here.” Itachi looked at Sasuke in question. “For the LSAT.” Sasuke explained.</p><p>“Right.” Itachi was perplexed. Was Sasuke really going to go through with this? It was the summer before he started his senior year of university . . . Itachi was sure deadlines were coming up . . .</p><p>“I’m going to study here because the library is too noisy.”</p><p>“That’s fine.” Itachi was wondering where the conversation was going. Was Sasuke looking for support? “You can do it.” Itachi tried and failed to say enthusiastically.</p><p>Sasuke grimaced at his sad attempt before he left, the door clicking shut softly behind him.</p><p>Itachi stared at his computer screen for a moment, wondering why the sudden declaration. Sasuke was such a <em>peculiar </em>child growing up. He was quiet and rather obedient during adolescence. He actually enjoyed eating his vegetables and studying as a kid.</p><p>This must have been a late teenage angst phase. Was he only now rebelling? Itachi had his rebellious phase in high school when he joined that gang . . . but that’s a flashback for some other time.</p><p>Deciding to take a quick break, Itachi ventured out of his office and smelled something delicious so he immediately headed to the kitchen. Once there, he saw Sasuke opening the oven to reveal croissants.</p><p>Itachi racked his brain trying to remember Sasuke’s extracurricular activities during high school. Soccer, track, martial arts, that random fencing class. Was he even allowed to use the kitchen at home? His parents hired help for that. Where the hell did he learn to cook?</p><p>“We’re out of stuff.” Sasuke said before jamming a list of shit in Itachi’s face.</p><p>Itachi took the piece of paper and quickly looked over it. “I just bought milk last week.” He said, looking at Sasuke. What was he doing with all of the milk?!</p><p>Sasuke sighed exasperatedly. “How do you expect me to make pancakes, French toast, and bake fresh bread every day and not run out of milk quickly? Not to mention the rich and creamy alfredo dish I made from scratch last night.”</p><p>“You need milk for that?”</p><p>Sasuke simply stared at Itachi before turning back to the stove, muttering something under his breath. Itachi couldn’t make out the string of words, but was pretty sure he heard the words “dumb ass” thrown around in there.</p><p>So what if he didn’t know anything about cooking? He was a business man, not a chef!</p><p>Sasuke turned around and positioned a plate full of fresh fruit with crispy buttery croissant and cheese oozing out of it accompanied with bacon and eggs in front of Itachi on the massive kitchen island. There were random slices of tomato on the side.</p><p>Itachi raised an eyebrow at the tomato. Sasuke rolled his eyes before scraping them onto his own plate that already had an excessive amount of them. Another thing Itachi didn’t understand was Sasuke’s obsession with tomatoes. He would have mentioned how fucking disgusting he thought they were, but would rather avoid the scolding by his younger brother as he ranted about their supposed health benefits . . . again.</p><p>Itachi took a bite out of the croissants and was amazed at how good they tasted.</p><p>“I used milk for that.” Sasuke added. What did he do? Make the cheese from scratch?!</p><p>“I’ll go to the store.”</p><p>“Hn,” Sasuke said with a haughty expression on his face before turning around to wash the dishes at the sink. Itachi once tried offering to wash up in return for the delicious meals, but Sasuke didn’t like the way he <em>handled </em>his cookware apparently.</p><p>One time Sasuke walked into the kitchen and found Itachi <em>scraping </em>leftover scraps of food from his porcelain frying pan with a fork and almost had a fucking heart attack. The situation ended with Sasuke chasing him out the kitchen with a rolling pin. Itachi wasn’t even <em>aware </em>he had a rolling pin in his possession before that. And after that, Sasuke almost ripped Itachi’s head off when he saw Itachi touching his black oven mitts. Itachi didn’t understand how someone could come close to crying over oven mitts.</p><p>Such a peculiar child indeed.</p><p>Well, Itachi was neurotic about cleaning and for Sasuke, he was a stickler about cooking. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree indeed. However, Sasuke at least didn’t react violently about cooking and only cared about it when he was the one cooking. Itachi on the other hand loses it completely if he was around mess, no matter the situation or who caused it. Sasuke was a thin line away from being insane.</p><p>Sasuke joined him at the kitchen island as they ate in comfortable silence.</p><p>“I’ll go now. Is this everything?” Itachi asked as he held up Sasuke’s shopping list once he finished his food. Why couldn't he just texted everything to him?!</p><p>Sasuke nodded as he sipped on some tea. Tea? Sasuke was more of a black-like-my-soul coffee type of person. When did he start drinking tea? “I’ll be studying by the time you get back.” Sasuke mentioned as he sipped tea again. It didn’t look like he enjoyed it much by the way his eye twitch. That or the caffeine withdrawals were kicking in.</p><p>“Ok.” Itachi sighed. He couldn’t believe Sasuke was actually serious about law.</p><p>321</p><p>If Sasuke wasn’t such a good cook, Itachi would have thrown him out a long time ago. Itachi had to go to 6 different stores just to find all the random shit on his list. Honestly, it was such a hassle because Sasuke just <em>had </em>to have the <em>exact </em>ingredients. One time Itachi accidentally got the wrong eggs and Sasuke refused to cook for a week.</p><p>How the <em>fuck </em>does someone buy the <em>wrong </em>eggs?! It’s just chicken spawn ain’t it?! It’s all the same shit!</p><p>Anyways, Itachi neared his condo door with hands full of groceries because he refused to make a second trip. As he walked closer, he heard voices from outside.</p><p>What the hell? Was Sasuke watching a movie or something? Why was it so loud?</p><p>As Itachi stood in front the door, trying to reach his pockets for his keys – shit, why didn’t he take them out <em>before </em>he filled his hands with bags of groceries – he recognized Sasuke’s voice. Itachi didn’t think he ever heard his brother yell so angrily before. Who the hell was he yelling at?</p><p>He suddenly heard a commotion as a loud thud echoed from inside with random slaps and punches. He then heard a large CLANK as if something dropped before a gasp that sounded suspiciously like Sasuke.</p><p>What the fuck?</p><p>Itachi finally got his keys out but paused when he heard, “Hurry get the cleaning supplies before my brother gets back!”</p><p>“What’s the big deal teme?!” he heard an unknown voice ask.</p><p>At the mere inference of a mess, Itachi seemingly materialized inside.</p><p>“Shit,” Sasuke cursed as he turned after hearing Itachi drop the bags of groceries where he stood at the entrance, his jaw hanging open in shock. He could see the rage boiling inside his older brother’s eyes as he stared at his petunias on the ground, soil spilled all over the white carpet as one of its stems were bent at a suspicious angle.</p><p>“What the FUCK happened?” Itachi yelled before turning to Sasuke.</p><p>He didn’t see Naruto, who had bent down behind the large kitchen island to grab cleaning supplies from the cabinets below before Itachi entered the condo.</p><p>“Itachi—” Sasuke began, trying to calm his brother but Itachi already lunged for him.</p><p>“You better clean this shit up!” He yelled as Sasuke dodged and was chased around the living room.</p><p>“It’s just some fucking weeds!” Sasuke yelled and could see the rage manifesting around Itachi.</p><p>Oh fuck.</p><p>In a split second, Itachi had his hands around Sasuke’s throat and was shaking him. “How many times,” gagging noises, “did I tell you,” more gagging noises, “not to touch my petunias?!”</p><p>Itachi heard a loud shriek behind him. He momentarily forgot that Sasuke wasn’t alone. Slowly turning around with murder in his eyes, Itachi froze when he made eye contact with, terrified, blue eyes.</p><p>Naruto shakily stood with scrubbing bubbles cleaning spray in both hands. Itachi hadn’t seen him because he was obscured by their massive kitchen island. And what the fuck would cleaning spray do for knocked over soil?! Why didn’t he grab the vacuum?!</p><p>However, Itachi’s hands went slack the longer he stared into deep sea blue eyes. Sasuke took a straggly deep breath once Itachi hands dropped from his throat altogether.</p><p>Itachi had never seen eyes so rich in color and hair so . . . what kind of yellow was that?</p><p>“Who . . . is this?” Itachi asked slowly.</p><p>“N-Naruto,” Sasuke gasped before coughing after being choked for a solid 30 seconds. Itachi vaguely remembered Sasuke mentioning the name throughout the years.</p><p>“I-I’m s-sorry,” Naruto stammered, horrified at what this man in front of him was capable of. He never once in his life saw Sasuke scared before and it terrified him that anyone could strike such fear in his rival. Not to mention he just saw the man effortlessly choke the shit out of him with his bare hands.</p><p>Itachi’s ominous dark orbs glanced at Naruto’s hands, and noted how there was a light coating of dust on them. On closer inspection, there was dust all over Naruto.</p><p>So <em>he </em>was the culprit.</p><p>Itachi straightened up. “If this isn’t cleaned by the time I come back out here.” he began slowly, his voice raising with each word, causing the younger men in front of him to shiver at the bloodlust in the air. “I’m going to peel your skin off and use it to wipe this fucking mess.”</p><p>“Y-Yes Mr. Itachi, U-Uchiha sir!” Naruto cried as Sasuke bolted for the closet to grab the vacuum. Itachi left and walked back to his room.</p><p>So after all these years he <em>finally </em>meets Naruto . . .</p><p>123</p><p>Hours passed, but Itachi didn’t emerge from his room again until he heard Naruto leave.</p><p>As soon as the door clicked shut, Itachi materialized behind Sasuke, who was seeing his friend out. “What the fuck?!” Sasuke yelled when he turned away from the door and saw Itachi behind him. He flinched, bringing his hands up to block a possible attack. “Everything is cleaned!” Sasuke yelled to ward off the devil before him.</p><p>“What?” Itachi asked absentmindedly.</p><p>“Your petunias.” Sasuke deadpanned. Itachi glanced back at the dining table briefly.</p><p>They were in the wrong spot. He always placed them in the exact <em>center </em>of the dining table!</p><p>“Oh, right. Good job.” Itachi said as he turned back to Sasuke who’s eye was twitching.</p><p>What? That’s all this lunatic had to say after choking him over them earlier?!</p><p>“Why was Naruto here?” Itachi asked as Sasuke didn’t attempt to hide his beady little glare at him.</p><p>“I told you I would be studying more.” Sasuke snapped.</p><p>“<em>He’s</em> helping you with the LSAT?” Itachi asked incredulously. From all of the stories he’s heard, Naruto didn’t seem like the scholarly type.</p><p>“No, he’s just keeping me company while I study.”</p><p>“I see.” Itachi said. But he did not see. Wasn’t that the opposite of studying? Didn’t having friends around defeat the whole <em>purpose </em>of studying?</p><p>“Is there a problem?” Sasuke asked, beginning to feel uncomfortable with the taller Uchiha looming over him, blocking him from leaving.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Sasuke blinked. He wasn’t expecting Itachi to be ok with him having guests over, Itachi did love his privacy after all. “Ok . . .” Sasuke responded slowly. This was getting kind of awkward. Itachi looked like he didn’t know what to say or do.</p><p>“I’m going to take a shower.” Sasuke blurted out, trying to find a way to escape.</p><p>“Ok.” Itachi said before awkwardly stepping aside as the younger Uchiha brushed pass him.</p><p>Itachi stayed rooted to the spot until he heard the shower going off from Sasuke’s room. He then slowly walked over to the living room before sitting down.</p><p>When he looked into Naruto’s eyes, he felt something. Something beyond Naruto’s obvious fear of him, that is.</p><p>Itachi lost himself, however briefly, in Naruto’s striking presence.</p><p>He was lost within the shining gold of Naruto’s hair . . . in the prominent blue sky melting into the warm sea in his eyes . . . intrigued by whiskered flushed cheeks . . . in awe of those trembling full lips.</p><p>Why—<em>HOW </em>was Naruto so beautiful?</p><p>If he looked that hot petrified, imagine how <em>sexy </em>he’d look sane?!</p><p>Itachi took a deep breath. Ok that confirms it.</p><p>He was in love with his brother’s best friend.</p><p>123 End Flashback 321</p><p>From that day forward, Itachi kept his precious petunias in his room.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please let me know what you think :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Uchiha Quirk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Vote on upload schedule below in comments :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Uchiha’s <strong>don’t </strong>do basic. They didn’t do half assed either. They were an all or nothing group of people.</p><p>So basically, regarding this Naruto situation, there were only two options Itachi faced: full blown denial that he felt anything for the younger man or being completely and hopelessly in love with him.</p><p>Might as well go with the latter!</p><p>Itachi never felt anything for anyone other than immediate dislike, disinterest, or not dislike – which wasn’t quite “like” yet. To feel so much for someone so quickly <em>had </em>to be love – by Uchiha standards. Because that’s just how their brains were wired.</p><p>Itachi was currently hunched over his desk, chewing on his stylus as he stared at one of his computer models for some new tech model he’d been working on recently. He’d been staring at this shit for <em>days </em>now. Naruto hadn’t been over since the fizzy soda incident. His deadlines were coming up. Time as he knew it was jerking off on his sanity.</p><p>Itachi needed to redeem himself. He needed to make things right. He heard a knock on the door and like an animal, hissed at the sudden noise after hours of silence.</p><p>This was the first time Sasuke paused before entering.</p><p>“Is there some kind of animal in here—” Sasuke stopped as he stared at a disheveled Itachi. Sasuke looked his brother up and down, making note of Itachi’s hair that was in a chaotic frizzy ponytail and the stubble of hair over his jawline.</p><p>Sasuke was recently acclimated to this side of Itachi, whenever there was a big project at Rinnegan, he’d go bat shit crazy to meet deadlines. The younger Uchiha speculated long ago that Itachi naturally had an obsessive personality– beyond the quirkiness of being an Uchiha.</p><p>But little did he know Itachi was working on a whole <em>NEW </em>project . . . involving his best friend.</p><p>“So Naruto’s coming over again.” Sasuke casually mentioned to test the kind of mood Itachi was currently in. He didn’t look <em>too </em>stable.</p><p>Sasuke wasn’t surprised when he was met with Itachi’s silence.</p><p>“<em>Today</em>.” Sasuke emphasized.</p><p>“…”</p><p>“So don’t choke me.”</p><p>“Don’t make a mess.” Itachi shot back at Sasuke.</p><p>“It wasn’t even me,” Sasuke reminded him of who really was to blame here. “Choke <em>Naruto</em>!”</p><p>Itachi turned away from his brother as a nose bleed almost erupted all over his face from the dirty thoughts taking over his mind at the mere thought of <em>choking </em>Naruto. He seriously needed to start bringing a handkerchief with him at all times because these nosebleeds were something serious!</p><p>Sasuke simply stared, not knowing what the hell was going on and why Itachi was acting so weird. Something was a bit <em>off </em>about him . . . Sasuke couldn’t tell if that was an Itachi thing or an Uchiha thing. Meh, who cares?</p><p>“…ok.” Sasuke said slowly before leaving Itachi’s room. He’d got what he came for and it was time to leave his weird sibling alone.</p><p>After a couple of minutes, Itachi decided to get a grip on reality and that he would make himself presentable before Naruto showed up.</p><p>He got up and headed to his door and his heart fluttered a bit at the thought of <em>finally </em>seeing Naruto again. He was worried he might have scared Sasuke’s friend away, but was relieved that wasn’t the case. Itachi opened the door and exited quickly. When would Naruto be over? Did Itachi have enough time to get—</p><p>SPLAT</p><p>Itachi looked down and saw blonde hair.</p><p>A shiver went through Naruto’s body as he slowly looked up at who he just bumped into . . . with his bowl of ramen.</p><p>“You forgot your chops—” Sasuke voiced trailed off as he entered the hallway after Naruto and watched as Naruto accidentally dumped his entire bowl of ramen on his older brother’s shirt, which then fell on <em>used-to-be </em>pristine wooden floors.</p><p>
  <em>Aw shit. Here we go again.</em>
</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Why can’t you study at the library?!” Naruto cried while nursing his head where Itachi viciously punched him after .5 seconds of seeing him again.</p><p>“It’s too noisy.” Sasuke said as he flipped a page of his law notes at his computer desk. He glanced over at Naruto. “I told you I would be studying more at my brother’s. <em>You </em>insisted on coming here.”</p><p>“Because I want to see my best friend during our LAST summer together as undergrads!” Naruto yelled. All Sasuke did now was study, it was their last summer break! Naruto barely even saw him anymore. If this was the only way to see his teme, then Naruto would make that sacrifice!</p><p>“Look where it’s gotten you.” Sasuke tsked as Naruto removed an ice pack from his sore head.</p><p>You see, Sasuke figured the issue was that whenever he brought Naruto over, they were in the living room. He hadn’t told his brother that Naruto was already at the condo because he wanted to sneak him inside his room, so Itachi wouldn’t notice his presence at all, but be wary that Naruto might come around.</p><p>He was really hoping Itachi would stay in his room, Sasuke had no idea he was going to choose that moment to walk out! There was nothing he could do about Naruto’s messy ways, but Sasuke thought that if Naruto was locked away in his room with him, Itachi couldn’t get pissed off because the mess wouldn’t be visible to him.</p><p>Sasuke had forgotten that in order to get to his room, one had to walk <em>pass </em>Itachi’s room.</p><p>He rubbed his arm where Itachi manhandled him earlier when he tried to escape his wrath. This better not bruise.</p><p>“Your brother is really mean! And strong as hell!” Naruto was complaining to him.</p><p>“He’s not mean.” Sasuke corrected Naruto. After all, he allowed Sasuke to stay at his condo with no questions asked. Itachi was logical and actually pretty laid back and chill, but could potentially be aggressive when there was no other alternative. Like a panda. “He just abhors mess.” Sasuke explained.</p><p>“Why? Does he have like an OCD or something?” Naruto asked him.</p><p>“No, just an Uchiha.” Sasuke muttered. Not hearing a response, he looked behind him and saw Naruto giving him a confused look.</p><p>Sasuke sighed before turning the rest of his body toward Naruto, swiveling his chair to face him. He forgot that he never told Naruto about the Uchiha quirk. In his defense, he never needed to before now.</p><p>“All Uchiha’s have a . . . peculiar quirk.” Sasuke began as Naruto listened, leaning in as Sasuke continued. “We all have something we are ingeniously gifted at, but at a great tradeoff . . . we possess this great talent only when we practice our quirk a certain way or else we become homicidal.” Sasuke then pointed to himself. “While I am naturally talented at everything and therefore have no such quirk—”</p><p>“Isn’t your quirk being a stuck up little bitch—” Naruto interrupted.</p><p>SMACK</p><p>Naruto gasped and held his nose where Sasuke just threw his eraser at him with deadly accuracy.</p><p>After effectively shutting Naruto up, Sasuke then pointed to a picture on his wall of him and Itachi at the beach in their youth as he continued his spiel. “Itachi is extremely gifted at being analytical and comprehensive, and his tradeoff, or curse really, is to be orderly. You've only seen just the tip of the iceberg when he's around your mess. You haven't seen the true nightmare.” Sasuke actually shuddered, which scared Naruto all over again. “So if you make a mess, he tries to kill you. It’s a knee jerk reaction, he can’t help it.” Sasuke ended with a nonchalant shrug.</p><p>Naruto was still staring at the picture on his wall. “I never saw him with his hair down before, it looks nice.” He noted, also noticing Itachi’s abs as the two brothers (glared?) for the picture.</p><p>TWACK</p><p>“Ow, what the fuck teme?!” Naruto yelled after Sasuke threw his pencil at Naruto’s forehead.</p><p>“Naruto, you have been exceedingly distracting today.” Sasuke said calmly as if he didn’t just attack Naruto. “I’m waiting for Itachi to leave, then when the coast is clear, I’m kicking you out.”</p><p>Naruto pouted. “But I wanted to go to the movies today!”</p><p>“Go with someone else.”</p><p>Naruto sighed loudly as Sasuke swiveled back around in his dorky chair. Naruto flopped down on Sasuke’s bed as he tried to think of who was available.</p><p>He could ask Kiba, buuuut he didn’t feel like going out with him this time around. Last time he was in a dark room with Kiba . . . that’s a flashback for another time.</p><p>Ah! He could ask Neji? It’s been awhile since he hung out with his senpai!</p><p>“Hiii~ Neji, what’s up?” Naruto asked after dialing his friend’s number.</p><p>“Hello Naruto,” Neji responded in greeting. Sasuke ears perked up at the exchange as he peeked over at Naruto chatting it up on his bed.</p><p>“If you aren’t busy or anything, let’s go to the movies!”</p><p>“Hmm, for what time?”</p><p>“Maybe 7? You’ll be off work by then right?”</p><p>“Sure. I can pick you up.” Neji offered, knowing that Naruto didn’t have a car.</p><p>“Great, I’ll text you later!” Naruto beamed before hanging up. “What the fuc—” he cried as he hadn’t even notice when Sasuke appeared next to him before the teme grabbed him by his shirt collar.</p><p>“You’re just going to make plans to ditch me in my own room?” Sasuke demanded as he shook Naruto.</p><p>“What the fuck is your problem, <em>you </em>just blew me off!” Naruto yelled confused.</p><p>“I’m coming.” Sasuke stated before releasing Naruto.</p><p>Naruto just gawked at Sasuke as he returned to his desk and began erratically erasing everything on a piece of paper.</p><p>What the hell was wrong with these Uchiha’s?!</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi was in a bad mood, <em>again</em>.</p><p>Why the fuck couldn’t Sasuke tell him beforehand that Naruto was <em>already </em>at the condo?! And why was he in the hallway?! They never left the living room!</p><p>Itachi angrily shaved and applied an ingrown hair serum to his jawline.</p><p>He couldn’t deny that despite having punched Naruto immediately following his ramen accident, his poor little heart melted after realizing he had hurt him. Itachi didn’t <em>want </em>to injure Naruto . . . it just <em>happened!</em> He couldn’t control himself around mess, and Naruto was just so <em>clumsy!</em> Itachi sighed dejectedly as he stared at himself in the bathroom mirror.</p><p>Why was he cursed with such natural skill and talent in analytics for such a horrible tradeoff that disenabled him from pursuing the man he loved?!</p><p>Light music ringing through his silent room interrupted Itachi’s meltdown. Annoyed, Itachi walked over to his king size bed to grab his cell phone.</p><p>“Kisame,” he answered plainly in greeting. Didn’t he know he was interrupting his dramatic minor life crises?!</p><p>“Hi Itachi, are we still meeting at the café today? I really want to look over the proposal with you.”</p><p>“Sure, I’m on my way over.”</p><p>“Ok, see you in a few!”</p><p>Itachi hung up before heading to his closet to pick out an outfit for the rest of the evening.</p><p>He needed to think of a way to meet Naruto <em>without </em>ending up threatening or causing bodily harm to the blonde.</p><p>321</p><p>“I think he’s gone.” Sasuke whispered as both him and Naruto peeked outside his bedroom door later that day.</p><p>“How can you tell?” Naruto whispered back.</p><p>“You’ve never stayed over this late before,” Sasuke said before glancing at his watch on his wrist. It was 6:30pm. “He usually has a meeting or something at this time to go to.”</p><p>“Ok great, let’s sneak out while we can.” Naruto grinned.</p><p>“That’s the plan dobe.”</p><p>“Shut up!”</p><p>123</p><p>“Sooooo?” a voice broke through Itachi’s perplexing thoughts.</p><p>Itachi blinked as Kisame waved documents in front of his face. He snatched them out of Kisame’s hands with a scowl.</p><p>“So, <em>what</em>?” Itachi asked irritated as he organized the papers, making sure they were perfectly aligned in a pile on the wooden table they sat at in a well-known café.</p><p>“Do I seriously have to explain everything again? Sasori, talk to him.” Kisame grumbled as he turned to the red head sitting in the corner with a creepy ass doll.</p><p>“I don’t even work with you guys, why am I here?” Sasori complained. “You said we were going to the movies.” he accused a white haired man sipping on some coffee next to him.</p><p>“I know what I said — I lied dipshit.” Hidan smirked. “I just wanted to bring us all together again. And only you fell for it.” He sighed. Pein immediately hung up the phone when he realized Hidan was trying to trick him, Konan and Deidara were at some art shit . . . Zetsu was out of the country and Tobi was . . . nowhere to be found. All there was left was Kakuzu, but fuck that hoe!</p><p>“Kisame, he’s obviously fucking distracted.” Hidan continued as he turned to Itachi and aggressively point at him with the chocolate cake pop he was munching on. “What’s your problem?”</p><p>Itachi raised an eyebrow at him and tried ignoring the sprinkles flying off the dessert.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Itachi asked, his fingers twitching as he tried to resist the urge to wipe the sprinkles and throw Hidan out the nearest window.</p><p>“Cut the bull shit Chi-Chi,” Hidan drawled while waving around the cake pop, causing even more sprinkles to fall. “I know you get all excited ‘n shit when numbers are involved you fucking nerd. If you aren’t even paying attention, something else must be turning you on even more in your little head.”</p><p>“How come I can’t call you Chi-Chi?” Kisame asked, jealousy dripping with each word.</p><p>Itachi glared at Hidan, ignoring Kisame. He refused to acknowledge Hidan’s shitty nickname for him. “Nothing’s out of the ordinary.” He said before returning his gaze to the documents he just organized.</p><p>“But you didn’t deny something was on your mind.” Sasori noted as he leaned in, moving Hidan’s cake pop out of his way. “What are you thinking of?”</p><p>“Or <em>who</em>?” Hidan grinned.</p><p>“You—You are thinking of someone?” Kisame asked, possessiveness lacing each word. “Who is it?!”</p><p>Itachi sighed. He wouldn’t have gone out, but Kisame wanted to look over a proposal which forced him out. He had no idea some of the old gang would be here, and had he known, would have stayed home.</p><p>Itachi glanced at the expectant faces. “I was thinking of the voltor 300.”</p><p>Blank faces.</p><p>“The what?” Sasori ventured to ask.</p><p>“The new vacuum that Mr. Fresh is coming out with.” Itachi explained as everyone groaned at the table. They all knew how obsessed Itachi was with that particular cleaning brand.</p><p>“All this over a fucking vacuum?” Hidan said with a roll of his eyes.</p><p>“He can’t help it,” Kisame defended him. “He’s an Uchiha.”</p><p>“You actually believe that bull shit?” Hidan deadpanned. “Itachi just made up that whole quirk thing so we would clean up our hideout when we were kids!”</p><p>“Have you not met his other family members? It’s definitely true.” Sasori reasoned before Hidan turned his cake pop onto him and they began to argue.</p><p>Itachi was finally left to his thoughts as the men before him began to bicker.</p><p>He couldn’t tell them about Naruto, right? What would they think? Would they ridicule him for loving Naruto since he was the same age as his younger brother . . . it was weird right?</p><p>“Hey idiots,” A woman with blue hair greeted them as she walked over to their table. “Hi Tachi!”</p><p>“HEY!” Kisame, Hidan, and Sasori yelled at being called idiots.</p><p>Konan laughed as she sat down with them. “I thought you and Dei couldn’t make it?” Hidan asked suspiciously.</p><p>“We thought so, but the convention ended early.” She explained. Konan and Deidara were both freelance artists and dating. No one saw that coming, the dating that is. Hidan was all too happy to let them know how their relationship made him physically sick in the beginning, but it somehow worked. Today they were at a networking event for artists in the area.</p><p>“He’s parking the car.” Konan said as she removed her canvas art bag that doubled as a purse. “So what did I miss? I can hear you arguing from the entrance.”</p><p>“<em>Chi-Chi</em> has a hot new boyfriend, but he won’t tell anyone about him!” Hidan blurted out.</p><p>“What?” Konan asked as she looked at Itachi incredulously.</p><p>“I know right, who knew he still had it in him—” Hidan gagged as Itachi reached over and aggressively shoved his cake pop into his mouth, earning startled expressions from people at a nearby table as Hidan bent over and coughed out cake chunks onto the floor, fortunately away from Itachi’s line of vision.</p><p>“I don’t have a boyfriend.” Itachi snapped as he wiped away the sprinkles and crumbs Hidan made earlier, ignoring the man gagging. What he said was technically true . . . Naruto wasn’t his boyfriend . . . <em>yet</em>.</p><p>“Do you want one?” Kisame asked hopefully.</p><p>“You’re not his type.” Sasori grimaced as he handed Hidan some napkins to clean his mess with.</p><p>“You don’t know Itachi like I do!” Kisame yelled.</p><p>Itachi stood. “I’ll look over the proposal some other time.” He told Kisame before turning to leave— only to be turned back around when he ran into Deidara and his strong ass grip.</p><p>“Where ya going so fast Tachi?” Deidara grinned as he man-handled him back to the table.</p><p>“Dei! My Man!” Hidan grinned through tears as the men greeted each other with an elaborate handshake.</p><p>“So what did you guys say to piss Tachi off this time?” Deidara asked as he sat down in between Konan and Sasori.</p><p>Itachi sighed as he returned to his seat, feeling trapped.</p><p>“Apparently Itachi got a man.” Konan gossiped.</p><p>“What?! No way, Itachi is too <em>Uchiha </em>for a relationship.” Deidara snorted.</p><p>“But if he really wanted one, he could!” Kisame hinted while moving his chair closer to Itachi.</p><p>“Kisame, don’t be so desperate.” Deidara grimaced. “And what the hell, you’re not gonna tell your best friends about your man crush?” he accused, turning to Itachi.</p><p>“Yeah, what’s the big fucking secret?!” Hidan yelled.</p><p>“I told you I don’t have a partner; I was thinking about the voltor 300.”</p><p>“Isn’t that the vacuum thing?” Deidara deadpanned. “How anticlimactic.” He sighed.</p><p>“Yeah, I was really looking forward to hearing about a possible romantic relationship.” Konan groaned.</p><p>“We should get Pein to ask him.” Sasori suggested. “Itachi always listens to him.”</p><p>“Good luck getting that fucking hermit out the house. It was hard enough getting <em>you </em>here.” Hidan scoffed.</p><p>“You said if I came you would pay for my popcorn!” Sasori yelled at him who rolled his eyes in defiance.</p><p>“Popcorn? This is a coffee shop.” Deidara laughed.</p><p>“We were supposed to go to the movies.” Sasori complained.</p><p>“Well it’s not too late, it’s almost 7, we can still make it.” Konan offered.</p><p>“Yeah, it’ll just be like old times!” Kisame grinned.</p><p>“I have work in the morning.” Itachi said as he tried coming up with an excuse.</p><p>“So do we,” Konan said with a roll of her eyes. “Itachi you’re 27 years old, not 60. Live a little.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Thanks for the lift Neji!” Naruto grinned as he hopped out of Neji’s Porsche when they arrived at the movie theatre.</p><p>“No problem, I didn’t know Sasuke would be coming with us.” Neji mentioned as he locked the car doors. He was met with silence and glanced back at the Uchiha who was trailing behind them with a scowl on his face. Neji inwardly sighed. He had no idea why Sasuke hated him so much.</p><p>“Neither did I, he forced himself on me.” Naruto answered dramatically.</p><p>“Is that so?” Neji chuckled at Naruto’s theatrics.</p><p>“Shut up dobe before he gets the wrong idea.” Sasuke grumbled behind them. Luckily they were too focused on the building before them to see his blush.</p><p>Naruto laughed before walking faster toward the theatre. “Come on guys, let’s hurry and buy our tickets!”</p><p>321</p><p>“Which movie should we see?” Kisame asked as he looked at all the movie posters inside the theatre closest to the café they were just at.</p><p>“The only thing playing at 7 is Mission Incredible.” Sasori said after looking at all of the movie times on his phone.</p><p> “What? Fuck yeah!” Hidan yelled. “I wanted to watch that, Chi-Chi you go get the tickets!”</p><p>“Why me?” Itachi complained.</p><p>“Because the rest of us are gonna get in line to get some food, you never want any fucking thing anyways.” He reasoned seeing that the concession stand lines were longer and much more crowded than the ticket line. They would pay him back later.</p><p>Itachi rolled his eyes as he left to get the tickets. He briefly thought about running out the theatre but knew he would never hear the end of it if he did. Well, guess he’s going to suffer for the next two hours.</p><p>321</p><p>“So what movie you guys wanna watch?” Naruto asked thoughtfully as he scanned the list of what was showing.</p><p>“I thought you had something in mind by now Naruto?” Neji deadpanned.</p><p>“Why did you make us come here if you didn’t know what you wanted to watch?” Sasuke asked.</p><p>“Alright, alright,” Naruto grumbled before making a decision. He pointed to a movie poster. “Let’s go see Mission Incredible since it’s the only thing at 7!” he said just before Neji’s phone rang.</p><p>“I have to take this,” Neji began as he bowed politely before walking outside to talk.</p><p>“Why did you come again, you’re killing the mood!” Naruto complained at Sasuke who was silently sulking.</p><p>“I thought you wanted to hang out with me this summer.” Sasuke reminded him.</p><p>“Yeah, but not while you’re all bitchy.” Naruto grumbled before he felt Sasuke’s glare. “Not that I think you’re <em>bitchy bitchy </em>or anything. Just a regular bitch, I swear!”</p><p>“Sorry guys,” Neji apologized as he reentered the theatre and made his way over to them. “I’m being called back into work; do you have a safe way home?” he asked.</p><p>“Yeah, we’ll just catch an uber!” Naruto grinned before waving goodbye to Neji. He turned to Sasuke. “You go stand in line while I grab some snacks.” He ordered the Uchiha before running away before Sasuke could interject.</p><p>Sasuke sighed before walking over to the ticket line. He didn’t even want to be here, he had more studying to do, curse his jealousy! He glanced at the man in front of him. Hmmm . . . Itachi had that same dark blue sweater.</p><p>“Itachi?” Sasuke asked, his eyes widening in horror as his brother turned around and looked at him in surprise.</p><p>“Sasuke, what are you doing here?” Itachi asked in genuine curiosity. Sasuke wasn’t the movie going type.</p><p>Ah fuck. Sasuke mentally cursed. Tonight was either going to end pretty badly or pretty bloody.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: Everyone in Akatsuki are the same age: 27, besides Sasori who’s one of the older relevant characters in my story.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Shorter chapters (e.g.: chap 1 length) = Twice a week</p><p>Longer chapters (e.g.: chap 3 length) = Once a week</p><p>Thoughts?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Some Conversations Need to be In-Person</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I decided to upload on Sunday’s once a week, but on the last chapter I got some reviews that made me happy and quickly inspired a rush of creativity, so I wrote this chapter fairly quickly and decided to post, ahahaha! Thank you for all who commented, the early update is thanks to you! I might even still upload on Sunday depending on how inspired I am &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Itachi glanced down at his little brother suspiciously. “I thought you were studying today?”</p><p>“Yeah but some, ah, friends,” Sasuke coughed into his hand. “Wanted to hang out tonight. I think I should go back and study now that you mentioned it.” Sasuke said quickly before turning to leave but Itachi stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“You should get out more. How many of your friends are here? I’ll pay for you all.”</p><p><em>Just kill me now</em>. Sasuke pleaded with the gods. How dare Itachi use money to lure him into an obvious trap? He knew Sasuke was <em>broke</em>!</p><p>“No, you don’t have to do that.” Sasuke grimaced while trying to shrug out of his grip.</p><p>“I insist.” Itachi said as he tightened his grip on Sasuke’s shoulder, preventing him from leaving.</p><p>Sasuke thought for a second as he turned to face Itachi once more. First of all. Why the <em>hell </em>was Itachi even at the movies?! This was potentially a <em>fun </em>place to be, hence why Itachi would most likely <em>never </em>be here.</p><p>He couldn’t have been here on a date because despite Itachi being attractive, he was still <em>Itachi</em>. Sasuke mentally hurled at the thought of his older brother putting the moves on someone. He wouldn’t want Sasuke to tag along if it was a date anyhow. So that only left one logical option.</p><p>“You’re planning to kill everyone here, aren’t you?” Sasuke accused.</p><p>“What? No!” Itachi yelled, alarmed at Sasuke’s deranged thoughts. Did he give off homicidal vibes or something? This was not the first time Sasuke accused him of trying to kill large amounts of people!</p><p>Maybe that one time he stabbed Sasuke when they were children really put him on edge. Itachi only stabbed him because Sasuke threw up on him after eating too many tomatoes, so Itachi reflexively turned the lollipop he was sucking on into a deadly weapon. Itachi never understood why his parents were so upset at him that day. Sasuke <em>threw up </em>on him, who gives a fuck if he was only five years old?! He had to be taught a lesson, this world ain’t safe!</p><p>Returning to reality, Itachi added, “I’m here with Kisame.”</p><p>Sasuke grimaced. No wonder Itachi wanted him to stay. Kisame had been lusting after his brother ever since Sasuke could breathe. While he would like to save his brother, and normally would help him out, he didn’t want Naruto to die. He had to choose between family or the dobe.</p><p>“Why don’t you just leave?” Sasuke asked, trying to find a solution to all of this.</p><p>“I thought of that.” Itachi began. “But Hidan wouldn’t let me hear the end of it if I did.” Deidara would actually chase after Itachi if he tried, and seeing that he used to run track in college, might very likely succeed in catching Itachi before he even made it to the parking garage.</p><p>“That loud mouth who’s always yelling obscenities is here?” Sasuke asked. “Wait, is <em>everyone </em>here?” he was referring to Itachi’s old gang.</p><p>Itachi sighed. “Enough of them to piss me off.”</p><p>An already irked Itachi with a messy Naruto?! I think the FUCK not!</p><p>“Yeah, no.” Sasuke said flatly before removing himself from Itachi’s hold and maneuvering himself out of the ticket line. “Sorry, but even <em>I </em>can’t be around all of your manic friends for a long time.”</p><p>“What about your loyalty to family?” Itachi cried. Oh boy, he sounded desperate.</p><p>“I’m really doing this for you.” Sasuke smirked before he left and quickly made his way to the concession stand.</p><p>123</p><p>“T-Teme,” Naruto gasped as Sasuke found a splash of yellow in the crowd and yanked. Normally, Naruto was the only blonde in the vicinity at any given times. “What the hell are you doing?!” so much violence!</p><p>“Let’s go.”</p><p>“No, I wanna see the movie!” Naruto yelled while trying to wrestle out of Sasuke’s grip as he dragged Naruto out by his hair amidst alarmed gasps from bystanders.</p><p>“It’s sold out.” Sasuke lied, finally out of the line and herding Naruto to the exit.</p><p>“What? Aw man,” Naruto pouted as Sasuke dragged him out. Sasuke pulled up the uber app on his phone as they stood outside.</p><p>“Man, this day was so much <em>ass</em>.” Naruto complained. “I dropped my ramen and got punched in the head by your crazy strong violent brother.” Naruto counted off before he added a third finger to the list. “I ate crackers all day since you didn’t have anything else in your house to eat!”</p><p>“Itachi didn’t go shopping yet.” Sasuke responded by way of explanation as Naruto held up three fingers before flipping up a fourth one.</p><p>“Neji couldn’t hang out with us.” Fifth finger. “And the movie I want to watch is sold out!” Naruto grabbed his head in frustration. “This is the worst summer EVER!”</p><p>“Naruto?” a voice called out to him after his loud outburst.</p><p>Both Naruto and Sasuke swiveled around to see another blonde man gawking at them. Sasuke became alarmed - two blondes?! This must be a bad omen.</p><p>“Hey Dei!” Naruto grinned as the two men shook hands.</p><p>Sasuke was cursing in his head at the exchange as the rest of Itachi’s friends piled out.</p><p>“Sasuke? What is the meaning of this?” Itachi asked as he looked at his brother who was obviously trying to ditch him because he was with Naruto.</p><p>“Weren’t you going to see a movie?” Sasuke paled. Was he going to witness a murder now? He couldn’t – he had to study!</p><p>“It got sold out Kay-Kay!” Hidan explained.</p><p>“Kay-Kay?” Naruto gasped at the nickname, turning to Sasuke in shock.</p><p>“Don’t you even think about calling me that or I will kill you.” Sasuke whispered as he turned to Naruto who “eeped” and shrank away in fear.</p><p>“What are you doing now man? I’m guessing you tried to see Mission Incredible too right?” Deidara grinned at Naruto.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m not surprised it’s sold out.” Naruto sighed dejectedly. It was a really popular film.</p><p>“Naruto, we missed you at the art convention today,” Konan greeted him. “You should have come out!”</p><p>Naruto scratched his nose bashfully, “Nah, I’m not that good to call myself an artist.”</p><p>Ah, now this was starting to make sense. Sasuke knew Deidara and Konan were artists, and since Naruto dabbled in it every now and again himself, they eventually met. He had no idea they knew each other before today. Knowing how friendly Naruto was, it was only a matter of time before—</p><p>“Hey, let’s all hang out!” Naruto beamed in excitement like a puppy surrounded by new people to play with.</p><p>“Yeah! You gotta meet the rest of the crew!” Deidara grinned before turning to a man with white hair. “This is Hidan, he has a limited vocabulary so he only curses instead of using bigger words.”</p><p>“Fuck you bitch!”</p><p>“This is Sasori, he’s an artist too but he just makes creepy ass dolls.”</p><p>“…”</p><p>“This is Kisame, and yes, those slashes on his face look like gills, but don’t ask me how he got them!”</p><p>“It all began when I was five,” Kisame began tragically.</p><p>“Shut up, nobody fucking cares!” Hidan yelled at him.</p><p>“And I’m assuming you know Itachi since you know Sasuke.” Deidara assumed reasonably while elbowing Itachi in the ribs.</p><p>“Yeah, we um . . . <em>met </em>a couple of times before.” Naruto grinned sheepishly as he offered Itachi a smile but the older Uchiha didn’t notice since he was too busy menacingly glowering at Deidara.</p><p>“So where are we going now?” Konan asked curiously.</p><p>“I’m going home.” Itachi said before turning toward the parking garage.</p><p>“Chi-Chi, don’t be like that asshole!” Hidan yelled after him.</p><p>“<em>Chi-Chi?</em>” Naruto echoed.</p><p>One look from Itachi had Naruto screaming and running behind Kay-Kay—er, Sasuke.</p><p>“Naruto, don’t get corrupted by these losers.” Sasuke said before moving to follow Itachi. Guess he’ll show some brotherly love by not letting his brother leave alone. And also conveniently not pay for an uber back.</p><p>“You Uchiha’s are <em>sooo </em>fun.” Deidara called out sarcastically before slugging an arm around Naruto.  “We’ll do our best to corrupt him!” he promised.</p><p>“Just text me when you get back.” Sasuke made Naruto promise before he went after Itachi.</p><p>123</p><p>On the drive home, Sasuke was acutely aware of how tense Itachi was as he drove. “Aren’t you going to tell me?” Sasuke asked as they drove back in silence in Itachi’s Ferrari.</p><p>It didn’t make sense. Why would Itachi be pissed off at this situation? Hell, he should be <em>happy </em>that Sasuke was trying to keep Naruto – a messy klutz – <em>away </em>from him. <em>Unless</em>. . .</p><p>“There’s nothing to discuss Sasuke.” Itachi said as he slowed down at an oncoming red light. In reality he was pissed off that he scared Naruto so much that his own brother felt the need to intervene on Naruto’s behalf.  And the look of Naruto’s terrified eyes tonight hurt like hell. He didn’t even do anything this time!</p><p>“Is this about Naruto?” Sasuke asked quietly. The car hummed gently as Itachi pressed down on the gas when the light turned green.</p><p>Itachi didn’t want to tell anyone anything. He couldn’t! It was wrong to feel the way he did about the younger man! It didn’t even make sense!</p><p>“Yeah,” Itachi confided after a long pause. He glanced at Sasuke from the corner of his eyes and noted how his brother wore a neutral expression on his face.</p><p>“How you <em>feel </em>about him?” Sasuke continued to prod.</p><p>“…yes.” Itachi felt so good to finally admit it out loud. “I wish I didn’t feel this way . . . but I can’t help it.”</p><p>Sasuke thought it over. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yes,” Itachi answered firmly. “Are you ok with everything?”</p><p>“Can’t say I’m surprised.” Sasuke said as he leaned against the car door. “Ever since you were a child you were like this.”</p><p>Itachi cringed. What, attracted to blondes? Gay?!</p><p>“Now that you can admit it, you have more control over things now.” Sasuke went on to say, a troubled look on his face, but Itachi didn’t notice as his eyes was focused on the road.</p><p>“Yeah, you’re right.” Itachi agreed as he grabbed the steering wheel tightly in earnest. “I can make things right.”</p><p>Itachi looked over at Sasuke. “You can’t tell him anything by the way.”</p><p>“Of course.” Sasuke promised.</p><p>123 321</p><p>The next day after Itachi left for work, Sasuke called Naruto over.</p><p>“HE <em>WHAT</em>?!” Naruto screamed in shock.</p><p>“Itachi wants to kill you.” Sasuke repeated the next day as he sat at his desk drinking apple juice from a glass cup.</p><p>“What, why?!” Naruto screamed with wide eyes, ignoring Sasuke’s random choice of beverage.</p><p>“It’s his quirk, he can’t help it.” Sasuke explained gravely. “He’s been like this since he was a child, not even I could escape his wrath at times.” Sasuke said solemnly, thinking back to the time Itachi stabbed him for throwing up on him. That was probably the main reason why their parents separated them since Sasuke was so much younger and prone to mess, which would drive Itachi bat shit crazy.</p><p>“What the fuck,” Naruto muttered. “Are you sure?” the blonde asked while looking behind him, half expecting Itachi to materialize and choke the shit out of him.</p><p>Sasuke nodded his head. “He confessed to me last night.”</p><p>“Your brother told <em>you</em>. . . he wanted to kill <em>me</em>. . . last night?” Naruto repeated slowly, making sure that he heard Sasuke correctly as his eyebrows raised in disbelief. He needed to get this straight.</p><p>“Of course he did, he most certainly doesn’t <em>like </em>you.” Sasuke scoffed. “That would make no fucking sense.” Itachi clearly wanted to kill Naruto, that’s how Sasuke interpreted their conversation last night.</p><p>“Why the hell did you invite me back to your place if you know Itachi wants me dead?” Naruto asked exasperated.</p><p>“I felt like this was a more in-person conversation.” Sasuke was really trying to work on his personality now that he was poor.</p><p>“In my future murderer’s home?!” Naruto screeched. “He can easily kill me now!”</p><p>“Don’t be silly Naruto,” Sasuke ridiculed his idea. “Itachi would never kill you here, that would make a mess.”</p><p>“Oh wow, thanks Sasuke,” Naruto growled sarcastically. “You and your stupid apple juice.”</p><p>Sasuke glared at him. “There is no need to make fun of the juice Naruto.” He then looked him over suspiciously. “You never texted me last night.”</p><p>“That’s because I got sooo wasted.” Naruto grinned as he fell back on Sasuke’s bed with a sigh, danger forgotten as he remembered last night. “It was so much fun!” He needed to hang out with those crazy bastards more often than this grouch!</p><p>“Fun for you,” Sasuke began. “You don’t get hangovers.” The others must have been smashed. Ever since Naruto started drinking alcohol, he just never got a hangover. Meanwhile, alcohol was Sasuke’s nemesis.</p><p>“Oh yeah, but I got a free ride! Dei took me home!” Naruto beamed, always happy to not pay for transportation.</p><p>“Why don’t you invest in a car?” Sasuke suggested.</p><p>“Why would I do that when I have you, Neji, and Kiba to chauffer me around?” Naruto smirked as he sat up. He would get a car eventually, but right now, why let all this free transportation go to waste?</p><p>“Hn, speaking of the creep, how is Kiba?” Sasuke asked, not really caring how Naruto’s friend was and just wanted to find a way to insult him.</p><p>“Kiba isn’t a creep!” Naruto defended his long-time friend. He met Kiba before Sasuke and the two never got along.</p><p>“Didn’t he fondle you in the movies last time?” Sasuke asked, recalling the last time the trio hung out together earlier this summer.</p><p>“We were watching a scary movie and he accidently grabbed—” Naruto began defensively but Sasuke butted in.</p><p>“And rubbed and squeezed—” Sasuke interrupted.</p><p>“My junk ok?! It could happen to anyone!” Naruto ended, ignoring Sasuke.</p><p>“Yes, it was so dark in the theater Kiba had <em>no </em>idea he was jerking you off.” Sasuke said sarcastically.</p><p>“Exactly!”</p><p>“What? No, Naruto <em>no</em>.”</p><p>“When you’re scared you don’t know what you are doing.” Naruto insisted.</p><p>“Alright. That’s enough denial for one day.” Sasuke sighed. One day Naruto will realize how fucking obsessed Kiba was with him. One looooong day from now.</p><p>“So how are you going to stop Itachi from killing me?” Naruto asked.</p><p>“Why would I do that?” Sasuke asked, alarmed. What on earth made Naruto think Sasuke was willing to risk his own life to intervene with the will of God—er, Itachi?</p><p>“I’m your best friend <em>asshole</em>!!”</p><p>“And he’s my brother. . . who pays rent and buys me food.” Sasuke reasoned as he placed his right hand chest level to represent where Naruto was in his life, then placed his left hand up above his head to represent Itachi. “I did my part by telling you about his plan!”</p><p>“You’re mean when you’re broke.” Naruto pouted while Sasuke sighed heavily.</p><p>“Being poor <em>does </em>make me bitter,” Sasuke admitted solemnly. “My father won’t pay for law school, so I have to finance it myself.”</p><p>“Did you get a job yet?” Naruto asked Sasuke as he watched the Uchiha take a thoughtful sip of his stupid apple juice. Why was it in a whiskey glass?</p><p>“No…” Sasuke murmured in realization.</p><p>“Did you . . . <em>forget </em>you needed to get a job?” Naruto asked in disbelief.</p><p>“I never <em>needed </em>a job before. How does one get a job?” He just worked at Rinnegan assisting his father his entire life. He never had to look for a job before. Were they listed in newspapers? Were newspapers still a thing?</p><p>“Are you fucking serious?” Naruto gasped. Fucking rich boy!</p><p>Sasuke stared at him blankly.</p><p>Naruto sighed. “Why do you want to leave your cushioned spoiled life for law school anyways?” he inquired.</p><p>“I like a challenge.”</p><p>“You are fucking crazy. It definitely runs in your family.”</p><p>“At least I’m not violent.” Sasuke shot back.</p><p>“…”</p><p>“…”</p><p>“…”</p><p>“OK, but not as bad as Itachi.” Sasuke only got violent when the situation called for it. It was Naruto’s fault most of his situations needed a little elbow grease and a kick to the head.</p><p>“He’s not exactly the poster child for like . . .  good stuff. Satan looks nice compared to him.” Naruto scoffed.</p><p>“He’s actually a panda.” Sasuke informed Naruto.</p><p>“What?” Naruto asked after a moment of silence and apple juice slurping.</p><p>“Itachi is a panda.” Sasuke repeated with a shrug.</p><p>“Yes I heard that, but what the fuck do you mean?” Naruto pressed on urgently. He <em>had </em>to know now.</p><p>“Pandas are laid back and peaceful, until you give them no other choice.”</p><p>“Sasuke, I think I might be hungover after all.” Naruto groaned as he held his head. “Or this is just a really bad dream.” Nothing about this conversation made sense!</p><p>Sasuke ignored Naruto and continued. “And you’re like a—”</p><p>“Fox?” Naruto asked playfully as he went along with Sasuke’s weird ass analogy.</p><p>“No, why would you say that?” Sasuke asked, disgusted.</p><p>“I . . . dunno . . . I kind of give off fox vibes, don’t cha think?” Naruto asked as he pointed to his whiskered cheeks with a grin.</p><p>“No you’re not cunning in the least. You’re more like a jelly fish.”</p><p>“A <em>jelly</em><em>fish</em>?” Naruto echoed aghast.</p><p>“Yes, completely brainless . . . but somehow survives.” Sasuke ended thoughtfully. Maybe Naruto had his own quirk.</p><p>“Ok, I’m leaving.” Naruto said as he stood from Sasuke’s bed, having enough of his bull shit.</p><p>“You’re just going to leave me here by myself?” Sasuke asked, offended somehow.</p><p>“I don’t like broke Sasuke, he’s a <em>bitch</em>!” Naruto gave Sasuke a pointed look. Naruto didn’t understand Sasuke’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde behavior! It was like he had two personalities sometimes! One minute he was shooing him away and the next he was acting clingy.</p><p>“I can’t help you if you keep insulting me.” Sasuke scoffed.</p><p>“Dammit Sasuke.” Naruto snapped. “I need Itachi to <em>like </em>me!” he argued, going back to the topic of conversation that brought him over to the Uchiha’s condo in the first place.</p><p>“That is NEVER going to happen.” Sasuke said flatly. “<em>Never</em>.”</p><p>“Oh come on, pretend you’re a lawyer and this is your case.”</p><p>“A murder case? That’s easy enough, I <em>know </em>Itachi is going to kill you.”</p><p>“No, not a murder case! A . . . mystery! Like find out how Itachi can like me!”</p><p>“I don’t think you understand what a lawyer does.” Sasuke said slowly. “We aren’t magicians.”</p><p>“You are smart right?!” Naruto demanded as he stomped over to stare Sasuke in his eyes.</p><p>Sasuke looked up at Naruto, unimpressed, from his desk chair.  “I’m smart enough to realize this is never going to work.” Sasuke concluded as he drank the last of his apple juice.</p><p>Naruto gave him a defiant look. “I thought you liked a <em>challenge</em>.”</p><p>“…”</p><p>“…”</p><p>“Hold my apple juice.”</p><p>"But it's empty-"</p><p>"Hold it!"</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In all of my stories, Naruto never gets a hangover thanks to Kurama (healing him quickly). This is a slice of life story so Kurama won’t be making an appearance, but it’s just a funny concept I like to throw in.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Do Not Deny the Power of a Legendary Sanin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Itachi you should have came out last night!” Kisame greeted him once the Uchiha walked into the office.</p><p>“You look like shit.” Itachi greeted him in turn as he walked past Kisame into his office.</p><p>“I’m hungover,” Kisame confessed as they made it to Itachi’s office.</p><p>“Why are you at work then?” Itachi inquired, a bit annoyed at how Kisame latched onto his arm.</p><p>“It was worth the headache to see you today.” Kisame sighed with a loving gaze at Itachi.</p><p>“Get out.”</p><p>“OK, see you at lunch!” Kisame replied happily before leaving his moody boss's office.</p><p>After Kisame left, Itachi began thinking about his situation with Naruto and his friends hanging out last night. This wasn’t good. Naruto was befriending his weird ass friends. This was NOT good! Did they tell Naruto embarrassing stories about him? Or scary things to drive Naruto away?!</p><p>Itachi slumped at his desk. He just wanted Naruto to see him in a positive light. He wanted Naruto to see the real him, not the neurotic cleaner or the anti-social person in a group of friends.</p><p>He just needed some alone time with Naruto. Someplace where it was just the two of them.</p><p>Like a . . .</p><p>
  <em>DATE!</em>
</p><p>He needed to ask Naruto out on a date and secure the bag.</p><p>And by bag, he meant dic—</p><p>“Itachi,”</p><p>“What?” Itachi snapped as Kisame poked his head inside, interrupting his fantasy.</p><p>“Your meeting will be starting soon.” The man reminded him while pointing to his watch.</p><p>“Who am I meeting with?” he questioned. Itachi thought he was free all morning today!</p><p>123</p><p>“Orochimaru-san.” Itachi sighed as he sat opposite of the man in the conference room a few moments later.</p><p>“Hi Itachi-kun. How is your brother?” The slightly gray man asked as he rubbed his hands together and eagerly awaited news on Sasuke.</p><p>Itachi stared at him. Why the hell did he always ask that? “Alive.” Itachi answered flatly. “Now about the Yakamara case—”</p><p>“Itachi-kun,” Orochimaru interrupted. “I heard your brother is planning to study law instead.”</p><p>“Where did you hear that?” Itachi wondered. They hadn't made a public statement about it yet because their father was hoping that Sasuke would change his mind.</p><p>“I was in the building when Sasuke-kun told your father.”</p><p>“Hn,” fair enough. Itachi wasn’t even in the building at the time, but outside getting lunch from a nearby food truck, and <em>still </em>heard his father shouting at Sasuke about soiling the Uchiha name and if he wanted to be a bloodsucker he could suck those school fees himself before firing Sasuke from Rinnegan on the spot and taking his car away. They inherited their temper from their father and he was a pretty renowned asshole.</p><p>“I want something that only you can give me.” Orochimaru jeered as he licked his lips. “And I can give you something in return.”</p><p>Itachi merely stared at Orochimaru with his trademark Uchiha poker face. “Go on . . .” He was desperate so he’d hear Orochimaru out.</p><p>“I know you have someone that interests you.” Orochimaru began as he stood suddenly, hand braced against the table as he leaned closer toward Itachi.</p><p>“How do you know that?” Itachi asked, inwardly shocked. Was he showing emotions on his face recently or something?!</p><p>“You seem distracted,”</p><p><em>Oh shit. </em>Itachi thought. He was right.</p><p>“Your pulse quickens,”</p><p>
  <em>Oh shit.</em>
</p><p>“I heard you muttering “I can’t believe I like Naruto”, so I <em>know </em>you like him!”</p><p><em>Damn he’s good. </em>Itachi thought impressed. So this is the power of Orochimaru, the legendary sanin?!</p><p>“How can you help me?” Itachi asked suspiciously dropping all pretense of aloofness now that his secret was out.</p><p>“I can help you reach first base.” Orochimaru boasted.</p><p>“Fucking?”</p><p>“What, that’s first base these days? Damn, horny ass kids!” Orochimaru thought things over. "In my day, we just hoped that the flu didn't kill us before the first date!"</p><p>Itachi wordlessly stared at him. He knew Orochimaru looked to be 40 but was probably, realistically, about 500 years old in his head. “Ok, so I can’t promise fucking, but you will get a first date.” Orochimaru continued after his blank stare. Itachi eyes widened in excitement.</p><p>All he needed was ONE date! One date to make things right!</p><p>Orochimaru handed him his business card as he headed out. “I know you need some time to think about things. Let me know when you’re ready.” Orochimaru said as he left the conference room.</p><p>Itachi was in turmoil. He wanted Naruto – but at what cost?! How desperate was he?</p><p>321</p><p>Orochimaru choked on the cup of water he was drinking at the office water bubbler when Itachi found him later.</p><p>So it turns out that Itachi was <em>very </em>desperate.</p><p>“So you finally cracked.” Orochimaru said before he checked his watch and realized something. “It hasn’t even been <em>three </em>minutes yet!” He exclaimed, not knowing whether to be happy Itachi caved in so soon or disappointed that he caved in two fucking minutes since he left the conference room.</p><p>“Just help me.” Itachi demanded.</p><p>“I don’t do things for free Itachi-kun.” Orochimaru sneered as he licked his lips earnestly.</p><p>“What is it that you want?” Itachi asked suspiciously, black eyes narrowing and waiting to hear something he probably wouldn’t like.</p><p>“I want Sasu—”</p><p>“I knew it!” Itachi yelled. “Fine, <em>deal</em>, now tell me how to get Naruto to go out with me!”</p><p>“Well . . . that was easier than expected.” Orochimaru stated, a bit concerned.</p><p>“Do you want Sasuke or not?”</p><p>“OK!” Orochimaru yelled frantically while reaching into his suit jacket. “Here,” he said before handing Itachi something folded in his hand. He wasn’t expecting Itachi to cave in so quickly so he was unprepared!</p><p>“What is this?” Itachi asked as he reached out for the item.</p><p>“Don’t look at it yet!” Orochimaru warned but Itachi already opened up the folded piece of paper.</p><p>“Why are you giving me a picture of yourself?” Itachi asked, becoming agitated at the creepy headshot.</p><p>“I have placed a curse on it. Have this in your pocket when Naruto sees you and he will fall in love . . . or at least say yes to dating you.”</p><p>“Do you expect me to believe this?”</p><p>“I am a legendary sanin!” Orochimaru exclaimed haughtily, “What do you have to lose?”</p><p>“My dignity and self-respect for believing this bull shit.”</p><p>“Itachi-kun, you already lost that by coming to me.”</p><p>
  <em>Fuck. He’s right!</em>
</p><p>“. . . just have this in my pocket when I see Naruto?” Itachi inquired slowly.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“And he’ll fall in love with me?”</p><p>“Or at the very least say yes to dating you. Like maybe just one date, I don’t know about the rest.”</p><p>“…”</p><p>“And if he doesn’t say yes right away try again, but next time have the photo upside down.”</p><p>“…”</p><p>“And if he doesn’t say yes after that, when you ask later you must be wearing yellow underwear.”</p><p>Itachi gave him a look.</p><p>“You don’t have yellow underwear?” Orochimaru tsked in pity.</p><p>Itachi glared. <em>That’s </em>what he was concerned with?! Yellow underwear?! Of course he had yellow underwear!  “Orochimaru, if this doesn’t work I’m going to make it that you never see Sasuke again.”</p><p>Orochimaru smirked with a confident look in his eyes. “I look forward to getting closer to your brother.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Do you think this will work?” Naruto asked nervously as he waited by the entrance of the Uchiha’s condo. A bead of sweat raced down his forehead as he began to have second thoughts on their plan.</p><p>“Of course.” Sasuke reassured him assertively.</p><p>‘<em>Hmm</em>,’ Naruto thought. ‘<em>Why does Sasuke sound so far away</em>?’</p><p>“Then . . .” Naruto glanced behind him uneasily. “. . . why are you all the way in the kitchen hiding behind the island?”</p><p>Sasuke was indeed hidden, sitting on his ass behind the kitchen island while holding a wooden rolling pin as a potential weapon to use against Itachi when shit hit the fan. He stood and gave Naruto a look. “I’m not hiding.” Sasuke scoffed. He was protecting himself, there’s a difference!</p><p>“…” Naruto was confused.</p><p>“…” Sasuke sweat-dropped.</p><p>“…” Naruto glared.</p><p>“<em>If </em>this doesn’t work, at least <em>one </em>of us should be safe.” Sasuke explained logically.</p><p>“Are you serious?!” Naruto screeched just as the doorknob turned and Sasuke ducked behind the kitchen island without a second thought. “Oh my God, I’m going to die!” Naruto whispered terrified. “I’m never going to play the piano again!” he cried as Sasuke thought about the surprisingly artistic blonde’s various talents. Pity, but a necessary sacrifice.</p><p>Itachi visibly balked when he opened the door and saw Naruto looking up at him with wide blue eyes.</p><p>So this is the power of Orochimaru, the legendary sanin?!</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Itachi wished he could take that back immediately after realizing he sounded harsh as Naruto flinched at his words.</p><p>“I . . . uh,” Naruto mind went completely blank. Great, after he <em>just </em>memorized the script Sasuke forced him to learn. He squirmed under the serious man's unwavering gaze.</p><p>Meanwhile, Itachi didn’t even realize Naruto was stalling. He was too busy checking him out. The blushing blonde wore a fitted white t-shirt with a cute orange fox outline in the middle of it. His dark fitted jeans were low rise and some exposed flesh peeked out where his shirt was scrunched up. Itachi looked down further and noticed . . . bright orange socks. <em>Cute</em>. Naruto was simply the cutest.</p><p>Sasuke peeked out from behind the enormous kitchen island and rolled his eyes. No wonder it was so quiet. Naruto was stuttering and stammering all over himself as Itachi intently stared at him with those dark Uchiha eyes. He was probably wondering what the fuck Naruto was doing here. Sasuke gritted his teeth. Naruto was <em>NOT </em>going to fuck up Sasuke’s hard work and waste his genius brain power and all the apple juice he had to consume to get them here.</p><p>“He’s helping me cook.” Sasuke mentioned casually as he stood from behind the island, hiding the rolling pin behind his back. It was best to take Itachi by surprise. A good hit to the head should subdue him if something crazy happened. Sasuke was always prepared.</p><p>Itachi glanced at his brother, his bull shit meter screaming. “Oh, is he?” Itachi asked sarcastically. Like hell Sasuke’s paranoid ass would ever let anyone touch his fucking ceramic pots.</p><p>Sasuke swallowed. The shit he would do for his best friend. “…yeah.”</p><p>Itachi raised an eyebrow. “And what are you cooking?”</p><p>“Nothing serious.” Sasuke shrugged. “Just coq au vin blanc.”</p><p>Naruto looked back at him, aghast. “I can’t even pronounce that!”</p><p>“Well it’s a good thing you don’t have to, huh?” Sasuke snapped at him, his eyes widening to say ‘<em>Go along with it, idiot!</em>’</p><p>“Oh, riiiight.” Naruto said before looking back up at Itachi. “We’re making that.”</p><p>“Hn,” Itachi replied as he headed toward the kitchen and placed the groceries he bought on the counter. “Good thing I went shopping today.” He said flatly.</p><p>Sasuke blinked. Oh shit, right. If Itachi hadn’t, they wouldn’t have had anything to cook. Good thing this plan involved Naruto, who always attracted dumb luck.</p><p>123</p><p>“So this is what Itachi’s like?” Naruto smiled to himself as he leaned against the island looking out toward the living room where Itachi was looking over documents on the couch. The large flat screen TV was on quietly in the background, but hardly anything discernible could be heard. Itachi now wore a thin long-sleeved black shirt with dark pants unlike the business suit he wore earlier. His hair was slightly damp from the shower he took and pulled back in his usual style and he now sported glasses.</p><p>“See? Chill.” Sasuke said as he was behind Naruto seasoning a whole chicken vigorously. Had to get right in-between the chicken shoulders or the whole thing would be damned!</p><p>“You sure you don’t need help with anything?” Naruto implored, noticing the pots and pans simmering with whatever mysterious contents Sasuke stuffed in them. And how he was manhandling the rather large chicken . . . in its back?</p><p>Sasuke grimaced as he plucked a loose feather. “Please, <em>don’t</em>.”</p><p>“Alright, alright.” Naruto rolled his eyes at his easily irritated best friend.</p><p>“Why don’t you bring him a drink?” Sasuke offered. “And strike up some conversation while you both wait?”</p><p>“B-But, what do I say to him?” Naruto whispered in shock as he looked back at his anti-social best friend who was making a face at him.</p><p>“<em>You’re </em>the social one.” Sasuke reminded him. “When have you ever needed <em>me </em>to talk to someone?” It was usually the opposite!</p><p>“He’s <em>your </em>brother!” Naruto emphasized while throwing up his hands.</p><p>“Your point?” Sasuke asked, unconvinced as he rubbed chicken shoulders.</p><p>“I don’t know anything about him!” Naruto exclaimed.</p><p>“That’s the point of a conversation. To get to <em>know </em>him.” The younger Uchiha pointed out dryly.</p><p>“Sasuke,” Naruto pleaded with big blue eyes.</p><p>“He likes . . .” Sasuke was about to say some tech shit but knew Naruto didn’t know shit about IT software. If he went over there and asked a bunch of questions, Itachi would eventually become irritated. Other than that, Sasuke didn’t know what else to say.</p><p>“You don’t know anything about your brother, do you?” Naruto accused him.</p><p>“We didn’t really live together growing up.” Sasuke muttered. He didn’t know too much personal things about Itachi. Well, he knew some embarrassing secrets stored in the dark recesses of his mind for potential blackmail, but that wouldn’t be helpful for this situation. Sadly.</p><p>Naruto looked surprised at Sasuke’s confession. “Really? How come?”</p><p>“Life of an Uchiha.” Sasuke said solemnly. “Itachi was the clan’s prodigy and father took advantage of that.” Aaaand they were concerned that Itachi might end up killing his messy baby brother.</p><p>“Oh,” Naruto said as he looked back at Itachi who was now typing something on his laptop. “He must be really lonely.” Naruto said softly, a foregone expression etched across his face.</p><p>Sasuke looked back at both Naruto and Itachi. “Hn,” he brushed off Naruto’s comment with his trademark scoff.</p><p>“Alright, I’m going!” Naruto declared suddenly before puffing his chest out and running over before he lost his courage.</p><p>“Wait,” Sasuke whispered after him, “You forgot the drink, <em>dobe</em>!”</p><p>321</p><p> “W-Wanna drink?” a voice reached out through Itachi’s jumbled thoughts of computer coding and software.</p><p>Itachi glanced up at Naruto . . . who was empty-handed but holding out his hand as if he had a beverage to offer. He raised an amused eyebrow as Naruto realized what he just did.</p><p>“Argh, I’m such an idiot!” Naruto groaned as he fell onto the couch. “Sorry, I can go back and actually get something for real this time.”</p><p>“No need, I am fine. And I doubt Sasuke actually wants you in the kitchen with him.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m kind of clumsy.” Naruto sighed.</p><p>“My brother just becomes . . . a bit . . . <em>excited </em>when he cooks.” Itachi reassured Naruto. “He doesn’t like me in the kitchen even when he <em>isn’t </em>cooking.”</p><p>“Really?” Naruto asked surprise. “So Sasuke’s an ass to everyone?” Naruto thought out loud before his eyes widened at insulting Sasuke in front of his big brother. “Ah sorry, your brother isn—”</p><p>“No, he is.” Itachi insisted before he resumed looking over documents, noting Naruto’s smile at him that absolutely melted his heart.</p><p>Naruto turned to Itachi, a bit more confidently as his true cheerful demeanor began to appear. “Um, so,” Naruto began timidly, but didn’t know what to say. He was still intimidated with talking to someone who basically sucker punched him within seconds of meeting him occasionally and who always wore an impassive expression. He nervously looked up at the older man through golden lashes, a bit unsure on how to proceed.</p><p>“Do you have something on your mind?” Itachi prodded as he placed his documents on the coffee table, giving Naruto his undivided attention. Naruto watched as he crossed his legs and turned to him, dripping in authority and masculinity. Naruto nervously swallowed. He shouldn’t be surprised that Itachi was fucking <em>hot</em>, he was an Uchiha! Their DNA was doused in strands of “<em>I’m a hot ass bitch</em>!”</p><p>“Well, I just want . . . to get to know you?” Naruto finished lamely while holding his head down in defeat knowing Sasuke would be furious that he was fucking up like this.</p><p>He didn’t realize those were the words Itachi longed to hear.</p><p>“…Alright.” Itachi began slowly. It’s been a while since someone wanted to get to know the young genius for more than his infamous last name.</p><p>Naruto perked up and looked up at Itachi who was . . . smiling?</p><p>A dark blush overcame Naruto’s features as he leaned away suddenly. “I uh - - forgot Sasuke actually wanted me to help him with something!” he said quickly before jumping up and running back to the kitchen.</p><p>123</p><p>“What the fuck are you doing here?” Sasuke asked irritated as he chopped some bell peppers and could feel Naruto’s frantic presence behind him fucking up his cooking concentration. The chicken was marinating and now he had to cut some peppers for the sauce. He paused as he looked over his shoulder. “Did Itachi hit you <em>already</em>?” he asked incredulously. He wasn’t even out there for 10 minutes! Not that it would be too surprising anyways.</p><p>“N-no,” Naruto shook his head as he gripped his chest, panting heavily.</p><p>“Are you dying in any way?!” Sasuke whispered, panicked. He couldn’t take Naruto to the hospital right now, he had <em>just </em>put the vegetables in to steam! He couldn’t take his eyes off them for a second or else they would become soggy! You know who made soggy vegetables? Long back bitches who couldn’t cook and Sasuke had a nice toned back with a regal ass – his vegetables were <em>tender</em>!</p><p>“No!” Naruto whispered back, unknowingly interrupting Sasuke’s frantic thoughts. “He <em>smiled </em>at me.”</p><p>Sasuke stopped chopping peppers and turned to Naruto, wiping his hands on a hand towel at his waist. Naruto momentarily marveled at Sasuke’s little set up he had whenever he cooked. His dark apron had large pockets and a utility belt for some reason unknown to Naruto who was very intimidated by it. He’d seen Sasuke put scissors in there and pull out an entire fancy hand held mincer. Sasuke was like the batman of cooking.</p><p>“Itachi doesn’t smile.” Sasuke scoffed. Unless they were alone together, Sasuke couldn’t recall a time his brother genuinely smiled around others. Perhaps around Pein, one of the few members of Akatsuki who didn’t immediately piss him off, but they had history beyond Akatsuki so he was an exception.</p><p>“He did!” Naruto insisted while shaking his head frantically.</p><p>“What did it look like?” Sasuke asked doubtfully.</p><p>Naruto ran over and pushed the corners of Sasuke’s mouth up with both of his pointing fingers. “Like that!” he whisper-yelled hysterically.</p><p>Sasuke just stared as Naruto jabbed his fingers into his face. “Shit, really?” he asked mildly concerned. Should he call the cops? The FBI? God?!</p><p>“Yeah, it was a <em>real </em>smile.” Naruto looked really shaken up as he let Sasuke’s face go.</p><p><em>‘Uchiha’s are very attractive, Itachi could have at least warned him</em>.’ Sasuke thought before he realized something. “Wait, why the <em>fuck </em>are you in here then?!”</p><p>“Itachi smiled at me!” Naruto explained again.</p><p>“<em>So</em>?!”</p><p>“So, he . . . wow Itachi just <em>smiled </em>at <em>me</em>!” Naruto whispered excitedly as he almost bounced up and down with joy.</p><p>Sasuke frowned at him. Naruto was such a dumb ass. “Ok, go back out there and don’t fuck things up.” Sasuke said, proud of himself for his clear instructions. Naruto couldn’t fuck this up.</p><p>“Right! Ok!”</p><p>321</p><p>“What did my brother want?” Itachi inquired as Naruto sat back down next to him. He was surprised at how close the blonde was to him now. Itachi had his arm on the back of the couch and Naruto sat close enough to basically have Itachi’s arm around him.</p><p><em>‘Be still my beating heart</em>.’ Itachi urged before he ended up going into cardiac arrest.</p><p>“Huh? Oh, he changed his mind.” Naruto fibbed.</p><p>Itachi really wanted to know what was going on between those two – they must have been up to something – but he didn’t want to meddle and ruin this moment. The blonde seemed more comfortable around him now, so he wanted to seize the moment while he could.</p><p>“I didn’t know you wore glasses.” Naruto blurted out.</p><p>Itachi completely forgot he was wearing them. “Yes, I’m usually wearing contacts.”</p><p>“They look nice.” Naruto said as he looked up at Itachi. “I mean, you make everything look nice, but glasses look really nice on you.” Ok, he needed to shut up before Itachi thought he was weird. He was surprised when Itachi turned away from him.</p><p>“Thanks.” Itachi answered, trying to hide his face.</p><p>Naruto blinked. ‘<em>Is Itachi bad at accepting compliments or somethin</em>g? <em>Sasuke isn’t</em>,’ Naruto thought with a disgusted expression while thinking of the egomaniac in the kitchen furiously chopping ingredients. He wondered how different the two of them were. They both definitely had violent tendencies and looked quite alike, but what else did the brothers have in common? How else did they differ?</p><p>“Sasuke said you guys didn’t grow up together? I guess that’s why I never really met you,” Naruto laughed while scratching the back of his head.</p><p>“We grew up in the same household.” Itachi explained. “But I was always away with my father most of the time on business trips and the like.”</p><p>“As a <em>child</em>?” Naruto gasped.</p><p>“Yes, I was selected to take over the company.”</p><p>“But you were a <em>kid</em>!” Naruto exclaimed. “Man, I didn’t realize being rich had its bad moments too.”</p><p>Itachi needed to take this time to get to know Naruto as well. But where should he begin? “So you aren’t from another … ?”</p><p>“Nah, I’m not from any famous clan,” Naruto laughed it off good naturedly. “Sasuke and I met when he got detention.”</p><p>“<em>Sasuke </em>got detention in school?” Blasphemous!</p><p>“Well, it was a class detention, Sasuke was just collateral damage.” Naruto laughed. “His class had to do community service in middle school so they came to my school to help us clean up a nearby park. We’ve been inseparable ever since.”</p><p>“If you’re going to tell that story then tell it correctly.” Sasuke snapped as he placed two ice coffees down on the coffee table before them. He turned to Itachi. “Naruto hated rich kids and picked a fight with me and we were forced to pair up with each other as punishment.”</p><p>“You were such a snob teme!” Naruto grinned, remembering their past.</p><p>“Then this dumbass went and harassed a bee’s nest and we had to run for our lives.” Sasuke sighed.</p><p>Naruto laughed at the memory as Sasuke smirked. “We got stung so bad!” Naruto snorted. “But Sasuke took most of the stinging to protect me as much as he could.” Naruto grinned as he looked at his best friend who was rolling his eyes.</p><p>“Only because I didn’t want to hear you crying the rest of the day.”</p><p>“And then we became best friends!” Naruto laughed, ignoring Sasuke. “I keep him grounded.”</p><p>“You stress me out.” Sasuke corrected, a smirk gracing his usually stoic features.</p><p>Itachi smiled as he watched the two friends quarrel. No wonder out of all of Sasuke’s friends, Naruto’s name always came up more often than the rest – and it explained why Sasuke felt compelled to help and look out for the blonde. Itachi wondered what it felt like to have a bond so deep. Is this bond what saved Sasuke from their crazy clan?</p><p>“Where are you going?” Itachi noted as he noticed Sasuke was putting on a light summer coat – he looked like he was heading out.</p><p>“I need white wine for the recipe.” Sasuke mentioned. “I’ll grab it from the store across the street.”</p><p>“I can get it,” Itachi began but Sasuke held up his hand.</p><p>“It’s fine. You two just stay here.” He said before making his way out of the condo. Itachi frowned when he noticed Sasuke taking <em>his </em>wallet instead of his own out of a decorated marble bowl on top of a desk at the entrance of the condo before heading out the door. That little broke ass—</p><p>“So you’re a coffee drinker like Sasuke?” Naruto asked as he picked up his coffee and took a sip.</p><p>“Yes, but he’s been drinking tea recently.” Itachi answered. He needed to refocus his attention on Naruto – he was finally alone with him!</p><p>“Oh yeah, that’s weird,” Naruto laughed. “Now that you mention it, maybe he’s acting all crazy because of his coffee withdrawals.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You know, with the law thing.” Naruto continued. “Sasuke never mentioned anything about law school until last semester, and that’s when he stopped his obsession with coffee.” Naruto ruminated. “Perhaps he needs a new obsession and randomly picked law.”</p><p>That . . . makes no sense. Itachi actually laughed at Naruto’s crazy conspiracy. “You have an interesting imagination.”</p><p>“No, there has to be a connection!” Naruto insisted earnestly. He glanced up at Itachi who seemed more relaxed and even <em>laughing</em>!</p><p>“You know,” Naruto began nervously as he held his iced coffee in his hands. “I was kind of terrified of you, but you don’t seem so bad.”</p><p>Itachi sighed. “Yes, about that Naruto, I’m sorry.” He apologized.</p><p>“It’s ok, I can be kind of annoying.” Naruto laughed with a shy smile.</p><p>“No, you’re not annoying.” Itachi said quickly. “Don’t say that.”</p><p>“Ah, ok.” Naruto said as he looked away blushing. This was the first time someone didn’t think he was annoying. He looked up at Itachi again who was looking at him with a concerned look on his face. “Uh, w-what?”</p><p>“I don’t think you’re annoying or weird or stupid—well.” Itachi had to rethink. “I don’t think poorly of you Naruto.” He was kind of a ditz but that’s ok. “I like you the way you are.”</p><p>Naruto began shaking, the iced coffee in his hands sloshed around in his cup. “I-Um,” Naruto was never at a loss for words, but he’d never been complimented so much and so sincerely before. Wait, that was a compliment right?</p><p>“Th-thank you,” Naruto said quietly. “No one’s ever . . . been so nice before.”</p><p>Itachi pulled Naruto closer to him, his arms wrapping around Naruto’s shoulders. “Well let’s change that.”</p><p>123</p><p>Sasuke was on his way back to the condo already after making a mad dash through the store and was a little worried about leaving his stupid best friend with his prone to violence older sibling. That didn’t sound like a good mix . . . they needed to be supervised at <em>all </em>times.</p><p>Did he make the right decision? Was Itachi pretending to be nice to lure Sasuke away so he could murder Naruto?!</p><p><em>Dammit, that’s it, isn’t it?! </em>Sasuke screamed in his head. Shit, why did he have to make coq au vin blanc?! It was a simple enough chicken in white wine sauce recipe, but he should have realized he didn’t have all of the ingredients first before making it! Now if he came back and Naruto’s guts were all over the floor, it was going to be all his fault.</p><p>Would this interfere with his law school admission?! Being related to a murderer?!</p><p>Finally reaching the door to their condo, Sasuke quickly unlocked it, almost slamming it open. “I’m—” Sasuke began before a yellow blur went careening past Sasuke as Itachi threw Naruto into the adjacent wall. “. . . back.” Sasuke sighed.</p><p>One look at Itachi’s wet clothes already told Sasuke that his clumsy friend spilled ice coffee all over his neurotic sibling. He watched dejectedly as Itachi ran away to his room as Naruto cried about his back.</p><p>He’d <em>almost </em>witnessed a murder.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: Sasuke priorities are NOT straight.</p><p>Also, as the audience, you all get to see Itachi’s inner thoughts, which is a hot mess as he frantically tries to win Naruto’s heart. However, the other characters still see Itachi as a stoic intimidating Uchiha as his outward expressions are neutral/impassive. Only Sasuke can see right through Itachi for the most part, but it still leads to misunderstandings because Itachi is still quite difficult to read (and sometimes Sasuke’s quite dumb tbh).</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. And Suddenly, a Realization</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Why are you blaming everything on me?” Naruto whined where he was sprawled out on top of a hospital bed while Sasuke stood glaring down at him in irritation while they waited in a hospital room for the nursing assistant to return.</p><p>“Naruto, your death will inconvenience me.” Sasuke explained as Naruto frowned at him.</p><p>“Eh?” Naruto asked with a confused face. Inconvenience? Doesn’t he mean sadden?!</p><p>“If my brother murders you, this will hurt my chances of being accepted into law school.” Sasuke said while glaring at the way Naruto kept fidgeting. It would cause a scandal and the Uchiha name would be ruined!</p><p>Naruto was currently laying on his stomach on the bed and twitching every five seconds. If the blonde wasn’t so damn jittery he wouldn’t have spilled Sasuke’s ice coffee. Did he know those were made with the finest of ingredients? Does he realize he just <em>spilled </em>Sasuke’s hard work?!</p><p>“Sasuke-kun, please don’t agitate my patient.” A pink haired nurse sighed as she returned to the room with some ointment and gauze, noticing Sasuke’s dark aura surrounding him as he looked down at Naruto with a scowl. “It’s bad enough I snuck you two in here.” The pinkette sighed even heavier while hoping that she wouldn’t get fired from her internship.</p><p>“S-Sakura-chan,” Naruto said gratefully with tears in his eyes. “Sasuke’s brother is trying to kill me!”</p><p>“And why would he do that?” Sakura asked while helping Naruto sit up so he could take off his shirt.</p><p>“Naruto’s a klutz and my brother hates mess.” Sasuke began to explain the situation. “Naruto is attempting to get Itachi to like him, but obviously this plan has been doomed from the start.”</p><p>Sakura’s face paled at the thought of Itachi. “Man, he’s still like that?” she asked, remembering a dinner she attended with Sasuke a few years back where the waitress, who was trying to flirt with Itachi, accidentally spilled a drink on him . . . let’s just say the Uchiha’s were no longer welcomed to that particular establishment . . .</p><p>“It’s his quirk.” Sasuke shrugged where he stood looking down at them with his arms folded.</p><p>Sakura sighed as she rubbed ointment over Naruto’s back. “Why do you care if Itachi likes you or not Naruto?” Sakura inquired. “You never cared what other people thought before.”</p><p>“Because I don’t want to get punched in the head every time I hang out with Sasuke!”</p><p>Sakura was confused. “Why does Itachi have to be there with you guys?”</p><p>“Well, he doesn’t <em>have </em>to be, but Sasuke won’t leave his house now that he’s studying for law school!”</p><p>Sakura rolled her eyes as she gave Sasuke a look. “Sasuke, are you still on that?” she asked disappointedly.</p><p><em>‘Jeeze, you’d think I really was quitting school to join the circus</em>,’ Sasuke thought. It’s not like law school was a <em>bad </em>thing!</p><p>“You have no reason to judge my life decisions.” Sasuke scoffed. “Especially since you’re dating that loser now.”</p><p>“I’m not doing this with you again Sasuke-kun!” Sakura yelled at him. They’ve been over this a million times already, Sasuke needed to get over her dating!</p><p>“It’s a poor life decision.” Sasuke continued, ignoring her outburst.</p><p>“S-Sakura-chan,” Naruto gasped in pain before Sakura realized she was pressing down on Naruto’s bruise angrily as she argued with Sasuke.</p><p>“I’m so sorry Naruto-kun!” Sakura cried before removing her gloves. “I’m finished now.” She said while reaching for the gauze and beginning to wrap Naruto’s back.</p><p>“But why do you guys think Itachi is actively trying to kill Naruto? He’s so chill.” Sakura asked, deciding to ignore Sasuke’s discontentment with her love life.</p><p>“He confessed to me last night.” Sasuke informed her.</p><p>“Are you sure? You didn’t misunderstand him?” Sakura asked Sasuke who gave her a look.</p><p>“I’m perfect.” Sasuke didn’t <em>misunderstand </em>things!</p><p>Both Naruto and Sakura aggressively cringed. “Uh sure, Sasuke-kun.” Sakura laughed before turning back to Naruto. “Ok, Naruto-kun, I’m finished!”</p><p>“Thanks Sakura-chan, it feels all tingly.” Naruto sighed heavenly.</p><p>Sakura laughed at his antics. “The ointment has some peppermint essential oil mixed in, so it creates a soothing feeling. I hope you get better soon!”</p><p>“Of course I will, since you’re looking after me!” Naruto grinned as he was able to put on his shirt with less pain.</p><p>Sakura smiled at him in turn, “Are you guys gonna come hang out with me later?” she asked wistfully. It’s been a while since she hung out with them.</p><p>“Will your boyfriend be joining?” Sasuke asked with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“Y-” Sakura was beginning to say before Sasuke cut her off.</p><p>“Then no.” Sasuke dismissed the thought as Sakura sighed dejectedly. Sasuke and her current boyfriend hated each other. It was probably all for the best.</p><p>“I won’t be able to come either, my summer classes are starting soon and my professor gave us homework to complete before the first day of class.” Naruto said apologetically.</p><p>“It’s alright, I know how much you hate calculus.” Sakura laughed. Naruto failed last semester so he was taking summer classes to make up for it. “Maybe we should all hang out next week?” She asked. She missed her crazy friends.</p><p>“Hn,” Sasuke said as he left the room.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll drag him out!” Naruto promised Sakura as they hugged goodbye and Naruto ran after Sasuke.</p><p>“Hey Sasuke, you need to think of a new way to get Itachi to like me!” Naruto exclaimed as they stood outside the hospital.</p><p>Sasuke was looking at his phone dejectedly. He paid $8 to get to the hospital using uber pool. I mean, that sounds bad, seeing that he thought Naruto was dying and he still took uber pool, which wasn’t a direct ride to the hospital. They had to share the ride with some random older guy that kept checking Sasuke out and let him out at his destination first before finally reaching the hospital.</p><p>But who was going to pay $18 to go directly to the hospital? That was a whole extra $10! Besides, now Sasuke would have to pay again to get back home. It’s such a shame his father took away his BMW ever since he informed him of his plans of not working at Rinnegan. He looked at Naruto after processing what he just said. “What?” Sasuke asked incredulously, dismissing his financial woes.</p><p>“We gotta think of a new plan!” Naruto reiterated energetically.</p><p>‘<em>Wow, stupid in its rare form</em>,’ Sasuke thought while shading his eyes from the sheer naivety and brightness of Naruto.</p><p>“Why on Earth would you want to waste your time getting Itachi to like you after your first attempt failed so miserably?” Sasuke asked with a frown on his face.</p><p>“Well,” Naruto began before he looked down at his feet. “Before he tried to kill me, he was actually kinda nice.”</p><p>“Hn, sounds like you have a fetish for serial killers.”</p><p>“I-I do not!” Naruto yelled with a dark blush on his face before his eyes widened in conspiracy theories. “Is Itachi a seri—”</p><p>“No!” Sasuke interrupted Naruto. “Listen Naruto, the only way this will work is if I lock you two in a room with nothing inside.” Sasuke said as placed his hands on his hips. “You can’t even consume a fucking beverage around him without almost dying!”</p><p>“Now that I know that’s what makes him go crazy, I can control it!”</p><p>“Naruto, you always knew this!”</p><p>“Sasuke, just help me dammit!”</p><p>Sasuke stared at his long time best friend. He never understood Naruto’s incessant need to befriend everyone – especially his enemies. Maybe it’s this persistence that made them such good friends; Naruto wouldn’t leave Sasuke alone until he finally acknowledged the blonde. If it wasn’t for Naruto’s strong will to be friends . . . Sasuke would probably have been very lonely growing up. That exact loneliness that Itachi most likely suffered through . . .</p><p>Sasuke sighed while he closed his eyes to think things over. “. . . ok.” He grumbled as Naruto jumped in the air with a pumped fist before crying out loud in pain about his back. Sasuke smirked. “Dobe.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>Meanwhile, Itachi was freaking out.</p><p>“Itachi-kun please calm down.”</p><p>“I hurt him again,”</p><p>“Itachi—”</p><p>“Now he’ll <em>never </em>like me.”</p><p>“Please, Ita—”</p><p>“I was <em>so </em>close!” Itachi screamed on the phone.</p><p>“GET A GRIP!” Orochimaru screamed back, which snapped Itachi out of his erratic thoughts. Itachi slumped on the floor in his room as he was overrun with guilt. He just wanted to get close to Naruto!</p><p>“I didn’t realize how bad your quirk was.” Orochimaru sighed as he was amazed at Itachi’s rare moment of weakness. “You should stop by my office. We have a way to . . . <em>fix </em>you.”</p><p>“F-Fix?” Itachi asked as he looked up promisingly. He gripped his cell phone harder. “You can fix me?”</p><p>“Oh heavens no, you’re <em>too </em>fucked up for me,” Orochimaru scoffed. “But perhaps one of my disciples could.”</p><p>Itachi sighed. It was worth a shot, right?</p><p>321</p><p>“Itachi-kun, please meet Kabuto-kun.” Orochimaru introduced the two men.</p><p>“My, what a beautiful specimen.” Kabuto began as he reached out to touch Itachi, but Orochimaru swatted his hands away frantically.</p><p>“No, he’s not here for <em>that</em>!” Orochimaru cried.</p><p>“Oh?” Kabuto sighed sadly while Itachi wanted to know what the fuck was going on.</p><p>“Alright,” the white haired man grumbled while pushing his glasses higher on his face. “Step into my office.” He said while ushering them into an all-white room. Kabuto sat down behind a white desk and pulled out a pencil and pad. “What is the issue?”</p><p>Itachi stared blankly at Kabuto before turning to Orochimaru unsure.</p><p>“It’s ok, he can help.” Orochimaru promised while motioning for Itachi to start.</p><p>“Would you like some water?” Kabuto offered after noticing Itachi’s hesitation.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Anything I can accommodate you for?” He pressed on while pushing his glasses up onto his face with his pinky.</p><p>“. . . no.”</p><p>“Well let’s begin.” Kabuto encouraged, glad to get that out of the way. Orochimaru patted him on the back proudly. Last time a client complained about Kabuto being too “violent” or whatever and Orochimaru was now on his ass about customer service.</p><p>“I hate disorder.” Itachi began. Might as well get this shit over with. “My Uchiha gift is being analytical, which helps with being a top designer and tech engineer at Rinnegan. The drawback is, well . . . my <em>quirk </em>is that in order to keep my gift, I must remain orderly.”</p><p>Kabuto scribbled away furiously in his notepad before looking up at Itachi’s weirded out face. “Oh don’t mind me,” Kabuto said as he flipped a page. “Keep going.”</p><p>Itachi wanted to know what the hell he could be writing! He only said like three sentences.</p><p>“. . . and because of this I can’t stand messes. At times, I even react violently toward them.”</p><p>“I see,” Kabuto nodded his head. “Can you tell me about your earliest reaction?”</p><p>“When I was 8, I almost stabbed my cousin Shisui to death.”</p><p>Both Kabuto and Orochimaru gasped and recoiled in utter revulsion. “Only because while we played, he fell and scratched himself then began chasing me around with his blood!” Itachi defended himself. “I was wearing white socks that day! He shouldn’t have fucked with me—”</p><p>“It’s worse than I thought.” Kabuto interrupted gravely as Orochimaru nodded his head in agreement. Itachi noticed that Kabuto already wrote five pages. Nani the fuck?!</p><p>Kabuto rested his materials on his desk and cracked his knuckles. “I think it’s time for treatment.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Hey Itachi,” Sasuke called out as he returned to the condo after the hospital. All the lights were off so he assumed Itachi wasn’t home but figured he’d call out just in case. Not hearing any responses, Sasuke flicked the lights on before legit screaming when he noticed Itachi was standing right behind him the entire time in the darkness.</p><p>“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Sasuke cried as he jumped back, pissed scared. Itachi was the only person that scared him like this . . .</p><p>“. . . nothing.” Itachi said before he turned to leave. He only came out when he heard the door open because he thought Sasuke would have brought Naruto back with him.</p><p>“I-Itachi,” Sasuke began worriedly as Itachi turned back at him.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Sasuke said as Itachi continued to his room.</p><p>It was worse than Sasuke thought.</p><p>123</p><p>Sasuke ran to his room and locked the door before dialing a number.</p><p>“Hey,” Shikamaru answered grouchily as he rubbed his eyes. Leave it to Sasuke to call him during a nap.</p><p>“I need your help.”</p><p>“What a drag,” Shikamaru groaned. Whenever Sasuke called him, it was always for some weird shit! “Look man, if you’re asking about—”</p><p>“It’s for my brother this time!” Sasuke said quickly with a dark blush. He’d ask Shikamaru some weird ass personal questions in the past. But this isn’t about him, this is about Naruto right now.</p><p>“Itachi?” Shikamaru asked confused. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I think he’s going to kill Naruto.”</p><p>“What, why?!” Shikamaru began as he sat upright in his bed quickly.</p><p>“Well, he tried to do so earlier today—”</p><p>“WHAT?!”</p><p>“And when I returned home his hair was crazy and there were marks all over his face! Like he looked dirty! There was dirt all over him!”</p><p>“. . . so?”</p><p>“So he’s obviously digging Naruto’s grave.”</p><p>“ . . . ”</p><p>“ . . . ”</p><p>“Oh.” Shikamaru said to break the silence. When it came to Naruto and Sasuke, it was best if he just accepted whatever the fuck they were talking about instead of trying to make too much sense of things. “So knowing your brother and his quirk, he’s decided to end Naruto because he’s a klutz?”</p><p>“Yes, that’s exactly it.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Oh? That’s all you have to say?”</p><p>“Well, I was taking a nap—”</p><p>“Fuck your nap pineapple head!” Sasuke yelled. “We need to think of a plan before Naruto dies! He’s your friend too!”</p><p>“Alright, alright! So troublesome.” Shikamaru complained. Honestly, these Uchiha’s . . .  “For now, confront Itachi, but not too directly. We need to figure out how Itachi’s mind works so we can save Naruto whenever he tries to attack.” For now, Shikamaru would humor him. He doubted Itachi seriously wanted to kill Naruto . . . right?</p><p>“Ok, I’ll call you back later.” Sasuke promised before hanging up. He took a deep breath before walking to Itachi’s room. He stood in front of his brother’s door before knocking and immediately opening it, half expecting to find a picture of Naruto riddled with darts on the wall.</p><p>“What?” Itachi asked, he was half naked with only a towel around his waist, clearly about to take a shower. <em>Was he trying to get rid of the evidence</em>?! Sasuke screamed in his head.</p><p>“Why are you so dirty?” Sasuke questioned, he didn’t want to beat around the bush. Itachi would NEVER intentionally be dirty.</p><p>“I was out, now I’m going to shower.” Itachi answered.</p><p>“Out doing what?”</p><p>“What do you want?” Itachi snapped. “Did you come in here to question why I’m going to take a shower?”</p><p>“Why do you hate Naruto?!” Sasuke blurted out.</p><p>Itachi stared at him. “What?” what was Sasuke going on about now?</p><p>“Why do you want to kill him?” Sasuke demanded. “Sure he’s stupid, but he doesn’t deserve to die over it!”</p><p>“Why would I want to kill Naruto when I <em>like </em>him?”</p><p>Sasuke stared at Itachi as realization struck him like a freight train.</p><p><em>Oh no</em>. What a horrible mistake.</p><p>“And how is his back? I didn’t mean to throw him so hard.” Itachi murmured to himself with a worried expression.</p><p>“He’s alive.” Sasuke said flatly before he turned and slammed the door shut behind him.</p><p>321</p><p>“Hello? Man, that was quick.” Shikamaru greeted Sasuke after Sasuke was back in his room and called earnestly.</p><p>“Shikamaru, I’m dying.”</p><p>“Did Itachi stab you <em>again</em>?!” Maybe Itachi really was trying to kill Naruto!</p><p>“No, I think I’m just dying.”</p><p>“W-What?” Shikamaru asked confused.</p><p>“Nothing in this world makes sense anymore.”</p><p>“Oh man, Sasuke,” Shikamaru said exasperatedly. “You’re scaring me man, what are you saying?”</p><p>“I think I’m going to die. Good bye now.”</p><p>“Sasuk—”</p><p>Sasuke hung up the phone before laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.</p><p>How could <em>he </em>have been <em>wrong</em>?</p><p>So Itachi <em>did </em>like Naruto? Like, <em>like </em>Naruto? <em>Love </em>Naruto?</p><p>But that made no fucking sense!</p><p>Sasuke gripped his head. It felt like it was going to explode. He’s never been wrong before – he was the perfect Uchiha!</p><p>Was this it? Was his perfection ending and he was going to die? He abruptly stood. No, it couldn’t end like this.</p><p>123</p><p>“What the fuck—” Itachi yelled as Sasuke entered his bathroom, interrupting Itachi’s peaceful shower. Itachi tried covering himself up with his washcloth. It’s not like he had a shower curtain, it was a shower with a glass door!</p><p>“I’m going to help you.” Sasuke said while glaring at Itachi’s pathetic attempts at covering himself. He’d seen better, namely, himself.</p><p>“What?” Itachi asked, he just wanted Sasuke to get the fuck out. Maybe they should have that talk about privacy after all.</p><p>“I need to make this right so I don’t die.”</p><p>“<em>What,</em>” Itachi echoed again. What was his dramatic brother going on about this time?!</p><p>“If you date Naruto, everything will be better.”</p><p>“<em>Sasuke</em>,”</p><p>“Yes. I still have a chance to right this.” Sasuke was mainly talking to himself at this point.</p><p>“Sasuke, <em>please </em>go away.”</p><p>“I am still perfect.” Sasuke reassured himself.</p><p>“Sasuke, <em>please</em>.” Itachi begged. He never felt so vulnerable before.</p><p>Sasuke nodded his head before leaving.</p><p>What the fuck just happened?! Itachi wondered.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: Sasuke is a little dense at times.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. We Charm Bitches Round Here</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Sasuke opened the door the next morning to reveal a skittish Naruto.</p><p><em>Go figure</em>.</p><p>“Can’t say I’m surprised at your bull headedness.” Sasuke tsked while looking at the blonde.</p><p>Only Naruto would willingly return someplace where he was almost murdered so quickly.</p><p>“Look man, Shikamaru left this weird ass voicemail and I came as soon as I could . . . after Itachi left for work.” Naruto ended his explanation sheepishly while scratching the back of his head. He looked around for extra good measure. He didn’t want to run into the aggressive Uchiha just yet.</p><p>“I see.” Sasuke said before a split second later lunging after Naruto, who screamed girlishly, as Sasuke pulled him inside.</p><p>“I need to talk to you.” Sasuke declared as he threw Naruto on the couch. Naruto landed on his ass with the wind almost knocked out of him.</p><p>“Why did you have to be so rough?” Naruto complained. Were all Uchiha’s aggressive like this?! Like Sasuke couldn’t just invite him inside like a normal person?! “My back still hurts ya know!!”</p><p>“I am angry Naruto.” Sasuke began, ignoring Naruto’s outburst, as he paced in front of him. He turned to face him momentarily. “Do you know why?”</p><p>“W-Why?” Oh no, was Sasuke in one of his <em>moods</em>? He only got like this when his ego was bruised!</p><p>“I dislike being wrong. I dislike being <em>imperfect</em>.”</p><p>“O-Oh, o-ok.” Naruto stammered as he realized that Sasuke was definitely in one of his dark moods. He needed to get the fuck out of here!</p><p>“I realized I was mistaken about something last night.” Sasuke resumed pacing. Very rarely in his life he’s ever been wrong. He was the perfect Uchiha! The one without a quirk! He was invincible!</p><p>“A-about what?”</p><p>“It’s nothing to concern yourself with.” Sasuke said before he stopped pacing and stared out the window dramatically. He remembered promising Itachi he wouldn’t tell Naruto about his crush on him.</p><p>“So um, if you’re . . . <em>well</em>, as ok as you can be . . . can I leave?” Naruto asked. He did his friendly duty of checking on him. Now he could leave right? Sasuke was still a fucking psycho, so nothing was out of the ordinary!</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“<em>No</em>?” Naruto echoed nervously.</p><p>“I’m going to see this through to the end.” Sasuke promised.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I’ve enrolled you into charm school.”</p><p>123</p><p>“This doesn’t look like charm school.” Naruto grimaced as he came face to face with Karin, Jugo, and Suigetsu in Sasuke’s room.</p><p>“It’s <em>my </em>charm school.” Sasuke said as he swiveled around to reveal himself in his computer chair. “From now on you must all call me Headmaster.”</p><p>“Sasuke, I only came because I was told we would play video games.” Suigetsu complained.</p><p>Sasuke sighed before he took out a squirt bottle and started spraying Suigetsu who screamed, “It burns!” before rolling around on the ground covering his eyes.</p><p>Karin raised her hand. Sasuke nodded in her direction. “So Headmaster-kun, you want us to help Naruto to be . . . elegant?” Karin asked.</p><p>“Yes, I need Naruto to stop being clumsy.” Sasuke stated. He worked well with his little team, so he figured he’d bring them in to help him on his mission.</p><p>Naruto sighed as Suigetsu finally got up with bloodshot eyes. Sasuke had a <em>dark </em>side, and this little group always brought out his evilness because they went along with whatever bull shit Sasuke did.</p><p><em>This </em>is what happens when Naruto allow Sasuke to make his own friends unsupervised. That was the LAST time he ok’d <em>that </em>again.</p><p>“Sas—” Naruto began before cringing when he saw Sasuke grip the squirt bottle in his hand. “I mean, Headmaster,” Naruto corrected himself. “Why do I need to take lessons on etiquette?”</p><p>“Naruto, you’re a fucking messy ass bitch and the bane of my existence at this particular point in time.”</p><p>Naruto gasped. Did he just call him messy?! “Fuck you Headmaster-teme!”</p><p>“You are ruining my perfect track record and I must eradicate this blemish or I won’t be able to move on with my life.” With no more questions, Sasuke turned behind him where there was a tea set on his desk. “Come here and pour this shit.”</p><p>“I’m not pouring no fucking tea into that shitty ass tea cup!” Naruto growled while pointing at Sasuke. “I just came here to check up on your deranged ass! Now I’m leaving and there isn’t anything you can do about it <em>Sasuke</em>!”</p><p>321</p><p> Shikamaru knocked on the condo tentatively. Neither Sasuke nor Naruto was picking up their phones and he was starting to get worried, especially after that weird phone call last night. This wasn’t the first time Sasuke and Naruto dragged him into their shenanigans so he wouldn’t call the cops just yet.</p><p>“Man, what a drag.” Shikamaru sighed as he waited in front the door after knocking. He left work early just to check up on these idiots.</p><p>“Good Afternoon Sir,” Suigetsu answered after he opened the door to the condo.</p><p>Oh, Sasuke’s <em>other </em>friends were here too?</p><p>“Hey Suigetsu, is Naruto and Sasuke in there?” Wait, why was his eyes so red?</p><p>“Yes, Naruto and Headmaster is in the premise, do you have a query with them?”</p><p>Shikamaru was beginning to get weirded out. “Uh . . . yes?”</p><p>“One moment please as I notify Headmaster.” Suigetsu said as he followed Shikamaru inside. “Please wait here.” He said, ushering Shikamaru to the couch.</p><p><em>‘Ok, something fucking weird is happening</em>.’ Shikamaru looked around nervously. ‘<em>Was Sasuke’s ego bruised?’</em></p><p>Well, nothing seemed weird or out of place in the condo. Didn’t Itachi used to have his petunias on the dining table though? Shikamaru thought absentmindedly before Suigetsu returned, startling Shikamaru out of his thoughts.</p><p>“Follow me please,” he said before Shikamaru followed him to Sasuke’s room. “Please refer to Sasuke-sama as Headmaster.” Suigetsu said before opening the door.</p><p>What Shikamaru saw was Sasuke, Naruto, Karin, and Jugo having a . . . tea party? On Sasuke’s floor?</p><p>Naruto also had bloodshot eyes and mouthed “save me” to Shikamaru pleadingly. Oh boy, Sasuke was in one of his dark moods again.</p><p>“Hey headmaster,” Shikamaru said, quickly assessing the situation. “I think school is over.”</p><p>“It’s not over until Naruto passes.”</p><p>“Pass what?”</p><p>“The final test.”</p><p>How long have they been doing this? Shikamaru wondered. Well, he had no other choice but to threaten him.</p><p>“If you don’t let them go I’ll have to bring a <em>certain </em><em>someone </em>who you would not like seeing you this way.” Shikamaru warned, watching Sasuke’s dark alter ego deflate at his words.</p><p>“Yes, well you all may leave.” Sasuke grimaced as Suigetsu and Naruto ran outside while Karin and Jugo still sat happily sipping on their tea.</p><p>123</p><p>“Hey,” Shikamaru began as he was giving Naruto a ride home after a moment of silence. “Why the fuck do you smell like bleach?”</p><p>Naruto stared at him with red eyes. “You DON’T want to know.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Sasuke,” Itachi called out as he entered his condo after work. A strong odor hit his nose. “Why does it smell like bleach in here?”</p><p>“I was doing some cleaning.” Sasuke said as he waltzed in with a large man trailing behind him with orange spiky hair and a young woman with red hair and red glasses.</p><p>“Who are they?” Itachi inquired. He’d never seen them in his life.</p><p>“These are the friends I made without Naruto’s supervision.” Sasuke explained calmly before he opened the door and waved good bye as they left.</p><p><em>Well . . . that was odd</em>, Itachi thought as Sasuke closed the door, walked over to the couch, and sat down, looking at Itachi expectantly. “Sit down.” Sasuke commanded while patting the seat next to him. “We need to talk.”</p><p>Itachi was already weirded out so he figured Sasuke couldn’t say anything else to surprise him. He went over and sat down next to his little brother who he was starting to suspect was a little unhinged. Bah, Uchiha’s.</p><p>“So you <em>like </em>my best friend?” Sasuke began, emphasizing the word “like”.</p><p>“ . . . yeah.” Didn’t he already know this?</p><p>“But your quirk is getting in the way of your progress.” AGAIN. Didn’t he already know this?</p><p>Was Sasuke <em>just </em>becoming shocked by this news?</p><p>“Yes,” Itachi sighed. Was he about to tell him that he wasn’t ok—</p><p>“I see. Well, I need you to be with him.”</p><p>“W-What?” Itachi asked surprised.</p><p>“I don’t like being wrong,” Sasuke began. “So to right this wrong—”</p><p>Itachi tuned Sasuke out as he went on and on and on with his spiel. Sasuke had this weird God complex since birth. So last night when Sasuke randomly ran into his bathroom and started blabbering on this is what he meant?</p><p>“Do you understand Itachi?” Sasuke asked, interrupting Itachi’s thoughts.</p><p>Itachi gave him a look. Oh, so he was finished complimenting himself about being the perfect Uchiha? “What?” Itachi asked, clearly not paying attention.</p><p>“I’ll assist you in your endeavor to court my best friend if you pay me.” Sasuke reiterated.</p><p>“You’re going to pimp out Naruto?” Itachi raised an eyebrow at Sasuke in disappointment.</p><p>“It’s not pimping if it’s only to you.” Sasuke argued.</p><p>“The fact that money is involved is exactly what pimping is.”</p><p>“Not the way I define it,” Sasuke claimed. Itachi just stared at him.</p><p>“Ok, how much do you want?”</p><p>“You already owe me $300.”</p><p>“What!” Itachi yelled incredulously.</p><p>“Yes, I tried hard to get you two together yesterday.” Sasuke said. Granted, he didn’t know Itachi liked Naruto at that point, and rather, was helping out Naruto, but Itachi didn’t need to know that.</p><p>“Well you failed, I’m not going to pay for failed work.”</p><p>“I didn’t fail, <em>you </em>fucked up. There’s a difference.” Sasuke emphasized.</p><p>“Naruto spilled <em>your </em>ice coffee all over me!” He was doing fine until Sasuke brought the beverages over!</p><p>“What do you want me to do? Hogtie him?” Sasuke grimaced at the blood trickling down Itachi’s nose at the mention of being with a hogtied Naruto (go ahead, google it). “You pervert.” Sasuke grumbled before standing abruptly. “Listen freak,” He called Itachi to attention. “I’ll let yesterday’s attempt be a freebie. But next time it’ll cost more.”</p><p>“I want to go on a date.” Itachi informed Sasuke as he wiped his nosebleed with his handkerchief. Ever since he decided he was in love with Naruto, he was more prepared for nosebleeds by carrying a handkerchief around. Fantasizing at work meant a lot of nosebleeds. Perhaps he should invest in a handkerchief business. The Uchiha Wipe, no, no, no, that was dumb. The Sharingan Wipe. Yessssss.</p><p>“Unsupervised?” Sasuke grimaced at the thought while bringing Itachi’s attention back to their conversation. “You’re not ready for a date.”</p><p>“I’m getting better . . .” Itachi was trying to get a handle of his quirk with the help of Kabuto and Orochimaru. Speaking of those weirdos, since Sasuke was helping him now, does that mean he should stop going to Orochimaru for help? Hmmm, the more help the better. Depending on who got him to go on a date with Naruto first, will determine whether or not Sasuke gets money or Orochimaru gets Sasuke.</p><p>“Are you even listening to me?” Itachi heard Sasuke complain. “You’re not even with Naruto yet and you’re already turning into an airhead!”</p><p>“What?” Itachi asked. Sasuke sighed. Oh for the love of—</p><p>“I’m going to arrange for a group activity.” Sasuke stressed.</p><p>“A <em>group</em>?” Itachi inquired. A group meant more than three people right?! That was not good for his introversion.</p><p>“Yes, your friends already hung out with Naruto before, so this won’t be awkward.”</p><p>“But I don’t want them to know I <em>like </em>him.”</p><p>“Why?” Sasuke asked. “If they talk shit, beat them up.” Violence was his quick and effective go-to.</p><p>“No, it’s not that I’m worried of them teasing me about it.” Sasuke looked at Itachi with a bored expression. Would he just get to the point already? “I’m afraid what they would try to do to Naruto.”</p><p>“Meaning?”</p><p>“They are weird about me.”</p><p>Sasuke blinked. He thought back to Itachi’s random ass possessive friends. Yeah they would do some weird shit.</p><p>“And Pein . . .” Itachi murmured. He hadn’t thought about what that psycho would do.</p><p>“Ah . . . I see.” Sasuke began. “I forgot about him.”</p><p>Itachi nodded his head. “But Naruto’s friends are out of the question.” Sasuke informed him.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Why would I randomly invite you to hang out with us? It would be pretty obvious.”</p><p>“Oh,” Itachi sighed.</p><p>“Unless . . .” Sasuke began. “We planned it so I run into you, like what happened at the movies.”</p><p>“But I was with my friends.”</p><p>“Don’t you have any other friends other than Akatsuki?”</p><p>Itachi thought about it.</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Wow, I’m so excited that Sasuke intentionally brought us all together!” Naruto yelled enthusiastically as he looked around at everyone at the table.</p><p>Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura were sitting at a rather large booth at a restaurant. Naruto <em>was </em>supposed to be avoiding him since you know, Sasuke kidnapped him earlier that day, but he couldn’t resist Sasuke willingly asking to hang out without having to first be physically coerced, threatened, or ambushed.</p><p>The blonde wasn’t above resorting to such underhanded tactics before literally dragging the anti-social Uchiha to social events, which earned him a fist in the gut or a dart in his back. But he much preferred when Sasuke went along willingly and made the first move to hang out. Like now!</p><p>“Me too!” Sakura smiled at her longtime friends. They already ordered drinks and was looking at the menu. “But aren’t we taking up too much space? There are smaller tables available.” Sakura mentioned while looking around. Since it was just the three of them, they didn’t need a large booth.</p><p>“I want to stretch my legs. You are both short so you wouldn’t understand.” Sasuke said as Naruto yelled at him for being called short while Sakura sighed. “And you’re dating a gremlin so—” Sasuke continued but Sakura interrupted him.</p><p>“OMG, stop it Sasuke-kun!” She yelled before turning to Naruto. “Why does he hate my boyfriend so much?”</p><p>“I don’t know Sakura-chan.” Naruto shrugged while reaching for his orange soda to sip on. “I don’t really understand how Sasuke mind works. I honestly don’t think he’s right up here.” Naruto whispered while motioning to his head.</p><p>Sasuke gave them a glare. He did hear every word after all. “I just don’t think you should be dating.”</p><p>“Dating <em>him </em>or dating in general?” Sakura challenged.</p><p>“Both.”</p><p>Sakura sighed. She had to have <em>the talk </em>again. “I get that you have this brother complex with me, but you don’t react like this when Naruto dates!”</p><p>“Naruto doesn’t date often.” Sasuke informed her. “He is a klutz who keeps others away from him to begin with.” Naruto sighed heavily. It was true.  “But <em>you</em>,” Sasuke snapped while motioning to Sakura. “You attract all types of weirdos.”</p><p>“I do not!”</p><p>“You’re always getting dragged somewhere or end up with some guy trying to do stuff!” Sasuke began counting off his fingers. “First it was Zaku - he literally tried to kill you.” Sasuke almost got thrown in jail after showing up and beating the man’s ass for putting his hands on Sakura.</p><p>“Ok, ok, shut up!” Sakura yelled with a dark blush at the memory. All Zaku did was push her when they were arguing and next thing she knew Sasuke was threatening to rip his arms off and almost did it if Naruto hadn’t stopped him in time. “So I’ve had some bad boyfriends in the past, this one treats me right so you should like him!”</p><p>Sasuke sighed. “I’m not having this conversation with you again, you’re stressing me out.”</p><p>“Aww, Sasuke is like an overprotective mother.” Naruto cooed much to Sasuke’s disdain.</p><p>“Naruto, I would sell you to Satan for chewed bubble gum.” Sasuke retorted for being called a “mother”.</p><p>“HA! That’s a lie!” Naruto screeched while standing, pointing at Sasuke’s face. “I know you’re dead broke so the first chance you get to sell me it would be for at least $300!” Naruto sat back down triumphantly at his friends shocked expressions.</p><p>Wow, Naruto sure did know him, Sasuke thought sheepishly, thinking back to how he asked Itachi for that exact amount.</p><p>“W-What’s with that face?” Naruto asked alarmed while shaking Sasuke. “You . . .  you didn’t sell me right?!”</p><p>“Guys, calm down,” Sakura yelled at them. “Naruto stop shaking Sasuke and Sasuke stop being all bitchy! You’ve been bitchy this entire time actually, what’s your problem?”</p><p>Sasuke sighed as Naruto finally let him go. Sakura was right, he did have a huge brother complex with her . . . but also with Naruto. He didn’t like either of them dating because they always dated such assholes. And guess who had to clean up?! HIM!</p><p>Sasuke didn’t like stress, it enlarged his pores and caused acne to flare up on his cheeks. So he would rather not get his hands bloody and have a stress-free life if they would just not date. Luckily, Naruto was like a beacon of destruction so people stayed away for the most part, but every so often some dumbass would slip through.</p><p>This is why it was perfect that Itachi showed interest. Since Sasuke hated thinking about others more than himself, the perfect Uchiha, Sasuke could hand Naruto over to his brother and not have to worry. Itachi was like a panda. What could go wrong with a panda?</p><p>Oh yes, the brutal beatings. . .</p><p>But Sasuke was sure he could resolve that particular little hiccup. After all, he was perfect.</p><p>“Sasuke?” Itachi asked in fake surprise as he almost walked pass their booth.</p><p>“Oh Itachi, what are you doing here?” Sasuke asked, noticing how Naruto froze right next to him. Naruto and Sasuke was sitting on one side, Naruto nearest the wall, while Sakura sat in front of them.</p><p>“I’m waiting for a friend.” Itachi informed him.</p><p>“Hi Itachi-kun!” Sakura smiled at Itachi as he turned to her.</p><p>Ah yes, he met his brother’s friend a few times before. Sasuke always invited her to Uchiha family functions as their father forced him to bring a “date”. Itachi was usually let off the hook in that regard since their father wasn’t too thrilled with the prospect of him bringing a man, meanwhile Sasuke was straight and therefore coerced into silly heterosexual practices. “Hello Sakura-chan, it’s nice to see you again.” He smiled at the pinkette who he basically watched grow up through the years. She was now studying medicine under the Uchiha’s family doctor.</p><p>“You can sit with us if you like,” Sakura grinned cutely, pleased that Itachi happened to come by. “I guess it’s a good thing Sasuke-kun got this big table, right Naruto-kun?” Sakura sweat dropped as she noticed Naruto shivering in fright in the corner.</p><p>Oops, she completely forgot that Itachi was allegedly trying to kill him. But maybe now that he was here, Sakura could get to the bottom of things herself. She liked to think that, despite Sasuke being dubbed a genius, when Naruto was around they tended to share a brain cell and get into stupid shit. She was the final piece holding everything together, honestly.</p><p>“Ahh, s-sure.” Naruto stammered, his blush turning bright red as Itachi sat down next to Sakura as she scooted over to give him some room.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Itachi asked Naruto, a bit nervously. He was the reason why Naruto went to the hospital in the first place.</p><p>“F-Fine,” Naruto murmured.</p><p>Sakura decided to take over, “It was just a little bruise, more like his back was a bit tender.” She explained cheerfully. “Naruto always recovers quickly, did you know he doesn’t even get hangovers?”</p><p>“He doesn’t?” Itachi asked. How was that even possible?</p><p>“Uh huh,” she said while shaking her head. “He literally has the perfect body!” she gushed noticing Itachi’s slight blush.</p><p>“S-Sakura-chan,” Naruto blushed deeper. “Please shut up.”</p><p>“That’s not very nice Naruto-kun!” she scolded him as the blonde pouted. “Anyways, Itachi who are you waiting for?” she smiled while turning to him, noticing that their table was getting looks from people nearby who were admiring the Uchiha brothers.</p><p>The best part about being Sasuke’s friend was attending all those family functions as his date and getting to drool over all the hot as fuck Uchiha men in his family. As a result of ogling them from such a young age, unlike the rest of the human population, Sakura was basically immune to their charms by now and found it easy to talk to Itachi despite his obvious intimidating presence.</p><p>Before Itachi could reply to her, a voice interrupted. “Hello, sorry if I kept everyone waiting,” a man said as everyone looked up at the newcomer with white hair, glasses, and a notebook.</p><p><em>Who the fuck is this</em>, Sasuke thought with a grimace. Itachi couldn’t find <em>anyone </em>else?! Who was this white haired nerd? He turned to Itachi, “Who is this?”</p><p>“Oh, you don’t know who I am?” Kabuto smirked as he slid next to Sasuke who began feeling uncomfortable at the close proximity. “I work at Rinnegan, I used to always see you there.”</p><p> “Used to?” Sakura gasped before turning to Sasuke. “Did you stop working there or something?”</p><p>“It’s not like I wanted to quit,” the pay was good after all. “My father wouldn’t allow it ever since I told him I wouldn’t work there after graduation.” Sasuke reminded her.</p><p>“Oh wow, that sucks.” Sakura sympathized with Sasuke. “So your name is Kabuto?” she asked with a smile as further introductions were made, steering the conversation to light friendly banter.</p><p>Sasuke grinned inwardly to himself. This is why he needed Sakura here, if Naruto was a golden retriever, she was a Labrador. They were friendly dogs happy with attention and loved being around people. Even though Naruto was scared stiff next to him, he perked up a little when Kabuto arrived.</p><p>He just needed Sakura to keep up her mindless chatter so Naruto could get back to his usual self. He strategically placed Naruto in the corner away from Itachi, so even if he spilled his drink or made a mess, it wouldn’t directly affect Itachi. This was perfect.</p><p>“Oh, someone’s calling me!” Sakura said while snatching her cell phone off the table. “It’s my boyfriend, I have to take this.” She squealed in excitement before being let out by Itachi.</p><p>Sasuke left eye twitched. He really fucking hated that guy.</p><p>“So Sasuke,” the white haired man next to him cooed. “What shampoo do you use for your hair?” Kabuto was informed by Orochimaru to collect data for the new recruit.</p><p>Itachi inwardly sighed, this was not going to end we—</p><p>“I use an all-natural vegan shampoo,” Sasuke answered, much to Itachi’s surprise.</p><p>“I can tell, your hair looks so shiny and healthy. I love how you style it.”</p><p>“Thank you, it takes about 30 minutes every day to get the perfect spikes.”</p><p>“Yes, they look <em>perfect</em>!”</p><p>Itachi cringed at the two’s banter. Kabuto knew exactly what to say to keep Sasuke talking. Sasuke’s enlarged ego was about to get him a dick up his hetero ass, but Itachi would worry about that when the time came. He had bigger priorities.</p><p>Turning to the blonde, Itachi saw Naruto was still cowering in the corner. He slid over slowly until he was right in front of him since Sakura didn’t seem to be returning anytime soon.</p><p>“Hey,” he greeted, trying to break the tension around them. He felt guilty and wanted to make it up to the blonde who was startled that Itachi was suddenly in front of him.</p><p>“Hi,” Naruto said shyly, a sad look on his face.</p><p>It’s as if Naruto just sucker punch his heart and spat on its broken pieces!</p><p>“Naruto,” Itachi began, feeling horrible about causing pain to the blonde. “I’m sorry.” <em>Again</em>.</p><p>“It’s ok.”</p><p>“No, it’s not.”</p><p>“I know how you get with messes, it’s my fault for being so clumsy.” Naruto said dejectedly as he looked down at his hands in his lap.</p><p>“No Naruto, I just need to get a grip on this.” Itachi sighed. “I wish I could make it up to you.”</p><p>“Well, why don’t you come to my art show? It’s at the end of summer.” Naruto ventured as he looked up.</p><p>Was this a . . . <em>DATE</em>?!</p><p>Orochimaru’s picture in his breast pocket and his yellow underwear was SCREAMING.</p><p>“I would love that.” Itachi smiled at Naruto.</p><p>“R-Really?” Naruto asked, starting to become excited. “I’m not that good yet, and it’s not really my art show. I’m being featured along with a bunch of other artists, but I’m glad you’re interested. Sasuke puts up such a fuss every time I try to get him to go!”</p><p>“Sasuke’s allergic to acrylic paint.” Itachi chuckled, amused at Naruto’s boyish grin.</p><p>“WHAT?!” Naruto screeched. He never knew that!</p><p>Hearing the outburst, Sasuke and Kabuto stopped talking and glanced over at the two.</p><p>Sasuke immediately paled in fear when he noticed Itachi sitting directly in front of Naruto, getting dangerously close to the fizzy soda he ordered. Oh no, this was an accident waiting to happen. How did he allow himself to get so distracted?! And where the fuck was Sakura?!</p><p>“You’re allergic to acrylic paint?!” Naruto echoed at Sasuke.</p><p>“Naruto, why the hell are you so loud? I’m sitting right next to you!”</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me you were allergic? You’ve been to my art shows before and even wait for me when I’m at the studio!”</p><p>“It’s not like I’m deathly allergic.” Sasuke explained. It’s more like he had a sensitivity to some of the ingredients in it. “It’s ok . . . I like watching you paint.” He was actually proud of how talented his friend was. Naruto was a great artist and a brilliant pianist even though he didn’t play often. Sasuke would never admit that out loud though.</p><p>“Aww Sasuke, you do care!” Naruto gushed as he threw his hands up for a hug, Sasuke eyes widening as Naruto’s fizzy drink went careening into Itachi’s face.</p><p>Oh for the love of—</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Guys?” Sakura called out as the group of men walked past her. They were being escorted out by security. “Sorry babe, I gotta go.” She said before hanging up her cell phone. She was only outside for 15 minutes, what the hell happened?!</p><p>She watched as a security guard explained something to them as Itachi was writing out a check and handing it to the man. Naruto was standing (cowering) behind Sasuke while clutching the Uchiha’s arm, and Kabuto was writing notes in his notebook.</p><p>After security left, Sakura approached them. “What happened?” Everyone was wet except for a very dry Itachi.</p><p>“Itachi flipped the table.” Sasuke explained as he ran a hand through his wet hair where the drinks on the table spilled on everyone. He was trying to <em>avoid </em>all of this.</p><p>Sakura gave Itachi, who looked extremely guilty, a confused look. “But the table is solid wood?”</p><p>“Yup,” Sasuke answered.</p><p>“It’s nailed down to the floor,” Sakura continued.</p><p>“It sure is.” Kabuto answered.</p><p>“Oh my God.” Sakura gasped, Itachi really was trying to kill Naruto!</p><p>“At least he didn’t hurt Naruto.” Kabuto added and everyone gave him a look.</p><p>“Yes, luckily he only just almost killed us.” Sasuke fired back sarcastically. Thanks to his quick thinking, he grabbed Naruto as he slid out of the booth, shoving Kabuto out of the way.</p><p>“A slight oversight.” Kabuto mentioned while he flipped to a brand new page in his notes.</p><p>
  <em>Slight?!</em>
</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Naruto cried, bursting into tears as he grabbed Sasuke’s arm tighter. “If I didn’t make a mess we wouldn’t have gotten kicked out!”</p><p>“Naruto, it’s my fault.” Itachi began. “I shouldn’t have overreacted like that.”</p><p>“Damn right you shouldn’t have,” Sasuke muttered under his breath. Itachi glared at him. He <em>so </em>wasn’t helping!</p><p>“Aw Naruto-kun,” Sakura reached out for him. “I’ll take you home now,” She sighed while holding the shivering blonde. She gave Sasuke a look that made him flinch. That was her ‘<em>We are going to talk later or else I will leave 52 voicemails, CHA!’ </em>look.</p><p>“I’ll see you guys later.” She turned to smile at Itachi who waved goodbye to her while Kabuto kept writing feverishly fast in his book.</p><p>What is <em>up </em>with that?</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: When Sakura is added to the mix she becomes the third half dead brain cell.</p><p> </p><p>Zaku is the sound ninja Sakura got fucked up by in the Forest of Death and Sasuke showed TF out and almost ripped his arms off in retaliation. Ah, young toxic AF love.</p><p> </p><p>PLEASE DON’T SPRAY BLEACH IN PEOPLE’S EYES. IT BURNS, DATTEBAYO.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Devil Works Fast, but Sasuke Works Faster</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The next morning, Sasuke entered Itachi’s room and glowered at his sibling while he got ready for work. “You owe me $800,” Sasuke said as Itachi buttoned his dress shirt.</p><p>Itachi gave him a questioning look. “. . . for?” He asked distractedly, he was practically dressed, now he needed to finish his hair . . . where were his damn hair ties?</p><p>“I heard Naruto asking you out,” Sasuke explained as he leaned against the doorframe. “He invited you to his art show. I planned to go, but I won’t, so this is a date.” Sasuke knew Naruto wouldn’t rescind his offer, despite Itachi throwing a table at him. He was too fucking <em>nice</em>.</p><p>Itachi turned toward his bathroom to look for a scrunchie to tie his hair back. “And what does that have to do with you?”</p><p>“I’m the reason you got your date.” Sasuke reminded him. “If it wasn’t for my plan you wouldn’t have gotten the chance, now pay up.”</p><p>Itachi froze. Ah shit.</p><p>So <em>who </em>got him the date? Was it Orochimaru (Itachi had his picture and even got yellow underwear for Kami’s sake!) or Sasuke, who set up the activity?</p><p>“$800 is a bit much.” Itachi said as he walked back to his bedroom with a scrunchie in hand.</p><p>“I told you it would cost you.” Sasuke emphasized. “You should have established a price from the start, now it’s $800.”</p><p>It was a shame Sasuke was going to pursue law. He would have made a great sleazy businessman. Like their uncle Madara. “You said $300 before.” Itachi reminded Sasuke. Why the upcharge?</p><p>“That was before I got a table thrown at me. I hadn’t realized how dangerous this was going to be.”</p><p>“You didn’t even get hurt.” Itachi frowned, eyes rolling at Sasuke’s dramatics.</p><p>“It’s the thought that counts.” Sasuke sneered as Itachi now stood before him, briefcase in hand.</p><p>Itachi seemed to think about things. “No.”</p><p>“<em>No</em>?” Sasuke echoed as Itachi stepped around him and continued to the kitchen where he grabbed the breakfast Sasuke made for him along with his lunch. Wow, what a great maid Sasuke would be too!</p><p>“I doubt Naruto would rescind his invitation to his art show even if you told him to,” Itachi thought out loud as Sasuke trailed after him, pissed. Naruto was nice and he would probably like the rise he’d get out of Sasuke if he didn’t listen to him anyway; the two did always quarrel. “And I already have a date, so I don’t need you anymore.” Itachi smirked at Sasuke’s shocked expression. He ruffled his hair, “Sorry little brother, you should have laid out the terms of your agreement beforehand.”</p><p>“Is that your final say?” Sasuke frowned as Itachi put his shoes on at the entrance before turning to leave.</p><p>“Yes.” Itachi said. He smirked before closing the door on Sasuke’s scowl.</p><p>Sasuke sighed after a moment of silence. He figured Itachi would take this route, after all, he was an Uchiha – a rather esteemed and ruthless, businessman.</p><p>But luckily, Sasuke thought ahead.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Later that afternoon, after Itachi parked his Ferrari in his condo’s parking lot, Itachi was in the elevator waiting for it to stop at his floor. It was a long day at work, and he was grateful that tomorrow was Friday.</p><p>He got off of work a little early today, checking the time, Itachi saw that it was just turning 4:30pm. Naruto should be at the condo while Sasuke studied.</p><p>So now he was going to spend even more time with the blonde!</p><p>Once the elevator stopped, Itachi got off and walked to his condo. He knew Sasuke was a logical person and didn’t think Sasuke would try too hard to get revenge. After all, Itachi knew Sasuke preferred living with him rather than their parents and if he tried to pull anything Itachi would kick him out.</p><p>Now all he had to do was get Sasuke to meet up with Orochimaru and voilà! He’d get a date with a hot blonde and ample time to mentally prepare and not fuck things up - all for <em>free</em>!</p><p>With a smile on his face, Itachi took the keys out of his suit pocket while reaching for the door. Today was a great day.</p><p>Itachi entered his condo as usual, before he heard something odd.</p><p>“No Naruto, that’s not the proper formula.” A voice, which Itachi never heard before, was telling the blonde. Itachi looked toward the living room and saw quite a handsome man with maroon spiky hair and gold eyes leaning over, way too close, to Naruto, while his hand massaged the blonde’s back at the large marble table. There were books and paper strewn all around Naruto as he grabbed his head in frustration.</p><p>“ARGH!” Naruto yelled. “Math fucking sucks!”</p><p>“Aww, it’s ok Naruto,” The maroon haired man smiled while he reached out with his other hand and cupped Naruto’s cheek, bringing it close to his face. “I don’t mind tutoring you for as <em>long </em>as it takes.”</p><p>Sasuke sat at the head of the table and finally looked up from his books, noticing Itachi. “Hey.” He greeted casually, not even batting an eye at the display of affection between the two men before him.</p><p>“Who the fuck are you?” Itachi asked venomously as he removed his shoes at the entrance of the condo.</p><p>“I’m N-Naruto,” Naruto shrieked in fright.</p><p>What the—</p><p>“Not you!” Itachi yelled at a cowering blonde. “<em>You</em>.” His eyes narrowed at the stranger who was ignoring him and frowning at how scared Naruto became.</p><p>“I’m Kiba Inuzuka, who the hell are <em>you</em>?” Kiba asked as he finally turned to look Itachi in the eye with a shrewd glare.</p><p>“I own this place.” Itachi snapped as he walked over and towered over them at the table. “Why the hell are you here?”</p><p>“He’s tutoring Naruto,” Sasuke butted in, interrupting Kiba’s and Itachi’s glaring contests as he continued reviewing his law material. He flipped a page in his notebook. “Naruto’s summer classes just started and he needs help with calculus.”</p><p>“Sasuke, you’re great at calculus. Why don’t you help him?” Itachi began, a bit desperately.</p><p>Sasuke glanced up, a gleam in his cunning eyes. “I’m busy.” He said while motioning to his law books. “And I’m still looking for a job since I’m <em>broke</em>. I don’t have the time to tutor Naruto.” Then the little fucker actually had the audacity to smirk. “But no worries, Kiba is great at math and <em>loves </em>being around Naruto.”</p><p>Itachi simply stared as Kiba continued helping Naruto, moving even closer to the blonde as he redid a problem.</p><p>. . .</p><p>“What the—” Sasuke began as Itachi grabbed him by his shirt collar and dragged Sasuke from his chair and out of the room into the hallway.</p><p>“It’s ok, they do random things like this all the time.” Naruto was telling a shocked Kiba.</p><p>Itachi threw Sasuke against the wall roughly. After Sasuke regained his footing, he gave Itachi an irritated look. “What now?” He snapped while fixing his shirt.</p><p>“Why did you bring that man here?” Itachi almost screamed. He was envisioning Kiba whispering sweet nothings into Naruto’s ear and inviting him to his place for more <em>practice</em>.</p><p>“I told you before,” Sasuke began, but Itachi shushed him.</p><p>“I can already tell he likes Naruto.” Itachi declared. There were a million different people Sasuke could have found to tutor Naruto! Sakura, Shikamaru, their cousin Shisui, why the fuck did he pick <em>him</em>?!</p><p>“Oh?” Sasuke gave a thoughtful expression. “He does?” Itachi began fuming on the spot as Sasuke pretended to recall something. “Now that I think of it, Kiba has always been so kind to Naruto, since they were kids.” Sasuke looked up at his older brother. “He actually might have a little crush on him!”</p><p>Sasuke looked over at the living room with a sigh. “But I already made the arrangement, I can’t tell Kiba to stop tutoring Naruto for no reason, and Naruto is way too nice, I doubt he’ll listen to me and tell Kiba to stop.” Sasuke shrugged while looking back at Itachi, who’s face screamed bloody murder. The little shit really was enjoying himself.</p><p>“I’ll kill you.” Itachi growled.</p><p>“My funeral would ruin your date.” Sasuke smirked gleefully.</p><p>Damn, Sasuke had a point.</p><p>Sasuke looked at Itachi expectantly. He knew Itachi would know how to end all of this.</p><p>Itachi sighed, a hand coming forward to rub his forehead in distress. “$800 you said?”</p><p>“Did I?” Sasuke asked while his hand held his chin in deep thought. “I think I said $2,000.”</p><p>Itachi visibly recoiled. “What!”</p><p>“Whatever is the matter older brother?” Sasuke asked innocently.</p><p>“Fine.” Itachi seethed through his clenched jaw. He just wanted to get this over with.</p><p>Sasuke thrusted papers into Itachi’s face. Where the fuck did he get that from—</p><p>“Sign it.” Sasuke snapped.</p><p>“What?” Itachi asked as he grabbed the papers from Sasuke’s hand and looked at it. It was a five-page contract! “When did you write thi—”</p><p>“Sign where you see the middle finger.” Sasuke interrupted.</p><p>Itachi looked until he saw a small stamp . . . in the shape of a middle finger (go ahead, google it). Wasn’t it more appropriate to use a star? Or a dotted line to refer to the signage?</p><p>“I don’t have a p—” Sasuke shoved a pen in Itachi’s hand.</p><p>Itachi sighed. Sasuke sure did learn quickly.</p><p>“This is extortion.” Itachi frowned at his younger brother while signing the contract in multiple places.</p><p>“This is a legal <em>binding </em>transaction.” Sasuke simply stated while he snatched the papers and pen from Itachi’s hand.</p><p>“Just how broke are you?” Itachi wondered.</p><p>“Mind your business.” Sasuke snapped as he looked through the contract with a sinister look on his face. Hellooooo college book fees! He threw his head back and cackled.</p><p>“When are you going to tell Kiba to leave?” Itachi asked, interrupting Sasuke maniacal laughing. Gosh, he hated whenever Sasuke showed mirth, it was very upsetting for the average person.</p><p>“I’m not.” Sasuke said after he calmed down.</p><p>“W . . . what?” Itachi stammered. “But I’m going to give you money!”</p><p>“Yes, for the date with Naruto.” Sasuke reminded him before holding up the contract. “That’s only what this contract is for.” he smirked as Itachi stared at him. “Do you need my services yet again older brother?”</p><p>“ . . . no.” Itachi stated as Sasuke folded up the paper and placed it in his pants pocket.</p><p>“Pity,” Sasuke tsked. “I’m here whenever you need me Itachi.” Sasuke smiled before turning to head back to the living room. He paused and looked back at Itachi with an expression that sent chills down Itachi’s spine.</p><p> Sasuke was smiling.</p><p>“Let this be a reminder – <em>never </em>cross me again.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Remember to keep your end of the bargain!” Orochimaru hissed on the phone later that day. Itachi sighed. He just couldn’t win.</p><p>He was sulking in his room after sending money to the little extortionist in the living room while overhearing Kiba and Naruto’s loud banter and laughs before Orochimaru called him.</p><p>“Kabuto told me you were able to secure a date.” The gray man reminded him.</p><p>“Ok, Sasuke is yours.” Itachi said with a roll of his eyes before hanging up. Serves his little demonic brother right anyways! How dare that little psycho try to manipulate him?! Granted, Itachi wasn’t so innocent, but $2,000?!</p><p>The older Uchiha pulled out his phone in annoyance before sending a text message. A few moments later, Sasuke slammed open his door, causing Itachi to hear even more jubilance from his secret lover and Kiba from outside (since when was calculus so fucking funny?!), before Sasuke entered and closed it.</p><p>“Yes?” Sasuke looked irritated at being summoned like a damn butler to Itachi’s room via text message. <em>Lazy ass</em>, Sasuke thought while crossing his arms and looking at Itachi expectantly.</p><p>“I require your services.”</p><p>“I’m glad you changed your mind.” Sasuke’s entire pissed off demeanor changed as he leaned in eagerly, rubbing his hands together like a sleazy salesman as Itachi glared at him. “It will cost—”</p><p>“Not for the Inuzuka.” Itachi interrupted Sasuke as he held up his hand. “This is a different job.”</p><p>Sasuke raised an eyebrow as Itachi rummaged through his desk drawer before pulling out a photo. “Go meet with this guy.” He said, holding up Orochimaru’s picture.</p><p>Sasuke didn’t bother looking at the photo. “Why?”</p><p>“Just do it.”</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“Will you do it or not?”</p><p>“But why?”</p><p>“. . . I’ll give you $500.”</p><p>Sasuke waltzed over and snatched the photo from Itachi’s hand. He grimaced upon closer inspection.</p><p>“I’ll let you know when and where to meet him.” Itachi added as Sasuke cringed after placing the photo in his pants pocket.</p><p>“Sure, whatever.” Sasuke muttered before he turned and left, slamming Itachi’s door shut on his way out.</p><p><em>That fucking little turd</em>, Itachi cursed in his head.</p><p>123</p><p>Sasuke sat back down triumphantly in his seat in the living room, ignoring Kiba’s hand sliding down further to grab Naruto’s ass.</p><p>Honestly, he was Naruto’s friend, so he was Naruto’s problem.</p><p>SLAP</p><p>“Kiba, I swear I’m going to punch your fucking teeth in!” Naruto screeched after slapping the shit out of Kiba, who was laid out on the floor in erotic bliss at Naruto’s hit.</p><p><em>Masochist</em>. Sasuke thought venomously.</p><p>“Sorry Naruto, my hand slipped! I’ve been standing this entire time and I just got <em>so </em>tired.” Kiba lied his ass off and of course, Naruto bought it.</p><p>“I’m so sorry Kiba!” Naruto gushed while running over and helping the man up. “I’m so inconsiderate!”</p><p>“Yeah, <em>that’s </em>the problem.” Sasuke muttered sarcastically as he resumed studying his work.</p><p>Kiba frowned at him. “I don’t understand why we have to study here.” He turned to Naruto while clasping his hand passionately. “We can go to a more . . . <em>private </em>place!”</p><p>“No,” Sasuke interjected while slamming his notebook on the table. “I need to make sure you’re teaching Naruto the correct things.”</p><p>“You’re not even paying attention!” Kiba accused him. Besides, when it came to math, he was second to Sasuke in class. Kiba was hot, smart, and perverted! He was the complete package.</p><p>“I’m supervising.” Sasuke said casually, picking up the book he just slammed down.</p><p>“I can’t work under these conditions.” Kiba complained. “I don’t need you to look over my work asshole!”</p><p>Sasuke took a deep breath. Every time he was around Kiba, and the only times since he wouldn’t be caught dead around the fucking pervert any other way, he was with Naruto and Kiba was constantly trying to ditch Sasuke so they could be alone.</p><p>Literally, during their first encounter when they were in grade school, Kiba threw Sasuke off a roller coaster ride so he could be alone with Naruto. Luckily it was a kiddie water ride and the worst thing that happened was Sasuke getting wet (he had a waterproof cellphone case), but before Sasuke could lay a hand on Kiba, Naruto stopped him and was hurt that they didn’t get along.</p><p>It didn’t help that Naruto never seemed to notice the <em>real </em>Kiba, not this cherry bull shit he put on for Naruto’s sake. Sasuke fucking <em>hated </em>Kiba. He wanted to rip Kiba’s throat from his esophagus and stomp his ass into the ground.</p><p>But alas, he was Naruto’s dear friend, and that would make Naruto sad.</p><p>Sasuke looked up at the sneering Inuzuka with tried patience. Fuck it.</p><p>“Kiba, I will fucking kill you.” Sasuke hissed. Fuck Naruto’s feelings!</p><p>“Naruto, Sasuke is threatening me again!” Kiba cried while jumping on the blonde in fake fear.</p><p>“Sasuke!” Naruto yelled at him while holding Kiba in his arms, much to Sasuke’s contempt.</p><p>Honestly, Naruto didn’t know why he even bothered. He’s tried for years to get Sasuke acclimated to his friends, but he always reacted so negatively to Kiba. Luckily he seemed to get along well with Shikamaru, he showed no hostility towards Choji, surprisingly was only slightly skittish around Lee (and that was probably because of his intimidating dick print in those dashing green leotards!), but when he ventured to try to get Sasuke to befriend Kiba, it just did not end well. He recently introduced Neji to Sasuke, and Sasuke didn’t seem to like him either!</p><p>“Stop threatening Kiba, he’s done nothing to you!”</p><p>“He’s existing.” Sasuke retorted, because clearly that was very offensive to Sasuke.</p><p>Naruto gasped. “Sasuke if you won’t get along with Kiba, we’re leaving!”</p><p>Sasuke took a deep breath. He shouldn’t be so quick to be upset at Kiba. After all, he helped him to acquire $2,000, and soon, even more once Itachi saw them interacting together long enough to want to get rid of him.</p><p>“Hn,” Sasuke said before grabbing another reading material and muttering under his breath.</p><p>“Ok, great!” Naruto cheerfully smiled, glad that Sasuke didn’t have murder in his eyes anymore. “I’m going to the restroom.” He told them before turning to leave. After a few steps he turned back to see Kiba directly behind him. “K-Kiba, why are you following me?”</p><p>“Oh, you don’t need help?”</p><p>“NO!”</p><p>Kiba sighed and returned to the table while Naruto ran off.</p><p>Sasuke looked over the book he was reading and glared at Kiba who smirked at him as soon as Naruto left. His cheerful fun loving demeanor melted away as he glared at Sasuke to reveal the cunning intelligent shit he truly was.</p><p>“Thanks for inviting me here Sasuke-<em>teme</em>.” Kiba canine teeth glistened as he leered at the Uchiha. Sasuke wasn’t the only one with a dark side.</p><p>“I’m only using you.” Sasuke informed him with a sneer of his own as he put his book down.</p><p>“I know,” Kiba shrugged. “I figured you had to be getting something out of this since you were being so nice as to offer me this opportunity.” Kiba then glared at him. “You’ve been hogging Naruto to yourself all these years.” He ended bitterly.</p><p>Sasuke leaned forward menacingly. “After I use up what little worth you have, I’m going to get rid of you once and for all.”</p><p>“Good luck with that, I was here first.” Kiba grinned dangerously as he leaned toward Sasuke, matching his murderous aura. “I should have pushed you off the Ferris wheel.” He taunted.</p><p>Sasuke hands twitched. He just wanted to slap Kiba just <em>once</em>.</p><p>“I’m back!” Naruto said, and the murderous aura dissipated quickly. “Wow, you guys didn’t try to kill each other?” Naruto joked. If only he knew how close they came to it.</p><p>“No way Naruto!” Kiba gushed, his entire demeanor changing to match Naruto’s cheerfulness. “I understand he’s your acquaintance and I respect you!”</p><p>Sasuke eye twitched. <em>Acquaintance?!</em></p><p>“Aww, if only someone could be as nice as you Kiba,” Naruto emphasized while looking at Sasuke who grimaced before returning to his book once more, ignoring them.</p><p>Sasuke was already plotting how to get rid of the Inuzuka after he served his purpose, but since Kiba irritated him – Sasuke a mere <em>acquaintance</em>?! - Kiba would have to pay <em>now</em>.</p><p>Sasuke was THEE best friend! THEE!! So Kiba had to leave asap. Besides, Sasuke had way more creative ways to extort— err, <em>acquire </em>more money from Itachi. He didn’t need the Inuzuka.</p><p>Sasuke stood abruptly, alerting everyone at the table. “How about a snack?” he asked with a smile that sent a chill down both Naruto and Kiba’s back.</p><p>321</p><p>“Why do you even knock?” Itachi groaned as Sasuke threw open his door five seconds after knocking.</p><p>“It’s time for a snack.”</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck?</em>
</p><p>“What?” Itachi asked as he saved a file on his computer. He was trying to get ahead of some work so he could leave early tomorrow. Anything to get his mind off the loud mouth maroon haired bitch in his living room.</p><p>“I made you a snack.” Sasuke repeated.</p><p>“I don’t want it.” It was probably poisoned; he didn’t trust Sasuke anymore.</p><p>“Come and eat the <em>fucking </em><em>snack</em>!” Sasuke screamed. Startled, Itachi looked up at him. Sasuke seemed stressed out, and Itachi knew all too well that Sasuke <em>could not </em>handle stress. He briefly wondered what was wrong with him before obliging and closing his laptop.</p><p>“. . . ok.” Itachi said as he stood and followed Sasuke to the kitchen where Naruto and Kiba was already eating a grill cheese sandwich with brioche bread stuffed with bacon and a tomato basil bisque. Sasuke walked over and sat at the end of the dining table while Kiba was snuggled into, more like latched onto, Naruto’s side.</p><p>Itachi sat down, trying to calm his nerves from forcefully removing Kiba from Naruto’s side. He made a point to not sit too close to Naruto and not directly in front of him. He didn’t know what he’d do if tomato bisque accidentally splashed on him.</p><p>Five seconds after Itachi’s prediction, Naruto accidentally dropped a piece of his sandwich into the tomato bisque just as Itachi feared. It splashed on Naruto’s face and before Itachi could react (aka move the fuck away), Kiba swooped in, licking Naruto’s face.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I got it.” Kiba grinned cheekily as Naruto sighed, used to his antics.</p><p>Itachi mouth went slack. Did he just – ?! He abruptly stood before walking out of the condo.</p><p>“Uh, where did Itachi go?” Naruto asked confused. “He didn’t even eat his food!”</p><p>“Who cares?” Kiba murmured while moving Naruto’s face toward his own. “More for us!”</p><p>Sasuke frowned. He was hoping Itachi would do the dirty work for him and get rid of the Inuzuka. When did Itachi have this much control?</p><p>No matter, Sasuke always had a plan B.</p><p>“Do you want more, dog—err, Kiba?” Sasuke asked, noticing that he was finished with his tomato bisque.</p><p>“Uh . . . sure.” Kiba replied uneasily as Sasuke got up and took his plate with a sinister look that went undetected by Naruto before going to the kitchen.</p><p>“See? Sasuke can be nice!” Naruto gushed proudly about his best friend.</p><p>Kiba gave an uneasy smile. “He sure can!” He faked smile for Naruto’s sake but was having second thoughts. Sasuke only made food for him because Naruto was here. Why was he going out his way to do even more?</p><p>“Here.” Sasuke said before dropping his plate in front of him, hot tomato bisque splattering onto his face.</p><p>A vein appeared on Kiba’s forehead. Ok, back to being an asshole.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi soon found himself hanging out with Hidan, Deidara and Sasori.</p><p>“So you gotta just feel the painting,” Deidara was explaining to a rather disinterested group as he sipped coffee quickly before continuing. “And if it really speaks to your heart, it will explode!”</p><p>“Why would I want my painting to explode?” Hidan questioned.</p><p>“It’s just an expression!” Deidara insisted.</p><p>“No.” Sasori deadpanned. “It’s not.”</p><p>“Can you talk about something other than art?” Itachi asked the trio before him. They were sitting in the café from before. He was trying to get his mind off of Naruto but they weren’t helping because now Itachi was thinking about Naruto’s art exhibition. Would he invite Kiba to that too?!</p><p>“Well then, what the hell do you want to talk about?” Hidan asked.</p><p>“. . .”</p><p>“That’s what the fuck I thought.” Hidan smirked. “So let’s talk about your love life—Dei grab him!” Hidan yelled when he noticed Itachi trying to sneak off in the middle of his sentence.</p><p>Deidara grabbed him with a smirk as he returned the irritated Uchiha to his seat. “Oh, so this <em>is </em>a thing?” he asked excitedly.</p><p>“Don’t think we fucking forgot!” Hidan grinned while jabbing a finger in Itachi’s direction. “So who’s the lucky bitch?”</p><p>Realizing they weren’t about to let it go, Itachi just decided to get it over with. “I . . . am madly in love with one of my brother’s best friends.”</p><p>Was he being too honest? He felt like he was being too honest.</p><p>“Sasuke has <em>friends?!</em>” Sasori asked, slightly alarmed for these alleged “friends”. “Since <em>when</em>?”</p><p>“Apparently he has lots of friends.” Deidara answered. “According to Naruto they always hang out during school!”</p><p>“Why don’t you ask Sasuke to hook you up with his friend?” Hidan asked logically. “That’s the fastest fucking way to get laid.”</p><p>“. .  . I don’t want to be indebted to him.” Itachi cringed at the thought. It didn’t exactly go well the first time. “And it’s not about having sex, I genuinely love him!”</p><p>“So it’s a guy,” Deidara confirmed. They knew Itachi was gay, but you could never be too sure with an Uchiha. “Well, we can narrow it down from there. Sasuke can’t have that many friends!”</p><p>Itachi paled, shit. But they wouldn’t figure it out, the only friend they knew Sasuke had was Naruto, and they wouldn’t guess him right off the bat!</p><p>“I bet its Naruto,” Deidara laughed. “Cuz it would be funny!”</p><p>“It probably is.” Sasori murmured. “I mean, why is Sasuke friends with Naruto despite being polar opposites?”</p><p>“Yeah, so if Itachi is following true fucked up Uchiha logic, he’s madly in love with Naruto.” Hidan deduced.</p><p>“HAHA,” Deidara guffawed.</p><p>“HAfuckingHA,” Hidan belted.</p><p>“HAHA,” Sasori roared in mirth.</p><p>“. . .” Itachi blushed.</p><p>Deidara spat out his coffee, Hidan gasped, and Sasori damn near fainted.</p><p>“It’s fucking <em>true</em>?!” Hidan gasped again.</p><p>“You actually <em>like </em>Naruto?” Sasori asked surprised.</p><p>“Oh my God, wait till Pein finds out!” Deidara wheezed.</p><p>“He’s not going to!” Itachi hissed. “We’re going to keep this to ourselves—WHAT the fuck are you doing?!” Itachi yelled, noticing Hidan typing on his phone.</p><p>“Oh, he’s telling everyone in our group chat.” Sasori said nonchalantly as Itachi’s phone vibrated. He paled.</p><p>“You got it wrong Hidan,” Deidara tsked. “Itachi is madly in <em>love </em>with Naruto,” he said while glancing at the message on his phone. “It’s not just <em>like</em>.”</p><p>“Oh? Ok, I’ll just go back in time and edit the fucking message!” Hidan screamed at him.</p><p>“No need to be so snappy ass wipe!”</p><p>“Why must you two always act so immaturely?” Sasori questioned before they turned on him yelling.</p><p>Itachi slowly lowered his head onto the table as they bickered before him.</p><p>Great.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: Never double cross Sasuke, he’s a petty bitch.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Insecurities are a Bitch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey Sasuke, let’s go watch a movie!” Naruto grinned at Sasuke who was leaning against his doorframe after opening the door to find Naruto beaming up at him the next day. They never did watch Mission Incredible.</p><p>“Don’t you have studying to do?” Sasuke asked as he stood upright and Naruto entered, trailing after him to the dining room table.</p><p>Taking in the now familiar sights, Naruto regarded how spotless the Uchiha’s place was and noted how Sasuke fit right into the sleek design of creamy walls and marble countertops.</p><p>It sometimes unnerved Naruto . . . how much he stood out here with his tan skin and bright blonde hair. Even the toned down (for Naruto’s taste) outfit he wore today – bright yellow shirt and light blue jeans with white sneakers and bright orange shoelaces – made him feel out of place.</p><p>Meanwhile, Sasuke wore a slim fitting black V-neck shirt and dark jeans. Who the hell wore jeans as loungewear at home? A psycho, that’s who.</p><p>“Yes, but Kiba is sick so he couldn’t come today.” Naruto answered Sasuke’s previous question before he frowned at the fact that his poor sweet friend was unwell. “I spoke to his sister on the phone and she says he won’t stop shitting.” Kiba’s older sister Hana, didn’t mince words.</p><p>Sasuke smiled – which freaked Naruto out. “I wonder how that happened.” Sasuke inquired innocently as his expression cooled.</p><p>“Yeah, it couldn’t have been the food you made!” Naruto said, choosing to ignore Sasuke’s weird ass expressions while thinking about yesterday and Sasuke’s awesome grilled cheese sandwiches. “I feel fine!” Naruto said as proof that the food couldn’t have been what made Kiba sick.</p><p>Too bad he wasn’t watching Sasuke when he served Kiba his seconds. The good ole slip of the wrist technique was hard to catch. And you could find laxatives at any grocery store.</p><p>“Oh, well,” Sasuke shrugged before motioning to Naruto’s book bag. “If you need help today, I’ll help you.” It’s the least he could do after getting rid of his teacher.</p><p>“Ok,” Naruto grinned while placing his books on the table. “So, movies?” he inquired. <em>Ah, what a simple person</em>, Sasuke mused. <em>So easily distracted. </em></p><p>“I can’t.” Sasuke realized after thinking about it while sitting down at the table. “I have to meet with some man later this afternoon.”</p><p>“Who?” Naruto asked, curious as to who Sasuke was meeting with. He knew all of Sasuke’s “friends” and was interested because Sasuke didn’t mention this person by name.</p><p>“Him.” Sasuke said as he held up Orochimaru’s picture to Naruto. Sasuke had no idea why he still carried this shit around. Itachi texted him earlier about meeting up with Orochimaru today.</p><p>“Is his skin actually <em>gray</em>?” Naruto gasped.</p><p>Sasuke grimaced. “I really don’t want to think about it.” He said while putting the picture back in his pockets. Sasuke was broke so desperate times calls for desperate measures. He had to do this to get paid by Itachi!</p><p>“Why are you meeting him?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Now that Naruto asked, Sasuke probably should have asked Itachi why he was meeting up with the man.</p><p>Naruto sighed. Getting information from the aloof ice prince before him was like pulling teeth with floss. “Did he . . . pay you to meet with him?” Was this some kind of escort gig?!</p><p>“No,” Sasuke answered. Technically, Sasuke wasn’t lying, Itachi was the one who was paying him to meet with Orochimaru.</p><p>Naruto sighed again before finally sitting down. “I’m not going to ask any more questions.”</p><p>“Great.” Sasuke replied as they began to work.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi was freaking out.</p><p>Did Pein see the groups text message yet?</p><p>Pein was always busy with his life so he rarely responded to the group chat. Hopefully he missed Hidan’s message . . .</p><p>After a few moments, Kisame burst through Itachi’s office door with tears in his eyes. “You like <em>Naruto</em>?!” He cried, his heart shattering into a million pieces all over again. Well, <em>he </em>saw the text.</p><p>“Yes.” Itachi said. Made no sense to deny it.</p><p>“He’s like, five years younger than us!” Kisame sobbed. “How could you fall for a younger man?!” Did Naruto seduced his beloved Itachi?! That hussy!</p><p>“Kisame, please go back to work.” Itachi sighed.</p><p>“I will win you back Itachi!” Kisame promised as he pointed at him. “I will find a way back into your heart!” he declared before running out of Itachi’s office in tears.</p><p>Well . . . that was disturbing.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Naruto was returning home after he left Sasuke’s. He ended up not working on calculus and falling asleep. Sasuke eventually shooed him out so his snoring wouldn’t interrupt him.</p><p>Damn, who could he hang out with now? It was still kind of early . . . Kiba was sick, Neji was at work, Shikamaru was working too, Sakura had her internship . . . his roommates were at work.</p><p>Maybe he needed to get a job? He busted his ass off all school year at his publishing internship that paid well, so he didn’t want to work again during his last summer as an undergrad. He absentmindedly wondered if he should go to the music studio on campus to play some piano . . . but he didn’t feel like agonizing over the painful memories it always brought up.</p><p>Naruto opened the door to his apartment, each step he took inside downed his spirits even more. He hated being alone, it <em>so </em>wasn’t fun!</p><p>As he entered his bedroom, he threw his book bag in the corner of his room and dropped onto his bed with an uncharacteristic frown. His apartment was pretty spacious and his room was rather large, equipped with a king sized bed, large windows, a walk in closet and bathroom. His roommates were rich with connections so they were offered the place for a huge discount.</p><p>His room was naturally chaotic, with piles of clothes randomly littering the floor and Naruto’s bright orange curtains and matching shagged rug kind of made his guests nauseous. But he loved his space anyways because it usually brightened him up, but sadly, not today. Not when he got like this.</p><p>Naruto sighed as he thought about what he could do with his time. Maybe he could visit Shino and Hinata? Nah, he didn’t feel like dealing with their PDA.</p><p>Perhaps he could visit Tenten and Lee? Nah, he’d end up in a judo match with Lee, and Tenten would just referee. It must be fun working at a dojo, but Lee even tired <em>him </em>out. He didn’t feel like exerting large amounts of energy today.</p><p>Maybe this was why Naruto was so transfixed with getting Itachi to like him. He was always looking for new friends, and it was obvious to him that he should at least get along with his best friend’s brother! But it just wasn’t working out. What a shame, Itachi had those sad eyes Sasuke used to have . . .</p><p>Speaking of the jerk, why did Sasuke have to kick him out?! Naruto didn’t even get to see the older Uchiha today to find a new way to get Itachi to like him! Itachi didn’t seem to want to kill him anymore, so there was <em>some </em>kind of progress.</p><p>He wondered why Sasuke didn’t notice it . . . how lonely Itachi seemed. Naruto turned onto his side as he reached for a plushy nine tailed fox demon where it lay in the corner of his bed. He looked into its beady eyes with a sigh. Sasuke won this for him at an amusement park when they were younger and he kept it ever since. The red bandana the fox sported around its neck was a gift from Sakura. Kurama, the name Naruto gave it, held lots of great memories. </p><p>The day Sasuke won the plushy for Naruto was the day his eyes stopped looking so sad. Naruto smirked to himself at the thought before frowning thinking of Itachi. When he mentioned Itachi being lonely before, Sasuke didn’t seem to take him seriously . . . but Naruto could always find those eyes. He had them himself, and although he had lots of friends who he cherished, he didn’t really feel a connection with any of them, not the kind of connection he needed to fill the void he felt . . . something was still missing.</p><p>Ever since a car accident took his parents life and left him with scars on his face as a child, Naruto never felt the same. He never felt the love he yearned for that was taken away from him in that accident. His god father owned a publishing company, where he worked during the school year, and although he was close to Jiraiya, the void in his heart still sometimes kept him up at night. </p><p>All he wanted was for someone to love him for who he was . . .</p><p>“But Itachi is good at hiding it,” Naruto murmured as he gently played with Kurama’s bushy tails. “Maybe because he’s been practicing for so long . . .” Naruto concluded, thinking back to when Itachi mentioned working as a young child in a rigorous environment.</p><p>Naruto shook his head to dispel his thoughts. He had a habit of finding broken people and wanting to put them back together by giving them some of his warmth to light their way. He had given so much of himself away, it was no wonder he was beginning to feel cold and drained.</p><p>“Maybe I should start dating?” Naruto asked Kurama with excitement he didn’t feel. “No,” he said while shaking the fox’s head. “I shouldn’t date because I’m bored or lonely.” He sighed dejectedly. “No one wants me anyways . . .” he laughed to himself quietly. “Who would want a clumsy idiot?” He laid the fox down before rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling.</p><p>“Why am I such a screw up?” Naruto asked no one, his usually bright blue eyes turning into the eye of a storm on a dark night. Mentally exhausting himself, he tiredly reached for his cell phone to check a group chat to see when his roommates were coming back. Maybe they could all plan to do something after work.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi finally hit send to an email he reread six times later that day. Perfection was expected of him at all times and as a result, he couldn’t dare screw up. Not even a comma could be out of place. He felt slightly envious of how carefree Sasuke seemed to become after he stopped working at Rinnegan.</p><p>But then again, despite not being able to spend time with his little brother much during their adolescence, Itachi always tried to shield Sasuke from the cruelty of their business. The long nights, the meetings, the deadlines, the criticism . . . he bared it all to protect his younger brother.</p><p>So although it was out of the blue when Sasuke approached him to meet up and eventually move in with him, Itachi was elated to form an honest connection with someone who didn’t want anything from him. Well, besides Sasuke taking money from him recently. <em>That little broke ass</em>—</p><p>Itachi’s attention returned to his laptop after it made a notification sound. He leaned the left side of his face into the palm of his hand as he glanced over the responses from the email he just sent. When the hell was he going to be finished with his work? He wanted to return home and see Naruto.</p><p>Speaking of the blonde . . . Itachi blushed, becoming a bit flustered at how the mere thought of Naruto excited him. </p><p>The minute he saw Naruto, he felt as if he was a moth drawn to burning bright flames. He couldn’t stop staring at the light and warmth the blonde expelled. Overhearing Naruto’s banter with his brother and looking at his cheery radiance from afar made Itachi even more enamored with him.</p><p>What attracted him to Naruto was the very thing that confused him now. How could someone so warm . . . so full of light . . . be so . . .</p><p>Cold?</p><p>Like the ocean waves Naruto’s blue eyes reminded Itachi of, there was something about the sunny blonde that was as vast and deep as the ocean. Underneath his sunny demeanor was a stillness Itachi saw, and like the saying goes – still waters run deep.</p><p>Itachi held a pencil in his hand and twirled it around as he thought. He admired how Naruto didn’t seem to care that Sasuke was an infamous Uchiha and treated him like any average person. It seemed that was the very reason Sasuke liked being around Naruto so much. Despite never meeting the blonde before recently, Itachi heard Sasuke talk about him nonstop and was always curious about the person that managed to light a fire under his cold and aloof little brother.</p><p>But in Naruto’s effort to project a sunny exterior, he left himself engulfed in waves of doubt and coldness as he floated among his own insecurities. Itachi was sure of this, for whenever he talked to the blonde he was always talking down about himself and quick to apologize even when he wasn’t at fault. He wouldn’t go so far as to call Naruto meek – he was confident and assertive - but Itachi noticed a tenderness about the blonde that often went undetected by others. Itachi was good at reading those moments and saw the cracks in his sunny disposition when his guard was down. Beyond those cracks was a stillness . . . the calm before the storm.</p><p>Itachi sighed as he allowed the pencil to fall out of his hand onto the desk. Granted, he was initially attracted to Naruto because of his looks – no sense in denying his primal shallow instincts. Naruto was fucking <em>hot</em>.  </p><p>He didn’t have enough time with the blonde during his first couple of interactions to deduce everything he was now ruminating on. But it didn’t take long for the analytical genius to piece it all together. Naruto, ironically, was kind of like him. Hiding his truth behind everyone’s expectations.</p><p>While Naruto’s expectations were to be boisterous and sunny, Itachi’s were to be perfect and calm. He rarely had moments to show the side of him that wasn’t a genius, that wasn’t orderly, and he reckoned Naruto in turn hid his seriousness behind grins, and his coldness behind a quick temper.</p><p>Great, now he was even <em>more </em>in love with Naruto than before.</p><p>Itachi mentally groaned as more notifications dinged on his computer. Ok, back to work.</p><p>123 321</p><p>A loud banging noise drove Naruto out of his sleep. Wiping drool from his face, he sat up trying to figure out what was going on. Looking around in a daze, he remembered he was in his bedroom and had fallen asleep after playing some video games and changing into pajamas to be more comfortable. Now there was someone knocking on his bedroom door.</p><p>“Um, come in?” Naruto called out before the door opened to reveal a dark figure looming in the doorway. The sun had just set and Naruto hadn’t bothered turning on any lights in the apartment before his nap. He flinched when the person flipped his bright ass lights on. “Gaara, nooo stop!” Naruto cried as he dived under his covers.</p><p>“Naruto,” Gaara sighed at the blonde’s antics and most importantly at the fucked up mess that was Naruto’s room. Gaara only took one step and was already stepping on an empty container. “Why?” He asked dryly at the disarray.</p><p>Naruto poked his head out from under his covers and Gaara raised an eyebrow at how the lights reflected off Naruto’s eyes for a second. Sometimes he swore Naruto had cat eyes or something like it.</p><p>“Why what?” Naruto asked innocently. He knew Gaara hated when his room got out of hand like this.</p><p><em>‘So you’re playing dumb.’ </em>Gaara mused. He wasn’t the kind of roommate to dictate what his other roommates did, but dammit, he couldn’t even see the floor!</p><p>Naruto grinned at Gaara’s defeated sigh – a sign he wouldn’t be scolded – before realizing something. “I thought you weren’t getting off till late tonight, like 10 o’clock?” Naruto asked before throwing the covers off of himself and grabbing his cell phone to look at the time.</p><p>Gaara briefly looked over the blonde’s attire and wondered how Naruto even found pajama pants with pictures of different kinds of ramen on it. “It’s 8 o’clock!” Naruto exclaimed. Gaara usually never left the office where he worked early!</p><p>Not wanting to tempt faith, Gaara opted to lean against the doorframe instead of entering Naruto’s room. Didn’t want to slip and die. “I wanted to check on you.” Gaara answered and cringed at the impact of Naruto’s shoulder into his stomach after the blonde tackled him in jubilance. Naruto was so fucking fast!</p><p>“Oh, Gaara,” Naruto cried while hugging the red head on the floor. “I don’t know why Sasuke hates you so much, you are a fucking <em>angel!”</em></p><p>Gaara gave Naruto a look. “Remember our rule Naruto?” Gaara asked calmly.</p><p><em>Oh right. </em>Naruto thought sheepishly. “Never mention <em>that </em>name?”</p><p>“Yes.” Gaara nodded before he patted the blonde’s head. “We don’t discuss your betrayal.”</p><p>Naruto almost rolled his eyes. He met Gaara the same day he met Sasuke (ironically both Sasuke and Gaara was in the same class when they met Naruto during a class detention) and the two have been battling with each other ever since. Apparently, you couldn’t have <em>two </em>best friends and they were bitter rivals to see who was the better best friend of Naruto’s.</p><p>Naruto didn’t let the aloof rich boys fighting over him go to his head though (besides, Shikamaru was another best friend, although he’d never say it out loud to keep the lazy genius from the drama). He knew they just used that as an excuse to beat the shit out of each other.</p><p>Besides, Gaara was leading in points right now since he was currently dating Sakura, becoming closer to yet another one of Sasuke’s best friends. Sasuke was still vomiting over their relationship. The young Uchiha was very bitter about how things ended up.</p><p>“Seriously, why are you back so early?” Naruto questioned as the they both got up off the floor. “Sorry for tackling you.” Naruto laughed apologetically.</p><p>Despite being roommates, he didn’t see Gaara that often because he worked at his father’s company. Gaara had much more responsibility ever since his father decided to officially announce him as heir and while learning the ropes, he often spent late nights in senior meetings.</p><p>“I didn’t want you to be alone.” Gaara stated simply, almost making Naruto tear up. When Naruto texted him earlier about what time Gaara would be back, he got the sense that the blonde wasn’t out with - the one who shall not be named - and by his lonesome at their shared apartment. He knew Naruto hated being alone, which explained his large friend group. Naruto had to have people around at all times, and knowing this, Gaara didn’t mind rooming with the blonde despite having enough money to probably buy the entire apartment complex they were in.</p><p>Gaara never wanted Naruto to be alone again. If he did . . . Gaara saw for himself how depressed the blonde became. Naruto exuded a lot of confidence and bravo and Gaara believed Naruto was naturally sunny and bright, but even he had his inner demons. Like a true friend, Gaara wanted to help him conquer them.</p><p>“Gaara you didn’t have to come back so early for me,” Naruto smiled shyly while scratching the back of his head.</p><p>“It’s Friday,” Gaara shrugged; might as well start the weekend early. “And we haven’t hung out in a while.”</p><p>“Hey, don’t act like a knight in shining armor.” Naruto heard a voice call out to Gaara before his other roommate walked over to them. Kankuro grinned as he wrapped his arms around the younger men necks. “I came too you know!” he laughed.</p><p>“Kankuro, you’re always skipping out on work though.” Naruto deadpanned. It wasn’t as special when Kankuro skipped out to hang with him because he was most likely going to skip anyways.</p><p>“And you work full time.” Gaara pointed out, scolding his older brother on his responsibilities since he graduated from college two years ago.</p><p>“I don’t really care for the work,” Kankuro said sheepishly. Although Kankuro was literally a prodigy in bioengineering, he didn’t care for his profession and was forced into it by their father.</p><p>Their family owned a biotech company, Subaku Tech, and thus the Uchiha and Sabaku rivalry was born. Although both companies were in different tech fields, both Sasuke and Gaara seemed to always be competing against the other. </p><p>“Besides, Gaara wants to finally ditch work, I had to be involved!” Kankuro grinned. “So what’s on the agenda tonight fellas?”</p><p>“How about we go out to a club?” Naruto grinned. He was feeling pretty low today and like the extrovert he was, wanted to be around a bunch of people and bask in all their energy.</p><p>Gaara frowned as his brother cheered “Alright!” Kankuro grinned before noticing the lack of excitement from his brother and laughed. “Oh come on, you’ll want to come if your little girlfriend is going, right?” Kankuro teased as Gaara blushed, “I know you wanna see her all dressed up!”</p><p>“Whatever,” Gaara muttered before walking away and pulling out his cellphone to contact Sakura for that very reason.</p><p>“Works every time,” Kankuro tsked before turning on Naruto. “Listen, we seriously gotta clean up the apartment.”</p><p>“What, why?” Naruto asked as Kankuro looked at his dirty room in disgust. Some of his junk had spilled out into the hallway too.</p><p>“Because we’re going to invite everyone over to pregame.” Kankuro smirked.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: Humorless, but necessary chapter to explore more on why they are so drawn to each other. As the saying goes, opposites suck dick!</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. You Had One Job Sasuke</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Itachi was devastated when he returned home that evening and didn’t see Naruto. He didn’t care that much that Sasuke hadn’t returned yet from his little outing with Orochimaru, he was too busy making himself jealous thinking Naruto might be hanging out with that Kiba kid from yesterday!</p><p>Itachi grumbled as he entered his bedroom and almost threw his briefcase across the room in a childish tantrum.</p><p>Oh, he needed to get a grip. This <em>so </em>wasn’t Uchiha.</p><p>Straightening up, Itachi began loosening his neck tie and thought about what he would do for the rest of the day before his phone vibrated in his pants pocket.</p><p>Grabbing the item, he checked and saw a notification for a text message in his group chat with Akatsuki.</p><p>“A club?” Itachi wondered out loud after reading the message. Apparently Deidara was going out partying and was asking if anyone was going to attend with him. Shaking his head – they were too old to be clubbing anyways – he threw his phone on the bed and continued undressing.</p><p>He ultimately decided to stay in tonight and plot revenge on Sasuke for pulling a fast one over him. He didn’t think Sasuke would retaliate so quickly and cheat him out of $2,000! If it wasn’t his money being extorted, Itachi would have been damn impressed!</p><p>Yes, Itachi was still pissed at that – his pride took a beating after all and one should NEVER insult an Uchiha’s pride!</p><p>After Itachi took a quick shower, he changed into loungewear and could hear the door to the entrance of the condo open and close.  Ah yes, Sasuke!</p><p>Sasuke flinched when Itachi suddenly appeared before him, blocking his way to his room once he entered the hallway.</p><p>Warily, Sasuke regarded him suspiciously. Itachi looked a little <em>too </em>happy. “What?” the younger man questioned, wondering if he should take precaution and call the cops.</p><p>“How was your meeting?” Itachi inclined, wondering if Sasuke had a horrible time with Orochimaru and as a result, he was able to exact his revenge on Sasuke for his past transgressions.</p><p>“It was fine.” Sasuke replied, wondering why the hell Itachi was leering at him like that.</p><p><em>What?</em> “Just fine?” Itachi asked, a bit taken aback. Was Sasuke pretending to be ok? “Do you need to go to the hospital?”</p><p>“For what?” Sasuke asked as he moved past Itachi, no longer interested in the conversation.</p><p>“Well . . . sex is . . . um, a little painful at first—”</p><p>“What the fuck are you talking about?” Sasuke asked as he whirled around to glare at his older brother, a dark blush on his cheeks. Did he hear him correctly?!</p><p>Itachi blinked. “Did you see Orochimaru?” He asked slowly. Did Sasuke cheat him out of even more money?! Did he pay him $500 for nothing?!</p><p>“Yes, I did.” Sasuke answered quickly before continuing. “But what was that about sex—”</p><p>“You met with . . . <em>this </em>guy?” Itachi interrupted, revealing yet another picture of Orochimaru from his pockets.</p><p>Sasuke briefly wondered where the hell he got that from before going into his pocket and pulling out the picture of Orochimaru he had.</p><p>“Yes, this guy!” Sasuke yelled as the brothers squared off showing each other their picture of Orochimaru.</p><p>“And you guys . . . uh . . . you felt comfortable?” Itachi didn’t know how to ask if Orochimaru fucked him in the ass or not. NO WAY was Sasuke a top, that prissy bastard!</p><p>“Of course I did!” Sasuke yelled, he didn’t know what the hell was going on. “If I felt weird I would have left.”</p><p>Itachi thought things over as the brothers pocketed their respective pictures of Orochimaru for another day.</p><p>Hmm Orochimaru must have not wanted to mess up his first meeting with Sasuke and played it safe . . . pretend to be an upstanding citizen and lure him in slowly. “That sick fuck.” Itachi muttered to himself as he scratched his chin in deep thought. Was it too late to try that with Naruto?</p><p>“What did you say?” Sasuke asked, still trying to grasp the situation.</p><p>“Nothing, you may continue to your room.” Itachi said while shooing Sasuke away with his hand.</p><p>Sasuke gave him a look. Should he try to figure out what was going on or should he just go take a shower?</p><p>“I’m going to bathe.” Sasuke said as he turned and walked to his room before slamming the door shut. He had somewhere to be and Itachi was interrupting him!</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Shots, shots, shots, shotsss!!” Kankuro screamed as he downed his tequila in one go as Gaara and Naruto stared at him in horror. “What?” Kankuro asked at their petrified expressions.</p><p>“That was a lot of alcohol.” Gaara recovered first from his shock.</p><p>“It’s just a shot.” Kankuro shrugged.</p><p>“In a wine glass?” Naruto questioned horrified at what he just witnessed. It was filled to the brim in an 16oz glass!</p><p>“Can’t get drunk if you’re dead inside, <em>woo</em>!” Kankuro sang before sauntering out of the kitchen to the door when the doorbell rang.</p><p>“Should we force him to stop now or later?” A concerned Naruto asked Gaara.</p><p>“Let’s make sure he doesn’t get too hammered, then do it.” Gaara answered since he was fully aware Kankuro had an extremely high tolerance ever since that one time he got poisoned from a scorpion and miraculously recovered from it. Naruto agreed before heading to the entrance of their apartment to check out who just arrived.</p><p>“Get off of me!” Naruto heard a familiar voice yell before he ventured to the entrance and saw Sasuke yelling at Kankuro, who always had a fascination with the Uchiha.</p><p>Another reason why Sasuke never visited him.</p><p>“Sasuke?!” Naruto asked excitedly before joining the fun and latching onto Sasuke’s right side while Kankuro grabbed his left arm. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I forced him to come!” Sakura grinned as she closed the door to the apartment behind her. “We all need to unwind!”</p><p>“So you’re not even a <em>little </em>gay?” Kankuro asked Sasuke who tried throwing both Naruto and him off of himself.</p><p>“Not for you,” Sasuke sneered as he tried getting away but the older man already had him in his grip. Not to mention Naruto was as heavy as a fucking anchor!</p><p>“Yeah right, no straight man wears his hair like that!”</p><p>Sasuke smirked as he flipped his bangs. “Jealous?”</p><p>“Come on guys,” Sakura sighed as she pushed the men toward the kitchen. They all knew Sasuke was straight and had been over this many times before. “Let’s get this party started!” she laughed before spotting her boyfriend. “Gaara-kun!” she cried happily before jumping into his outstretched arms – much to Sasuke’s disdain.</p><p>“Gremlin,” Sasuke greeted the shorter red head after his display of affection with Sakura.</p><p>“Bastard,” Gaara glared up at him.</p><p>“Fire crotch,” Sasuke fired back.</p><p>“Edward Cullen!” Gaara shot back, referring to the vampire from <em>Twilight</em>.</p><p>Sasuke gasped, “Did you just call me <em>emo</em>?”</p><p>“Can you two please behave yourselves tonight?” Sakura asked as she gave them both a look before casting a worried look at Naruto. “Naruto, make them behave!”</p><p>“I’m tired of failing Sakura,” Naruto laughed.</p><p>“They’ve always hated each other.” Kankuro laughed. “Since pre-k.”</p><p>“He knocked over my building blocks.” Sasuke deadpanned when Sakura gave him an incredulous look at how petty Sasuke was.</p><p>“You called me Elmo!” Gaara growled as he moved closer to the Uchiha.</p><p>“You look like fucking Elmo!” Sasuke yelled back while moving closer as if a fist fight was about to break out. Kankuro sighed before moving toward the jungle juice on the kitchen counter while muttering to himself. He needed another drink to deal with his brother and Sasuke at the same time.</p><p>Naruto grabbed Sasuke and moved him away from Gaara. “I’m glad you came!” Naruto resumed cheerfully, used to them fighting all the time and completely unfazed by it. Sasuke was a bit suspicious of Naruto’s calm demeanor. Naruto wasn’t <em>calm</em>. Especially at a party.</p><p>“Hn,” Sasuke responded while raking a hand through his ink black hair wondering what was wrong with the blonde.</p><p>“But why did you come?” Naruto asked. “I know you don’t care for clubbing and Gaara’s here.”</p><p>“I felt bad for leaving you alone earlier.” Sasuke muttered. “Don’t even think about it,” he said quickly when Naruto’s eyes began bubbling over with tears as he screamed “Oh Sasuke!”</p><p>Naruto reluctantly pulled back his arms from the hug he was going to crush Sasuke with. “You really do care.” He sniffed while wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.</p><p>Sasuke awkwardly patted his head. “Stop crying.” He comforted(?) his sniffling blonde friend.</p><p>“Sasuke, you suck.” Naruto grinned at his best friend’s poor attempt at comforting him. “But you’re still a great friend.”</p><p>“Not the best!” Gaara could be heard yelling from his side of the kitchen.</p><p>“Eat a dick Shirley Temple!” Sasuke screamed back as everyone laughed at the two’s banter.</p><p>Sasuke turned back to Naruto who was still laughing. “One day, I won’t have to worry about you.”</p><p>“Huh?” Naruto asked. Why was Sasuke so serious all of a sudden?</p><p>“You heard me,” Sasuke scowled while aggressively pinching Naruto’s cheeks.</p><p>“Ow,” Naruto said while trying to move away.</p><p>“And when your stupid ass finally notices that day,” Sasuke continued. “I want you to allow yourself to be happy. Stop acting like you don’t deserve happiness.”</p><p>“Ok, just…please stop pinching me!” Naruto cried before Sasuke finally relented. Sasuke needed Naruto to pay attention to his words and knew he had to physically force him to in order for his words to stick with the blonde. “But why are you talking about this all of a sudden?”</p><p>Sasuke merely stared as Naruto hands patted his sore whiskered cheeks and he muttered about how aggressive Sasuke was. Sure, Sasuke was <em>kinda </em>mean to Naruto, but he was his friend and wanted the best for him. Sasuke just practiced tough love and knew he had to be extra firm in order to get it through Naruto’s thick skull sometimes.</p><p>Sasuke was more than willing to be his best friend till the end, but he knew Naruto needed something that he couldn’t provide. But maybe Itachi could?</p><p>“You need to get laid.” Sasuke deadpanned.</p><p>“W-What?!” Naruto screeched. He expected this from Kankuro, not Sasuke.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’m helping you.” Sasuke informed Naruto who gagged.</p><p>“Wait, are you actively doing it now? When did this start?” Naruto asked, aghast.</p><p>“Hn,” Sasuke answered before turning on his heel toward the jungle juice, ignoring Naruto yelling at him from behind. Might as well get drunk and attempt to have fun.</p><p>Sasuke suddenly paused when he heard a knock at the door. Now who the hell could that be?</p><p>321</p><p>“THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED BITCHES!!!” Hidan screamed as he kicked open the door of Naruto’s apartment followed by Deidara and Sasori.</p><p>“Dei?” Naruto gasped noticing Deidara and his entourage. “I didn’t know you guys were coming!” Naruto grinned as they clasped hands in greeting.</p><p>“Yeah, Kankuro invited me so I brought these guys!” Deidara smirked as he nodded at Kankuro. They met each other through Naruto and would often go out drinking. “He said this is a party for you to unwind!”</p><p>“Is this everyone you are bringing?” Sasuke asked, face paling at the mere thought of his brother somehow popping up during this particular social event.</p><p>“Yeah,” Deidara answered and Sasuke let loose a sigh of relief. Itachi did not need to be in the same vicinity of a drunk and extremely extroverted Naruto.</p><p>Deidara turned to his companions as he counted off. “One . . . two . . . wait a minute!” The blonde screamed before he turned and ran out of the room.</p><p>After a few moments of everyone looking shocked, Sakura decided to ask what was on everyone’s mind. “What was that about?” Sakura ventured out before Deidara reemerged, dragging Itachi with him.</p><p>“Sorry, he tried to escape.” Deidara apologized as everyone gaped at the newcomer who looked like he didn’t want to be there. “<em>Hidan </em>was supposed to be watching him.” Deidara snapped as he glared at the white haired man.</p><p>“Do <em>I </em>look like a fucking babysitter?” Hidan asked as he took a sip of his drink. He already made himself at home and was sitting on the couch with a cup of jungle juice in hand.</p><p>“Well, Sasori can’t watch him, he doesn’t want to be here either!” Deidara complained.</p><p>“It’s true.” Sasori agreed as Hidan rolled his eyes.</p><p>“<em>Itachi</em>?” Naruto asked surprised after noticing the newcomer and Sasuke’s heart dropped into his ass in fear.</p><p><em>Oh no</em>. Sasuke inwardly gasped.</p><p>“I’m so glad you could make it!” Naruto grinned as he went over to welcome the older Uchiha, but Sasuke grabbed him by the back of his collar and dragged Naruto back into the kitchen.</p><p>Naruto went limp as Sasuke dragged him because from previous experiences, it was best to go along with Sasuke because he didn’t respond well to people putting up a fight.</p><p>But that didn’t mean Naruto couldn’t <em>complain</em>.</p><p>“Sasuke, what the fuck?!” Naruto yelled as he clutched his throat where his shirt collar bit into his skin and gasped for air.</p><p>“Listen, Naruto.” Sasuke began seriously as he released his hold once they were in the safety of the kitchen. “How much have you had to drink tonight?” He assumed Naruto would be drinking before he arrived. Especially with his alcoholic roommate Kankuro.</p><p>“Just three shots and a mixed drink, why?” Naruto asked as Sasuke groaned.</p><p>Sure, Naruto had a high tolerance for alcohol, but he already drank <em>so </em>much before everyone showed up! Now he would drink more since he was a “social drinker” or as Sasuke called it, an “alcohol slut”.</p><p>Naruto would continue drinking as long as everyone else around him was. He would accept any drink challenge, any cry for shots – anything, to keep the party alive and suck in all of the energy in the room. As an extrovert, Naruto was reborn when he interacted with large groups of people and fed off their energy. It was like he got drunk off that alone.</p><p>“Naruto,” Sasuke stressed his name as he grabbed Naruto by his shoulders. “You need to pace yourself.”</p><p>“Why?” Naruto asked alarmed. Sasuke was looking at him crazy; his palms were sweaty, and he shook him a little as he talked. “Tonight is supposed to be fun! Time to unwind!” Naruto grinned at his friend. While Naruto was always up for a good time, this seemed a bit forced. Sasuke wondered if there was something else going on with his friend . . . but now wasn’t the time to address it.</p><p>“Do you want to make it to tomorrow?” Sasuke asked. If Naruto lived that long.</p><p>“What?” Naruto gawked at him.</p><p>“I am positive Itachi will kill you if you get like how you usually do.” Sasuke shuddered. <em>He </em>could barely handle Naruto drunk off liquor and social interaction and Sasuke was <em>used </em>to it! Itachi would actually <em>murder</em> him.</p><p>“O-Oh,” Naruto said as his eyes widened in realization before Sasuke finally let him go.</p><p>“Exactly. So if you cherish your life, you’ll want to stay away from him tonight.” Sasuke said as he crossed his arms.</p><p>“But I’m supposed to be getting to know him!” Naruto protested.</p><p>“Naruto, I’m warning you—”</p><p>“I can make this work!”</p><p>“Please don’t try.” Sasuke was already getting tired of this conversation.</p><p>“I can get piss drunk <em>and </em>get Itachi to like me!”</p><p>Sasuke simply stared at him. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”</p><p>“Well,” Naruto began as he . . .  did he just giggle?! Sasuke eyes widened as realization dawned on him. “I actually had more than three shots and a mixed drink.” Naruto grinned before he ran out of the kitchen giggling maniacally.</p><p>Sasuke stared at the spot Naruto was just in. How could he not tell? Naruto was already drunk!! If he had known Itachi was coming he would have brought his dart gun.</p><p>Why did he have a dart gun? That’s a flash back for another time.</p><p>He should have known when Naruto was a lot more subdued than normal in a crowd of people. Sasuke did find his calmness earlier suspicious!</p><p>Naruto had three stages of drunkenness. Stage one: Poker face – he hid the fact that he was tipsy and falling into inebriation, the stage Sasuke met him in when Naruto first greeted him.</p><p>Stage two: Alcohol slut – he would happily drink any alcohol in sight and party it up, becoming the equivalent of five frat bros, also the stage he would most likely be murdered in.</p><p>Stage three: Sappy bitch – if Naruto lived long enough, he would inevitably turn into a crying hot mess as he regretted everything he did while in stage two or simply make up shit to cry over.</p><p>Sasuke sighed before heading out of the kitchen and noticed Naruto and Hidan having an arm wrestling competition on the coffee table in front of the couch.</p><p><em>Oh no, it’s begun</em>. Sasuke now had to swallow his pride and do the impossible.</p><p>“Sakura.” Sasuke greeted as he walked over to Sakura who was chatting away as Gaara listened quietly.</p><p>“Oh, hey Sasuke-kun!” Sakura greeted him.</p><p>“I need you and – [random hand shaking motions in the general direction of Gaara] – help with something.”</p><p>Sakura would have scolded Sasuke for being so rude to her boyfriend but registered what he just said. “Wait a minute,” she gasped. “Are you asking for <em>help</em>?” she asked incredulously before gasping again. “From <em>Gaara</em>?!”</p><p>“Just listen!” Sasuke snapped as both Gaara and Sakura was stunned into shocked silence.</p><p>“Naruto is drunk. You know how Itachi is. Get it?” Sasuke asked. He needed to end this conversation quickly because it looked like Hidan and Naruto were about to finish up their wrestling match as Deidara and Kankuro cheered them on respectively. Itachi was silently observing but he looked pissed off.</p><p>“Oh my God.” Sakura gasped as she quickly understood the situation before turning to a confused Gaara. “Itachi has the Uchiha quirk,” she began before Gaara eyes widened slightly.</p><p>“Like Shisui Uchiha?” Gaara asked, recalling a business banquet that went drastically wrong from someone fucking around with Shisui’s quirk. The Uchiha’s quirks were <em>infamous</em>!</p><p>“Yes!” Sakura yelled in fright. Shisui was probably the worst. “Just like that, except Itachi’s is disorder. If he’s around messes or anything disorderly, he reacts violently.”</p><p>“And Naruto is drunk.” Gaara reiterated before his eyes widened even more. “Oh <em>God</em>.” Naruto was already messy when he had <em>full control </em>of his body. Imagine him inebriated?!</p><p>“We need to work together and stop this night from becoming a traumatic experience for everyone involved.” Sasuke said gravely to the two before him.</p><p>“Alright . . . <em>you</em>.” Gaara turned to Sasuke. “Truce?”</p><p>“Only for tonight.” Sasuke said as they clasped hands in camaraderie as Sakura fangirled in the background at witnessing such a sight.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi watched as Hidan was touching <em>his </em>man.</p><p>Yeah, he thought it! Naruto was <em>his</em>.</p><p>And he wasn’t enjoying how Hidan was touching Naruto. Granted, they were just arm wrestling, but that’s further than Itachi ever got with him!</p><p>“I win!” Naruto screamed in victory as he slammed Hidan’s fist down, damn near breaking his coffee table.</p><p>“What the fuck,” Hidan cried as Naruto and Kankuro bumped chest in celebration. “Are you on fucking crack or something?!” Hidan was the arm wrestling king since college and he didn’t want that title removed so easily.</p><p>Itachi had to agree with Hidan. Naruto seemed more energetic than nor—</p><p>“Did you see me??” Naruto was suddenly right in front of Itachi, looking up at him with bright blue eyes. Gone was any fear he had of Itachi, which Itachi was grateful for, but surprised nonetheless.</p><p>Something inside Itachi told him to run, but his hornier side was ecstatic Naruto was so close to him.</p><p>“Yes…” Itachi answered, not sure why Naruto was asking. He was right there staring at them arm wrestle. He’d have to be blind not to see them!</p><p>“I’m so happy!” Naruto grinned at him, tiptoeing to try to reach eye level to Itachi, but failing since Itachi was a whole foot taller. “Wanna hear a secret?” Itachi raised an eyebrow as Naruto beckoned him closer.  “I’m—”</p><p>“—so hungry!” Sakura finished for him as she grabbed Naruto and spun him around before shoving him into Gaara’s outstretched arms behind her. “Naruto is really hungry!” She smiled at Itachi who was starting to get suspicious.</p><p>“We should go and get something to eat.” Gaara mentioned, talking over Naruto’s yelp as Gaara tried tying his wrist with rope.</p><p>“Why—” Itachi began to question what the red head was doing but Sakura intervened, completely blocking his view. She had such a huge fucking forehead!</p><p>“What do you feel like eating?” Sakura asked with a smile.</p><p>“I ate before coming.”</p><p>“How rude!” Sakura scolded Itachi. “You’re not supposed to eat before a party Itachi!” That was rude to the host!</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because we have food!” Sakura yelled. Of course they had food at a party! At Itachi’s raised eyebrow, Sakura suddenly remembered she made up the whole “get food thing” to distract Itachi and began sweating as Itachi stared at her contradicting herself.</p><p>“Then why are we leaving to—” Itachi began before he was being pulled away by Sasuke who was dragging him to the door with a loaf of bread in hand that he asked Kankuro for while Sakura was failing at distracting Itachi.</p><p>“Ok everyone, let’s get something to eat before we start partying.” Sasuke ordered everyone in the room.</p><p>123</p><p>After piling into different cars, the group was heading to a nearby pizza joint called Ken’s Pizzeria. Itachi and his friends drove with Deidara, while the rest with Gaara who drove Kankuro’s jeep because it could fit everyone comfortably.</p><p>“What are you two doing back there?” Kankuro asked as he glanced at Sasuke and Sakura shoving bread down Naruto’s throat in the back seat.</p><p>“We’re trying to sober up Naruto.” Sakura answered as she glared at Sasuke for ripping off a huge piece of bread before hastily shoving it down Naruto’s throat. She patted Naruto’s back as he coughed. “Sasuke-kun!! Be careful! Act like you’re feeding a duck, not a hippo!”</p><p>Sasuke stopped ripping pieces of bread and stared at Sakura. “Why would I ever feed a hippo bread?”</p><p>“Sasuke, that’s not the point!”</p><p>“You’re the one who mentioned the hippo.”</p><p>“I was just trying to explain the difference between a duck and a hippo! Like, a duck’s mouth is way smaller than a hippo.”</p><p>“I understand that, but why a hippo? I think a dog is more relatable and less dramatic.”</p><p>“Did you just call Naruto a dog?” Sakura asked before shaking her head to focus on her argument. “A hippo gets my point across better!”</p><p>“Does it really?”</p><p>“Oh shut the fuck up!!” Kankuro cried from the front seat. “This conversation is sobering <em>me </em>up!”</p><p>“How about you all shut up?” Gaara asked. “Except Sakura, she can still talk.”</p><p>Sakura looked at Sasuke haughtily as he rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Are you dead?” Sasuke asked as he poked Naruto who was in the middle of them crying.</p><p>“No, but my mouth is really dry.” Naruto complained as he swallowed bread lodged in his throat. He stopped trying to free his hands from the rope knot Gaara made long ago. His efforts were futile and causing the rope to chafe his skin!</p><p>“Yeah, our bread was expired.” Kankuro mentioned. “I thought when you asked if we had bread you were just trying to start a conversation before we left the apartment.”</p><p>Sasuke glared at the back of Kankuro’s head. “Why would I use bread as a conversation starter?”</p><p>“It’s just a way to have a conversation Sasuke!” Kankuro yelled.</p><p>“Yeah Sasuke, why are you being so mean about the bread?” Sakura accused him.</p><p>“You guys have such high expectations for bread.” Sasuke snapped in his defense. “Hippos do not eat bread and bread is not a good way to start a conversation!”</p><p>“How do you know what hippos eat?” Sakura challenged.</p><p>“Yeah, have you ever even fed a hippo?” Kankuro added.</p><p>“Hippos don’t eat fucking bread!!” Sasuke screamed.</p><p>“I am <em>this </em>close to turning this car around if anyone else mentions bread!” Gaara threatened everyone in the jeep as he gripped the steering wheel and was driving fast on the highway. “Or fucking hippos!!” Not wanting to test the red head, everyone remained silent until he parked in front of Ken’s Pizzeria.</p><p>They hurriedly got out of the jeep after freeing Naruto from his rope and met with the others who was waiting outside of Deidara’s car.</p><p>“Yo,” Deidara greeted them before making a face. “Naruto, have you been cry—”</p><p>“Let’s go eat!” Sakura yelled excitedly as she shooed the men to the entrance.</p><p>123 During the Meal 321</p><p>“So I’m sitting there, whip cream covering my crotch, and then her dad shows up!” Hidan yelled as everyone laughed at his elaborate story while they ate pizza.</p><p>Itachi silently <strike>pinned after</strike> looked at Naruto who was laughing at Hidan’s story. He wasn’t eating much though . . . did he already eat before coming?</p><p>He wished he could make Naruto smile like that. All he did was cause pain and suffering to the love of his life.</p><p>“Hey,” Sasuke whispered to Itachi. They were sitting in front of each other in a large booth. Everyone else was too focused on Hidan’s story to pay attention to them.</p><p>Itachi gave him a look. “What?” he snapped harshly.</p><p>“Is that anyway to talk to your favorite brother?” Sasuke chastised.</p><p>“You’re my only brother and I would still pick our dog over you.” Itachi corrected him.</p><p>Sasuke frowned. “We don’t have a dog.”</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>Sasuke glared at Itachi before he took a deep breath. He would ignore Itachi’s insults for now. Itachi was just hurt he tried to outsmart him and failed. After all, Sasuke was the <em>perfect </em>Uchiha.</p><p>“How’s your plan to get Naruto to notice you going?” Sasuke questioned.</p><p>“Not good, thanks to you.”</p><p>“I would love to help you at no cost Itachi, but you needed some . . . <em>incentive</em>.”</p><p>“What are you proposing now?”  Itachi grimaced when Sasuke grinned at him. There he goes, showing mirth again.</p><p>“I am unable to help tonight,” Sasuke said before casting a skittish glance over at Naruto. He returned his attention to Itachi before continuing. “However, tomorrow, at a <em>low</em> cost of $600, I can make you one step closer to getting Naruto to view you romantically.”</p><p>Itachi hated this, he hated how Sasuke had so much power over him! There had to be some way he could gain the upper hand!</p><p>“I’ll think about it.” Itachi said before turning back to Hidan and his ridiculous story as Sasuke frowned at his brother.</p><p>“And I still call her every now and again.” Hidan grinned as he finally finished his story as the waiter collected their check. Hidan covered the bill and they decided to pay him their share later.</p><p>“Ok, let’s start the festivities!” Kankuro grinned.</p><p>“Wait!” Sakura yelled before anyone could move. “I have reinforcements coming.” She grinned.</p><p>Everyone gave her a blank stare.</p><p>“I have some friends coming.” Sakura explained. “More <em>women</em>.” She emphasized to all the men around her.</p><p>“Ohhhh,” a collective realization occurred as they noticed for the first time she was the only female present.</p><p>Sasuke often forgot that Sakura was indeed female. He wouldn’t call her masculine in the slightest. However, Sakura was just <em>there</em>.</p><p>In fact, if this was an anime, she would be the fated love interest of a douchebag male character and her entire worth would be tied to the male character’s perception of her and she would not have as much character development in comparison to her male counterparts. She was just <em>there</em>.</p><p>Sasuke spent quite some time thinking of this in his spare time.</p><p>Sakura sighed before her phone rang. “Hey Ino!” Sakura grinned as she picked up. “Oh? You guys are here? Ok, coming outside now!”</p><p>123</p><p>“How did you let this happen again?!” Sasuke screamed through the pulsing music at Gaara and Sakura, who was just dancing to the hypnotic music in the club.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Sakura yelled/asked as she moved some strands of hair from her face behind her ear, as if that would enable her to hear Sasuke better through the loud music.</p><p>Sasuke pointed to the bar where Naruto was doing a handstand while the twins, Kankuro and Temari, poured alcohol down his throat. Kankuro’s reason for doing so because he was an alcoholic whereas Temari was just the devil reincarnated and the only woman Sasuke did not want to upset.</p><p>“I went to the bathroom for five minutes and come back to this?!” Sasuke yelled as both Gaara and Sakura had the audacity to look guilty.</p><p>“We had no idea he would get like this so quickly.” Sakura cried. “He was <em>just </em>sober!”</p><p>“Don’t you have a weapon to put him down?” Sasuke asked, already deeming Sakura useless and turning to Gaara.</p><p>Gaara gave him an incredulous look. “Why would I have a weapon to use against Naruto?”</p><p>Sasuke sneered at him. “And you call yourself a <em>best</em> friend.”</p><p>“Why would a <em>best</em> friend have a <em>weapon</em> to use against their <em>friend</em>?!”</p><p>“For moments like this!” Sasuke yelled before turning to head over to the bar where everyone was chanting “Naruto, Naruto, Naruto!” while fist bumping. Dammit, he should have brought his dart gun!</p><p>“Come here,” Sasuke grunted before grabbing the blonde idiot, flipping him over and almost collapsing on the floor when Naruto’s body went limp in his arms. Sasuke eyes widened in fear as Naruto reached a quivering hand to his cheek. OMG was Naruto dying?!</p><p>“Satan, is that you?” Naruto joked as everyone laughed. Sasuke rolled his eyes before dropping the dobe on the floor. “Ow, teme!!!” Naruto screamed in pain. Sasuke lifted a foot to squash him, but a sinister presence coming up behind him made him cringe.</p><p>“<em>Hiii</em> Sasuke,” a woman behind him cooed.</p><p>Shivering, Sasuke turned behind him to see Ino – a <em>drunk </em>– Ino, grinning at him. As if he didn’t have enough on his plate.</p><p>“Sorry Sasuke,” Tenten apologized as she grabbed Ino before she could pounce. “When she’s drunk she forgets that she’s in a <em>happy </em>relationship with Sai.” Tenten reminded Ino with a look.</p><p>Sasuke simply glared at Tenten. While he was most appreciative that she wasn’t obsessed over him like every other human on the planet . . . he actually <em>hated </em>her. But that’s a flash back for another day.</p><p>Tenten flinched at Sasuke’s glare and hurriedly dragged a kicking and screaming Ino away.</p><p>Sasuke turned back to haul Naruto’s dumb ass home – it was now after midnight, so Naruto had enough fun – but realized something.</p><p>Naruto was nowhere in sight.</p><p>And neither was Itachi.</p><p><em>FUCK</em>!</p><p> </p><p>A/N: Sasuke won’t have the upper hand for long.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. He Dead</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ha!</p><p>Take that Sasuke!</p><p>Itachi didn’t need his brother to get closer to Naruto! He just needed to rely on his analytical prowess and prodigal wit!</p><p>Basically, while Sasuke was distracted by Ino and Tenten, Itachi stole a drunk Naruto right from under him.</p><p>The club they were at was a part of a questionable hotel – it was underneath the hotel where guest partied and retired to their rooms upstairs. It was questionable because there was a chalk outline of a body in the lobby with bullet holes in the wall behind the markings on the floor.</p><p>You know what? Let’s not dwell on the negative.</p><p>Itachi carefully guided Naruto to the hotel lobby and helped him in a high-top chair facing outside with a table/bar before him. Naruto was slumped over and resting his head on the table.</p><p>“Naruto?” Itachi called out to him attentively.</p><p>Naruto didn’t respond.</p><p>Itachi sighed before sitting next to him and placing a water bottle he bought from a nearby vending machine in front of Naruto. He opened it and gently rubbed Naruto’s back to coax him out of his drunken slumber.</p><p>“Mhhhm?” Naruto asked groggily as he looked up.</p><p>“Drink this,” Itachi said softly as he pushed the drink closer to Naruto.</p><p>“Oh,” Naruto smiled sheepishly. He sat up and grabbed the drink and drank most of it in one huge gulp. “Ahhh, this hits the spot!” Naruto sighed. “Thanks, Sasuke!”</p><p>Itachi frowned. “Naruto,” Itachi beckoned the blonde to focus on him. “I’m not Sasuke.”</p><p>Naruto’s face paled. “Then who are you?!” he jumped down from the chair in clear hysterics, bringing the water bottle to his cheeks in fright as his free hand did the same. “Did I go home with someone else?!” he screamed, horrified.</p><p>“No, Naruto!” Itachi reached out and grabbed the blonde before he could run away and get lost. “It’s me, Itachi.” Itachi said as he managed to grab Naruto and bring him into his arms. He gently patted Naruto and could feel his heartrate calm down . . .</p><p>Before it suddenly spiked up when Naruto realized he was in Itachi Uchiha’s arms.</p><p>“Noooo, I don’t wanna die!” Naruto screeched as he began thrashing around.</p><p>“Naruto, I promise I won’t kill you!” Itachi reassured him and Naruto stopped moving. Itachi looked down and saw beautiful blue eyes peering up at him suspiciously.</p><p>“You won’t hurt me?” He asked and Itachi’s heart shriveled up. He guessed even drunk Naruto feared him.</p><p>“I won’t.” Itachi said as his heart was pumped back to life when Naruto graced him with a smile.</p><p>“Ok,” Naruto grinned before hopping back up on his chair. He turned to Itachi with a smile that made him blush. “Tonight was so much fun! I’m so glad you could make it.”</p><p>Itachi heart was breaking as it burst from all the wonderful lovey-dovey emotions he was currently feeling. Naruto always knew how to make someone feel wanted and loved. When he looked at you, it was as if you were the only one in the room with him. When he invited you somewhere, it was as if you were the only person he wanted and if you didn’t make it, it would break his heart.</p><p>Itachi never felt so loved by someone who didn’t even love him . . . <em>yet</em>.</p><p>“I’m . . . glad I came too.” Itachi said as he offered a shy smile.</p><p>Naruto ogled Itachi with wide eyes. “Wow, you’re so . . . <em>pretty</em>.”</p><p>Itachi didn’t know how to take that. Maybe it was just the liquor talk—</p><p>“Like, you’re actually gorgeous.” Naruto gushed as he scooted his chair over to Itachi’s. “Are all Uchiha’s so pretty?” Naruto wondered. “Sasuke is more like that cold angelic ice prince vibe, but you,” Naruto began as he talked with his hands as he flung them around, the water bottle almost spilling its contents. He looked at Itachi. “You’re the knight in shining armor, willing to do whatever it takes for his people and no one knows what’s going on in your head.”</p><p>“But your eyes are so sad.” Naruto hiccupped as tears began creeping into his own. “You have a lot of weight on your shoulders.”</p><p>Itachi didn’t really know how to process what just happened as Naruto began bawling his eyes out. Even if this was just the liquor talking, Itachi didn’t want to see Naruto crying.</p><p>He reached over and hugged Naruto tightly, not letting him go even when he gasped.</p><p>Naruto clung onto Itachi until he stopped crying. Sniffling, Naruto smiled. “I’m sorry. I’m in stage three of my drunkenness.”</p><p>Pulling back a little until he could look at Naruto’s face, Itachi gave him a confused look. “Stage three?”</p><p>“Yes, Sasuke said I have three stages.” Naruto emphasized by holding up three fingers.</p><p>“I . . . see.” Itachi said slowly, not sure if he should ask about it or not.</p><p>Naruto pulled back from Itachi and moved to drink more water but soon realized he couldn’t. He looked at his water bottle he grasped tightly in his hand in horror.</p><p>It was now empty.</p><p>Itachi looked down at his soaking wet shirt.</p><p>123</p><p>“Have you seen my son?!” Sasuke screamed as he ran through the hotel with a crudely drawn image of Naruto on the back of his taco bell bag.</p><p>What? He was hungry and got some food before he went looking for Naruto. He was an introvert and had to get his energy back up before he took on such a daunting task.</p><p>Everyone looked at him as if he was crazy.</p><p>Ok, so maybe Sasuke was a <em>little </em>drunk too.</p><p>He <em>was </em>a lightweight – Sasuke could smell alcohol and trip down the stairs. He couldn’t help it, while Itachi got their parent’s terrible cooking genes, Sasuke got their drunkenness. Other than his unrivalled looks and vast intellect, Sasuke was really starting to question his genes. Well, at the very least he didn’t inherit a quirk. That would seriously fuck up his life.</p><p>Honestly, it was a fair trade off. Sasuke would much prefer being able to cook than having the ability to drink straight poison.</p><p>There was no skill in being able to hold your liquor – no added benefit. You would go broke buying a bunch of drinks only to barely get tipsy and that was no good. Sasuke was <em>already </em>broke.</p><p>Maybe he should try selling liquor—</p><p>“OW!” he screamed as a yellow blur ran into him. Holy shit, “Naruto!” Sasuke yelled as he noticed Naruto holding his mouth with both hands.</p><p>“I think I’m going to puke!” Naruto yelled.</p><p>321</p><p>“Disgusting.” Sasuke said five minutes later as he watched Naruto retch his lungs out in front of the hotel.</p><p>“Shut up Sasuke,” Naruto grumbled as Sasuke handed him a water bottle. Naruto had déjà vu before shaking it off and grabbing the bottle. “Thanks.” He sighed before downing it all in one go.</p><p>“So why were you running?” Sasuke questioned as he leaned against a brick wall, looking at Naruto expectantly. This should make for an entertaining story.</p><p>“Itachi was helping me sober up and bought some water for me but then I accidentally spilled it all over him.” Naruto hiccupped.</p><p>“Oh?” Sasuke asked with mild interest. He figured something like this would happen. “And how did he react?”</p><p>“I ran before I could find out.” Naruto cried as he ran over to Sasuke. “Sasuke, what’s wrong with me?!” Naruto asked while shaking him. “We were bonding before I ruined things!”</p><p>“It’s more of a <em>him </em>problem than <em>you</em>.” Sasuke explained before removing Naruto’s hands from his shoulders and shoving him back a little. He didn’t want Naruto to throw up on him, as the blonde still looked queasy. From the thought of Itachi or the alcohol, Sasuke couldn’t tell which one. “But we’ll talk about it later. Let’s go.” Sasuke decided as the uber he called was pulling up to the hotel lobby’s curb.</p><p>“What? No!” Naruto yelled. “We have to go back and party with everyone else!”</p><p>Sasuke sighed. He really didn’t have any patience left. “Naruto it’s 3 am. The club closed an hour ago. I told everyone to go home.”</p><p>“How could you?!” Naruto cried as he started sobbing on Sasuke’s chest. “I only wanted marshmallows!”</p><p>Sasuke sighed again, this time deep enough to stir his lungs. Stage three of Naruto’s drunkenness was the hardest to handle. He’d cry about the most random shit he remembered or simply made up.</p><p>Thinking of a genius idea, Sasuke ran to the uber and opened the door. He rattled his taco bell in front of the open door. “Hey boy, hey!” He called out to Naruto.</p><p>“Huh? What? What is it?!” Naruto asked excitedly, completely forgetting about imaginary marshmallows.</p><p>“Come here boy, come get the taco!” Sasuke yelled as Naruto ran toward him in bliss.</p><p>Sasuke stepped out of the way and Naruto careened into the back seat. He entered after Naruto and closed the door calmly, ignoring the gawking face of the driver. “Platinum Condominium please.” He reiterated his address before the driver sighed and pulled off. This is what he gets for picking up people at 3am.</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Argh,” Sasuke groaned as he woke up the next morning hung over. Dammit, all he had was two shots and a mixed drink! He should have never trusted a drink from Temari. He <em>knew </em>better.</p><p>“Good morning sunshine!” Naruto beamed at him from his side of Sasuke’s bed where Sasuke had threatened to dart him if he crossed over the pillow divider.</p><p>Now that Sasuke was home, he had his dart gun and it was <em>fully </em>loaded. Sasuke knew from countless sleepovers that Naruto slept like a wild animal and things could get ugly if he wasn’t kept in line.</p><p>“Fuck you,” Sasuke hissed before he burrowed under the covers. It wasn’t fair that he barely drank and woke up feeling as if his head would explode while Naruto almost drank his liver to extinction and was now parading around happy n’ shit. Did Naruto even have a liver?!</p><p>“Man, I feel great! Last night was so fun!” Naruto grinned as he peered over Sasuke’s pillow fort. Why the hell did he have so many pillows?! “What happened last night?” Naruto asked.</p><p>Sasuke scrutinized him with a glare as his head poked out from his fluffy comforter. “How can you say last night was fun if you don’t even remember what happened?!” Ow ow, his headache was getting worst. He thought taking a nice hot shower last night might help him feel a little better, but here he was. Still miserable.</p><p>“Hmmm,” Naruto thought things over before his eyes widened and he pointed at Sasuke. “You shoved expired bread down my throat!”</p><p>“That would be the thing you remember.” Sasuke bit out sarcastically.</p><p>“I almost choked!”</p><p>Sasuke sighed before turning, his back now facing Naruto. He just wanted to sleep.</p><p>“Come on Sasuke, help me remember!” Naruto cried. He was tempted to step over the pillow divider but knew from past and semi-recent experiences that he’d better not. Sasuke had issues man.</p><p>“You got piss drunk and did a handstand on the bar, spilled water all over Itachi, retch all over the hotel parking lot, and cried while singing your ABC’s in the uber ride back. My rating went down on the app.” Sasuke deadpanned.</p><p>“Oh. Yeah it’s all starting to come back to me.” Naruto said before he jumped off Sasuke’s bed with a youthful spring in his step that would make Lee shake with envy. “Thanks for taking care of me!”</p><p>Sasuke grumbled something Naruto didn’t quite pick up. Sasuke was ALWAYS grumpy in the mornings. Hangover or not.</p><p>“Well, I’m going to get something to eat.” Naruto called out as he ran outside Sasuke’s room.</p><p>Sasuke kicked down the pillow divider with a miserable sigh. Now he was “awake”. He sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he waited. As usual, Naruto was completely unaware of his surroundings.</p><p>Soon Naruto returned to the room, running in panting and sweating as if he had just run a marathon. He slammed the door shut behind him and locked it with shaking hands before he leaned back against the door as if to use his own body as a barricade.</p><p>“Holy shit, Itachi’s <em>here</em>!!” Naruto screeched as he looked at Sasuke with a panic stricken expression, his back against the door and his hand coming to clutch his chest in fright.</p><p>“He <em>lives </em>here.” Sasuke reminded him.</p><p>“I thought he would be at <em>work</em>!!” Naruto cried.</p><p>“It’s <em>Saturday</em>.” Sasuke pointed out.</p><p>“He just <em>stared </em>at me!!” Naruto continued, babbling about his latest near-death experience with Itachi.</p><p>“You’re <em>shirtless</em>.” Sasuke emphasized.</p><p>“Like I was some kind of – wait,” Naruto looked down and realized he was indeed half naked. “Why am I half naked?” All he wore was loose orange boxers.</p><p>“I wasn’t about to let your dirty ass sleep on my clean sheets.” Sasuke informed him. He held Naruto at dart point and forced him to strip down to his boxers before allowing him in on the left side of his bed last night.</p><p>“Oh.” Naruto said before covering his face and falling to the ground. “Oh my God, Itachi saw me half naked!” he cried. He kept embarrassing himself in front of him!</p><p>“He’s probably <em>rejoicing</em>.” Sasuke muttered to himself as he kicked down the rest of the pillow divider and scrambled off the bed. Why <em>did </em>he have so many pillows? Granted, he stole some from Itachi, but still.</p><p>“Huh?” Naruto asked him confused. Did he hear him correctly?!</p><p>“Nothing.” Sasuke said before walking into his bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. He reached inside the mirror cabinet and pulled out an extra toothbrush and left it on the counter for Naruto. He busied himself to take out an extra towel and wash cloth. Sasuke stuck his head out and saw Naruto was still on the floor looking lost.</p><p>“Pick out some clothes and go bathe.” Sasuke ordered as he walked out. He was taller than Naruto so his clothes may be slightly longer, but Naruto was broader, so he wouldn’t drown in it.</p><p>“Thanks, Sasuke.” Naruto sniffed. Sasuke patted his head.</p><p>“There, there, little idiot.” Sasuke patted. “While you freshen up I’m going to make breakfast and explain things to Itachi. I’ll text you when it’s safe to come out.”</p><p>“Ok,” Naruto said with an appreciative smile before he frowned. “Did you just call me a—”</p><p>“Go now!”</p><p>123</p><p>“That’s a lot of blood.” Sasuke noted after he threw Itachi’s bedroom door open and saw his older brother cowering in a corner of his room.</p><p>Itachi sighed as Sasuke looked at him with pity. Normally, Sasuke would ignore Itachi’s bloody noses but the blood splatter on the floor leading up to Itachi’s room was ample reason for concern. He took the liberty of bleaching it out before he entered his brother’s room.</p><p>“He’s . . .” Itachi began. “He’s so <em>hot</em>.” He finished, his face turning bright red as more blood came rushing out onto his handkerchief as he remembered Naruto’s body. Was he going to be alright?</p><p>Naruto was like a bronzed <em>god</em>. Playing multiple sports throughout grade school and university had its perks, Naruto had six pack abs to drool over and an Adonis belt that made you want to pull his pants down (look that shit up if you don’t know what it is and thank me later). Sasuke truly pitied his brother.</p><p>“You should hurry and clog that up.” Sasuke said, pointing to Itachi’s massive nose bleed and his bloody fingers under the soaked through handkerchief. “If Naruto sees that he would never come back here.” Even the blonde had his limits.</p><p>Itachi looked at him questionably.</p><p>“I’m making breakfast. We are having a family brunch.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi had to shower again because he just could not stop bleeding. It eventually subsided while he bathed, and he quickly changed clothes and ventured out to the kitchen to find Sasuke glaring at a cup of tea as something cooked behind him.</p><p>Ah yes, Sasuke was trying to stop drinking coffee and turned to tea. Noticing the scent, Itachi could tell it was green tea.</p><p>“Perhaps you should try jasmine tea.” Itachi offered.</p><p>Sasuke merely raised an eyebrow at him.</p><p>“It’s a lot sweeter than green tea.”</p><p>“That’s the problem. This isn’t bitter enough.” Sasuke muttered as he continued glaring at the cup.</p><p>So Itachi was slowly learning that Sasuke didn’t acquire the Uchiha’s sweet tooth. While Itachi had to hide his sweet tooth (he had a reputation to maintain!), Sasuke preferred salty – borderline bitter – things. He had no idea where he got that from . . . perhaps Uncle Madara?</p><p>“I see.” Itachi decided to leave it alone. If Sasuke wanted to stop drinking his black coffee, then who was he to question it? “So,” Itachi began.</p><p>“He’s hiding in my room.” Sasuke answered while his fingers finally grasped the cup handle before he brought the tea to his lips and gagged after drinking it.</p><p>“Why?” Itachi asked exasperatedly, ignoring Sasuke tormenting himself. What a fucking weirdo! “I didn’t even hit him last night!” Itachi continued defending himself.</p><p>“I suppose he has yet to discern that water is your loophole.” Sasuke shrugged. There was no, “running away” from Itachi. If Naruto had spilled anything other than water on Itachi, he would have been backhanded into next year.</p><p>Water was clear, so no visible mess is detected in Itachi’s mind. Also, water is a cleaning agent, so his brain processed it as someone cleaning as oppose to making a mess.</p><p>Sasuke deliberately kept that information from Naruto. “Looks like you need my help.” He smirked at his older brother.</p><p>Itachi glared at him. “When he comes out I’ll explain things to him.”</p><p>“<em>If </em>he comes out.” Sasuke corrected. Good thing he told Naruto to stay in his room until he gave him the ok.</p><p>Itachi dropped his glare. One day he’ll get the upper hand and exploit the fuck out of Sasuke.</p><p>“OK, but I’m not paying $600.” Itachi scoffed.</p><p>“That’s fine.” Sasuke nodded. “It’s now $700.”</p><p>Itachi gasped at Sasuke.</p><p>“Ok, whatever.” He relented after a mini glaring contest they had.</p><p>Sasuke held up his phone to Itachi. “Put it in my bank account now.” He demanded as Itachi rolled his eyes at the banking app he could see on Sasuke’s screen.</p><p>Itachi sighed before pulling out his phone and transferring money to Sasuke’s account. At this point, <em>he </em>would go broke.</p><p>Sasuke smirked as he checked his phone after sending a text message to Naruto to come out. “Great doing business with you.”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up.”</p><p>Sasuke frowned. “I was going to help you out just now, but you’re being difficult.”</p><p>Before Itachi could inquire what Sasuke meant, he heard Naruto’s voice behind him. “Um, g-g-good morning.” Naruto stammered nervously behind Itachi.</p><p>A shiver went down Itachi’s spine at hearing Naruto’s voice so early in the morning. It sounded rough and sexy since he was out drinking last night.</p><p><em>Oh God, not now</em>. Itachi prayed as he felt himself getting excited. He took a deep breath and got himself together before turning around to greet Naruto.</p><p>His greeting died on his lips before he could say anything.</p><p>Somewhere deep inside his hormonal brain, he knew Naruto would be wearing Sasuke’s clothes. Sasuke was a clean freak on the down low and didn’t want to admit it, so naturally he would force Naruto to shower and change clothes.  Completely logically.</p><p>Somewhere in Itachi’s panicking brain, he knew Sasuke had a smaller frame than Naruto. Sasuke was tall and lean and wore fitted shirts for his build.</p><p>Somewhere in Itachi’s chaotic brain his neurons were screaming and crashing into things as they frantically looked for the reboot button before it was too late.</p><p>Naruto was wearing a very simple outfit. Nothing special really. Just one of Sasuke’s many tight black V-neck t-shirts. <em>Bless his soul.</em></p><p>It fitted Naruto’s body like a second skin. Itachi could see every contour of muscle and now even knew what it looked like <em>underneath </em>the clothing.</p><p>Despite it being so simple, it really made his foreign features stand out. For once, Naruto wasn’t wearing any bright colors with distracting graphics or outlines. The simple black shirt allowed one to focus on Naruto’s face. His hypnotic ocean deep blue eyes, his whiskered cheeks and strong jaw. Not to mention his hair was still wet and grew out over the summer, so it hung in his face in glorious golden wet locks.</p><p>The neurons in Itachi’s brain screamed in horror as his eyes lowered on Naruto’s frame.</p><p>They were too late.</p><p>Naruto was wearing gray sweatpants.</p><p>“I-Itachi?” Naruto asked and moved to catch him but was too slow as Itachi’s body crumpled and fell on the floor like dead weights.</p><p>Naruto sprinted to his side as he looked up at Sasuke who looked on with little to no interest.</p><p>“Oh my God,” Naruto gasped as he held onto a comatose Itachi. “He’s dead!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: Naruto out here in gray sweatpants dressing like a SLUT!</p><p> </p><p>Please don't be afraid to comment your thoughts! I really love reading your reviews and interacting with you all &lt;3</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Karma is a Bitch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Hey,” Sasuke greeted Itachi a couple of days later when he ran into the older Uchiha in the kitchen getting a glass of water. Well, he didn’t happen upon Itachi by accident. He sensed his brother in the kitchen and immediately came to check it out.</p><p>Sasuke could always tell when an Uchiha was in the kitchen. It was a defense mechanism he developed as he grew up because if an Uchiha was in the kitchen, something bad happened shortly after. During his adolescence, seeing his parents burn kitchens and Itachi break the stove by looking at it for too long was a reoccurring thing. It was the very reason why Sasuke actually learned how to cook and knew how to stop and escape a house fire. It was to the point the fire department tried to recruit him and still sent him letters to this day.</p><p>“Naruto’s coming over today.” He mentioned casually as Itachi sat at the kitchen island eating breakfast Sasuke prepared earlier. Sasuke usually cooked early then left some out for his brother. The less time Itachi spent in the kitchen, the better!</p><p>It’s been a week since Itachi’s heart stopped after being blessed by the gay smut gods who were so gracious enough to send Naruto to him in gray sweats that left little to the imagination, on top of Itachi seeing Naruto in nothing but his orange boxers.</p><p>T’was a good day.</p><p>Naruto had been coming over and checking up on Itachi and studying with Sasuke. But sometimes Sasuke wouldn’t be around because he was out (only God knows doing what) so Itachi and Naruto would be alone together. Itachi was too embarrassed to stick around long enough for Naruto to fuck up so nothing bad had happened yet.</p><p>“Will you be here?” Itachi questioned as he ate a slice of toast with homemade jam on it. When did Sasuke find the time to make homemade fucking jam?</p><p>“Nope.” Sasuke said as he moved to the sink to finish washing the dishes. Today he wore a maroon t-shirt with black fitted jeans with rips at the knees and his black Vans were at the entrance of the door. He was feeling a little grungy today. “I’ll be back later but Naruto will be here earlier.”</p><p>“Why are you doing this?” Itachi asked suddenly as he turned to Sasuke accusingly.</p><p>Sasuke spared him a glance. “Doing what?”</p><p>“Torturing me?!”</p><p>Sasuke sighed. Here we go again. “Itachi you have to learn how to face Naruto or you’ll never be with him.”</p><p>“I need supervision.”</p><p>“Itachi.” Sasuke deadpanned. “You’re a grown ass man. Act like it.”</p><p>Itachi pouted and poked at his food. Sasuke hated when he played with his food.</p><p>“Ok, stop that.” Sasuke demanded. “Why don’t you try starting a conversation?” Sasuke asked. “Naruto says all you do is come in and say hi.”</p><p>“What’s wrong with that?” Itachi wondered.</p><p>“You leave before he can respond.” Sasuke deadpanned.</p><p>Itachi stared at him. “. . . what’s wrong with—”</p><p>“Ok, alright.” Sasuke dried his hands on the hand towel hanging from the oven after he finished rinsing the last of the dishes. “For today’s homework, you have to strike up a conversation with Naruto.”</p><p>“What do I talk about?” Itachi implored almost frantically.</p><p>“Anything.” Sasuke sighed as he headed to the entrance of the condo to put on his shoes.</p><p>“You’re supposed to be helping me.” Itachi reminded him.</p><p>“I did my job last week and you went and had a panic attack and ruined things.” Sasuke snapped. “If you want more help you’ll have to pay me again.” He was still peeved that he wasted time making such a beautiful meal for brunch and his horny ass brother went and had an early stroke because he saw Naruto’s dick swinging in some sweats! Pathetic.</p><p>“What?!” Itachi yelled at yet another request for money.</p><p>Sasuke turned to smirk at him. “<em>I’m </em>the one with the power.”</p><p>“I will get my revenge.” Itachi promised him.</p><p>Sasuke cackled as he finished tying his shoelaces. “Yeah, right.” He said sarcastically before leaving the condo.</p><p>123 321</p><p>A few hours went by since Sasuke left and Itachi eyes were glued to his computer screen watching YouTube tutorials on making conversation.</p><p><em>Shit</em>, this wasn’t working! But he was dually impressed that there was literally a YouTube video for <em>anything </em>now!</p><p>Itachi’s brain was still recovering from last week and he couldn’t retain anything. He was sitting in the living room and his eyes glanced outside to see if he could catch a glimpse of Naruto arriving.</p><p>Suddenly, a white Porsche 918 spyder (look that shit up, it’s beautiful) pulled up to the condo and Itachi gawked as Naruto jumped out of the passenger side.</p><p>Itachi was floored, he never thought about <em>how </em>Naruto got here every day. He assumed Naruto just magically materialized or some shit.</p><p>As far as Itachi knew, Naruto didn’t own a car, so he expected him to be taking public transportation like uber. He knew uber had the option for luxury cars but why would Naruto ride a luxury car just to come here?!</p><p>Itachi watched as Naruto chatted with the driver as if they were good friends – seeing that Naruto leaned in the window to laugh at something – before leaving and heading to the entrance of the condo. Itachi barely caught a glimpse of a pale hand waving goodbye to Naruto before pulling off.</p><p>Jealousy laced throughout Itachi’s entire being.</p><p>Who the fuck was giving Naruto a ride <em>every fucking day </em>here?!</p><p>Itachi threw open the door before Naruto could knock. “Who was that?” he demanded as Naruto almost screamed and ran. He was <em>not </em>expecting that!</p><p>“Uh, m-my friend.” Naruto began before screaming girlishly as Itachi grabbed him by his shirt collar and dragged him into the condo, throwing him on the couch after slamming the door shut.</p><p>Whoa, talk about déjà vu. Is this where Sasuke got it from?!</p><p>“Does your <em>friend </em>have a name?” Itachi hissed. “Do you always catch rides with this <em>friend</em>?”</p><p>“Y-Yes,” Naruto stammered as he shrank back in fear of Itachi who hovered over him. “N-Neji drops me here after class because it’s on the way to his job.”</p><p>“<em>Neji</em>?” Itachi echoed, the name sounding familiar somehow.</p><p>“N-Neji H-Hyuga,” Naruto whispered, hoping he didn’t just end Neji’s fate.</p><p>“<em>Neji Hyuga</em>.” Itachi repeated. “How long have you known him?”</p><p>“W-Well I always knew <em>of </em>him but I-I just <em>met</em> him last year!” Naruto stammered. He met Neji first and shortly after introduced him to Sasuke.</p><p>Itachi was surprised. He may not have met all of Sasuke’s friends, but he knew all of their names. He’d never heard Sasuke mention Neji.</p><p>“Sasuke never mentioned a Hyuga.”</p><p>“Maybe because he’s older than us? He graduated last semester.” Naruto offered.</p><p>“I see.” Itachi began, starting to calm down. Neji was just a friend. He wasn’t trying to steal Naruto.</p><p>“Y-Yeah,” Naruto piped up after noticing Itachi simmering down. He gained some confidence after realizing Itachi wasn’t upset anymore. “He’s super smart! <em>Neji’s going to law school!”</em> Naruto yelled excitedly, happy for his super smart friend.</p><p>The neurons in Itachi’s brain finally found the reboot button and desperately smashed down on it with a hammer. They all cheered as the lights finally came on after a week of isolation and darkness.</p><p><em>Oh</em>?</p><p>“<em>Law school</em>?” Itachi inquired as the dots began to connect.</p><p>“Uh-huh,” Naruto answered, feeling a bit intimidated at Itachi’s intense gaze. “I-I guess he inspired S-Sasuke to go?”</p><p>“I . . . see.” Itachi said slowly before he grinned, which almost caused Naruto to have a stroke. “Sit back and relax Naruto.” Itachi said as he sat down next to the panicking blonde. “Do tell me more about this <em>Neji</em>.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>“I’m ba—” Sasuke began and ended the minute he noticed Neji in his living room when he entered the condo.</p><p>He stared as the long-haired man leaned over Naruto’s shoulder. It looked like he was assisting Naruto with something.</p><p>“Oh, hey Sasuke.” Naruto greeted before turning back to Neji. “So, if I use this formula for this specific equation, I’ll solve it, no problems right?”</p><p>“Yes, that’s how it works.” Neji laughed good naturedly before turning to Sasuke. “Hi Sasuke, I didn’t know you lived so close to my office. No wonder we always run into each other.” Neji greeted him but Sasuke was rooted to the spot, absolutely frozen.</p><p>Itachi smirked wickedly where he sat at the end of the table watching everything unfold. He knew that look Sasuke had. It was usually mistaken for indifference . . . but in reality, it was . . .</p><p>A <em>gay </em>panic.</p><p>And booooy was Sasuke gay as shit.</p><p>“Kiba was busy.” Itachi began explaining as Sasuke’s panicked and confused eyes shifted to him. “Luckily Neji was more than willing to help Naruto with calculus during his break.” He smiled at his little brother.</p><p>Sasuke took one look at the situation before heaving a defeated sigh.</p><p>“Itachi, a word.”</p><p>123</p><p>Sasuke slammed the door shut to Itachi’s room.</p><p>“How.” Sasuke deadpanned. How did Itachi find out his deepest secret?! Not even Naruto or Sakura knew he was gay!</p><p>“So that’s why you basically moved in with me?! You were using me?!” Itachi accused Sasuke. “I thought you wanted to bond with your older brother, not stalk your fucking crush you little psycho!” So <em>this </em>was the reason Sasuke first approached Itachi under a guise of wanting to reconnect?! For some dick?!</p><p>“Shhhh!” Sasuke shushed Itachi as he jumped him and covered his mouth. “Shut the fuck up!” What if Neji heard him?!</p><p>After Sasuke made sure Itachi indeed couldn’t talk because his brothers mouth was covered by his hands, he began to defend his honor. “Ok listen,” Sasuke sighed. He looked down at the ground, a dark blush covering his entire face before finally letting Itachi go. “I . . . don’t know how to confess to him . . . I think, he thinks, I hate him.”</p><p>Itachi’s mouth hung open as he aggressively pointed at Sasuke. “You, you’re just like me! This is the exact situation!” he cried before flicking Sasuke on his forehead, which sent Sasuke stumbling back into the wall.</p><p>“Ow!”</p><p>“You little fucking shit!” Itachi screamed at Sasuke who grabbed his head in pain. “This is why you suddenly want to go to law school?! Why you started drinking tea?! You can’t confess to him so you’re going to stalk him for the rest of your life?!”</p><p>Itachi briefly had a flashback to a previous conversation with Naruto where the blonde insisted that Sasuke’s new obsession with tea was related to his interest in law school.</p><p>
  <em>“So you’re a coffee drinker like Sasuke?” Naruto asked as he picked up his coffee and took a sip.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes, but he’s been drinking tea recently.” Itachi answered.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh that’s weird,” Naruto laughed. “Now that you mention it, maybe he’s acting all crazy because of his coffee withdrawals.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What do you mean?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You know, with the law thing.” Naruto continued. “Sasuke never mentioned anything about law school until last semester, and that’s when he stopped his obsession with coffee.” Naruto ruminated. “Perhaps he needs a new obsession and randomly picked law.”</em>
</p><p>Well I’ll be dammed. Naruto was [kinda] right!</p><p>“You’re no better!” Sasuke yelled. “You can’t confess to Naruto either!”</p><p>“I just met Naruto, you knew Neji since last year!” Itachi rebutted.</p><p>“I can’t help it!” Sasuke yelled again. “Every time I try to talk to him, I freeze up! At least you can talk to Naruto, it’s just your homicidal tendencies getting in the way!”</p><p>“Don’t flip this on me!” Itachi stood from when Sasuke tackled him on the floor. Likewise, Sasuke stood after being flicked by Itachi and they squared off.</p><p>After a moment of silence, Itachi realized something.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?” Itachi was a proud gay man since high school. He didn’t understand why Sasuke wouldn’t want to share that with him.</p><p>“I didn’t know I was . . .” Sasuke sighed as he raked a hand through his dark hair. “I’m still . . . trying to cope with everything.” He finished softly.</p><p>“Ah,” Itachi remarked, truly feeling for his little brother. “Neji is your sexual awakening.” Itachi then let loose a low whistle as if realizing how tough this situation truly was for Sasuke. “Tough luck.” Neji was beautiful . . . and <em>straight </em>according to Naruto . . . who’s gaydar was probably weak to begin with.</p><p>Sasuke glared at his brother. “Whatever, just stay out of my way!”</p><p>“Oh? What are you going to do if I don’t? Stalk me?!” Itachi provoked Sasuke sarcastically.</p><p>“I didn’t stalk—” Sasuke began before ending at Itachi’s dubious look.</p><p>“You literally uprooted your entire life by moving in with me, switching career paths, and throwing away your inheritance, just so you could catch a glimpse of Neji dropping Naruto off in front the condo.”</p><p>Sasuke blinked. “When you put it like that it sounds a bit odd.”</p><p>“It’s more than <em>a bit </em><em>odd!”</em> Itachi yelled, throwing his hands up in the air. “It’s so pathetic I don’t even want to take revenge! Your whole life is revenge on yourself!”</p><p>Sasuke gasped. “Take that back!” he wasn’t <em>that </em>pathetic!</p><p>Itachi sighed as his hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “How did you even fall so hard for Neji and you’ve barely said anything to him?”</p><p>Sasuke sighed dramatically. “I’ll tell you in the next chapter.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: oh yes I did.</p><p> </p><p>Don’t even front. YA’LL DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!</p><p> </p><p>Edit 1: OK, YA'LL TOTALLY SAW THAT COMING!!</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. I’m in Love with My Best Friend’s Friend</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Sasuke was madly in love with his best friend’s friend, but his obsession wasn’t as quick to develop as Itachi’s. It was gradual.</p><p>123 Flashback 321</p><p>It was almost the end of their junior year and to celebrate, Kankuro threw Naruto a huge party just before Christmas break. They were going into their final year of university and Sasuke guessed that was an important milestone or something.</p><p>He didn’t understand the point of celebrating things like this.</p><p>He was <em>supposed </em>to pass and move to the next year. Celebrating such an infinitesimally mediocre event was like handing out a participation sticker to the person that came in dead last.</p><p>Completely unnecessary.</p><p>Suddenly, the closet door Sasuke was hiding behind was ripped open. “FOUND HIM SAKURA!” Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs as he dragged Sasuke out of the closet. Naruto needed to make sure he was heard over the pulsing music currently vibrating through the apartments walls.</p><p>“Sasuke!” Sakura scolded him as she entered Naruto’s room in a red tube top and white mini skirt. Her thick winter coat was strewn over Naruto’s bed while she frolicked about during the party. “This is our party so you can’t hide here! You’re being a bad host!” she yelled.</p><p>“I don’t even want to be here.” Sasuke complained as they each grabbed an arm and dragged him out of the room.</p><p>“Well too bad, Hinata’s here, I want you to meet her!” Naruto explained as he took the lead and maneuvered them through a crowd of grinding bodies into the living room. Naruto wore an orange and black jacket over a black tank top that said ‘SUP?’ paired with dark jeans.</p><p>“Who is that?” Sasuke asked. He didn’t feel like meeting anyone tonight. He was at his limit.</p><p>“She’s a Hyuga.” Sakura explained.</p><p>“Yeah, she’s beautiful and so nice!” Naruto wiggled his eyebrows at Sasuke. “Something tells me she’s your <em>tyyyype~!” </em>He sang.</p><p>Sasuke scoffed. “I’ll be the judge of that.”</p><p>“No seriously Sasuke, Hinata is <em>gorgeous</em>. She’s the Hyuga clan’s princess! And she’s so thoughtful and sweet!” Sakura squealed thinking about how kind Hinata was and how she blushed at everything. “You need someone elegant and refined.” Sakura concluded as both her and Naruto nodded their heads in agreement.</p><p>“Both of you always try to set me up with girls who you think are my type.” Sasuke grumbled. “Remember Yuki?!”</p><p>Sakura looked guilty as both Naruto and Sasuke looked at her. “Ok, that was my bad. How was I supposed to know she would break into your house to collect tissue samples?” Sakura asked. Yuki was a sweet <em>normal </em>girl around her!</p><p>“Anyways,” Naruto continued as they made their way to the living room. “Hinata is nothing like that.” Naruto insisted.</p><p>“Are you sure?” Sasuke asked dryly.</p><p>“Yes, now try to be human for once!” Sakura demanded before she noticed Gaara brooding in the corner of the living room. “Wait, Naruto can you please introduce me to Gaara?” she asked with hearts in her eyes. She always knew of him, but they never quite talked.</p><p>“No, don’t even think about it.” Sasuke snapped, glaring daggers at Naruto.</p><p>Naruto grinned mischievously. “Sure Sakura,” he answered as he hooked his arm with hers and turned to head over. “Oi Sasuke, just wait here, I told Hinata to meet us here next to the lamp. I’ll be back.” He promised before waving goodbye as he and Sakura jetted to Gaara before Sasuke could utter another word.</p><p>Sasuke watched as Naruto easily maneuvered through the crowd while dragging Sakura along. The blonde seemed to live and feed off events like this. Sasuke believed Naruto was like a rat in a crowded city; completely in his element.</p><p>The Uchiha sighed as he stood in front of the couch that was in front of Naruto’s obnoxious orange lamp, waiting for Hinata. Great. Just great.</p><p>He didn’t even know if he had a type. Sasuke never really thought about relationships. He just assumed his parents would set him up in an arranged marriage and that would be the end of that.</p><p>After Itachi came out as gay when Sasuke was in middle school, he decided to repress any emotion he may have after witnessing the way his parents blew up over Itachi’s sexual orientation. Luckily Itachi was a prodigal genius so the fuss eventually died down as their father realized cutting Itachi off would basically damn the company. They ultimately came around to support his brother, but Sasuke was scarred.</p><p>He was a cisgender heterosexual man, so he most likely wouldn’t be scrutinized the way Itachi was. But he had no interest in relationships right now. All Sasuke wanted was to graduate university, work at Rinnegan, then die.</p><p><em>Clearly </em>he had big plans in life and he couldn’t afford to be distracted. End sarcasm.</p><p>So Sasuke kept his head down and worked to please his family. He did everything he was told and avoided any public scandals. He didn’t have any goals or aspirations of his own, but that was ok, seeing that he avoided all the ruckus of daring to think for himself. His life may have lacked personal purpose, but it was a cushioned existence at the very least.</p><p>He eluded any possible romantic relationship as well and as a result knew nothing about women. He never held a woman in his arms or was intimate with one so he didn’t learn the curves and contours of their body, or the soft strength of their touch or understood their flirty eyes and blushing smile. Or whatever the fuck women did.</p><p>Sasuke decided to flush his thoughts and noticed that whoever the DJ was, they were playing all of the right music because the large crowd started dancing crazy as more music blared and bodies began gyrating and dry humping. Argh.</p><p>Meanwhile, Sasuke was thinking of ways to reject Hinata before he felt a presence standing behind him.</p><p>He turned around and noticed . . .</p><p>. . . how tall she was.</p><p>No seriously, she had to be like 6’2.</p><p>When Sakura said she was “cute” and “princess-like” Sasuke was not expecting this. Hinata wore a simple cashmere sweater and dark jeans. Pretty comfortable. She didn’t really have any curves or anything. <em>Ah</em>, that’s what he gets for gender stereotyping what a “princess” should look like.</p><p>She had the trademark wide lilac eyes that defined one as a Hyuga and low key made them all look alike, not that Sasuke would ever say that out loud.</p><p>Realizing he was staring, Sasuke took a step closer so she could hear him properly as she did the same. Before either of them could say anything, the music switched to something that had the rapper Lil Jon in it for some throwback music and the crowd went crazy. Someone bumped into Sasuke and he went careening into Hinata’s arms.</p><p>Whoa, Hinata was strong as shit! Sasuke could feel her muscles through the cream cashmere sweater she wore.</p><p>Startled, Sasuke looked up and immediately fell into deep pools of crystal amethyst staring intently into his dark obsidian orbs. Hinata looked concerned, seeing that Sasuke was shoved hard enough to be thrown – quite literally – into her arms.</p><p>Was it hot in here or was it just Sasuke?</p><p>He swallowed painfully hard as her soft brown hair framed her angular and blemish free face then cascaded down like a playful waterfall in slight waves before being pulled into a loose hair tie at the end.</p><p>Her hair smelled like lavender and precious jasmine, creating an enticing aroma that beckoned him closer.</p><p>The corners of her lips turned upward a bit as she righted Sasuke back onto his feet. She graced him with a small smile as her eyes filled with mirth.</p><p>Time came to a complete stop, the music fading away the longer Sasuke stared into her light eyes.</p><p>OK, so her height was a bit off putting.</p><p>But she <em>was </em>absolutely breathtaking.</p><p>As Sasuke flushed red, he realized for the first time in his fucking life, he was left utterly speechless. She opened her mouth to say something – perhaps get the fuck off me? – but Naruto suddenly appeared.</p><p>“Hey Neji!” Naruto greeted as he clasped said person on his back in greeting. “Where’s Hinata?”</p><p>“Hinata went to the restroom; I think she may have gotten lost.” Neji laughed as he greeted Naruto in turn. “I came in her stead so you didn’t think she was ditching you.”</p><p>Sasuke jaw hit the floor as he gasped at . . . <em>Neji</em>– who was <em>evidently </em>a man!!</p><p>Jesus take the fucking wheel. Take it right now!!!</p><p>The butterfly’s in his stomach were already shooting off. It was too late to stop their trajectory as they shot up, exploding quite viciously in his tiny underutilized heart cavity.</p><p>A feeling of dread overcame Sasuke as Naruto and Neji turned back to face him . . .</p><p>Sasuke’s heart still skipped beats when he heard Neji’s soft and deep velvet voice. His breath hitched in his throat when Neji’s hand absentmindedly moved a stray strand of silky hair that was momentarily resting against his lips before replacing it behind his ear as he conversed with Naruto.</p><p>For the first time in his life, Sasuke knew what he wanted . . . and he wanted it <em>so </em>badly.</p><p>“—is Sasuke Uchiha.” He heard Naruto finish introduce him to Neji who offered a polite smile.</p><p>“Hi Sasuke, it’s nice to meet you.” Neji said while offering a hand in greeting.</p><p>Sasuke took a step back as the blood was draining from his face to another <em>delicate </em>part of his body.</p><p>He promptly turned and walked away from Neji, his outstretched hand and Naruto’s bewildered expression without a backwards glance.</p><p>He stomped back into Naruto’s room, this time locking the door, before running into the closet and barricading himself inside.</p><p>Nope. Nope. Nope!</p><p>He was going to stay here until he turned straight again.</p><p>123 321</p><p>From then on, Sasuke avoided any interaction with Neji – but he quickly learned everything about him.</p><p>Sasuke poked Shikamaru’s arm where he was sleeping on his desk for their Analyzing Statistical Data class.</p><p>Shikamaru didn’t move initially. He slowly opened his eyes and noticed Sasuke, groaning when he figured what was coming next.</p><p>“What’s Neji’s favorite drink?” Sasuke asked the lazy genius who turned away from him while grumbling to himself.</p><p>Sasuke always asked these random questions about Neji!</p><p>Seeing that Shikamaru was a double major in Legal Studies and Business Administration and about to graduate early with Neji, Sasuke knew he hung out with the Hyuga a lot. Especially since Shikamaru interned at Hyuga Law, the prestigious law firm.</p><p>“Tea.” Shikamaru answered. He knew from experience that Sasuke would not leave him alone until he told him. “He alternates between Green and Jasmine.”</p><p>Sasuke nodded and wrote something down in his notebook. “Does he drink coffee?”</p><p>“No, he absolutely <em>hates </em>coffee.”</p><p>Sasuke paused in writing and looked up at Shikamaru in a panic. “Hates . . . coffee?”</p><p>Shikamaru sighed as he sat up, giving Sasuke a look. “Why don’t you ask Neji this yourself?”</p><p>“I-I can’t talk to him.” Sasuke stammered.</p><p>“I don’t understand.” Shikamaru began as he folded his arms and stared at Sasuke as more students began trickling in. In moments when Sasuke’s name came up, Neji mentioned how Sasuke basically ignored him and showed indifference whenever Neji tried talking to him. But here Sasuke was, gathering and writing an encyclopedia worth of random information on Neji – someone he supposedly didn’t care for.</p><p>“Do you hate or . . . love him or something?” he joked but stopped his dry laughter as Sasuke turned bright red as he stammered over himself trying to deny it.</p><p>Oh, Sasuke was <em>so </em>gay.</p><p>“You know . . . Neji has a girlfriend.” Shikamaru informed him casually.</p><p>Sasuke stared at Shikamaru before suddenly jumping up and screaming. “WHAT?!”</p><p>The rest of their classmates in the room didn’t even flinch. They were used to Sasuke’s random outbursts ever since his sexual awakening, so they ignored it.</p><p>“Yeah Tenten, she’s a great girl.” Shikamaru informed Sasuke before quickly trying to put out the fire in his eyes. “You can’t kill her off, she’s on the national Muay Thai team and will wipe the floor with you.”</p><p>Sasuke sighed as he sat down dejectedly. “She’s kind of a tomboy but they’ve been good friends since middle school. Personally, I think they're better off as friends, but the heart wants what the heart wants.” Shikamaru shrugged as he leaned back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling. “It’s rumored they’re going to marry.”</p><p>“Marry?” Sasuke whispered while clutching his invisible pearls.</p><p>“Sorry buddy.” Shikamaru said as he patted Sasuke’s back. They formed a sort of weird bond from all the times Sasuke sought Shikamaru out to learn more about Neji. It was weird . . . but real?</p><p>“As part of an influential and traditional clan like the Hyuga’s,” Shikamaru continued. “It’s expected of him to marry and produce potential heirs for key roles at Hyuga Law.” The Hyuga’s were an old and traditional clan in Konoha who took their role in society a little too seriously.</p><p>“Oh.” Sasuke said softly before he stood – just as the professor entered the room – and left the class.</p><p>Depressed, Sasuke slowly walked through campus to his BMW that he parked in one of the school’s parking lot.</p><p>Of course Neji was straight! He was so stupid to be pining over him without first determining if Neji was already in a relationship, interested in men, or even emotionally available for a relationship.</p><p>Still, Sasuke couldn’t help the way his heart ached in longing whenever he overheard Naruto talking about the Hyuga. He couldn’t help how his heart did somersaults whenever Neji was in the same room as him . . . how every fiber of his being was lit on fire when Neji addressed him with a small smile or asked him a question he unknowingly ignored due to his awkwardness.</p><p>Sasuke couldn’t help it! He just froze up and panicked whenever Neji addressed him!!</p><p>Maybe the weight of finally taking initiative and deciding how he wanted to live his life was finally getting to Sasuke. He never felt so sure as he did about Neji. That’s why he tried to learn more about him, so he wouldn’t act weird and have a normal conversation about something they were mutually interested in.</p><p>Why did Sasuke even like Neji? Well the easy answer would be; Uchiha Logic . . . or lack of it. But on a more serious note, Neji was mature and smart. He thought before he spoke and only spoke when he had something to say, so everything that came out of his mouth had purpose. He was confident in the way he carried himself and others gravitated toward him as a leader.</p><p>Sasuke witnessed how the Hyuga interacted with his crazy friend Lee and how he handled his random bursts of energy and craziness with stride. He was always fair in his treatment of others and mindful of their time. He doted on his younger cousin Hinata, who Sasuke finally met and <em>was not </em>impressed by. Despite her being a stuttering mess, Neji was always patient and kind, helping Hinata to stand her ground and say what was on her mind. He honestly and deeply admired the Hyuga prodigy.</p><p>Too bad Sasuke never realized Tenten was his girlfriend. He never saw them kiss or do anything overtly affectionate beyond holding hands at times. He did notice how Neji was a lot nicer to her than he was to Lee, but he figured that didn’t mean much.</p><p>Now that he knew the truth, Sasuke couldn’t help the burning feeling of jealousy that erupted when he recalled all the times he saw them together, coupling it up in front of everyone. Perhaps being a Hyuga meant that Neji couldn’t be too forward with his affection for his girlfriend in public for fear of a scandal.</p><p>Sasuke could admit that he was starting to get a bit . . . a whole lot . . . <em>obsessive</em>. But he wasn’t going to hurt Neji and would respect the fact that Neji was heterosexual.</p><p>It hurt to realize his first crush – regardless of sex – ended so suddenly.</p><p>“Hi Sasuke,” Sasuke heard a voice greet him before he stopped dead in his tracks. Speak of the devil — Where the hell did he come from?!</p><p>Said Uchiha face paled in barely concealed horror as Neji approached him casually.</p><p><em>Oh no</em>, Sasuke looked around hoping to see Naruto magically appear to help him through this awkward situation. Since that first night at the party, Sasuke had never been alone with Neji again!</p><p>Neji offered him a polite smile, not noticing Sasuke panicking.</p><p>Sasuke simply stared at him as his brain blacked out on all the things he knew he could talk about to strike up a conversation.</p><p>Neji cleared his throat, realizing that Sasuke was not going to answer his greeting. “I thought you had class with Shikamaru at this time?” He ventured. Sasuke seemed rooted to the spot, so if he wasn’t going to walk away, that was a good sign that he may have wanted to talk, right?</p><p>This is why Sasuke never ran into Neji at this time before . . . he was usually in class. But now he was skipping.</p><p>Oh shit</p><p>Oh shit</p><p>
  <em>Oh shit!</em>
</p><p>Should he tell Neji he was skipping? Would Neji think poorly of him if he did? Sasuke was serious about his studies – just not today!</p><p>“Ah, that was a silly question.” Neji chuckled awkwardly. “I know you are in his class, he mentions you all the time.”</p><p>At this bit of knowledge, Sasuke unknowingly leaned in, wondering what the hell Shikamaru let out.</p><p>“He says you’re a great cook.” Neji added, noticing Sasuke’s interest. This was the longest they’ve ever held a conversation, despite it being completely one sided. Sasuke had yet to say anything.</p><p>Sasuke wondered how the hell Shikamaru knew that – before remembering how he made treats to lure Shikamaru into a false sense of security of friendship before interrogating him into spilling everything he knew about Neji.</p><p>Neji was a bit unnerved with how . . . <em>silent </em>Sasuke was. He should have been used to it, since he regularly hung out with Shino, one of Hinata’s quiet friends. But Sasuke just seemed different. For instance, Neji knew he could talk – he’d heard him cuss Naruto out numerous times, but whenever Neji would approach him, he would clamp up. Did the Uchiha simply not like him?</p><p>Meanwhile, Sasuke’s heart was pounding. He didn’t want to do or say anything stupid.</p><p>“So . . .” Neji began. “Shikamaru said you loved to cook.” Neji repeated, trying to get Sasuke to say something . . . <em>anything.</em></p><p>Sasuke looked down at his feet, fighting his blush as he nodded.</p><p>Neji sighed. He didn’t understand why Sasuke hated him and asked Naruto what he could do to get Sasuke to like him. Naruto said blackmail was the best way to go and when Neji adamantly expressed he was not going to blackmail the Uchiha, finally added that buying him something would help. Uchiha’s loved bribes, but Naruto had still insisted on the blackmail for some reason. Said something about getting faster results?</p><p>“I got you something.” Neji said as he rummaged through his messenger bag he wore around his torso before holding out a box to Sasuke.</p><p>Startled, Sasuke took it hesitantly as his heart attempted to break free of his body by how hard it was hammering in his chest. Damn, wasn’t this a sign of a stroke? He was going to get a stroke wasn’t he?!</p><p>“You can open it.” Neji encouraged him. Sasuke opened it to reveal . . . oven mitts.</p><p>“Since you cook so well, I figured you must really enjoy it.” Neji explained. “As an Uchiha you probably have staff that cook for you. If you went out of your way to learn, you must have a true passion for it.” Neji explained logically. Of course the real reason was that Sasuke was tired of putting out house fires since the rest of his family was cursed with the ability to burn kitchens by merely breathing in one, but Neji didn’t need to know that.</p><p>Sasuke stared at the charcoal gray oven mitts that had a Konoha leaf insignia on it – in gold! No one had ever bought him such a thoughtful gift before.</p><p>“Thank . . . you.” Sasuke uttered with great effort as he willed his body not to melt and gush at Neji’s kind gesture. Sasuke had to make sure he didn't break his "Uchiha character" too much.</p><p>“Uh, it’s probably a lame gift.” Neji sighed, misunderstanding Sasuke’s lackluster response as indifference.</p><p>“No,” Sasuke began before finally looking up at Neji. “I really . . . like it.” He reassured him while clutching the gift tightly. These were now his most prized possessions. Not to be dramatic, he only had them for 5 seconds, but he vowed to kill anyone who tried to get near them.</p><p>“Oh, well ok.” Neji said a bit flustered, surprised at seeing such gratitude in the young Uchiha’s eyes. “I hope one day I’ll be able to taste your cooking.” Neji said, trying to make a joke but not committing to it so it ended up sounding creepy to his ears.</p><p>Sasuke’s eyes widened. “I would love that!” he blurted out before he could stop himself. He inwardly cursed himself – this so wasn’t in his character – before he felt a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>Startled, he looked up and noticed Neji giving him a reassuring smile. “Really?” Neji asked with a warm smile. “Whenever you’re ready, <em>it’s a date</em>.” The older Hyuga said before taking out a piece of paper and pen from his bag and writing his number, which was adorably old fashioned.</p><p>“I’d love to hang out with you sometime. We should get to know one another!” Neji insisted as Sasuke numbly took the paper with perfect writing. Of course Neji wrote his name in fucking elegant calligraphy. And how the fuck did he make <em>numbers </em>look sexually attractive?!</p><p>Neji was happy that Sasuke was being nice today. Since Naruto was a close friend of his, Neji felt that it was important for him to know Naruto’s best friend. He was already good friends with Gaara so he was starting to get a little worried when Sasuke seemed to ignore his existence. He was happy Sasuke was finally coming around!</p><p>Meanwhile the neurons in Sasuke’s brain were on break and decided to exit the building. Did he suffer from a stroke? Because clearly he died and went to heaven.</p><p>Sasuke was still frozen in place as Neji checked the watch on his wrist. “I have to go to class now.” He said as he closed his messenger bag. Naruto was right! All Sasuke needed was a little bribe and Sasuke was <em>finally </em>talking to him!</p><p>“See you around!” Neji said as he waved and continued on to his destination.</p><p>Meanwhile Sasuke stood rooted to the spot for a whole five minutes before his brain processing system successfully rebooted.</p><p>That confirms it. He was <em>not </em>going to give up on Neji so easily. He would linger in the background, just waiting for an appropriate time to pursue him (like after him and Tenten break up cuz let's face it, they ain't have no chemistry!) Sasuke could wait, he was a patient man when plotting!</p><p>He frantically opened his notebook titled “Notes of Neji” and began writing.</p><p>
  <em>Relationship status #1: I have his phone number</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Relationship status #2: He now knows I have his phone number</em>
</p><p>He’d gotten Neji’s number from Shikamaru <em>weeks </em>ago.</p><p>123 End Flashbacks 321</p><p> </p><p>So by gradual, that means it took <em>two </em>separate instances with Neji to fall irrationally in love with him instead of <em>just </em>one.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: And this is why Sasuke hates Tenten; jealousy.</p><p>“Uchiha Logic." *Tobirama Voice*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I uploaded early despite my computer crashing on me and spitting on me, praise me, praise meeeee~</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Truce or Something Like That</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Itachi was sitting on his bed, bored as shit, listening to his brother’s sappy story about his unrequited first love.</p><p>“I still hate you for extorting money from me.” Itachi deadpanned when Sasuke finally finished.</p><p>“Extortion is such an ugly word.” Sasuke thought out loud. “I’m merely aiding your goals with the assistance of money.”</p><p>“You finessed $3,200 from me in a couple of weeks.”</p><p>“Seriously?” Sasuke asked as he held his chin in deep thought. “I thought I acquired more.”</p><p>Itachi glared at him before coming to a solution. “How about we compromise?”</p><p>Sasuke raised a suspicious eyebrow. </p><p>“Clearly you’re not getting anywhere with your crush, seeing that you haven't talked to him more than that in a year.” Itachi deadpanned as Sasuke scowled at him. “And I just gained the upper hand now that I know Neji is your weakness.” Itachi casually mentioned as Sasuke’s eyes widened at the horrors Itachi could commit now that he knew his secret. The older Uchiha <em>could</em> get revenge, but that wouldn’t get him any further with Naruto. He needed Sasuke.</p><p>“Let’s call a truce and combine forces.” Itachi offered. Sasuke was surprised at the generous offer. It didn’t sound so ba—</p><p>“And you have to be my servant for a month.”</p><p>Sasuke frowned. “A month is a long time.”</p><p>“I admit you played your cards well little brother.” Itachi smirked. “But do you seriously believe you can outsmart me now that I have Neji in my deck?”</p><p>Sasuke sighed. Every time he competed against Itachi he inevitably lost hopelessly. Therefore, he may have gone a little overboard this time when he gained some ground over him. But being Itachi’s bitch for a month would be bad for his health!</p><p>“It’s either that or give me back my money—”</p><p>“Ok, ok!” Sasuke yelled quickly. “I’ll be your servant for a month!”</p><p>“Brilliant.” Itachi smirked. “Now let’s entertain our guests.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Where were you for so long?” Naruto asked as he popped up in the kitchen where Sasuke was peeling potatoes. “Do you need help—”</p><p>“No,” Sasuke hissed to stop the blonde from reaching for a pile of potatoes waiting to be peeled on the counter. The last time he asked Naruto to help him peel something was five years ago and it almost cost him his fucking right eye. “And I was just talking with my evil older brother.”</p><p>Naruto gave him a look. If anything, he felt like Sasuke was the evil one out of the two. Certainly way more manipulative!</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Sasuke asked, eyeing Naruto’s sheepish look suspiciously. </p><p>“Have you ever seen Neji and Itachi interact before?” Naruto asked with a sigh.</p><p>Sasuke gave him a questionable look, wondering where Naruto was going with this. “No, I have not.”</p><p>“Well,” Naruto began as he thrusted his hand in a showing motion toward the dining room. “Behold!” he said. “But squint your eyes because if you look full on they will blind you.” Naruto warned.</p><p>Deciding to heed Naruto’s warning, Sasuke looked at them while squinting and almost dropped his potato. </p><p>Neji flipped a delicate chocolate strand of hair over his shoulder as Itachi chuckled at something he said, his own luscious raven hair reflecting the light from the room making it appear even more shiny and magnificent than usual. Dark obsidian orbs captured amethyst crystals in friendly banter as the two talked about life. There was a tray on the table with a teapot, cups, and tea biscuits for a light snack. Itachi reached over and politely poured more tea into Neji’s cup. Neji thanked him before putting the cup to his lips and taking a generous sip.</p><p>Well I’ll be damned.</p><p>They were some pretty ass individuals.</p><p>Itachi was the dark mysterious night sky while Neji was the luminous moon. What an enthralling sight of wonder and fucking sexiness.</p><p>“I feel ugly.” Naruto confessed as Sasuke turned back to him in amazement.</p><p>“Agreed.” Sasuke nodded.</p><p>Naruto gave Sasuke a surprised look. “Wow, even you feel ugly?” he asked the conceited Uchiha.</p><p>“No, I was just agreeing that you probably felt ugly in that environment.”</p><p>“Fuck you!”</p><p>Sasuke shrugged as he continued peeling potatoes, his hand shaking from the lasting effects of Neji’s attractiveness he just witnessed. </p><p>“Neji is so nice, I don’t know why you hate him.” Naruto sighed while looking back at the attractive duo. </p><p>Sasuke gave him a look. “I don’t hate Neji.” </p><p>“Then why don’t you ever talk to him?” Naruto demanded as he turned to Sasuke. As his friend, Sasuke was making him look bad!</p><p>Sasuke ignored Naruto and continued frantically peeling the potato in his hand until it was a tiny stub. Both Naruto and Sasuke gawked at the shavings on the floor.</p><p>“Are . . . are you sure you don’t need any help?” Naruto asked worriedly. “You seem a little distracted.”</p><p>“Get the fuck out.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>While Naruto was in the kitchen, Itachi and Neji were having a wonderful conversation about business and other prodigal genius stuff because that’s what clan prodigies do.</p><p>“Neji,” Itachi began after pouring more tea for the younger man. “It’s been a while since I was able to have a conversation with someone who could keep up. It’s refreshing.”</p><p>“Likewise Itachi,” Neji agreed as he drank from his cup. “I take it that you will be in attendance of the upcoming banquet?”</p><p>Itachi didn’t know what Neji meant and gave him a puzzled expression.</p><p>“The annual summer ball.” Neji added for clarity. It was a prestigious blue blood event where aristocrats and even celebrities attended. The Uchiha’s and Hyuga’s usually sent a representative. </p><p>Itachi had been a little preoccupied with trying to get inside Naruto’s pants to remember about that.</p><p>“Hn, I suppose so.” Itachi answered. “Sasuke was going to attend this year.” He realized.</p><p>Sasuke was supposed to be making his debut as one of the heirs to Rinnegan at this year’s ball, but the little psycho had other plans apparently, one that was sitting directly in front of Itachi.</p><p>“Supposed to?” Neji inquired.</p><p>“My father isn’t . . . pleased with him at the moment.” Itachi explained. “It might just be me and Shisui again.” </p><p>“That’s unfortunate.” Neji sighed. “If he wants to go, he can always come as a guest of the Hyuga’s.” Neji offered.</p><p>Itachi raised an eyebrow at his kindness. “Forgive me for being so forward, but shouldn’t you extend that offer to your girlfriend?”</p><p>Neji actually laughed while shaking his head. “No, Tenten would hate that.” Neji explained. “She went once and decided to never go again. Now I usually save my extra ticket for another friend of mine but he’s traveling around that time this year. Also, Naruto already has a ticket so he wouldn’t need mine.”</p><p>“Naruto?” Itachi ears perked up at this.</p><p>“Yes, his godfather is Jiraiya, the founder of Icha Icha Paradise.” Neji explained, much to Itachi’s surprise. It was one of the biggest publishing companies in Japan!</p><p>“I never knew that.” Itachi said, amazed. “I can’t believe I never saw him at the ball before.”</p><p>“Oh, he never attends.” Neji said with a shrug. “Not his kind of crowd.”</p><p>“Is it really anyone’s?” Itachi asked with a chuckle. It was draining being around a bunch of old stuck-up rich assholes all night. </p><p>Neji smiled. “It really isn’t. But, clan duties.” He ended bitterly before Naruto plopped back in the seat next to him.</p><p>“I got kicked out.” Naruto sighed before looking around the table. “What are you guys talking about?”</p><p>“The summer ball.” Neji informed Naruto who groaned.</p><p>“Please, let’s talk about something else.” Naruto said while making a face. </p><p>“Do you know what Sasuke is cooking?” Neji offered.</p><p>“Not sure, something with potatoes. . . maybe.” Naruto answered with an awkward laugh as he remembered how weird Sasuke was acting. “Sasuke isn’t very friendly when he’s cooking.”</p><p>“I’m sure whatever it is will taste lovely.” Neji responded just before they heard a resonating CLANG coming from the kitchen.</p><p>Their heads swiveled to the noise and saw Sasuke simply staring at them.</p><p>“Can I help you?” Sasuke asked defiantly at their stares.</p><p>“Did you just drop something?” Itachi wondered, his right eye twitching. They couldn’t see the kitchen floor where they were and he was starting to become paranoid.</p><p>Sasuke simply glared before disappearing behind the enormous kitchen island as he bent down to do something. They soon heard muttering and scrubbing noises.</p><p>“I don’t think he’s ok.” Naruto whispered worriedly. “Maybe you should go help him Neji!” Naruto suggested with a grin. Since he was just kicked out, it was now Neji’s turn to try to talk some sense into Sasuke.</p><p>“No!” Itachi yelled suddenly. That would probably end in the condo catching fire. </p><p>The two men before Itachi gave him a strange look.</p><p>“I’ll help him.” Itachi informed them before standing and heading to the kitchen.</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Great,” Sasuke muttered when he noticed Itachi standing in the kitchen looking lost. He’d just finished cleaning up the sauce he spilt all over the floor after he overheard Neji complimenting him. </p><p>“You need to get it together.” Itachi told Sasuke as the younger Uchiha walked past him to open the fridge door.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Sasuke snapped as he reached for some carrots.</p><p>“You’re a nervous wreck.”</p><p>“Nervous?” Sasuke echoed. “How could I be nervous? I’m just cooking for the love of my life who I changed my entire life around for is all!”</p><p>“Ok, ok,” Itachi sighed, trying to relax his sarcastic brother. “Try to calm down.”</p><p>“You calm down!” Sasuke all but screamed as he clutched organic carrots to his chest and slammed the fridge door shut.</p><p>“Neji wants to take you to the summer banquet.” Itachi didn’t want to do this, but he had to bring out the big guns.</p><p>Sasuke froze.</p><p>“If you cook an amazing meal,” Itachi began. “I’m sure he will invite you as his . . . date.”</p><p>After a moment of silence, Sasuke looked into Itachi’s eyes with steadfast determination.</p><p>“I can do this.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>Sasuke could not in fact “do this”.</p><p>He watched as Itachi walked away, probably feeling satisfied with himself, but in reality, he just made things worse.</p><p>Sasuke didn’t even know what he was cooking. He had no idea what Neji’s preference was! </p><p>Well, he was already peeling potatoes. Perhaps potato scallop with large jumbo garlic shrimp scampi on top? He’d add some lemon juice for a citrus taste and balance out the garlic.</p><p>Now what about vegetables? He could roast carrots and string beans and pair the meal with a white wine.</p><p>Sasuke sighed as he reached for a large cutting knife and eyed the potatoes he peeled on the cutting board, his one hand still gripping the potato he peeled to a stump tightly. He would slice more potatoes and keep it going from there. All he needed was to focus on one task at a time. Don’t get distracted and don’t think about—</p><p>“Hey,” Neji greeted as he entered the kitchen, coming up behind Sasuke who immediately dropped the potato he was <strike>strangling</strike> holding, but Neji caught it mid-air before handing it back to Sasuke. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Neji apologized.</p><p>Sasuke’s brain was short circuiting at practically feeling Neji’s breath against his neck – he was that close!</p><p>“H-H-H-H—” Sasuke was trying to say hi, but his stammering was getting in the way. </p><p>Neji suddenly wrapped his arms around Sasuke, “Are you choking Sasuke?!” He asked alarmed, mistaking Sasuke’s stuttering as an indication he was choking and ready to administer the Heimlich maneuver. Neji didn’t think Uchiha’s stammered – their pride wouldn’t allow them to! </p><p>He pulled Sasuke in closer and squeezed the trembling Uchiha. “Sasuke?” he asked suddenly as the poor Uchiha suddenly went limp in his arms.</p><p>123 321</p><p>“This pizza is great!” Naruto grinned as he conversed with Neji and Itachi while taking a huge bite out of his pepperoni and sausage pizza. The trio were eating pizza in the dining room.</p><p>Itachi nodded his head. “I never had this kind before, it is good.” Itachi agreed as he took another bite out of his slice.</p><p>“What?!” Naruto asked, surprised. “How could you have never tried this combination?”</p><p>“I don’t eat pizza often.” Itachi admitted.</p><p>“Pizza is the salmon of the junk food world!” Naruto exclaimed to blank faces. “Like, it’s the best in terms of junk food.” He explained.</p><p>“I see.” Itachi simply agreed to whatever Naruto was babbling about. He was finally enjoying his time with Naruto without anything traumatic occurring, and he was relishing the feel—</p><p>“Are you sure he doesn’t need to go to the hospital?” Neji interrupted their banter as he glanced at Sasuke passed out on the sofa with a tampon sticking out of his left nostril (Itachi found tampons most effective for plugging up perverted nose bleeds). Neji seemed to be the only one concerned.</p><p>Itachi glanced at Sasuke for all of .005 seconds, “Oh he’ll make a full recovery.” Apparently while Itachi was in the kitchen telling Sasuke to get a grip, Neji went to the restroom. By the time Itachi returned to the table, he realized the Hyuga was gone and must have stopped in the kitchen to check up on Sasuke before returning to the table . . . This led to this current predicament.</p><p>“But the blood . . .” Neji murmured. He had no idea so much blood could come out of one nostril!</p><p>“I think Uchiha’s just have a lot of blood.” Naruto chirped up, oblivious to Itachi’s rising discomfort. “Because Itachi fainted once and bled A LOT, but he survived!” Naruto cheerfully told Neji while Itachi was internally screaming in sheer mortification.</p><p>“I . . . see.” Neji answered before timidly taking a bite out of his pizza. He opted for veggie pizza, much to Naruto’s disgust.</p><p>“When we go to the art show,” Naruto was telling Itachi. “We can go get some pizza afterwards!”</p><p>“Oh, is this the last one for the summer?” Neji inquired, deciding to follow their lead and continue the conversation despite a comatose Sasuke in the living room. If Sasuke’s best friend and older brother wasn’t worried, then certainly he shouldn’t be right?</p><p>“Yeah, it’s coming up.” Naruto said with a grin. Since it was the last art show of the summer, the local art studio held it like a gala and the artists showing their work brought their biggest and best pieces. It was a pretty big deal, as even rich famous art collectors frequented the event.</p><p>“And did you start your piece?” Neji asked, his eyes narrowing as Naruto began sweating under his gaze. “Naruto!” Neji scolded the blonde slacker.</p><p>“I-I,” Naruto stammered. “I just haven’t found any inspiration recently.” Naruto sighed. “I don’t want to reuse an old painting, but it looks like that’s what I’ll have to do.” He chuckled while scratching the back of his head.</p><p>“Maybe you should go out more and find something to inspire you.” Neji suggested. “All you do is come here then class.”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re right!” Naruto yelled as he stood up suddenly with a burst of energy. He slowly lowered himself back into his seat. “But I don’t really have anyone to do anything with since all of my friends are working.” Naruto sighed. He hated being alone.</p><p>Neji gave Naruto an apologetic look. “I’m sorry Naruto, I’m working on a big case at the law firm right now or else I would make some time to accompany you.”</p><p>“It’s ok,” Naruto gave him a smile. “Knowing you would make time for me if you could still mean a lot!”</p><p>“What about you Itachi?” Neji implored. He assumed that since he basically dropped Naruto here so often, he was close with both Sasuke and Itachi. Naturally, concerning Uchiha’s, Neji was wrong.</p><p>Normally Itachi would jump at the chance at being alone with Naruto, but he hadn’t mastered his quirk yet! What if he ended up hurting Naruto before his big art event?! He would never be able to live with himself after that!</p><p>“I don’t mind spending time with you Naruto.” Damn his weak resolve!</p><p>“Yay!” Naruto yelled excitedly while pumping a fist in the air before the trio continued conversing.</p><p>123 321</p><p>An hour after Neji and Naruto left, Sasuke was still comatose so Itachi was carrying his limp body to his room. </p><p>Jesus, Itachi groaned as he lifted the tall brat his younger sibling. When did he get so fucking heavy?! Granted, the last time he held Sasuke was when he was like ten or some other time Itachi couldn’t recall. All he knew was Sasuke was significantly shorter and more of a gremlin, but that was besides the point.</p><p> Shoving the room to Sasuke’s door open, he stumbled in before dumping Sasuke’s body on his bed. Itachi wiped sweat from his brow. Damn, maybe he should get back into the gym?</p><p>“Ugh,” Sasuke groaned. The headboard Itachi accidently dropped his head on must have woke him up! “Where am I?”</p><p>Itachi wondered if Sasuke got amnesia. “Do you remember your name?”</p><p>“N-No,” Sasuke began, eyes widening as he began panicking. </p><p>“Well, you’re an oompa loompa that escaped from the chocolate factory and now you’re in fight club and must become the last hokage to defeat the—”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up Itachi.” Sasuke snapped. All the bull shit he was expelling was so absurd it snapped Sasuke back into reality. Honestly, if he told anyone that the real Itachi was a goofball psycho no one would believe him. Maybe the psycho part, but nothing else!</p><p>Itachi gave him a tiring look. “This is the thanks I get after taking you to your room?” </p><p>“You dropped me on my fucking headboard!” Sasuke snapped while pointing to the slight indent his head made on the board.</p><p>“You’re <em>heavy</em>.” Itachi emphasized, using the indentation in the wood to make his point.</p><p>“Really, I feel lightheaded.” Sasuke began sarcastically. “Hmmm, I wonder why?!” He screamed before pointing to the tampon in his nostril. Wait, what?!</p><p>“You left me bleeding on the sofa while you chatted it up with Naruto and Neji!” Sasuke yelled mortified.</p><p>Itachi frowned. “It’s not my fault you fainted.”</p><p>“We are supposed to be working <em>together</em>!” Sasuke yelled as he stood and ripped the menstrual product from his nose. When the fuck did Itachi get this?! And wow, it really was great at soaking up the blood! But now his nostril smelled like some fruity feminine scent. Why the fuck couldn’t Itachi get unscented tampons?!</p><p>“If there’s any consolation, Neji was deeply concerned for your well-being.” Itachi exaggerated. Was the Hyuga concerned? Yes. Deeply concerned? Proooobably not.</p><p>“I would hope so, seeing that I fainted in his arms!”</p><p>Itachi threw up his hands in defeat before turning and heading to Sasuke’s door. “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.” He said before exiting. Sasuke and his fucking moods man!</p><p>123 321</p><p>It was the next day on a sunny late afternoon where Itachi entered his condo after work and found Naruto writing in his notebook; Sasuke nowhere to be found once again. </p><p>“Hi Naruto,” Itachi greeted. After spending so much time with him laughing and talking yesterday, he didn’t feel as if he needed to leave right away. Maybe he could handle being around Naruto by himself now.</p><p>“Hi Itachi!” Naruto greeted excitedly, his bright smile making Itachi’s heart do aggressive somersaults.</p><p>Itachi smiled fondly at the blonde as Naruto continued writing. He didn’t mind Naruto being here all the time, but he was starting to wonder why Sasuke was away so often now. “Do you know where Sasuke goes when he’s out?” Itachi asked him.</p><p>“Ehhh,” Naruto began thinking as he glanced at Itachi. “Oh yeah, he’s getting tutored for the LSAT. I wait for him here while he’s away.” Naruto answered.</p><p>“Oh.” Itachi couldn’t believe Sasuke was STILL going on about being a lawyer. He sighed as he removed his shoes by the entrance and walked over to Naruto.</p><p>“Yeah, by some gray skinned weirdo!” Naruto added with a snort.</p><p>Itachi paused. He knew a gray skinned weirdo. “Orochimaru?” Itachi questioned before pulling out the headshot of said man he always kept in his pocket. Wait, why the fuck did he still do that?!</p><p>“Yeah, that guy! He goes to see him like, five times a week!” Naruto yelled as he too pulled out a head shot from his back pocket. Wait, why the fuck did <em>he</em> have a picture?! Was Orochimaru just handing out pictures of himself on the street or something?! </p><p>Naruto casually tucked the picture back into his pocket as he continued reading his book. He suddenly felt a dark presence and shakily looked over at Itachi fuming in place. “W-What?” he asked frightened at the murderous aura.</p><p>“Nothing, just wait here Naruto.” Itachi said as he turned to calmly put his shoes back on. “I have some business to attend to.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi kicked down Orochimaru’s door and saw Orochimaru leaning over his brother. Startled, Orochimaru gave Itachi a puzzled expression as he looked back at the pissed Uchiha while Sasuke peeked from behind him.</p><p>“You’re going to pay for that.” Orochimaru stated dryly, pointing at his now broken door lying flat on the floor. </p><p>Itachi stomped over and grabbed Orochimaru and flung him across the room angrily. “Get the fuck away from my little brother!” He yelled as he held his hands up at either side of him to block Orochimaru from looking at Sasuke who was sitting at the table confused as fuck.</p><p>Orochimaru landed delicately on his feet and sighed. “What’s wrong with you this time?”</p><p>“We betted on ONE date!” Itachi reminded the older man.</p><p>“Yes, I help you get Naruto and you help me get your brother.” Orochimaru agreed, going over their contractual agreement.</p><p>“Then what the hell are you doing?!” Itachi yelled while grabbing behind him at the table for something to fight with. “You’ve been meeting with my brother behind my back?!”</p><p>“It is consensual Itachi-kun.”</p><p>“Like hell it is!” Itachi screamed as he grabbed something from the table before bringing it forward like a weapon and waving it around. He turned to Sasuke with an incredulous look. “Just how broke are you?!” He didn’t think Sasuke would have sex with this creep for money! How desperate was he?!</p><p>“What the hell is going on?!” Sasuke yelled confused as he stood from the table. “And put that pencil down, you’re going to poke someone’s eye out!”</p><p>Itachi looked at the pencil in his hand then at Sasuke. </p><p>Huh?</p><p>He was expecting to pick up some weird sex toy or something equally repulsive like that. And Sasuke looked like a school boy in his white polo shirt and dark blue jeans paired with squeaky clean white sneakers.</p><p>“Wait,” Itachi began before looking around. Nothing was out of the ordinary in Orochimaru’s home (except for the door Itachi kicked down), there were piles of papers and folders at the table Sasuke was sitting at a moment ago. “What’s . . . going on?”</p><p>“I’m getting tutored by Orochimaru for the LSAT!” Sasuke yelled at him.</p><p>“Yes, I want Sasuke to join my law firm so I’m helping him study to get into law school.” Orochimaru explained. </p><p>Itachi blinked slowly. Well that made sense, seeing that Orochimaru <em>was</em> the company’s lawyer. </p><p>“<em>That’s</em> why you wanted <em>Sasuke</em>?” Itachi asked incredulously. </p><p>“Of course, . . . did you think I wanted your brother for sex and STILL betted him off so quickly?” Orochimaru asked with a raised eyebrow of judgement. Itachi made his decision in less than <em>three</em> minutes!</p><p>“What the FUCK?! Is this what the $500 was about?!” Sasuke screamed, remembering Itachi paying him that amount to meet with Orochimaru initially. “You gave away your only brother so you can fuck my best friend?! I’m telling dad you pimped me out just so you can get your dick sucked!” Sasuke screamed enraged as he grabbed his book bag and began running out of the room.</p><p>“Don’t forget to be on time tomorrow Sasukeeee-kuuuun!” Orochimaru called out to him as he waved goodbye.</p><p>“I WILL DAMMIT!” Sasuke screamed back as he moved to slam the door before remembering Itachi broke it and it was laid out on the floor. He turned to glare at the older men one last time before turning his nose in the air and leaving. </p><p>Itachi and Orochimaru stared at each other in silence.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll pay for the door.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Itachi-kun.”</p><p>
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</p><p>A/N: Uchiha’s and their misunderstandings, smh.</p><p>It's my biiiirrttthhhhdaaaaayyyy so I'm updating early! Hooray! If you enjoy my story please leave a kudos and review to let me know you do &lt;3</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Don’t Be Late</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <span>“Yes Father?” Itachi inquired as he entered his father’s office the next day. “Shisui said you wanted to see me.” he explained, uncharacteristically timid as he sat down quietly in front of Fugaku’s large oak desk.  Itachi hated to admit it, but other than his crazy relative Madara and Shisui when his quirk was activated, Fugaku was the next person on a very tiny list of people Itachi was intimidated by. </span>
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  <span>“I received some disturbing news from your brother Itachi.” Fugaku said as he frowned at his oldest child. Honestly, he noticed Itachi was a little distracted these past couple of months, but he had no idea over something so ridiculous!</span>
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  <span>That little fucking rat! Itachi thought angrily, immediately thinking of Sasuke’s face. When Itachi returned to his condo he was going to give Sasuke the ultimate older brother wedgie. He’d fuck him up so bad his future children will come out with an extra deep anal slit!! </span>
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  <span>“I can explain father,” Itachi began quickly. This shouldn’t be an issue; his father was already aware of his sexual orientation – so this shouldn’t come as a surprise to him! </span>
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  <span>Fugaku held up his hand to silence Itachi in annoyance. “Never mind that. If you’re going to be an embarrassment, at least finish up the Yakamara deal before the banquet.” He snapped, knowing that Itachi had yet to close the contract. </span>
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  <span>“Yes father,” Itachi answered before he stood, bowing respectfully before leaving his office.</span>
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  <span>321</span>
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  <span>“YOUUUU!!” Itachi screamed as he threw open the condo door and found Sasuke sitting on the sofa watching TV. He must have been stupid to still be around after Itachi got off work. Sasuke immediately jumped up from the sofa as Itachi took a menacing step forward.</span>
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  <span>“Get away from me!” Sasuke yelled before Itachi began chasing him around the condo. </span>
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  <span>“I can’t believe you snitched on me you little shit!” Itachi growled as he glared at Sasuke who was in front of him in the living room. If only the kitchen island wasn’t in between them. </span>
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  <span>“You sold me to an old ass man for only $500!” Sasuke yelled. He was worth so much more!</span>
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  <span>“It didn’t turn out weird!” Itachi yelled. “So, you didn’t have to tell father!”</span>
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  <span>Sasuke gave him a weird look. “Huh?” he questioned, but Itachi had already lunged for him. Sasuke wasn’t fast enough and he felt Itachi’s fingers gripping his navy-blue shirt collar tightly, effectively dragging him back to meet his doom. Why the fuck did he wear such exaggerated shirt collars in the first place? Like, who wore such obnoxious shirt collars? All in the name of fashion, sigh.</span>
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  <span>As Sasuke contemplated his fashion choices, Itachi grabbed a hold of his boxers and Sasuke snapped back into reality. Was Itachi planning to give him a wedgie?!?!</span>
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  <span>“This is cruel and unusual punishment!” Sasuke tried to talk his way out of things but Itachi wasn’t having it.</span>
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  <span>“I’m going to deepen your anal slit!”</span>
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  <span>“Anal slit?” Sasuke questioned while turning back and giving Itachi a weird look. “You mean ass crack?”</span>
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  <span>“That’s what I said.”</span>
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  <span>“No, you said, and I quote, “anal slit.”</span>
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  <span>“What’s the difference?”</span>
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  <span>“Well anal slit just makes it sound weird, like the neighbor is probably calling the cops after that outburst weird.”</span>
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  <span>Itachi stared at him for a split second before deciding to just ignore Sasuke and administer his wedgie, but Sasuke began to squirm in his grasp.</span>
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  <span>“I didn’t know father would be so mad about you skipping the banquet!” Sasuke cried. “I just wanted to get back at you for selling me!”</span>
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  <span>Itachi raised an eyebrow and paused in delivering his divine punishment. “What?” What the hell was Sasuke talking about?!</span>
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  <span>“I told father you were skipping the banquet!” Sasuke explained, wondering why Itachi was so mad if he didn’t even know what he told their father.</span>
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  <span>“Why would you do that? I’m not skipping!”</span>
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  <span>“Aren’t you going to Naruto’s art show?” Sasuke asked confused as Itachi released him in his own confusion.</span>
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  <span>“Yeah,”</span>
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  <span>“Well it’s on the same day as the banquet moron!” Sasuke snapped before he realized something. “You thought I told father you sold me to Orochimaru?” Sasuke gasped. “How stupid do you think I am? If I did that you would beat the shit out of me then tell father I wanted to become a lawyer because of Neji!”</span>
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  <span>Itachi frowned. “Oh.” He said before he walked away from Sasuke and sat on the white leather sofa to contemplate this latest bit of information. Another misunderstanding huh?</span>
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  <span>Well, Sasuke wasn’t wrong. Itachi was planning to pulverize him, but in his rage completely forgot he could have just told their father about Neji as a form of payback. His brain impulsively jumped to physical retribution when he thought Sasuke snitched on him. Maybe he should get that impulse checked . . .</span>
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  <span>“No wonder he only wanted me to finish closing up some contracts. Other than that, he didn’t really care.” Itachi recalled.</span>
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  <span>Fugaku was more annoyed that he couldn’t send two representatives this year because Itachi decided not to attend. That would be embarrassing for him because the standard practice was to send two. </span>
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  <span>Uchiha men were sensitive.</span>
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  <span>Sasuke simply stared at Itachi. “So, you were about to deepen my anal slit over nothing?” he deadpanned. </span>
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  <span>Itachi grimaced. “Please Sasuke, say ass crack.” </span>
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  <span>123</span>
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  <span>Itachi opened Sasuke’s door after he heard an annoyed “come in” later that very evening. Seeing that Naruto didn’t show up meant that Sasuke told him not to come over because he was still in a foul mood. Itachi knew he had to apologize but didn’t know what to say. </span>
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  <span>They stared at each other for a few moments.</span>
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  <span>“You think I’m only worth $500?” Sasuke asked, breaking the deafening silence that enveloped the room.</span>
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  <span>More silence.</span>
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  <span>“Initially it was $100, but you wouldn’t have said yes for that.”</span>
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  <span>Even more silence.</span>
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  <span>“Did you come in here to apologize?”</span>
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  <span>“. . . isn’t it obvious?” Itachi asked. He was honestly trying his best here!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>123 321</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi knocked on Sasuke’s door the next morning, once again attempting to apologize. He didn’t hear anything, but moved to turn the doorknob anyways, mentally cursing after realizing it was locked. That little shit!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sasuke, I know you’re in there.” Itachi called out in tried patience.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go away!” came Sasuke’s aggravated voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a beautiful Saturday morning and the little shit didn’t even make breakfast. Itachi was up at his usual hour, the <strike>anal slit</strike> ass crack of dawn, and spent the entire time thinking of ways to lift his moody brother’s spirits. Because he was <em>such</em> a good older sibling!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi sighed loudly before relenting. He wandered into the living room, trying to figure out how to get his brother out of his room. He planned a surprise for the brat so Sasuke would forgive him, but Sasuke was making things difficult!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As a light bulb went off in his head, Itachi walked over to the kitchen, looking and stomping around a bit before he reached for the cabinets to grab whatever the hell Sasuke kept in there. Once opened, he saw expensive blue porcelain plates neatly stacked up. He was about to grab one before he heard a gruff voice behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t.” Sasuke snapped harshly. His ‘An Uchiha is in the kitchen!’ senses were screaming and he immediately came out of his room to see what the fuck was going on. Itachi usually avoided the kitchen, so it was very suspicious to find Itachi looking inside the cabinets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke walked over and slammed the cabinet door shut. “What do you want?” he asked suspiciously as he glared up at the taller man warily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why hello Sasuke,” Itachi greeted as Sasuke finally came out of his room if only to make sure Itachi didn’t burn or break anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But on a more serious note, Itachi didn’t understand his little brother. Sasuke certainly couldn’t take the shit he dished out. Itachi knew Sasuke wasn’t good at handling stress or any other emotion/feeling other than brooding contempt, but jeez was he being a brat about this whole situation!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Itachi sold him for $500? So, what?! Sasuke embezzled over $3,000 from him! As far as Itachi was concerned, selling him paled in comparison! And it ended up helping Sasuke because he was now being tutored by an experienced lawyer!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke glared at Itachi who turned to sit at the dining table with his legs crossed. “What do you want?” the younger Uchiha repeated begrudgingly rather than return Itachi’s simple greeting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi frowned at Sasuke’s grumpiness. He wanted to spend some time with Naruto but didn’t have his number and it would be weird if he invited Naruto to hang out without Sasuke. He needed to find a way to lift Sasuke’s mood, so he can get back on track to dating Naruto. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get dressed, we’re going out.” Itachi told the disgruntled brat, hoping to change his mood, but this had the opposite effect. Sasuke cringed and looked like Itachi was punishing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whyyy?” Sasuke whined as he almost stomped his foot in a tantrum. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi stood and grabbed for Sasuke before the little shit could scurry off. “I’m this close to slapping the attitude out of you.” He snapped before releasing Sasuke who gave him another beady glare for daring to touch him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>See? This is why Itachi couldn’t have children. Sasuke was five years his junior, but Itachi was ready to beat him like he was a grown ass man and not his little brother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are we going?” Sasuke asked suspiciously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are meeting up with a friend.” Itachi explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A friend?” Sasuke almost choked out in disgust. “I don’t like any of your friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gasp! Rude.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A mutual friend.” Itachi said with a frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have any mutual friends.” Sasuke insisted. He was normal, Itachi was not. They clearly did not have the same social circle!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sasuke.” Itachi said sternly, his left eye twitching in barely concealed annoyance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, I’m going.” Sasuke scuttled away and slammed his door shut as he went to get dressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>123</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto eagerly jumped out of the car as Neji pulled over in front of Sasuke’s condo. He suddenly felt someone’s hand on his ass and fought the urge to pulverize Kiba, who was standing next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiba!” Naruto yelled as he swatted the offensive hand away. Kiba finally “stopped shitting” as his older sister Hana put it delicately and was healthy enough to hang out again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Naruto!” Kiba apologized but even Naruto could tell he didn’t mean it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have fun guys,” Neji said from the car, not noticing Kiba groping Naruto. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We always do!” Naruto grinned while waving as Neji pulled off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do we have to be here?” Kiba complained about the 50th time since Naruto decided to drag him to Platinum Condominium. “This is where I got sick!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?” Naruto asked, tilting his head to the side. “Just because you got sick here doesn’t mean you’re going to get sick again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure Sasuke poisoned me.” Kiba deadpanned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sasuke wouldn’t do that!” Naruto defended the violent Uchiha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other for a few moments. “<em>Sasuke Uchiha</em> wouldn’t poison <em>me</em>?” Kiba emphasized slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, point taken.” Naruto admitted after thinking about it. Sasuke didn’t seem to like Kiba that much, but to be fair, Sasuke didn’t seem to like a lot of people, and Naruto couldn’t differentiate if Sasuke actually disliked someone for who they were or for simply breathing. “But if he really poisoned you, I’m pretty sure you would be dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough.” Kiba agreed as they began walking inside the condominium. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Kiba was finally able to go an hour without running to the restroom screaming as he violently shat, he called Naruto to hang out, only to find that his future lover had already made plans to spend time with that lil Uchiha bitch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba complained long enough for Naruto to invite him to hang out as well. He would have preferred if Naruto decided to cancel his prior engagement, but he would settle for Naruto including him. Besides, he could piss Sasuke off enough so the Uchiha would leave them in annoyance. He knew the Uchiha as a result of being friends with Naruto all these years so he knew how to push his buttons, which didn’t take much in the first place since he was usually cranky as hell and quick to get violent. He should see a therapist about his anger issues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They finally made it to the door and Naruto raised his hand to knock, only to be surprised when the door opened to reveal the Uchiha they came to visit. As usual, Sasuke wore designer clothes that justified why he had a national fan club. Kiba hated to admit it, but he was one attractive douche bag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey Sasuke!” Naruto grinned cheerfully. Sasuke looked mildly surprised to see him and looked beyond annoyed when he noticed Kiba standing behind the blonde.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here and why is that stray dog with you?” Sasuke asked flatly. “Should have used more laxatives,” Kiba heard Sasuke mutter afterwards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba snarled at him and moved to sock him in the face, but Naruto intervened. “Did you forget we were supposed to go to the mall today?” Naruto asked with a frown as he graciously stood in the way of Kiba’s fist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke seemed to think about things before he nodded. Naruto sighed. “Well, you look like you’re going somewhere, where to?” Naruto inquired while looking at the thin summer gray sweater Sasuke wore casually over a white button down. Sasuke somehow was able to transform a simple look into something out of a Vogue photoshoot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no idea.” Sasuke deadpanned before the door opened further as Itachi opened it. He was standing behind Sasuke wondering why the hell he was just hovering by the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Naruto!” Itachi began with a tinge of barely concealed excitement before his features looked irritated after noticing Kiba. “Sasuke, you forgot to mention you had prior engagements.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I forgot.” Sasuke sighed as he raked a hand through his raven locks. </span>
</p><p><span>“Are any of you gonna let us in or are we gonna stand here all day?” Kiba asked, annoyed. He clearly </span>was <span>n</span>ot wanted and couldn’t care less what two stuck up Uchiha’s thought of him, so all pleasantries were casted aside.</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Naruto agreed. “Let’s all hang out since you were going somewhere anyway!” He yelled as he cleared the path inside, both Uchiha’s obediently stepping aside as he went through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto always had that personality where he could get anyone to follow his lead and believe in him, so Kiba wasn’t surprised when the Uchihas simply stood aside. But that’s not what attracted Kiba to the sunny blonde. Oh no, that’s a flashback for another day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba followed behind Naruto and heard Sasuke sigh heavily as they all entered the condo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So where were you guys going?” Naruto asked as he turned back toward the two Uchihas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke simply gave Itachi a look because he clearly did not know the answer to Naruto's question. “We were going to an early lunch.” Itachi answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh cool! Let’s go together then!” Naruto exclaimed excitedly. He was a go-with-the-flow type of person and didn’t mind when plans changed at the last second. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s 10 o’clock.” Kiba deadpanned. Early was an understatement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, we’re quite aware, Kiba.” Sasuke snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck are you getting lunch so early in the morning?” Kiba asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to get there early.” Itachi explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t see anything wrong with it.” Naruto shrugged. Food was food to him and he couldn’t care less when was the appropriate time to eat a particular thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t come with us like that.” Sasuke said while looking at Naruto’s outrageous outfit. He didn’t know where they were going, but since Itachi bothered to get dressed nicely whatever Naruto had on wasn’t going to cut it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto clutched his bright orange, blue and white jacket defensively. “What?! What’s wrong with my clothes?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look like a walking Cheeto Puff.” Sasuke grimaced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are going to a higher end restaurant Naruto.” Itachi admitted. Naruto was cute but even Itachi had to give this point to Sasuke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what about Kiba?!” Naruto yelled before pointing a finger at his companion who looked bored at the conversation and was secretly spacing out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Kiba asked, startled from Naruto aggressively poking his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke scrutinized the maroon hair ruffian with judgmental eyes. Kiba’s hair was of course wild and sticking up in spiky yet somehow tousled waves – which Sasuke decided to ignore and continue with his inspection. There was no getting around his stupid hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surprisingly, Kiba wore an off-white long sleeve button down with the sleeves bunched up by his elbows with a beaded black bracelet around his wrist paired with dark navy-blue slacks and dark brown boots that he hadn’t bothered to tie so his shoelaces were left undone at the top at his ankle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What an odd combination – a mixture of street and business wear. It somehow made sense and gave Kiba a tamed rugged appearance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke recoiled in disgust.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” Kiba barked defensively. What the hell was his problem now?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you actually look decent?” Sasuke balked as Itachi and Naruto stared at the two’s interaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba looked offended by Sasuke’s choice of words. “I had to help Hana out today!” he snapped by way of explanation for his out of character attire. Kiba hated wearing button downs and dress pants, but he was in the office earlier and they had a dress code. Usually he wore t-shirts and ripped jeans with dirty sneakers, but at the very least Hana compromised and allowed him to wear his Carolina Logger boots. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke merely stared. “Who the fuck is Hana?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My older sister you dick!” Kiba growled. “I was assisting her at the clinic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke blinked slowly. “Clinic?” he asked with mild interest. Sasuke was starting to realize he didn’t know shit about Kiba’s personal life despite knowing – and being annoyed by him – for damn near a decade. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiba’s family owns a veterinarian clinic.” Naruto explained before things could escalate. Noticing Sasuke’s blank stare, he continued. “And he’s in the Veterinary Medicine Program at school?” Naruto offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> Inuzaka?” Itachi gasped, slightly shocked as it finally dawned on him. He met Kiba’s older sister years ago at some social event. Their family were well known and leading pioneers in animal research and medicine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>smart</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Sasuke gasped, absolutely mind blown at the fact that the idiot before him was smart enough to be accepted into <em>any</em> medical field. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it!” Kiba snarled as he lunged for Sasuke, “I’m tired of you looking down on me you little pale ass bitch!” the enraged man yelled as Sasuke smirked, anticipating a good fight. He may have been a pretty rich boy, but momma didn’t raise no bitch!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, SASUKE!” Naruto screamed before tackling Sasuke to the ground, Kiba stopping in his tracks now that Naruto was in the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get off me!” Sasuke complained. Naruto was heavy as shit; his body was filled with stupidity and probably ramen. He was not someone you wanted to tackle you to the ground. “Why are you attacking <em>me</em>?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You looked like you were about to hit Kiba...” Naruto explained sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s the one that lunged at me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba smirked. “I guess Naruto doesn’t want me to beat your ass!” He cackled while looking down at Sasuke haughtily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto gasped, he’d never heard Kiba use that snarky tone before. “Kiba!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry, Naruto.” Kiba quickly recovered his fake sweet persona. “I uh, lost my temper.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke’s hand fisted in Naruto’s golden locks before shoving him off and standing, his knuckles tingling at the desire to punch Kiba in the face. All he needed was a few minutes alone with him and he’d rock his shit so hard Kiba would bark the alphabets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow,” Naruto complained as he rubbed his head. “Sasuke, that hurt!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your dense mass hurt!” Sasuke snapped back as Naruto looked highly offended. Was Sasuke referring to his body?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about you borrow Sasuke’s clothes?” Itachi finally decided to cut their little interaction short. Sasuke glared at the horny bastard. Itachi just wanted to see Naruto in something tight!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Naruto can stretch out my nice shit?” Sasuke asked defiantly. He thought the fuck not! It was one thing to let the blonde borrow a t-shirt, another thing his nicer clothes. One malicious look from Itachi and Sasuke reluctantly grabbed Naruto’s arm, roughly pulling him up and dragging him to his room to change. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba was slightly impressed that there was someone on the planet who Sasuke actually listened to before he felt a murderous aura emanating from said man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-Uh, yes?” Kiba asked, not knowing why he suddenly felt scared as Itachi took a menacing step toward him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s talk.” Itachi grinned ominously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>123 321</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you have to bring that dog?” Sasuke grumbled as he looked through his closet. Maybe Sasuke had a shirt that fit him loosely. It might just fit Naruto without him looking like a cast of Jersey Shore equipped with his dark tan skin and tight button down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s my friend!” Naruto gasped at Sasuke referring to Kiba as a dog. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cut the act Naruto,” Sasuke snapped, annoyed with Naruto’s refusal to acknowledge that Kiba was as much as a douche as himself. “You have to know Kiba is a dumbass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not a dumbass, he just doesn’t listen to you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I said he was a dumbass.” Sasuke repeated. That was Sasuke’s definition of a dumbass, someone who didn’t listen to him. “And he clearly has a thing for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto sighed heavily. “Kiba’s just one of those friends you have that you can’t explain. Like how Lee is Neji’s friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re mine.” Sasuke agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Naruto grinned before realizing something. “Wait, what?! Not cool!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wear this.” Sasuke said before throwing a deep blue shirt at Naruto. It would look great with the blonde’s eyes – a little treat for Itachi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really doing this for you.” Naruto insisted before removing his jacket and taking off his white t-shirt. Shirtless, he gave Sasuke a pointed look. “Kiba wasn’t always like this with me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke crossed his arms and leaned against his closet door in anticipation of a good story. “Go on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t know if you noticed, but Kiba is pretty touchy-feely with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Could have fooled me.” Sasuke bit out sarcastically as Naruto pulled his shirt over his broad shoulders where it lay comfortably against his abs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto decided to ignore Sasuke’s sarcasm and continued. “He’s a great friend, but sometimes I really worry about his sanity.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it the fact that he gets turned on by you rejecting his advances?” Sasuke wondered as Naruto finished buttoning up his shirt. It didn’t look half bad on him! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s not the rejection that turns him on,” Naruto began, but a loud scream interrupted him and it was coming from the living room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke figured it was only a matter of time before Itachi tried to kill the Inuzuka for always hitting on Naruto. “Go on,” He told Naruto to continue, as if nothing happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to see what’s going on!” Naruto exclaimed before racing outside the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>321</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everything ok?” Naruto questioned as he entered the living room to find Kiba and Itachi sitting next to one another on the white sofa. Kiba looked miserable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you look nice Naruto.” Itachi approved of his outfit change.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shirt must have been new, or rather Sasuke simply never wore it because this was the first time Itachi was seeing it. Also, he had no idea Sasuke owned something so colorful. Sasuke seemed to limit his color palette to pitch black, black, light black (but not yet gray), gray, random navy blue and blood red colors with a splash of white here and there. What a ray of sunshine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Naruto asked, as usual he was easily distracted, and he looked down to inspect what he was wearing. He hadn’t bothered to check and just did what he was told when Sasuke threw it at his face. “Thank you!” Naruto beamed as Kiba hauled ass to hide behind him as Itachi leered at Kiba’s retreat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready?” Itachi asked as Sasuke walked up behind them. It’s not like Sasuke wanted to go out before, but now he definitely didn’t want to go anywhere with this group of extreme differing personalities.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, his jeans are fine.” Sasuke said, thankful that Naruto at least wore nice dark jeans and shoes that made him look like an actual adult. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright let’s go!” Naruto grinned. “And it’s closer to noon now!” the blonde beamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi visibly paled. “What did you just say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s almost noon.” Sasuke repeated. He gave Itachi a weird look seeing him sweat a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were going to Kenshin,” Itachi mumbled as he fumbled to reach his phone in his pocket to check the time himself. “I had a reservation for 12.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, that was why they had to dress up a little, Kenshin was a flashy restaurant. Sasuke noticed the way Itachi’s eyes widened when he checked his phone, “What’s going on?” the younger Uchiha asked, alarmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s almost 12.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke checked his watch on his wrist. “It’s 11:15am.” He deadpanned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to be late.” Itachi emphasized with barely concealed horror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t that place 30 minutes away?” Naruto asked, having been there with Sasuke before. “We can make it!” If Itachi had a reservation, they would just make it in time, there was no need for him to worry!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t understand.” Itachi said gravely before looking at Sasuke. “We’re meeting with Shisui.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke actually smiled, much to Naruto’s and Kiba’s utter revulsion. Nobody really knew how to react when Sasuke showed mirth. After revulsion, fear settled in and Naruto and Kiba were shook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But anyways, Shisui Uchiha was their older cousin who often baby sat them growing up. Sasuke loved him and viewed him as an older sibling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was this the surprise Itachi planned for him? Shisui was usually super busy and it was hard getting a hold of him, so Sasuke was now excited about going out! Shisui was dependable, kind, thoughtful, and –</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tape recording being scratched could be heard in the distance as Sasuke’s heart dropped and almost fell out of his ass as a realization ruined his happy mood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck.” Sasuke gasped as he realized something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Itachi’s quirk was disorder . . .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shisui’s quirk was . . . tardiness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A/N: I’m adding yet another crazy Uchiha to this crack fic and losing my sanity as I write this story.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. He's Just Weird</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Reservation for U-U-U,” Itachi coughed as he tried catching his breath and was doubled over in front of the hostess at Kenshin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba, Naruto, and Sasuke were right behind him drenched in sweat. Despite being an athlete, even Naruto was almost at the point of exhaustion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At Itachi’s condo, the group strategized on how to get there on time. The plan was to take an Uber and avoid wasting precious time finding parking. They would be let out right in front of the restaurant and get inside with three minutes left to spare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, they hadn’t realized how crowded downtown was today. It was supposed to be 30 minutes with traffic – but a car wreck slowed it down even more, so now it was pushing to be 45 minutes and more. They were forced to exit the Uber and run in the hot summer sun to the restaurant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For Uchiha.” Itachi finally managed to say as the hostess gave them a weird expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right this way Uchiha-san.” She bowed before taking them to a private table out back in a luxurious garden filled with rare exotic flowers and a beautiful water fountain in the center.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Itachi-kun.” Shisui greeted his younger cousin fondly where he sat waiting at a charmingly decorated table with white lace tablecloth decorating it. He wore a red wine button down shirt paired with black slacks and black shiny shoes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was leaning back in his chair while his legs were crossed, his right arm resting on top holding a large gold pocket watch in a gloved hand.  It was opened to reveal the time. “With one minute to spare.” Shisui smiled as he snapped the watch shut. “And you brought my favorite Uchiha!” Shisui suddenly stood when he finally noticed Sasuke (who was hiding behind Itachi just in case they made it too late and Shisui went ape shit). He held out his hands and Sasuke let loose a breath of relief before walking over and hugging him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi frowned at their display of favoritism. “I thought I was your favorite.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not ever since you stabbed me.” Shisui snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You threatened my white socks!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are they?” Shisui asked as he changed the subject while peering over at Naruto and Kiba. “Friends of yours Sasuke-kun?” he asked, his arm draped over Sasuke’s shoulders. He’d already met Itachi’s psycho friends so these two before him must have been Sasuke’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Sasuke scoffed as Naruto eagerly held out his hand to Shisui in greeting as Itachi and Kiba moved to sit down at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, we are! I’m Naruto Uzumaki and this is Kiba Inuzaka!” Naruto grinned. Kiba scowled at being called a “friend” of Sasuke’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Naruto.” Shisui said, remembering hearing Sasuke talk about him throughout the years. “Nice to finally meet you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re hot,” Naruto blurted out as he shook his hand before covering his mouth. “Sorry but you’re really attractive!” Shisui was a mix of both Itachi and Sasuke but seemed a lot nicer and less violent somehow. Why were those two so scared of him? If Itachi was a panda, then Shisui was a cuddly rabbit!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shisui laughed as Itachi fumed behind him. “Thank you, Naruto. I think I’m going to like you.” He smirked as Naruto blushed. “What a wonderful surprise Itachi, I wonder what it is you want?” He questioned as he sat down with Sasuke to his left and Naruto on his right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi just glowered at him. While Sasuke idolized Shisui, Itachi . . . well, he too idolized their older cousin (more so out of fear), but still felt like Shisui unjustly treated him like a child! He wasn’t even that much older than him!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And how the hell did Shisui know he wanted something?! True, Itachi made this meeting to put Sasuke back in a good mood so Naruto could start coming over again, but sheesh, Itachi wasn’t being that obvious about it was he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their waitress walked over to them and gasped at seeing so many attractive men at one table. Kiba had a rugged look to him and his scowl at being at an event with so many Uchiha’s really made him look brooding and sexy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi was tall, dark and mysterious and his long hair gave him an edgier look. Sasuke was the aloof pretty boy with striking features that his bangs hid slightly so when he looked up at the waitress her heart almost stopped when she finally saw his full face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shisui was the mature older brother and gave her a heartwarming smile when she arrived that made her heart beat too fast in her chest while Naruto radiated like the sun and his wide energetic blue eyes and cheerful smile made her smile in turn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was in fucking fanfic heaven.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hello, my name is Mikasa and I will be your waitress for the afternoon.” She curtsied before handing out menus decorated with lace. “Can I get you any refreshments while you decide your meal?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mikasa was ecstatic that she was chosen to wait at their table despite just starting her job a couple weeks prior. When the reservation was made, she wondered why nobody wanted to wait on the gorgeous Uchiha’s table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were regulars too, so she had no idea why everyone was so nervous. One waitress seemed to have had a nervous breakdown and had to take off work today. The chefs even went out of their way to create an entirely new menu for this day!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hn,” Shisui began, “We still need time to decide, please come back in five minutes.” He said before opening a gold pocket watch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How . . . <em>odd</em>. Mikasa thought before she bowed and left – not without noticing the panicked expressions on Itachi and Sasuke’s faces. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Itachi was mentally cursing up a storm. What happened to their normal waitress who knew their quirks?! WhErE wAs ShE?!?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke threw him an anxious expression – were they going to survive this day?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how about some champagne to start off the meal?” Shisui asked the table with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Naruto yelled excitedly, always ready to drink something alcoholic. He momentarily frowned. Maybe he needed to stop drinking so much with Kankuro, he was rubbing off on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba sighed, he just had to be sitting next to Itachi. The Uchiha had previously threatened to throw Kiba out of the living room window (they were on the 18th floor!) and even opened it to show Kiba how invested he was in doing so. Kiba never screamed so loud as then when the older Uchiha actually grabbed him, easily hoisting him up, before attempting to shove him outside. It was odd how Itachi felt compelled to wipe his fingerprints from the windowsill as if he was a compulsive cleaner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Itachi liked Naruto, huh? Well, Kiba didn’t think he wanted to compete against that psycho! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His dark gold eyes scanned over the menu and he didn’t even know what language most of the entrées were in. He gave up and looked at the little section under refreshments and again, the same issue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba was from an established and respected clan, but you wouldn’t know it by the way he acted and looked. That’s why he despised people like the Uchiha’s who flaunted their wealth and had no trouble reminding you that they were better. And Sasuke was the fucking worst.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey mutt,” Kiba heard said Uchiha calling out to him. “Need help picking out a happy meal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now Sasuke, be nice to your guest.” Shisui reprimanded Sasuke, who actually looked bashful from his scolding. He suddenly closed his menu and clapped his hands together in anticipation as he thought of something short of brilliant. “I know, why don’t you decide which meal we’ll have today?” Shisui asked with a smile. “Let’s see how you would arrange it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” Sasuke responded gruffly but was secretly very happy with this. Shisui seemed to be the only Uchiha that actually showed an interest and encouraged his cooking hobby. He scanned over the courses as the others conversed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi ~!” Mikasa sang with a cheery smile as she returned to the table suddenly. She was about to check on some other customers but figured she’d check back in before she did so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right on time Mikasa!” Shisui grinned as he slammed the pocket watch closed. He leaned forward and gave her a smile. “That is my ideal time!” Itachi let loose a breath of air he hadn’t realized he was holding in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How . . . odd. Mikasa thought again as she awkwardly laughed before turning to look at everyone else. “May I take your orders now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you may,” Sasuke said as he leaned forward. “I will be ordering for everyone. Are you ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mikasa nodded her head. “Yes, sir!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You may need a notebook. . .” Itachi tried to hint at. So, she was able to defeat Shisui’s quirk . . . but despite Sasuke not having an official quirk . . . he still had issues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m fine!” Mikasa insisted. It was just five guys; she’s had far larger tables! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke shrugged while Itachi internally screamed. Well, it was her funeral. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We will start with kir royal.” Sasuke began with the drinks. “Afterwards, le soixante quinze, and I want you to infuse the syrup with lavender.” He ordered. “After this, citron pressé will follow with brown, not white, sugar on the side.” He instructed tersely as he got into the order.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For the apéritif: we’ll have Chickpea blini with lemon mousseline and wild salmon caviar. Afterwards will be fig and goat cheese tarts with some Taleggio cheese and Mission fig tartines. For course two: we’ll have shrimp quenelles in a shrimp bouillon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course three, the chanterelle mushroom risotto over an herb coulis. Course four, medium rare duck breast in cherry sauce. Lastly course five will consist of roasted fruit compote with lemon mousseline.” Sasuke finally finished. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you get all of that?” he asked as Itachi internally cringed at barely being able to keep up with Sasuke’s little demands. Kiba and Naruto looked like they blanked out after “kir royal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mikasa slowly blinked and Itachi’s heart was racing. “Excellent choices Uchiha-san!” She exclaimed while breaking out in a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The kir royal followed with the bubbles in the drink will tickle the taste buds on the way down and set the tone for your meal. The lavender in le soixante quinze will coax out the gin's more herbal notes!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The lemon mousseline will add another citrus flavor but not too strong and pairs well with the salmon. Not to mention adding the taleggio cheese and mission fig tartines will give the pastries a slight Italian twist!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the cherry duck is seared in a sweet-tart sauce of cherries, shallots, and balsamic vinegar which brings out the perfect taste of the meatiness of the duck. And who can go wrong with fruit as a healthier approach to dessert which will be washed down with citron pressé sweetened to taste with brown sugar!” Mikasa gushed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What a wonderful meal! I will be out with your kir royal in two minutes followed with the aperitif in exactly four minutes!” she ended while winking at Shisui when she collected their menus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke simple stared. He was speechless while Shisui opened his clock and winked back at Mikasa before she left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well.” Itachi began. “You certainly didn’t hold back Sasuke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What . . . what the fuck just happened?” Kiba asked what was on Naruto’s mind frankly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just ordered our meal dumbass.” Sasuke sneered while leaning back in his chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba’s eyes narrowed and he was about to shoot back a smart response but was stopped when Naruto interceded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’ve ever been to a place where a server got Sasuke’s lists of demands right the first time.” Naruto joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So she has a good memory, that’s not impressive. We’ll see how she does when she brings it out.” Sasuke scoffed, not yet willing to completely give Mikasa her props. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi sighed heavily. This was going to be an interesting lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>123 321</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lunch turned out to be just fine, a little too tense due to some close calls, but it was just fine. Too bad the intensity of it all drove Kiba mad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with you people?” Kiba yelled exasperatedly at the Uchiha’s before him. He had enough with these weird ass Uchiha’s! All throughout dinner they were all weird! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started his rant by pointing at Shisui and his stupid shiny clock. “You have something against tardiness,” he pointed at Itachi who was putting away the silverware he brought because he deemed restaurant utensils “dirty”. “You and your neurotic cleaning!” Next Kiba turned to point aggressively at Sasuke. “And you’re just a fucking dick!” he screamed at Sasuke who frowned at being called a frail limb. He was a bastard, thank you very much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not their fault Kiba!” Naruto defended them. “It’s their Uchiha Quirk!” he explained as Kiba settled down a bit, but was still off hinged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uchiha <em>quirk?”</em> Kiba asked with a raised eyebrow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-huh,” Naruto answered while nodding his head. “Shisui is tardiness and Itachi’s disorder. All Uchihas have something they are a natural talent at, but at a cost. They can’t possess their gifted abilities if they don’t honor their quirk. Since Itachi’s quirk is disorder, if he’s around mess he becomes . . . uh, upset.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So if they don’t honor their quirks they become talentless assholes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah. But they tend to mainly become extremely violent and homicidal.” Naruto sighed remembering all of the beatings he got from Itachi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a knee jerk reaction.” Shisui added helpfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t control it.” Itachi said solemnly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is this the first time I’m hearing of this when I’ve known that asshole for so long?” Kiba asked while glaring at Sasuke who glared right back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have a quirk.” Sasuke said haughtily with his nose in the air. “I’m the perfect Uchiha.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure he doesn’t have a quirk?” Naruto asked suspiciously, turning to Shisui much to Sasuke’s annoyance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, he’s just weird.” Shisui responded calmly as he finished his drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what the doctor told us.” Itachi confirmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, that makes sense.” Kiba admitted as Naruto nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke glared at them and opened his mouth to say something rude, but Mikasa suddenly reappeared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, here’s the check!” She smiled while taking Shisui now finished drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mikasa,” Shisui said before he elegantly got down on one knee and grabbed her hand. “Marry me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-I-Um-No?” Mikasa stammered not knowing how to respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, so you’re playing hard to get?” Shisui asked as he looked up into her eyes. “This makes me even more attracted to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems to be a flat out rejection.” Itachi observed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-But why?” Shisui cried as he stood and held Mikasa’s hands. “We were made for each other!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No is a full sentence.” Sasuke added. “She doesn’t have to explain herself to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t really know you Uchiha-san.” Mikasa began to explain, trying to be nice and not make the situation even more awkward than it was. “And I’m still at work so I need to collect the check once you finish paying. . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shisui handed her his credit card and gave her the check with a heavy sigh. “I’ll respect your wishes but I will wait for you.” He said as she ran with the check to the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba and Naruto just stayed silent as they watched everything go down as the Uchiha’s seemed unfazed by everything that occurred today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know.” Naruto began as he whispered to Kiba. “Sasuke’s my best friend and all, but even today was too Uchiha for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A/N: You know it's been a long ass day if NARUTO is feeling a type of way.</span>
</p><p>
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</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Don't Do Drugs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So I spent the entire day with Sasuke, Itachi, and Shisui.” Naruto was telling Sakura and Gaara the next morning. “First of all, they all basically look alike and act the same yet they are all somehow different and are complete opposites of each other.” Naruto gossiped before he sneezed and began blowing his nose loudly on Kleenex tissue paper infused with aloe vera and lotion. </p><p>“Uh, Naruto.” Sakura began uneasily. They all sat on Naruto’s king size bed as he chattered/wheezed about his time with the Uchiha’s and Kiba yesterday.</p><p>“You guys know I consider Sasuke my best friend,” Naruto went on to say after he finally finished blowing his nose. “And I’m slightly obsessive about our friendship, but even <em>I</em> had enough!” </p><p>“Uh, Sasuke’s right behind you.” Sakura finally managed to interrupt.</p><p>Naruto turned to look at Sasuke who was sitting on his bed behind him, leaning against the wall while reading a law textbook. Sasuke suddenly looked up when he noticed the silence. “Don’t worry, I’m ignoring you.” he reassured everyone.</p><p>“Oh, it’s fine Sakura, he’s ignoring us!” Naruto grinned at the couple before him who was giving them concerned looks. </p><p>“Why is he even here?” Gaara asked. Sasuke hated being at their apartment and it felt weird seeing the Uchiha willingly come around. He only came when blackmailed or guilted into checking up on Naruto from time to time.</p><p>“It’s Sunday.” Sasuke answered before he went back to ignoring them and flipping through his textbook.</p><p>“This is Itachi’s cleaning day.” Naruto remarked solemnly before sneezing. </p><p>“Oh. Ok . . .” Sakura was a little unsure of how that explained anything, but she was just going to go along with it. </p><p>“Sasuke doesn’t like to be in the condo on Sunday’s.” Naruto explained. “But since I’m sick and Sasuke lacks the social skills to interact with others without me, he decided to come over so the loneliness he feels in moments of prolonged solitude won’t creep up on him since he sucks at sustaining meaningful relationships.” Naruto turned back to Sasuke. “Did I get everything?”</p><p>Sasuke thought things over before answering, “Basically.” and returning to his books.</p><p>“So yeah.” Naruto said as he turned back to Sakura and Gaara who just stared at them with blank expressions.  </p><p>“ . . . so how did you get sick?” Gaara prodded to keep the conversation going. It was best if they didn’t confront what the hell Naruto just said. No need to incite another strange explanation. </p><p>“Oh!” Naruto exclaimed. “I was getting to that! So after lunch, Kiba and I decided to get some ice cream and we went to Candy World, you know that shop like a couple blocks from here with every candy in the world? Yeah so we went there and left with diabetes!”</p><p>“I see. Um, Gaara, I think we left the stove on.” Sakura said as she began getting up.</p><p>“You’re right, let’s go turn it off.” Gaara agreed before they both ran out of the room.</p><p>“Why do couples feel the need to do everything together?” Naruto grumbled.</p><p>“Because they’re <em>needy</em>.” Sasuke answered. Bah dum tis.</p><p>“Was . . . was that a joke? Because I said . . . I said they <em>need</em> to do everything together?”</p><p>“ . . . yeah.”</p><p>“Please just stick to being a bastard.”</p><p>“Oh . . . ok.”</p><p>“Honestly Sasuke, that was disappointing.”</p><p>“I said ok!!”</p><p>123 321</p><p>While Sasuke fled to Naruto’s, Itachi was scrubbing the floor with his fallen enemy’s toothbrushes with passionate vigor.</p><p>He was still on a high from spending so much time with Naruto recently – and without causing bodily harm! He was so close to being in a relationship with the blonde – he could feel it! Eating together basically meant a relationship right?!</p><p>Itachi was whistling as he worked, giddy from his recent activities, but soon his stomach began grumbling. </p><p>Urgh. Sasuke didn’t make breakfast before he ran out earlier this morning. He usually did every single day – except when Itachi forgot to buy groceries or the brat was in one of his moods. </p><p>The fridge wasn’t even empty! It was practically fully stocked! Itachi was starting to realize that Sasuke was just like a cat. He sees a little space in the fridge and thinks there’s no food!</p><p>Itachi sighed before getting up since he was finally finished with the beautiful tile floors in the kitchen – the last thing he had to do.</p><p>Like clockwork, Sasuke entered the condo as soon as Itachi threw the toothbrush he was cleaning in the trash. He always returned as soon as Itachi finished his Sunday cleaning and Itachi was starting to become a little paranoid about that fact. How did he know every time? Knowing Sasuke, did he plant some kind of camera in here?</p><p>Controversies aside, Itachi noticed the little Uchiha looked a bit stressed out. Poor thing, Itachi thought as he watched Sasuke crawl to the sofa before practically passing out on it. Sasuke was introverted – another Uchiha trait – but he seemed to be more deeply introverted than everyone else. </p><p>For starters, Itachi was a social introvert. He didn’t mind hanging out with his stupid ass friends every now and again, even sought it out on rare occasions, as long as he was able to recharge by himself. When necessary, he didn’t mind socializing.</p><p>But Sasuke . . .</p><p>Itachi grabbed a glass cup before pouring room temperature water into it. He observed long ago that Sasuke hated ice and usually anything cold for that matter. </p><p>The older sibling walked over to his brother before crouching on the floor beside him. He knew Sasuke could sense him and waited for the younger man to slowly remove the arm covering his face and direct his attention to him.</p><p>“Thanks,” Sasuke sighed before reaching for the glass and sitting up. He brought it to his lips and drank all of it in one go. Sasuke handed the glass back to Itachi and sighed. “Naruto’s sick.”</p><p>“Is he going to be ok?” Itachi asked, alarmed, his brows burrowing forward in concern as he gripped the cup tightly.</p><p>“Yes, he just becomes even more of a chattering idiot when he’s ill.” Sasuke scoffed as he laid back down. “The dobe ate too much candy now his throat is sore, he can’t stop sneezing and blowing his nose all over the place.” Sasuke grumbled before noticing Itachi looked genuinely concerned for his stupid best friend.</p><p>Deciding to take pity on his older brother, Sasuke sat up again and turned to Itachi. “Did you buy more groceries?”</p><p>“Yes,” Itachi snapped. He bought more while the laundry was washing earlier that day. Sasuke was such a nag!</p><p>“Alright, give me a moment.” Sasuke grumbled before he got up and walked to his room, leaving a confused Itachi in the living room.</p><p>321</p><p>Sasuke had a rough start.</p><p>A REALLY rough start. </p><p>Meaning, he failed in getting Naruto to fall in love with Itachi once he agreed to help. This was unlike Sasuke; he always won. He accomplished everything he set out to do without fail and with a quickness! There was some point when he should give up, but Sasuke wasn’t a punk ass bitch. He WOULD win. </p><p>“What are you planning now?” Itachi asked warily as Sasuke approached him where he was waiting for his brother in the living room. Sasuke had ran in his room and reemerged in loungewear . . . and an apron.</p><p>“To get to a man’s heart,” Sasuke began as he walked over to Itachi, each step his older brother dreading. “Is through his stomach!” Sasuke exclaimed before standing in front of him.</p><p>Itachi stared at Sasuke who was glowering. It must have hurt him to say that. Sasuke hated the idea of chasing people – he was usually the one being chased.</p><p>“You’re going to make something for Naruto for me?” Itachi questioned.</p><p>“No, I’m going to teach you how to cook.” Sasuke explained before a deafening silence took hold.</p><p>They stayed like that for a few moments, silently blinking at each other, before Itachi busted out laughing. </p><p>“You know,” Itachi began as he wiped a tear from his eye from laughing so hard. “I was concerned when you first told me you weren’t going to work at Rinnegan.” Another round of maniacal laughter before he snorted and continued. “But now I understand. You are the last Uchiha with a sense of humor and we mustn’t ruin that by having you work at the company.”</p><p>Sasuke watched with a hand on his hip as Itachi started laughing again and waited for him to wrap up his merrymaking. </p><p>Noticing that he was the only one laughing, Itachi suddenly became alarmed. “Surely you’re not serious Sasuke!”</p><p>“You heard me.”</p><p>“But, I can’t cook!”</p><p>“That’s why I said I would teach you.”</p><p>“You know I inherited our parent’s cooking curse!” Itachi defended himself as Sasuke moved to the refrigerator. “Remember when we tried to bake mother a cake for Mother’s Day?!”</p><p>Sasuke flinched and Itachi took that as good sign to continue. “It took four months for our eyebrows to grow back!!”</p><p>“Yes, but we’re older now and I’m a great cook, so there’s hope for you.” Sasuke reassured himself as he turned to Itachi but noticed Itachi was walking out of the kitchen.</p><p>123</p><p>After thirty minutes of cursing and much warranted violence, Itachi was in the kitchen sweating.</p><p>“Since Naruto’s sick, we’re going to make some chicken noodle soup.” Sasuke said as the brothers stared at an assortment of vegetables and seasoning neatly arranged by Sasuke beforehand on the kitchen counter. How hard could it be? Sasuke thought to himself. The main ingredients were water and broth for Christ sake!</p><p>“I already taught you how to boil water.” Sasuke said as Itachi glanced uneasily at the water in the pot that was beginning to boil on the stove. “Now here.” Sasuke picked up a carrot and thrusted it at Itachi. “What do you think we do with this?”</p><p>As Itachi inspected the vegetable, Sasuke was having an internal dialogue with himself. He was slightly paranoid that this ordeal might end up with him having to call the fire department – but he was giving himself a pep talk in order to stay positive. </p><p>This couldn’t be a <em>complete</em> disaster. Yes, his brother was tragically incompetent when it came to cooking, Sasuke noted this as he watched Itachi hopelessly stare at the carrot before nervously looking at the pot on the stove. </p><p>BUT! Itachi was an Uchiha <em>Prodigy!</em> He wasn’t a complete dumbass!</p><p>Sasuke’s last thought shriveled up and died as he witnessed Itachi chuck a whole carrot, leafy top and all, into a boiling pot of water.</p><p>“What the fuck are you doing?!” Sasuke screamed as he turned the stove off and used some kitchen tongs to fish the carrot out of the now dirty water.</p><p>“I have to cook the carrot.” Itachi explained.</p><p>“You didn’t even wash it first!” Sasuke yelled. He could feel the gray hairs coming in at his roots from all this stress.</p><p>“Why would I do that?” Itachi asked as Sasuke put the carrot back on the counter and glared at him.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t you?!”</p><p>“Isn’t it already prewashed?”</p><p>Sasuke blinked at him before grabbing the dirty carrot and waving it in Itachi’s face. “DOES THIS LOOK PREWASHED TO YOU?!” he screamed aghast. </p><p>“I hadn’t realized . . .” Itachi murmured as his hands came up to hold his chin in deep thought. He merely had to supply the food, he didn’t help Sasuke in any way in prepping it. He thought everything was washed and ready to go from the market.</p><p>“You have to wash it first, then skin it!”</p><p>Itachi simply stared at Sasuke in slight horror. “Carrots have skin?!” Itachi asked, horrified at this startling new information.</p><p>Sasuke slowly put the carrot down as his hands came to his sides in defeat.</p><p>“Change of plans.” Sasuke said as he stared at his brother with a twitch in his right eye. “I’m going to cook something for Naruto for you.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi frantically waited outside Naruto’s apartment door. Inwardly of course, he was an Uchiha and couldn’t show too much emotion for mere mortals to witness. </p><p>He held a small cardboard box in his hands with a red ribbon delicately wrapped around it – his little brother went overkill with his preparation. Sasuke didn’t have plastic packaging because something about the environment and how Itachi should go to hell for even suggesting it.</p><p>After Sasuke's failed attempt at getting Itachi to cook, he gave up and shooed Itachi away and made a delicious chicken soup. Sasuke then packaged the meal and gave it to Itachi and hissed at him to make sure Itachi knew he was disliked.</p><p>Itachi did offer to wash the dishes but that was yet another task Sasuke did not trust Itachi with in the kitchen. Even before Itachi attempted to wash his pots, he once told Sasuke he just used the dishwasher – which horrified the younger Uchiha. Something about how “those fucking things don’t wash shit!” and a lecture on how improper handling of cookware can corrode it or some shit.</p><p>The older Uchiha <strike>didn’t</strike> couldn’t cook so he had no clue that the dishwasher didn’t get every nook and cranny of the damn dishes! If anything, all he ever did was wash a glass cup or something!</p><p>The door Itachi was beating down suddenly opened and he saw pink hair.</p><p>“Hi—” Sakura began before she gasped out loud while looking Itachi up and down in shock. “I-Itachi-kun!” Sakura smiled at him in greeting, recovering quickly from her initial shock, yet her wide emerald eyes still showed astonishment at seeing Itachi standing before her this Sunday afternoon. “W-What brings you here? Did you forget something from last time?” Sakura asked, referring to the time he visited the apartment for Naruto’s party.</p><p>Itachi was a little worried for the young woman before him who looked like she was breaking her neck as she looked Itachi up and down repeatedly. “Are you ok Sakura-chan?” Itachi wondered.</p><p>“Y-Yes, what makes you think I’m not?” Sakura asked as she wiped sweat off her brow. </p><p>“Oi, is that Itachi?” he heard Naruto ask Sakura before the door widened to reveal a flash of blonde before blue eyes were looking up at him. They widened in shock before Naruto out right gawked at Itachi. Sakura elbowed him and the blonde shook his head before continuing. “Uh, Sasuke called and said you were coming over!”</p><p>“Naruto go back to bed!” Sakura scolded him angrily. “Did you take the medicine I brought you?!”</p><p>“N-Not yet,” Naruto cowered at the pinkette’s anger. Sakura sighed before grumbling and walking off to retrieve her medicine and force it down Naruto’s throat.</p><p>“We gotta hurry,” Naruto said quickly before reaching out to grab Itachi’s hand. “Before she comes back with more pills!” he explained before pulling Itachi inside and dragging him to his room.</p><p>“Welcome!” Naruto exclaimed as he closed the door to his spacious room and locked it so Sakura wouldn’t try to force him to take her medicine. He turned to Itachi who was looking around surprised.</p><p>“It’s . . . clean.” Itachi remarked amazed at the spacious room with too many bright colors. On closer inspection, it wasn’t that clean, there was a lot of clutter in the corners, but no visible mess.</p><p>Yes, Naruto spent 20 minutes speed cleaning it after Sasuke’s call, or rather, warning. Plus, an additional 3 minutes Febreeze-ing the shit out of it.</p><p>“Oh, yes, of course!” Naruto grinned sheepishly. “It’s uh, always clean!” </p><p>Itachi turned to look at Naruto with a skeptical gaze after looking at his bed that was suspiciously lopsided with a huge bulge at the corner furthest away as if someone stuffed something under the mattress, like an obese man or baby humpback whale. </p><p>“Anyways, what brings you here?” Naruto asked before walking pass Itachi to sit on his bed, almost toppling over from the unevenness of it. Dammit! He should have spread out the dirty clothes he crammed under it! </p><p>Naruto awkwardly opted to sit at the edge of the bed, trying to wiggle out the obvious lump, but Itachi was too busy gawking at his fuzzy yellow blinds that covered his large window. It looked like normal blinds except they had yellow fur (like a plush rug) on it. Where the FUCK did he find that?!</p><p>“Sasuke informed me of your illness so I brought this for you.” Itachi said as he walked over to Naruto and handed him the biodegradable cardboard box he held. He needed to get his mind off of those blinds.</p><p>Confused, Naruto took the plain brown box before opening it to reveal a glass container filled with soup. “Oh wow,” He gasped before looking up at Itachi. “Thank you so much, this was really nice.” He began to sniff as he looked down at the container. “This is so thoughtful,” Naruto went on before full on tears began falling from his eyes.</p><p>Oh dear.</p><p>Itachi patted him gently on his back as Naruto cried from such a touching gesture. Itachi momentarily wondered what kind of life Naruto lived for him to cry over someone bringing him soup while he was sick. </p><p>Recounting all the times he himself fell ill, which was rare because Rinnegan didn’t have a lot of paid sick days so Itachi planned accordingly (who the hell would use their vacation days for mere sickness or worst, work for <em>free?!</em> What did he look like?! Some unpaid intern?!), his mother or Shisui would stop by and make sure he was ok. Even Sasuke, when he was a lot nicer in his youth. </p><p>Usually Sasuke acted like a bitter old man and would throw whatever food he brought at him before dipping out. Now that Sasuke lived with him, he didn’t have to worry about that and would just eat whatever Sasuke cooked. </p><p>“Naruto, has anyone ever done this before?” </p><p>Naruto sniffed before he reached over to the desk by his bed and grabbed a tissue paper to wipe his nose. “Well,” He laughed to himself. “After my parents died, not really.” Sasuke didn’t count because he was always an asshole about it.</p><p>Itachi frowned at this. He was starting to realize he still didn’t really know much about Naruto. He remembered Neji telling him about Naruto’s godfather, but he had no idea his parents passed away.</p><p>Before Itachi could say anything further they heard a knock on the door. Well, more like loud angry banging.</p><p>“Naruto let me in!” Sakura yelled.</p><p>“Go away Sakura,” Naruto complained. “I feel fine now!”</p><p>“Oh no you don’t,” Sakura growled as they heard the door handle rattle as Sakura grabbed it. “You pretend to feel better and then when I leave you get worse!”</p><p>“This time I mean—” Naruto began before the door was slammed open by a pissed off Sakura. “—it.” Naruto ended as Sakura walked over to him with a smile. </p><p>Itachi was floored, Sakura looked like a nice and cheerful woman. Who knew she had such a temper!! He guessed it made sense, after all – why else would his deranged brother even hang out with such a sweet person, there had to have been a catch and her temper was clearly it.</p><p>“Take this now.” Sakura demanded as she held out her hand with three pills in it and thrusted a glass of water in Naruto’s face.</p><p>Naruto sighed before swallowing the pills with no questions to what the hell they were and finishing the glass of water in one gulp.</p><p>“Good, that wasn’t so hard, now was it?” Sakura smirked as Naruto grumbled before handing her back the glass. She looked around the room surprised. “Wow, it’s actually clean in here! Like, it’s never clea—”</p><p>“Thank you, <em>Sakura.</em>” Naruto stressed.</p><p>Picking up the subtle “get the fuck out” vibes, Sakura headed out. “You’re going to need to get this fixed,” She laughed sheepishly before closing the door that couldn’t lock anymore. It stood slumped in the doorframe, barely hanging onto its hinges.</p><p>“That’s the third time this month.” Naruto grumbled to himself before glancing at Itachi. “As you can see, Sakura will look after me when I’m sick but it’s a more stressful than safe environment.” Naruto laughed. “I guess it felt nice to be looked after by you for a change.” he said while shyly looking down at his feet that were resting on his pride and joy: his bright orange shag carpeting. “I have roommates, but they are always busy.”</p><p>Itachi wished he could say something along the lines of “I’ll always take care of you,” but he didn’t want to make things awkward with such a declaration, so he just remained silent as Naruto got up and placed the soup on his desk. </p><p>This action finally made Itachi notice what Naruto was wearing. He didn’t know how to react to Naruto’s ramen pajama pants, but whatever reaction he had prodded the “fight or flight” response from him.</p><p>“Hey, do you want to hang out for a bit before you leave?” Naruto asked suddenly as he whisked around with innocent hopefulness shining in his eyes. Before Itachi could answer something un-Uchiha-esque like “fuck yes”, Naruto’s door fell and a man with bright red hair stood behind it looking a bit dumbfounded.</p><p>“I barely touched it.” Gaara muttered in confusion before looking up and noticing Itachi. “Itachi-san, a nice surprise.” Gaara greeted him before his jaw dropped open as he noticed Itachi in his entirety. </p><p>What, did he have something on his face? Itachi wondered at the strange reaction. As a matter of fact, everyone gave him a strange look the first time they looked at him today. </p><p>“Likewise Gaara-kun.” Itachi nodded. Unlike Sasuke, Itachi rather liked Gaara and appreciated his quiet and calm persona. He was Itachi’s junior but highly successful in his field. </p><p>“I . . .” Gaara paused as he looked at Itachi before continuing. “I have to go into the office for a payroll issue.” He informed Naruto. “Sakura and I will be back in a few hours Naruto.” Gaara said before whirling around and running back to the living room where Itachi heard Sakura asking “Did you see? . . . . I told you!” before Gaara shushed her as they headed out.</p><p>What the hell was going on?!</p><p>Itachi wasn’t the self-conscious type (did he need to be with his looks?), but he was starting to wonder if he had a huge stain on his clothes or a dick on his face. Why was everyone acting so weird? He glanced at Naruto who was pretending as if he wasn’t staring at Itachi the entire time Gaara talked. </p><p>Now that he thought about it, Naruto was acting weird toward him. While he was usually wary around the Uchiha (you know, the random beatings could make anyone a bit paranoid), he was never <em>this</em> skittish . . .</p><p>“Naruto,” Itachi began but the blonde was already out the door. </p><p>“Follow me, let’s play some g-games!” Naruto said loudly, his voice cracking at the end. </p><p>“Naruto,” Itachi tried again as he followed him to the living room. “You’re acting different.”</p><p>“W-What? Me?” Naruto echoed. “Must be the drugs!” he said cheerfully as he sat on the floor in front of the couch and patted the space next to him. “Have you played Jump Force before?” Naruto asked as he started his PlayStation. </p><p>“No.” Itachi didn’t have time for games. </p><p>“Ok, well I’ll show you and we can do that!” Naruto smiled while handing Itachi his controller. </p><p>After 30 minutes Naruto had enough. “You said you didn’t play!” he yelled. He lost every fight against Itachi mercilessly. </p><p>Itachi shrugged. It’s not his fault he was naturally gifted at fighting games. “Now are you going to tell me what’s going on?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Naruto asked as he looked away from Itachi.</p><p>Itachi was becoming frustrated. “You won’t look me in the eyes.” Naruto never looked away from him, that was one of the qualities he admired of the blonde.</p><p>“Yes I do!” Naruto yelled as he turned to Itachi before immediately turning away.</p><p>Itachi was about to grab Naruto and shake him, but the door to his apartment opened as Kankuro and Temari waltzed in unannounced. </p><p>“Hey Naruto, I brought my demonic half with me—Holy shit is that Itachi?!” Kankuro yelled as he stopped short of introducing Temari after noticing Itachi sitting next to his roommate in front of their couch. </p><p>“No way,” Temari said in awe as she sauntered over and looked at Itachi. Normally she would cuss Kankuro out for his introduction, but Itachi was too distracting.</p><p>“Why is everyone acting like this? I’ve been over here before.” Itachi demanded to know. This was driving him mad!</p><p>“We’ve never seen you dressed . . .” Temari began.</p><p>“So casually.” Kankuro finished as everyone in the room stared at him. </p><p>Itachi blinked before he looked down at his simple black t-shirt, jeans, and black socks (his shoes were left at the entrance). He looked up and noticed Temari wiping drool from her mouth. </p><p>“You can’t be serious.” Itachi deadpanned. Yes, he was fully aware he was attractive but was it really that serious?</p><p>“And you’re wearing your hair down!!!” Naruto blurted out before covering his mouth, embarrassed.</p><p>“How dare you come to my home and be the sexiest one here!” Kankuro exclaimed. “Have you no shame?!”</p><p>Itachi turned to Naruto who was looking down at the floor, and he realized something. “So . . . you find me <em>attractive</em>, Naruto?”</p><p>“W-What?!” Naruto stammered as he looked up with red cheeks. “No, of course not!”</p><p>“Oh, he totally does.” Temari scoffed. “All we ever hear is Itachi this,”</p><p>“Or Itachi that!” Kankuro snickered. <em>Technically</em>, Naruto <em>did</em> talk about Itachi often. Mainly about how he beat the shit out of him, but let’s ignore that bit.</p><p>“Shut up!” Naruto yelled at them while grabbing a pillow from the couch and hurling it in their direction. They were going to give Itachi a weird impression! The twins dodged before Kankuro sauntered deeper inside the apartment to his room.</p><p>“We didn’t mean to interrupt,” Temari smirked. “Kankuro forgot his wallet and he’s treating me today.”</p><p>“Got it,” Kankuro grinned as he walked over to Temari. “Alright, let’s go before we ruin their—”</p><p>“Don’t you dare!” Naruto growled as the twins laughed before skipping out.</p><p>While Naruto wished the floor opened up so he could drop straight to hell and properly die of embarrassment, Itachi was fucking ecstatic. </p><p>“Naruto,” Itachi began as he inched closer to the blonde, trying not to come across as too excited about this.</p><p>“Ugh, I feel weird.” Naruto complained as he gripped his head in annoyance. “What the hell did Sakura give me?” </p><p>“You were fine while you lost at video games.” Itachi reasoned, not buying his sudden mood change. </p><p>“You said you never played before!” Naruto cried as he turned toward Itachi suddenly, not realizing the Uchiha was right behind him. His nose was basically touching his chest! Naruto sat straight up, covering his nose that dared touch Itachi Uchiha. “I’m so sorry!”</p><p>“For?” Itachi asked with a raised eyebrow. </p><p>“Um . . .” Naruto was at a loss for words, something that rarely happened. “I think you should leave because I’m not f-feeling so good.” Naruto muttered.</p><p>Itachi wanted to push the issue, but he didn’t want to rush things. It was a good start finding out Naruto actually found him attractive. Good to know the Uchiha charm worked effectively on the Uzumaki. Now all he had to do was lay it on thicc™.</p><p>“Very well,” Itachi conceded as he stood, Naruto following him. “Make sure you eat soon to keep your energy up.” Itachi reminded him gently while patting his spiky blonde hair as Naruto nodded obediently while rubbing his eyes. Itachi turned toward the door but felt a slight thump on his back. What the—</p><p>Turning around, Itachi simply stared as Naruto fell into his arms unconscious. </p><p>What the hell kind of drugs did Sakura give him?!</p><p>123 321</p><p>On a nearby hill, Sakura and Gaara laid on the dirt as Sakura looked at the apartment through the window she left open with binoculars. Gaara was wondering when they would leave so he could fix the payroll issue at his office.</p><p>“Interesting,” Sakura grinned while Gaara looked on worriedly.</p><p>“Is there a reason why you gave Naruto those strong sleeping pills?”</p><p>“Yes, it takes about 20 minutes to kick in.” Sakura smirked as she turned to Gaara. “Did you ever stop to wonder why Naruto is hanging around Itachi so much lately?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Well,” Sakura continued, ignoring her boyfriend. “Itachi never hung out with us before, but after that first time, Naruto always visited the Uchiha condo!”</p><p>“Because Sasuke lives with Itachi now.” Gaara concluded logically.</p><p>“And I came up with the reason why!” Sakura exclaimed, ignoring Gaara again. “I bet you’re wondering how I came to a conclusion!”</p><p>“Not really . . .” Gaara muttered but there was no stopping Sakura as she suddenly stood from where they were laying on their stomachs, the binoculars swinging around her neck.</p><p>“I am a genius!” She screamed as Gaara joined her in standing, wiping the dirt from his pants. Sakura cackled as she pointed in the direction of the apartment. “Did you think you could hide this from me Naruto?!” she screamed into the air.</p><p>“I just want to go pay my employees . . .” Gaara mumbled before Sakura grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him aggressively. </p><p> </p><p>“Naruto is in love with his best friend’s brother!”</p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>A/N: *nervous laughter* Must be the drugs!</p><p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. They Dead</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Sasuke awoke abruptly from his nap on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere, <em>someone</em> was having a misunderstanding. He could <em>feel</em> it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brushing that feeling aside, the young Uchiha reached for his phone that was stuck somewhere in between the sofa cushions. After he fished it out to check his notifications, he was secretly expecting a call from the cops or something about the murder of his best friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why the hell did he choose to make soup?! All that liquid . . . what if Naruto—no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>when</span>
  </em>
  <span> Naruto spilled it all over his brother, Itachi was going to send Naruto to an early grave. Sasuke sighed before bracing himself for the worst before unlocking his phone. Surprisingly, he didn’t receive any messages of any kind.</span>
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  <span>How . . . <em>odd</em>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke sat upright while rubbing his eyes before he heard banging noises from outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, so the cops decided to come here instead of calling.</span>
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  <span>Sasuke quickly recited his ‘I know nothing, I don’t even live here,’ speech he practiced on his free days in his head as he mentally prepared to open the door. He always assumed Itachi would one day murder someone and he would be called in for questioning.</span>
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  <span>Sasuke stood in front of the door before taking a deep breath and opening it.</span>
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  <span>Show time. In a split second Sasuke wore his “I’m innocent” expression while opening the door but that quickly melted away to disgruntled confusion as he stared blankly at the person who stood before him.</span>
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  <span>He immediately slammed it shut but a foot stuck out and stopped him from achieving his goal.</span>
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  <span>“What the hell are you doing here?” He snapped as Kiba shoved Sasuke back and waltzed inside. Unlike most people, Kiba didn’t have to hide his snarky rude character in front of Sasuke. The jerk off knew who the real Kiba was and they didn’t bother being polite to one another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, shut up, it’s not like I’m here for your stuck up ass.” Kiba scoffed as he looked around. “Where the hell is Naruto?” he complained.</span>
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  <span>“Why don’t you check his apartment dumbass?” Sasuke asked rudely as he glared at the Inuzuka.</span>
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  <span>“He wasn’t answering his phone and he usually hangs out with you on Sundays . . . no fucking clue as to why.” Kiba muttered the last part under his breath. Naruto was never home on Sunday’s so it made more sense for him to visit this pissy Uchiha’s lair first to look for his friend.</span>
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  <span>Sasuke's right hand twitched, he really wanted to punch Kiba in the face – but he refrained. Naruto would be upset if he knew. </span>
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  <span>“Why are you even out?” Sasuke demanded as he closed the door, knowing Kiba wasn’t about to leave until he ascertained for himself that Naruto wasn’t around. “Aren’t you sick?” If Naruto ate enough candy to fall ill, he could only imagine Kiba did the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba snorted as he finally turned to face Sasuke after looking around for the blonde. “Of course not, I never get sick.” He boasted before Sasuke crossed his arms and gave him a pointed look. “You <em>poisoned</em> me!” Kiba snarled, recalling the time he was out for damn near two weeks. "That doesn't count when someone <em>intentionally</em> poisons you!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Prove it, <em>dog</em>.” Sasuke smirked before Kiba lunged for him, grabbing him by his snooty shirt collar and gripping him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, I can beat your ass right now,” Kiba growled. He didn’t need to check the entire complex to know no one was here besides Sasuke and him. Perfect opportunity since the Uchiha's psycho older brother wasn’t around.</span>
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  <span>“I dare you.” Sasuke sneered, doing little to stop Kiba from holding him tighter. All he needed was for him to throw the first punch, then he could tell Naruto he killed Kiba out of self-defense!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure, Kiba was basically as muscular as Naruto, they played rugby together, and he was taller than the blonde too, but Sasuke was still even taller and when he and Naruto wrestled he always managed to hold his own. He doubted Kiba was anywhere near Naruto’s level and he would effortlessly—</span>
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  <em>
    <span>CRACK</span>
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  <span>Sasuke felt his jaw pop as Kiba slammed his fist into Sasuke’s chin. Momentarily stunned, Sasuke was completely flung around from the impact and slowly looked back at a smug grin on the Inuzaka’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba smirked before a shiver suddenly creeped down his spine after Sasuke turned around to look at him, a maniacal expression on his face as he wiped away blood that dribbled down from his chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was it just Kiba's imagination or did his eyes flash red?! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been waiting eleven years for this.” Sasuke grinned as he stretched his neck and cracked his fingers in anticipation of a good beat down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>123 321</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi gently played with Naruto’s blonde hair as the blonde slept soundly on his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And how did Itachi find himself cuddled up with Naruto on his king sized bed you wonder?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Naruto passed out, Itachi checked to make sure it wasn’t his fever getting worse and the drugs were truly to blame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto didn’t look any worse and he was out cold. His breathing was fine, and he was only warm rather than boiling hot. So Itachi figured it really was the drugs Sakura gave him before holding Naruto in his arms and carrying him back to bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t want to leave a sick Naruto by himself, so Itachi sat beside him before the blonde suddenly grabbed him and dragged him to bed where he couldn’t escape . . . not that he wanted to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now he understood why Sasuke took Itachi's pillows that one-time Naruto slept over for his pillow divider. Sleeping Naruto didn’t understand personal space.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Itachi had 0 issues with that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi suddenly froze as Naruto moved in his sleep, rubbing his face against his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>God, if you’re there</em> . . . Itachi prayed silently that Naruto wouldn’t wake to find his boner standing high at attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ok, this will have terrible consequences if he didn't untangle himself from Naruto and fix his huge problem in his pants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi sighed as he lay on Naruto’s bed, simultaneously wishing to be anywhere but there but wanting nothing but to be in bed with Naruto.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Life was complicated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto stirred as Itachi panicked before Naruto rolled off Itachi, turning away from the Uchiha as he snored softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>There is a God!</em> Itachi cheered as he sat up quickly . . . </span>
  <span><em>And he hates me</em>. Itachi gasped as Naruto sat up abruptly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t do it Sas . . .uke.” Naruto muttered in his sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What the—was he talking in his sleep?! At least he was still sleeping! He didn’t want Naruto to see his—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto fell over sideways, landing directly in Itachi’s lap, his whiskered cheeks mere centimeters from the tent in his pants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>God just strike me down now</em>. Itachi cried inwardly. <em>I’m sorry I stabbed Shisui when I was four. I’m sorry I almost killed my political science professor in 12th grade . . . actually fuck that, Danzo was an asshole, he didn’t even need to make a mess, I was gonna fuck him up regardless—</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi was taken away from his silent “prayer”, before Naruto once again began rubbing his face . . . against Itachi’s—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t take it any longer!” Itachi screamed as he jumped out of the bed, sending Naruto careening to the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow!!” Naruto yelped as Itachi ran out of his room to the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>123</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Itachi?” Naruto asked groggily as he stood outside his bathroom door. “Is everything ok?” He wondered as he yawned while rubbing his eyes. All he remembered was rolling off his bed (which he did every other night) and seeing Itachi head to the restroom as he came to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes Naruto, you can go back to bed,” Itachi urged from inside. He sounded a bit strange.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you don’t need help with anything?” Naruto asked, just to make sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Itachi forced out through gritted teeth, tight pants and hormones. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh ok, well come back when you’re finished.” Naruto yawned again before turning and heading back to bed, still completely out of it. He didn’t make it to his room as Itachi heard a “thump” when Naruto hit the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dammit Sakura, was it even legal to have those industrial strength drugs?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi looked down at his pants and saw that his erection was still noticeable but going down. He fixed himself as much as possible before washing his hands and opening the door . . .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only to slam it back and hyperventilate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto had fallen face down . . . ass up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Why are you testing me like this?</em> Itachi asked while looking up at the ceiling, hoping God would hear his plea.<em> I am just a mere mortal.</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi sighed before opening the door and giving himself the guilty pleasure of looking at Naruto’s perfect ass for a good minute. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One day he would be clapping them cheeks—</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Get it together Itachi!</em> Itachi scolded himself. He needed to be strong for their future relationship! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi stepped over Naruto before hoisting him up, carrying him once again in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surprisingly, Naruto wasn’t as heavy as Sasuke. When Itachi was carrying Sasuke, it felt like he would pass out. Maybe because Sasuke felt like dead weight while Naruto was his hopes and dreams.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Speaking of Sasuke, he was probably passed out in his room right now. As an introvert, he regained his energy by being alone and after so much social interaction, he must have been sleeping away his pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What a weirdo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi gently placed Naruto back in his bed and tried to dodge Naruto’s hands but failed when the blonde grabbed his hair and dragged him down again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to die young.” Itachi muttered to himself as Naruto held him to his chest this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He allowed himself to just be in the moment. When would the next opportunity to be this close to Naruto come by?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi's earlier panic seemed to subside as he listened to Naruto’s steady heartbeat. His body began to relax as his breathing began to match Naruto’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, he couldn’t fall asleep, not right now!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>123</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He totally fell asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi groggily sat upright only to hear someone slurping. He turned to find Naruto sitting at his desk watching something on his computer while finishing his chicken noodle soup.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto suddenly turned to him, smiling brightly with flushed cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Itachi, you’re up!” He smiled as Itachi nodded, his own cheeks turning slightly red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about dragging you to bed with me, Sasuke says that’s why he darts me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi abruptly looked at Naruto. “Sasuke, what?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you didn’t know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He darts you like some wild animal?” Well that explained the dart gun Sasuke had when he first moved into Itachi’s condo. Itachi should really start asking more questions around here . . .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty much.” Naruto answered before eating the last bit of his soup. “I like your hair.” Naruto snickered as Itachi hands quickly went up to assess the damage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi always woke with terrible bed hair and he was horrified to have Naruto see him like this. What possessed him to not wear his usual low ponytail style?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I really like it,” Naruto smiled softly as Itachi suddenly felt warm hands on top of him before bringing it down. Naruto was now in front of him . . . admiring him with soft blue eyes and a warm smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ohmagawd</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank . . . thank you.” Itachi said quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really don’t know how to take a compliment, do you?” Naruto chuckled. It wasn’t the first time Naruto thought this from observing how Itachi reacted whenever he gave the quiet Uchiha any praise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which was far from the truth. Itachi was an egotistical bastard like any other Uchiha. Naruto just happened to turn his insides into cotton candy and cinnamon rolls so he reacted like melted marshmallow instead of an egotistical jerk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because when I compliment Sasuke, he scolds me for not doing it right.” Naruto laughed before getting serious. “Speaking of that prick, I had a weird dream about him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said his name in your sleep,” Itachi recalled. “Do you remember what it was about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really, I just felt like I had to warn him about something.” Naruto muttered while thinking to himself. He sat beside Itachi, who had turned toward him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi reached out and gently pushed back Naruto’s hair from his forehead, noticing his already flushed skin turning slightly dark as he checked Naruto's temperature to make sure he wasn’t getting worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling any better?” Itachi asked with a slight smile on his already handsome face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Y-Yes,” Naruto squeaked before he leaned away from Itachi’s touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi frowned, did Naruto think he was going to hurt him? He thought Naruto was over his fear of him!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi leaned forward, looking at Naruto through his lashes suspiciously. “What is it now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, you just uh . . .” Naruto gulped. “I’m embarrassed I kept you here so long.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi shrugged. “I don’t mind.” Seriously, he didn’t. Just say the word and he would move in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but . . .” Naruto smiled as he looked away. “Anyways, I’m surprised Sasuke isn’t blowing up my phone right now.” Naruto laughed before he stood and headed back to his desk to grab his phone where it was charging on the floor next to the outlet. Sasuke would want status reports on how things was going. He frowned as he unlocked it and scrolled through his messages.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that Sasuke?” Itachi inquired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s Kiba.” Naruto murmured as he read. “He’s looking for me . . . and says he’s heading to your condo!” Naruto gasped out loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi raised an eyebrow. He didn’t see any reason for concern. Sasuke was home and could answer the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto immediately called Kiba’s phone but didn’t get a response. He then called Sasuke and got nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned to Itachi with tears in his eyes. “I think Kiba and Sasuke are dead!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A/N: When your best friends have been trying to kill each other for over a decade and you’re not around to stop them from finally succeeding.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. And Suddenly, a Realization Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>After Itachi convinced Naruto that he needed to rest and that he would handle the situation (if there even was one), Itachi was heading back to his condo.</p><p>He parked inside the garage and took the elevator up to his floor and tried thinking over the situation. Why the hell did Naruto have some irrational belief that Itachi was going to walk in and find dead bodies?</p><p>On the bright side, Naruto gave him his number and made Itachi promise he would call to let him know if he needed Naruto to identify Kiba’s body. </p><p>Hmm . . . now that he said it to himself . . . it didn’t sound so “bright”. </p><p>What a wild imagination. Oh whatever, Naruto was so cute with his wide blue eyes!</p><p>No matter what happened, Itachi better not find no damn mess inside his condo or they’d wish they had killed each other! Itachi opened the door to find Sasuke sitting on the couch with an ice pack to his face.</p><p>The older Uchiha looked around and didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. Sasuke had even lit a candle, which was burning a clean fresh scent on the coffee table.</p><p>“So, did you fuck?” Sasuke asked when Itachi's eyes met him again.</p><p>Itachi noticed that Sasuke’s hair was wet. “Did you just take a shower?”</p><p>“No, I just jumped in the river outside.” Sasuke responded sarcastically. He wore a cotton white t-shirt that clung to the dampen parts of his body and black pajama pants. And there was nothing but a concrete parking lot outside. Sarcastic prick.</p><p>After a moment of silence, Itachi answered his earlier question. “No.” </p><p>“Then what took you so long?” Sasuke demanded, it was pretty late at night now.</p><p>Itachi finally removed his shoes and went to sit opposite Sasuke in a white leather chair adjacent to the sofa. “Did you miss me?”</p><p>“I was asleep most of the time.”</p><p>Itachi looked around suspiciously once more. Nothing was out of place, Sasuke was just chilling on the couch . . . were things <em>too</em> perfect? Sasuke was studying law now, did he learn how to hide criminal acts? Itachi swiveled around to look at the candle. </p><p>Did he light a candle to hide the smell of a dead body?!</p><p>“What’s wrong with you?” Sasuke asked as he put the ice pack down on a glass plate he brought over so it wouldn’t leave a watermark on the table. “You’ve been acting weird since you arrived.”</p><p>Itachi inspected Sasuke and besides the random bruise on the corner of his mouth, nothing was . . . out of the ordinary.</p><p>“You didn’t kill anyone did you?” Itachi questioned, his dark eyes narrowing at his younger brother.</p><p>“If anything, <em>you</em> would be the homicidal maniac in our family.” Sasuke retorted with a scoff and an eye roll. </p><p>Itachi frowned. Why did <em>everyone</em> in their family think that? Almost killing a couple of people shouldn't warrant such sentiments! Did they die?!</p><p>“Kiba called Naruto while he was away from his phone.” Itachi began as he leaned back in his chair. Sasuke waited for Itachi to continue while he took the ice pack again and this time put it against the side of his neck as an annoyed expression flickered across his face. “He mentioned he would be coming here . . .” Itachi finished while giving Sasuke a look for an explanation.</p><p>“Oh, yeah he was looking for Naruto.” Sasuke said. “I just slammed the door in his face. I guess the dumbass never thought to look for him at his apartment.”</p><p>“I . . . see.” Itachi said. “What’s with the bruises?” he asked, finally noticing the bruises Sasuke sported on his cheek and his torso that were dark enough to be seen through his shirt. </p><p>“What's with the hair?” Sasuke deflected as he looked at Itachi's shiny raven locks that was not in its normal attire. "Laying on the charm pretty thick I see."</p><p>Itachi almost rolled his eyes. So from the looks of things Kiba and Sasuke did have some kind of altercation and the Inuzuka was more than Sasuke expected. Once the little prick's ego was nursed he'd open up about it . . . eventually. Honestly, Itachi didn't care, he was only doing this for Naruto and the sake of keeping his carpets clean of blood.</p><p>Sasuke suddenly stood and walked over to the kitchen where Itachi finally noticed the meal on the counter, his mouth watering. Well . . . since he was with Naruto, he didn't really eat anything.</p><p>“Hn,” Itachi retorted, still debating if he should ask more questions. He followed Sasuke to the kitchen where he was distracted with the lemon rosemary chicken Sasuke had baked with wild rice and steamed fresh vegetables. </p><p>“Well, I’m going to study.” Sasuke stated before he practically ran to his room while Itachi was grabbing a plate to eat, completely ignoring him and forgetting about his interrogation.</p><p>123</p><p>After Itachi ate and washed up, he was laying on his bed in the dark staring at his cell phone hopelessly. His heart pounded erratically in his chest as he stared at Naruto’s contact information in his phone. It was just a phone call; he didn’t need to be freaking out over this!</p><p>Naruto expected his call, so he should just do it! Itachi noted that the time was after 11pm. Maybe he missed his chance? It was pretty late and Naruto was sick, maybe he was fast asle—</p><p>Itachi’s phone began ringing as Naruto’s phone ID popped up on his screen. <em>Oh shit</em>, <em>what should I do?!</em> Itachi screamed in his head as he stared at the ringing device.</p><p>“Answer the fucking phone!” He heard Sasuke scream from his room. Their rooms were close enough that he probably heard it. What a short ass temper, who the hell did Sasuke inherit that from?!</p><p>“Hello?” Itachi answered the phone nervously after Sasuke’s angry outburst.</p><p>“Hi Itachi!” Naruto greeted, Itachi vividly picturing his adorable smile in his head. “I hope I didn’t wake you? I just wanted to talk to you.”</p><p>“Oh, right,” Itachi blushed. He hoped he hadn’t kept Naruto up since the blonde was expecting him to call to report on his little brother. “He’s fine.”</p><p>“Huh?” Naruto questioned as Itachi heard movement as if he was rummaging for something.</p><p>“Sasuke . . .” Itachi reminded him. “Nothing happened between him and Kiba.” Itachi wasn't too sure if that was the truth, but nothing serious occurred like broken bones or a dirty carpet.</p><p>“Oh, right!” Naruto laughed awkwardly. “I completely forgot about that for a second!”</p><p>“Oh . . .” Itachi said before it just dawned on him. So Naruto just called . . . for <em>him?!</em> “<em>Oh!”</em> He said again, before covering his mouth so no other random outburst escaped. He heard Naruto’s airy laughter through the phone, and Itachi lowered his hand and smiled. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Surprisingly, a lot better.” Naruto sighed. “I just got out of the shower, but wanted to call before I forgot.” Naruto could be heard yawning on the phone but the only thing Itachi’s brain registered was that Naruto could potentially be naked talking to him right now.</p><p>Oh JEEEEESUS!</p><p>“Hey, are you still there?” Naruto called out to Itachi, since he didn’t hear a response. He sounded a bit further away, as if he put the phone down to PUT ON SOME CLOTHES.</p><p>Itachi was tempted to just end the call now before he said something stupid or the shrilly screams that was echoing in his head actually came out of his mouth.</p><p>“Yes, I’m here Naruto.” Itachi sighed, deciding to stop being such a wuss. At this point he would never get a real chance with Naruto! Seriously, it’s chapter 19 and he ain’t even reach 1st base!</p><p>“Ok, if you’re tired, just let me know and I’ll go bother Gaara or Kankuro.” Naruto joked as his voice came closer to the phone. Itachi heard his bed springs as he climbed onto his bed that they shared with each other earlier.</p><p>“You’re not bothering me Naruto,” Itachi smiled, willing his <strike>dick</strike> beating heart to calm down. “Thank you for calling.”</p><p>“You don’t have to thank me,” Naruto said, a slight blush on his cheeks. “I . . . wanted to hear your voice? If that's ok, I know it's a stupid reason to ca-” Naruto began, a bit flustered but Itachi interrupted him.</p><p>“It's ok, I wanted to speak to you too.” Itachi couldn’t stop the smile that spread wide across his face. Only Naruto ever made him feel this way. “I really enjoy talking to you like this.” Itachi confessed as his heart fluttered as he heard a low laugh from the blonde.</p><p>“Sasuke says I sound like a bird screeching on the phone.”</p><p>“Sasuke’s a dick.” Itachi reminded him. “Are you going to listen to a talking dick?”</p><p>Naruto laughed out loud. “When you put it like that,” Naruto laughed again, unable to stop his face from smiling wide. He rolled over on his back and stared up at the ceiling. “Hey Itachi, what kind of music do you like to listen to?” he asked, not wanting the conversation to end.</p><p>1234  4321</p><p>“So, you’re <em>not</em> dead?” Naruto asked Sasuke suspiciously the next day.</p><p>Sasuke stared at Naruto from the kitchen. “I’m going to assume that was a rhetorical question.” He said before continuing to wash a pot he used to make breakfast with. Naruto couldn’t be <em> that </em> stupid.</p><p>Earlier, Sasuke was amazed when he stumbled out of his room after hearing someone banging on the front door, to find a shirtless Itachi already at the door and talking to a frantic Naruto.</p><p>Granted, Sasuke was also shirtless (they both sometimes slept naked tbh), and it was mad early, so he didn’t have the sense to grab a shirt and only focused on pants before heading out to kill the person who was banging on the door so fucking loud. Naruto seemed flustered and Sasuke couldn’t tell if it was because of seeing a shirtless Itachi at the door when he was expecting a murderous Sasuke or Naruto worrying about whether or not his best friend was alive. Sasuke felt like it was the former and he should be highly offended that Naruto, his supposed best friend, quickly forgot about him for a shirtless Itachi. Rude.</p><p>Naruto arrived bright and early, much to the Uchiha’s surprise, to check on Sasuke. Itachi did tell Naruto last night all was well, but Naruto needed to see it with his own eyes since Sasuke was being a bastard and not replying to his texts. This left the blonde to think of horrible situations which freaked him out and had him running to the Uchiha's to confront Sasuke about the matter. </p><p>He ended up eating breakfast with them and keeping the brothers company as Itachi got ready for work. Sasuke was surprised at how comfortable they were with one another now. Naruto no longer flinched or froze around Itachi and they did all the talking as Sasuke merely watched, no longer needing to interfere.</p><p>Talk about character development, good job author!</p><p>Sasuke looked up while he was scrubbing the sink clean after washing everything. He eyed Naruto suspiciously as the blonde stared out the window in a daze. A more stupid look than usual on his face.</p><p>“Naruto,” Sasuke called out to him as Naruto turned to him in response, startled out of whatever dumb shit he was daydreaming about. “What happened between you and Itachi yesterday?”</p><p>Naruto absentmindedly scratched his head as he ruminated before answering. “I don’t really know.” He muttered with tinged red whiskered cheeks, which Sasuke found suspicious. “Sakura drugged me and then we played some video games.” Naruto recalled, trying to piece together the events that transpired yesterday.</p><p>Sasuke would have been alarmed if it was anyone other than Sakura who drugged Naruto, but she was an intern at the hospital and would bring medicine when either one of them were sick to speed up their recovery. Sasuke was surprised he didn’t have some kind of drug addiction at this point. </p><p>Anyways, Sakura opted to give Naruto stronger medicine because he would never stay still when he was sick and ended up getting worse, so Sakura would sedate him so that his body could get some much needed rest and recover properly, which he always did quickly.</p><p>“Wait, Itachi played video games with you?” Sasuke balked in horror as he momentarily stopped scrubbing the sink in his bright red gloves with leopard print at the edges. Sasuke was the sexiest housewife you’d ever meet.</p><p>“Uh yeah,” Naruto said as he gave Sasuke a weird look. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Sasuke frowned at this tidbit of news. Itachi didn’t play video games because he was always busy and also, he was competitive as shit!</p><p>“He’s an asshole when he plays because he always wins.” Sasuke said flatly, remembering every time he lost against the older prick.</p><p>“Oh, he said he never plays!” Naruto yelled, secretly happy because that meant he wasn’t that much of a loser.</p><p>“He doesn’t, but he has this weird affinity for fighting games.” Sasuke explained much to Naruto’s dismay. </p><p>“Well, he did win every time, but he wasn’t mean about it.” Naruto remembered as Sasuke rolled his eyes. </p><p>“Hn,” Sasuke responded as he removed his gloves, finally finished cleaning the kitchen. “So after the video games?” He prodded, grabbing a hot mug he made for himself and moving to sit with Naruto on the couch.</p><p>“Oh, Temari and Kankuro came to embarrass me.” Naruto mentioned, noticing the shiver Sasuke did each time he heard Temari’s name. Naruto knew Sasuke didn’t fear anyone outside of his crazy family, but Temari seemed to be an exception. Her and Lee, the latter being understandable because come on, green tights even during Winter? Normal human instinct is to fear such things. But that was a flashback for another time. “And after they left I fell asleep and don’t remember much until later that night.” Naruto ended with even redder cheeks.</p><p>Sasuke glared at him. “Are you going to tell me what you’re blushing about or am I going to have to force it out of you?” he threatened.</p><p>“Ok, well, you know how I’m kind of a . . . restless sleeper?”</p><p>Sasuke almost choked on his beverage. “Restless? Is that how you choose to diagnose the devil creeping into your body at night and trying to kill people?!”</p><p>Naruto glared at Sasuke, “Aren’t you being a bit dramatic?”</p><p>“Naruto, do you know how many times you almost smothered me to death whenever you would sleep over?”</p><p>Naruto looked like he was actually trying to count the times, but Sasuke interrupted him. “Just explain what happened!”</p><p>“Well, when I opened my eyes, Itachi was uh . . . sleeping with me? I kinda grabbed him and wouldn’t let go so we were wrapped in each other’s arms.”</p><p>Sasuke simply stared. “That’s it?” How anticlimactic. </p><p>“Yeah, that’s it!” Naruto yelled as he stood abruptly, his cheeks flaming. He was going to conveniently leave out how despite being awake, he didn't move and just admired his brother as he slept against him for a damn hour before finally deciding to get up, making sure not to disturb the sleeping <strike>sexy angel</strike> Uchiha. He couldn't tell Sasuke this right?! Wouldn't he be disgusted that he did that to his brother?! He wouldn't want to hear how being with Itachi somehow made his body tingle and his heart beat wildly all of a sudden?! It was just the drugs, right?!</p><p>Naruto pointed at Sasuke. “And that's all that happened, I swear!” Naruto cried, completely mortified with his inner thoughts.</p><p>Sasuke's frown deepened. Naruto and him slept together all the time during their sleepovers throughout the years, so he didn’t understand how sleeping with Itachi was anything extravagant. Naruto already spent time with the perfect Uchiha (which was Sasuke), how could Itachi be anything noteworthy?!</p><p>If they didn’t fool around or anything, what could possibly get Naruto so hot and bothered? It’s not like he had a crush on Ita—</p><p>“Sasuke are you ok?!” Naruto asked alarmed as Sasuke suddenly began choking on his drink aggressively. Naruto quickly began patting his back before having to dish out heavier blows to get Sasuke to finally stop coughing.</p><p>Sasuke wiped his mouth before pointing at Naruto as he finally realized something.</p><p>“You like Itachi?!”</p><p> </p><p>A/N: Good job me! Double update woo! </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Tea was Spilt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh-What?!” Naruto exclaimed as he scrambled away from Sasuke while covering his face to hide his growing blush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke lunged for him and ripped his hands away, uncovering an extremely red faced Naruto. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>do!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sasuke yelled, almost giddily. His soup worked! He knew the way to a man’s heart was through their stomach! See? Still got it, Sasuke gloated internally. The Perfect Uchiha strikes again!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t,” Naruto yelled embarrassed. “That doesn’t even make any sense!” He didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> Itachi, he was supposed to be terrified of him?! Right? The way his heart did cartwheels when he listened to his deep voice on the phone last night or how he became breathless every time he saw the older Uchiha’s slow way of gently smiling at him or how Itachi chewed his food was in and of itself sexual tension or how he watched the man put on a tie nearly sent him into cardiac arrest or how he spent all morning after Itachi left thinking about fuc--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure it does,” Sasuke scoffed, interrupting Naruto’s thoughts that were becoming hornier by the second. “It’s something stupid, and you do stupid things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto thought about it. Well, Sasuke did have a point. The blonde shook his head and moved away from the Uchiha as he thought about things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ok, maybe Naruto was just horny! He hadn’t gotten laid in a year since his last disastrous relationship ended so he was just feeling sexually frustrated! Poor Itachi, the newly met and available bachelor, was now the target of his sexual fantasies. It was a normal part of life to be sexually frustrated after meeting someone who punched you within 5 seconds of meeting each other but suddenly became super nice and gentle and even fun to be around all of a sudden. That’s all it must have been! Natural body chemistry and nothing more!</span>
</p><p><span>“No way, I don’t like your brother!” Naruto yelled. “I’m just extremely happy we’re actually becoming friends!” he quickly came up with an excuse for everything when Sasuke gave him a disbelieving look. “He’s </span><em><span>your</span></em> <em><span>brother!</span></em><span>” Naruto emphasized.</span></p><p>
  <span>Sasuke gave him a look with a hand on his hips. “What does him being my brother have to do with anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you know,” Naruto muttered while looking down at the floor. “He’s an </span>
  <em>
    <span>Uchiha</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke sighed. “Don’t tell me you think he’s out of your league?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhhhh,” Naruto began while sheepishly scratching the back of his head. Maybe that did have a little to do with things...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember your last boyfriend?” Sasuke prodded with a knowing look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto groaned, “Please don’t bring up Haku.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now <em>he</em> was waaayy out of your league.” Sasuke reminded him. “He was a prodigy in Hydrological engineering and had his own business with that sketchy partner of his, what was his name again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zabuza,” Naruto said bitterly while pouting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, now they’re like millionaires and happily married might I add.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, how is any of this helping?!” Naruto yelled at Sasuke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Sasuke had to think. Itachi was a prodigy of his own and came from a prestigious clan. “You need an upgrade.” He decided to switch tactics as Naruto rolled his eyes. “You can only go higher from here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop talking about Itachi like he’s some kind of conquest.” Naruto sighed. “And I’m not even interested!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You totally are.” Sasuke smirked as he reached for his mug and took a hearty sip. This explained why Naruto was trying so hard for Itachi to like him and be friends, it wasn’t just because he wanted to get to know him because he was Sasuke’s older brother! There were stronger interests involved </span>
  <em>
    <span>from the very beginning!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto rolled his eyes before trying to change the subject. “Hey, isn’t that coffee?” he questioned the item in Sasuke’s hands suspiciously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, so?” Sasuke asked defensively as he gripped the mug in his hands tighter and moved it out of Naruto’s sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey man, calm down,” Naruto called out to him. “I’m not going to take it away from you.” He tried consoling Sasuke. “You coffee addict.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not addicted,” Sasuke frowned at what Naruto was inferring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah . . . sure.” Naruto said sarcastically before continuing. “I thought you were giving up coffee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke looked down at the liquid gold in the mug he was gripping tightly. “I . . . changed my mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto raised an alarmed brow. Sasuke Uchiha didn’t just </span>
  <em>
    <span>change his mind</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Are you sick?!” Naruto exclaimed while rushing to his friend and grabbing his forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let go of me!” Sasuke snapped while pushing Naruto off of him. “You’re just trying to change the subject!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not!” Naruto yelled aghast. “It’s like you want me to like Itachi or something!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Of course not.” Sasuke fibbed before sipping the last of his coffee quickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto gave him a suspicious look but didn’t push the matter any further seeing that Sasuke looked like he was going to leave his issue alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blonde sighed before plopping down on their white leather sofa. After a moment, Sasuke moved to put his mug in the kitchen sink. Not knowing what else to do, and not wanting to space out and think about a certain <strike>sexy ass</strike> Uchiha anymore, Naruto pulled out his phone. “Hey, let’s go do something fun!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke gave him a look. Naruto’s definition of “fun” was <em>a lot</em> different than Sasuke’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We never got to go to the mall that one time.” Naruto recalled, thinking about the time he met Sasuke’s older cousin Shisui. And how his lung almost collapsed trying to get there on time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s true.” Sasuke agreed. “Do you want to go now?” He asked, checking the time and seeing it was around 11 o’clock. He didn’t mind getting there before the lunch crowd and this way he could question Naruto more about his feelings while he was distracted from shopping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Naruto agreed enthusiastically while looking for a number to call on his phone before it rang throughout the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Sasuke asked with a raised brow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m calling Kiba!” Naruto said before flinching and bracing himself, expecting Sasuke to demand he hang up the phone as usual, but . . .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hn,” Sasuke said as he put on his stupid leopard print gloves by the sink. “Whatever.” he said as he began washing his mug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto peeked through half lidded eyes suspiciously. “You’re ok with it?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Sasuke responded calmly. “He was supposed to go with us last time, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah, but . . .” Naruto began before the call was picked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Naruto!” a familiar raspy voice could be heard on the other end of the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Kiba, what’s up?” Naruto asked, deciding to ignore Sasuke’s odd behavior and focus on Kiba’s voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing much, I’m at the clinic today!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, when is your break? Sasuke and I were gonna head to the mall, can you join us in a few?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sasuke?” Kiba asked and Naruto could envision the scowl on his face. “Nah, I’m good.” After that, the dial tone was heard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto balked at the phone in absolute shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba NEVER cancelled on him unless he was sick. He never once said no to hanging out with him even when he knew Sasuke was going to be around. Naruto looked in the kitchen and found a snarky smirk on Sasuke’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!” Naruto screamed, utterly distraught as tears pricked his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke looked up at Naruto as he rinsed his cup innocently. “What are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiba!” Naruto yelled as he moved to the edge of the couch and looked up at Sasuke with tears in his big blue eyes. “He doesn’t want to hang out!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What didn’t you understand? He said he was at the <em>clinic</em>.” Sasuke shrugged since Naruto had the call on speaker phone. “He’s busy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but,” Naruto began, looking down at the floor as he tried to make sense of everything. He glanced at Sasuke angrily when the Uchiha came to sit opposite him. “Sasuke, did you and Kiba get in a fight?” he asked solemnly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it look like I would do something like that?” Sasuke deadpanned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on, you never explained what happened!” Naruto yelled remembering the excuse Sasuke told him when Naruto confronted him about Kiba earlier. “There’s no way you didn’t fight with Kiba yesterday! I told you not to fight with him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Believe what you want Naruto.” he’d already told the blonde nothing happened!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re hiding something!” Naruto growled as he leaned forward, getting right in Sasuke’s face. “Kiba wouldn’t tell me anything either!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because nothing happened, dobe.” Sasuke snapped, becoming irritated with Naruto's prodding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get to the bottom of this!” Naruto yelled as he stood abruptly. “I’m leaving!” he said as he ran towards the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke gave him a look. “So you don’t want to go to the mall again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NO, YOU BASTARD!” Naruto screamed before slamming the door shut and running off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>123 321</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Kiba was sitting at the Inuzuka Clinic bored as shit. He sported a band aid over his nose – one of the many bruises Sasuke left him with. Besides the band aid, he wore a simple button down with all the buttons done and dark slacks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” his older sister began as she scribbled something on a clipboard next to him. “You could have taken off early to hang out with your friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba sighed as he slumped forward, his head laying on his arms. “I didn’t want to go.” He replied, his voice muffled since he was facing the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hana gave her brother a weird look. “Wasn’t that the blonde kid you’re obsessed with who called?” Hana asked, recalling seeing the name “Naruto” flash on Kiba’s phone before he answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your point?” Kiba asked, beginning to sound irritated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since when do you turn him down?” Hana asked skeptically. “And you hung up so quickly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just didn’t want to hang out today.” Kiba muttered. “Don’t you have an 11:30 appointment?” he asked, trying to change the subject.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re late!” Hana stuck her tongue out at him. “And don’t try to change the subject. You’ve had the biggest crush on Naruto since you were kids! You literally came out to mom by saying “I’m going to marry Naruto.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, ok, shut up.” Kiba snapped with red cheeks. He sat up and glared up at the ceiling, refusing to say anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And who is Sasuke?” Hana prodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kiba rolled his eyes. “I really don’t want to talk about it Hana.” He complained before the door opened and a man entered with an obese cat. Ah, the 11:30.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hana sighed before getting up to greet her patient. “I just hope everything is ok.” She muttered. Naruto was the only friend Kiba talked about besides Hinata and Shino. She hoped they didn’t get into a fight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>123 321</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Man, what a drag.” Shikamaru complained as he looked up from his desk to meet blue eyes. “What now Naruto?” he asked as Naruto opened the door to his office at work and pranced right in uninvited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “I need help solving a mystery!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Naruto this is Hyuga Law Firm, not Scooby Doo and Mystery Incorporated.” Shikamaru drawled. “Now scram before you get me into trouble. Who let you in anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hinata,” Naruto grinned before he closed the door to Shikamaru’s office and sat down.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She still has a thing for you.” Shikamaru sighed as he slumped in defeat in his chair. Well, not really a “thing” since she had moved on and began dating Shino, but she was still nice to Naruto and had a soft spot for the energetic blonde since they went on a few dates in the past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto shrugged. “We ended on friendly terms.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you always end up dating people way out of your league?” Shikamaru wondered before Naruto began sobbing in absolute misery. “Wait Naruto, don’t cry, I was just joking!” Shikamaru said quickly as the blonde teared up. “Man, what a drag.” The exasperated man complained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sasuke said the same thing, that’s why *hiccup* he said I should date Itachi!” Naruto blabbered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. “Itachi?” Naruto nodded. “Itachi Uchiha?” Nod. “The fucking Uchiha Prodigy, the next CEO of Rinnegan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto frowned at him and Shikamaru decided to backtrack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen Naruto, I’m not a matchmaker.” He sighed. Why did he and Sasuke come to him for their love squabbles? Did he look like some kind of advisor?! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I didn’t come here for that!” Naruto began quickly, his mood changing from crying mess to frantic puppy. “I need help with Sasuke!” he whined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened, is he finally going to confess to Neji?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>WHAT?!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Naruto screamed. Shikamaru sweated . . . didn’t Naruto know . . . ?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He has a thing for Neji?!” Naruto whispered, seeing that Neji’s office was right next door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, he’s only been stalking him for almost a year now.” Shikamaru muttered under his breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, I never knew.” Naruto said, surprised. “I didn’t even know he was gay. I thought he lacked the ability to love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t guarantee that part, but whatever capacity he has to feel emotions it’s not for women.” Shikamaru drawled. “So he can’t be bisexual either.” He gave Naruto a pointed look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh man, poor Sasuke.” Naruto said with a worried expression. “Neji is the most heterosexual man I’ve ever met.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Duly noted.” Shikamaru said sarcastically. So what was he, chopped liver? “Is there a reason why you’re here Naruto?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, not what I was expecting, but good to know I guess.” Naruto sighed before continuing. “Anyways, it’s between Sasuke and Kiba.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. Now that’s something he didn’t expect to hear. “Did Sasuke finally kill him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I want to know!” Naruto cried. “I mean, I just got off the phone with Kiba so I know he’s not dead, but something most definitely happened last night!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Last night?” Shikamaru echoed, leaning forward to hear, what could only be, a juicy story. Might as well enjoy the distraction, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was sick and at my apartment with Itachi,” Naruto began from the beginning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With </span>
  <em>
    <span>who?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Shikamaru asked, shocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Itachi, he brought me soup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re good friends now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cuz . . . well I . . . always wanted to be friends with him.” Naruto began thinking. “I guess it was bound to happen, since Sasuke is my best friend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shikamaru stared at Naruto a bit dumbfounded. “A surprisingly logical conclusion . . . carry on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you know how I’m usually with Sasuke on Sunday’s right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well because I was sick—” Naruto went on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were with Itachi, yes, go on.” Shikamaru surmised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Kiba was looking for me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So he went to Sasuke’s?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah cuz I wasn’t picking up my phone because Sakura drugged me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Shikamaru asked, alarmed. What about drugs now?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So he probably thought, why not go to the Uchiha’s and find my best friend?!” Naruto continued, ignoring Shikamaru’s outburst about Sakura drugging him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, did you say Sakura </span>
  <em>
    <span>drugged</span>
  </em>
  <span> you?” Shikamaru needed to know!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, she always does this so it’s ok.” Naruto brushed off. “So Kiba went by Sasuke, and you know they </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> each other!!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, yes.” Shikamaru began, trying to keep up with this crazy story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And when I realized this, it was late at night so Itachi left to check on everything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Itachi was with you that late at night? Doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
    <span>?!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were . . . uh, kind of sleeping together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Naruto</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Shikamaru stressed as his hand came up to rub his forehead. Just what the hell was going on?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know! It’s because of the drugs man!” Naruto said defensively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So both you and Itachi were drugged?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, just me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why was he in the bed with </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t about </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Naruto cried. Silly fool, he’s the main character! “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Focus</span>
  </em>
  <span> Shikamaru, we have to figure out what happened with Sasuke and Kiba!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would love to, but I don’t understand how you and Itachi just . . . </span>
  <em>
    <span>slept</span>
  </em>
  <span> together—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It w-wasn’t like that!” Naruto blurted out with the darkest blush Shikamaru ever saw on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“—and you act like you didn’t have the hottest guy in Japan sleeping with you! It’s a little hard to focus on anything else after hearing that.” Shikamaru deadpanned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he is so hot.” Naruto almost drooled, remembering Itachi in casual clothes and his hair down. “I can’t believe it myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe he likes you.” Shikamaru pointed out. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>And you clearly like him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ he thought while looking at how excited Naruto became whenever he mentioned Itachi before blushing or stammering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-What?! No way!” Naruto yelled. “That would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> happen!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is literally the </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> explanation for this situation.” Shikamaru deadpanned once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto thought about it. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Naaaaah</span>
  </em>
  <span>, anyways, Itachi went back and Sasuke was by himself at their condo and he said nothing happened!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But when I saw him, he had some bruises on him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe he didn’t want to tell you they fought because he knew it would upset you.” Shikamaru guessed, his head spilling with too much random information.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wouldn’t just upset me!” Naruto yelled as he stood, his arm bracing against Shikamaru’s desk. “It would be catastrophic if they fought!” What was everybody missing here?! A sulky Kiba was the absolute WORST!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you being a bit dramatic?” Shikamaru questioned as he leaned back in his chair to look up at Naruto. “Maybe it’s good they fought. They were putting it off for too long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you don’t understand!” Naruto cried. “Kiba—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on in here?” Neji asked as he opened the door and interrupted their conversation. “Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Naruto</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Neji sighed. He knew how noisy the blonde could get, which explained why they didn’t hear him knocking on the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey Neji!” Naruto began as he sheepishly scratched the back of his neck. “Did you . . . uh, hear anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it was muffled.” Neji said as he crossed his arms. “But still very loud. Did Hinata let you in again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Naruto grinned, knowing they weren’t going to kick him out when the future president of the firm didn’t mind him being there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you need legal advice you have to make an appointment first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neji, I’m going through a crisis.” Naruto emphasized dramatically as Shikamaru groaned behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neji raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. “Explain.” Knowing Naruto, it was everything </span>
  <em>
    <span>but</span>
  </em>
  <span> a crisis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I was sick last night and stuck at home,” Naruto began once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go on,” Neji sighed before closing the door. He tried not to get mixed up in Naruto’s shenanigans, but sometimes he couldn’t avoid it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Kiba was trying to find me so he went by Sasuke’s!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok . . .” Neji said, not understanding what was such a big deal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I wasn’t there!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok . . .”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Itachi left to go see if everything was alright!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Itachi?” Neji asked. “Why wasn’t he already at the condo?” It </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> his place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, he was with me last night!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Itachi?” Neji gasped as Naruto nodded. “Itachi Uchiha?” Nod. “The fucking Uchiha Prodigy, the next CEO of Rinnegan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, that </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking</span>
  </em>
  <span> Uchiha!” Naruto screamed hysterically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you two dating?” Neji asked, amazed. “I honestly don’t understand how you get these attractive people—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I am not dating Itachi Uchiha!” Naruto interrupted him loudly, a dark blush covering his entire face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still think he likes you.” Shikamaru interjected as Naruto turned to glare at him. “What? Why else would he </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleep</span>
  </em>
  <span> with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He </span>
  <em>
    <span>WHAT?!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Neji yelled, his eyes widening as he came over to sit down and join them as they spilled tea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my GOD!” Naruto yelled defeated. “You guys are supposed to be super </span>
  <em>
    <span>smart</span>
  </em>
  <span>, why can’t you focus?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the one sleeping with one of the most sought after bachelors in Japan,” Neji scoffed. “Honestly, I didn't think you could do better than Haku.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Haku was pretty attractive.” Shikamaru agreed before he made a face. “Don’t tell Temari I said that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t he practically a self-made millionaire?” Neji asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes and I heard he’s married these days!” Shikamaru gossiped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t tell me it’s,” Neji began, ending with a dramatic pause.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zabuza, his business partner.” Shikamaru confirmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, can’t say I didn’t see that coming. Remember Naruto, you guys broke up because you thought something was going on between those two.” Neji gossiped as Shikamaru nodded in agreement behind his desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we please get back to Sasuke?” Naruto sighed, defeated. Since when were they so gossipy? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Sasuke?” Neji asked. This story was all over the place!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think he fought with Kiba!” Naruto answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that so surprising? I don’t believe they ever liked each other.” Neji reasoned. He honestly didn’t think Sasuke liked anyone very much outside of Naruto and Sakura.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should really talk to Sakura about those drugs though.” Shikamaru added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were </span>
  <em>
    <span>drugged?!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Neji exclaimed, turning to Naruto with a concerned expression. Naruto had all the drama!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto decided he wasn’t getting anywhere and needed to leave. He had an afternoon summer class to attend anyway. “I’m leaving!” he announced dramatically before stomping out the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A/N: I need to make a meme of Naruto talking to Neji and Shikamaru like this: <a href="https://www.meme-arsenal.com/memes/ff1668a8a03be763f051f23b6158be4c.jpg">ff1668a8a03be763f051f23b6158be4c.jpg</a></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So I uploaded three times this week! That’s a lot of work! If you like quick uploads please go back and leave a comment on each chapter, it would make me super happy if you did! T-T &lt;3</span>
</p><p>You all are so awesome! Thank you for reading, leaving kudos and commenting your thoughts on this crazy story!! I'm really winging it tbh lmfao<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Antistalking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Sasuke and Kiba purposely memorized each other’s schedules just so they could avoid each other. This was always the case since they were children and it mattered even more now after realizing they would be attending the same university for four freaking years together. </p><p>This unintentional skill came in handy when one of them was looking for a certain blonde, who was usually with one or the other. But now, it served Sasuke in a novel way. This time, he was actually <em>looking</em> for the <em>Inuzuka</em>.</p><p>Sasuke arrived on campus later that afternoon with the sole intent of finding Kiba. He wasn’t taking any summer classes, but he knew Naruto was already in class and Kiba was taking a class that started a little after Naruto’s around this time. </p><p>Naruto and Kiba usually went to campus together, but since Kiba was avoiding Sasuke, and as a result, Naruto, Naruto left on his own, making sure to complain to Sasuke about the situation one more time before doing so.</p><p>Sasuke sighed as he headed to Konoha University’s School of Veterinary Medicine to confront Kiba. He had a lot on his mind from last night and ruminate about the events that occurred as he walked through a basically deserted campus. It was always like this during the summer.</p><p>Naruto’s paranoia was dead-on. Sasuke and Kiba did fight. He had the bruises to prove it. </p><p>However, the outcome was a little . . . <em> different </em> than Sasuke ever imagined it could be. </p><p>So, after Kiba rocked Sasuke’s shit with a nice uppercut to his face, and seeing that Sasuke was a true gentleman and returned the favor twice fold, something weird happened to him . . . something that never happened to him before.</p><p>He was an Uchiha! That meant he was always sure of himself, always was on top of things . . . but this time . . . he was completely thrown off guard.</p><p>And Sasuke kind of liked it.</p><p>Spotting intentionally messy maroon hair up ahead, Sasuke smirked when he noticed Kiba just a short distance ahead of him.</p><p>“Kiba,” Sasuke drawled out to the Inuzuka, noticing how the man seemed to flinch at hearing his name out of the Uchiha’s mouth. Kiba didn’t even look back to confirm if it was Sasuke calling him before he took off running.</p><p>Sasuke didn’t have long legs for the hell of it. He quickly followed after Kiba as they ran through the deserted campus. Sasuke almost overtook Kiba a couple of times before Kiba quickly made a random turn in some random direction. He was running like a chicken with its head cut off!</p><p>This time Kiba took a sharp left, cutting through an empty parking garage to try to get away, but Sasuke was already too close, overtaking him and slamming the Inuzaka face first against a wall, twisting Kiba’s arm behind his back so he couldn’t run away. If he had just stopped when Sasuke initially called out to him, he could have avoided this fate. Sasuke had a temper and Kiba sure as hell knew how to piss him off!</p><p>“Owwww,” Kiba grimaced as Sasuke’s hold tightened on his arm. “What the hell do you want Uchiha?!” Kiba spat out, annoyed at their current situation.</p><p>Sasuke opted to let Kiba go enough to roughly turning Kiba around to face him, putting his arms on either side of his head so he couldn’t escape. </p><p>Sasuke leaned in with a penetrating stare. “Explain yourself.” He demanded as Kiba squirmed under his gaze. </p><p>Kiba didn’t look Sasuke in his eyes as he opted to glare at the floor, but it ended up looking like a pout. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p><p>“Why did <em> you </em> kiss <em> me </em>?” </p><p>The maroon haired man looked up at Sasuke through thick lashes as a blush overcame his rugged, yet somehow boyish, features. “Why did <em> you </em> kiss <em> back </em>?” Kiba challenged.</p><p>“I did not,” Sasuke scoffed.</p><p>Kiba glared at Sasuke before pulling down the high collar shirt he was wearing to reveal his neck covered with hickies all over. “Then who the fuck did this?!”</p><p>Sasuke blinked. Damn, he had a point. “Well, you kissed me first!” Sasuke argued.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to!” Kiba yelled. “It just sort of <em> happened </em> . . . I didn’t know you could fight.” He muttered, returning his gaze to the floor. He thought Sasuke was some prissy rich boy he could smack around!</p><p>“What does that have to do with anything?” Sasuke wondered.</p><p>Kiba roughly swallowed uneasily. He finally turned his gold eyes to look at Sasuke’s dark ones. “I . . . didn’t know you could be so . . . dominating.” </p><p>Sasuke recoiled in shock. “Don’t tell me you have some kind of kink for being dominated?!” That would surely explain why Naruto always stopped Sasuke from fighting Kiba all these years. </p><p>Kiba didn’t say anything more before looking at the lovely and suddenly captivating concrete floor below them.</p><p>Sasuke sighed as he finally removed his hands from either side of Kiba’s head. Naruto had probably subdued Kiba at some point, plus their personalities matched well as close friends, so naturally Kiba became infatuated with Naruto. After realizing this, Naruto didn’t want Kiba to become infatuated with Sasuke (who he believed was heterosexual) because of his kink, and always broke up any fights between the two.</p><p>“Are you obsessed with me now?” Sasuke sneered as Kiba surprisingly threw back his head and laughed at the very notion.</p><p>“Oh, <em>fuck</em> <em>no</em> asshole,” he snarled. “At the end of the day you’re just not my type.”</p><p>Sasuke frowned at this new information. For the record, he was <em> everybody’s </em> type. </p><p>“So then you don’t have a kink.” Sasuke reasoned.</p><p>“I do actually.” Kiba responded as he crossed his arms and glared at Sasuke.</p><p>“Then why aren’t you . . . in love with me?” Like the way he was with Naruto?!</p><p>“Because I don’t like stuck up bastards!” Kiba snapped. “You caught me off guard last night, we just made out, nothing more! You also almost broke my damn nose!” Kiba muttered under his breath as he fidgeted with the bandaid over his nose.</p><p>Sasuke simply stared as he took a step back, finally giving Kiba some space as the flustered Inuzuka let loose the breath of air he was holding from being so unwillingly close to the Uchiha.</p><p>Kiba gave Sasuke a skittish look at his silence. “What?” he asked suspiciously.</p><p>Before Kiba could react, Sasuke sprung forward, easily grabbing Kiba and turning him around and holding him back in the same position he caught him in a few moments before. Sasuke pushed Kiba’s body up against the wall, causing excitement to race throughout Kiba’s body.</p><p>The Uchiha leaned his body unto Kiba’s and the Inuzaka felt his breath on the back of his neck and shuddered at the memory of last night.</p><p>Expecting to hear some kind of threat, Kiba was floored when he felt Sasuke’s warm lips at the nape of his neck, his kisses pulling on soft maroon hair slightly, driving Kiba crazy with need as he unknowingly arched his back in response to the bite marks Sasuke was leaving against his skin.</p><p>“Do you like me now?” Sasuke smirked, his breath tickling Kiba’s neck.</p><p>“No,” Kiba murmured with flushed cheeks, but his hardening erection was telling a different story.</p><p>“Hn,” Sasuke responded before letting Kiba go and turning him around yet again. </p><p>Sasuke’s dark obsidian eyes stared into confused golden hues before Sasuke tilted Kiba’s face up with one hand while the other softly caressed his face.</p><p>Kiba had never been touched so gently before and couldn’t believe it was <em> Sasuke </em> of all people touching him like this!</p><p>The Uchiha dipped his head low as their lips touched, pensively moving his own against Kiba’s in a slow burning kiss that turned into yearning as Kiba responded, deepening it with his tongue. Sasuke slowly pulled away first, but their foreheads touched as they panted out of breath, staring into the antithesis of the others eyes. </p><p>The kiss this time was soft and sweet, far from the heated frenzy of last night, but somehow, made each of them crave more.</p><p>“Do you . . . like me . . . now?” Sasuke asked as each space was devoured by a kiss on Kiba’s lips.</p><p>Kiba’s head was spinning. He was so fucking confused! It didn’t help that Sasuke’s body was still pressed into his!</p><p>“I don’t . . . think so?” Kiba asked, unsure of the words coming out of his mouth. Is this what being on crack felt like?! Cuz he must have been high on something to be reacting this way to <em> Sasuke! </em></p><p>“I don’t like that answer.” Sasuke frowned before his knee came up between Kiba’s legs, causing him to whimper at Sasuke’s proximity to his erection. “Are you going to keep denying <em> this? </em>” Sasuke asked as his knee gently pressed upward at Kiba’s crotch.</p><p>“Yes,” Kiba said through gritted teeth, “Denial is my forte.”  He said as he turned his head away from Sasuke’s piercing dark orbs.</p><p>Sasuke chuckled before standing back from Kiba, finally removing Kiba from this new form of alluring torture.</p><p>Surprised, Kiba looked up at Sasuke confused. “That’s it?” Kiba asked incredulously.</p><p>“Yes.” Sasuke said as he took another step back to give Kiba more room to flee.</p><p>Kiba’s mouth hung open. “You’re . . . done?”</p><p>Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Did you want us to fuck in the parking garage?”</p><p>Kiba shrugged. “No one’s here . . .”</p><p>Sasuke smirked at Kiba’s response. “Can’t <em>want</em> to fuck someone you <em>don’t</em> like.” He said before promptly turning around and walking out of the garage, not once looking back.</p><p>As Kiba watched Sasuke leave, his eyes lingering on his perfectly toned ass, Kiba nervously chuckled to himself. “I’m in danger.”</p><p> </p><p>A/N: I know ya’ll didn’t see that coming, don’t even front!</p><p>I am a beast uploader. A bealoader if you will.<br/><br/></p><p>Edit 1: OK ONCE AGAIN THE MAJORITY OF YA'LL SAW THAT COMING LMFAO</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. You Got a Friend in Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Naruto sighed as class finally finished and he began collecting his things. He watched as other students piled out of the classroom as he slowly got up to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naturally, he wasn’t paying attention to the lecture, so he definitely needed either Sasuke or Kiba to help him out later, but this time it wasn’t his fault he was so distracted!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thanks to Sasuke, Shikamaru and Neji, he could not stop thinking about Itachi!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, all he wanted was to get to know Sasuke’s older brother a little better. He was always this elusive figure Naruto would hear Sasuke idolize growing up and was naturally drawn to such a mysterious person. All he knew about the man was what he heard on the news or read in magazines or the little tidbit of information Sasuke shared about him, which wasn't much. When Sasuke started living with Itachi last year, Naruto finally met him and thought he was so cool . . . and a <em>little</em> violent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But as time passed, Itachi was proving to be more than his quirk, and Naruto was starting to enjoy being around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>BUT NOW HE COULDN’T GET A SHIRTLESS ITACHI OUT OF HIS MIND!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the fact that such a beautiful man was in his arms just last night, made Naruto drop to his feet in a crouching position right in the middle of the hallway of the building clutching his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Onlookers awkwardly stepped around Naruto during his sexual existential crisis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Since Naruto was bisexual, he was fully aware there was already a stereotype about him being promiscuous all because he was attracted to both sexes. But Naruto had standards and self-control! He didn’t just fuck anyone who looked at him! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blonde straightened up as he stood in the now deserted hallway. Just because he happened upon a shirtless Itachi this morning, who had a perfectly sculpted body, plus his beautiful long black hair was ruffled in a way Naruto now found familiar after waking up with black silky pajama pants hanging dangerously low on his hips, and the cutest expression of excitement mixed with drowsy sleep; as if he believed he was still dreaming when he first opened the door and laid eyes on Naruto – didn’t mean Naruto </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked</span>
  </em>
  <span> him!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ok, he remembered </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> too many details.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You know what? Naruto <em>wasn’t</em> falling for Itachi. He just found Itachi attractive, like basically everyone else in Japan. So, if anything, this just proved he was a normal functioning member of society, doing his part in lusting after one of the many unfairly too attractive Uchiha’s. That is all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slumped over in defeat, Naruto finally headed out of the building his math class was in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who was he kidding?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Itachi wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> attractive, he was also smart and caring. He tried hard to overcome his quirk whenever he was around Naruto and made an effort to get to know Naruto, even noticing small things about him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘<em>Why do I do this to myself?’</em> Naruto thought, depressed. He always fell for people who were way out of his league. His friends joked about it, but Naruto truly believed it. Why else would all of his relationships end so quickly?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow, he was able to grab someone’s attention, then they would date for a bit. Things would always fall apart after a short amount of time. It was like after that honeymoon or puppy love stage, people began to realize there really wasn’t much to him and things would end after that. Then they would move on to someone better suited for them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For example, Haku was now married to his business partner. Hinata was with Shino, heir to the Aburame clan. Even Shion, a girl he dated briefly in high school, was dating some upcoming movie star now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he was just . . . here; single for a year and counting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘<em>I shouldn’t date someone when I don’t have anything to offer</em>.’ Naruto sighed to himself as he pushed the doors open. Why would anyone be interested in </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you are.” Sasuke muttered when Naruto finally walked outside the building. Surprised to see him – didn’t he have studying to do? – he noticed the Uchiha was sitting on the steps leading up to the building with a backpack over his shoulders while Sakura was leaning against the step rails, a large basket in hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Naruto-kun!” Sakura beamed at him as he walked down the stairs to greet them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sakura-chan,” Naruto remarked, a bit confused. She was usually at work at this time, what was she doing here?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Naruto,” Sakura fussed before she reached for him, her arms outstretched for a hug. “You look so sad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto didn’t even bother to deny it, seeing that he wore his emotions on his sleeves. He simply went in for Sakura’s hug, holding his dearest friend tightly. “I guess you were right Sasuke,” Sakura laughed as she noticed Sasuke getting up, his hands in his pockets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I was.” Sasuke muttered. Of course he knew when his best friend was feeling down! It was like his sixth sense or some shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I brought some snacks.” Sakura grinned as she ended their hug and held up the basket she was holding. “Let’s go to our favorite spot!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>123 321</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto was laying in the tall grass in a clearing while Sasuke and Sakura sat either side of him, enjoying the cool summer breeze swirling around them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their “spot” was a place they stumbled upon as children – a small meadow in the woods. Sakura brought some cookies and other treats from a nearby bakery, and they ate the delicious sweets, except Sasuke who disliked sweets, and opted for the fruits Sakura also brought along. The food was laid out on a small blanket Sasuke brought with him in his backpack along with some drinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s on your mind dobe?” Sasuke asked as he brought a grape to his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it Itachi?!” Sakura blurted out without thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both Sasuke and Naruto turned to her, surprised evident in their expressions. Sakura was barely in the storyline, how the fuck she figured it out so quickly?! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t give me that look, I know you like him!” Sakura ‘hmphed’ with a pout. “You guys rarely keep me in the loop anymore!” She spent a large portion of her time between the hospital and her boyfriend, but she was still a part of the group dammit!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you know?” Sasuke asked, baffled. He, the Perfect Uchiha, </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> realized Naruto returned his brother’s feelings!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sakura smirked. Well, she was the smartest out of the three (Sasuke was strategic and clever, but completely clueless when it came to these things). “A woman’s intuition.” She said mysteriously. ‘<em>And drugs, but mainly the drugs</em>.’ She thought to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like him!” Naruto yelled defensively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you do,” Sasuke snapped as he looked down at Naruto who was sprawled out to his left. He chuckled to himself a bit. “You always get like this when you start to like someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, so moody.” Sakura giggled at Naruto’s expense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto's face turned bright red as he tried covering his face with his arm by using it to cover his eyes. “No, I don’t.” he muttered as Sakura laughed harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah right,” Sakura laughed. “I don’t understand why you can never just <em>like</em> someone, you always act as if you’re doing them a disfavor by even admitting it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just tell us Naruto,” Sasuke egged on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell you?” Naruto echoed as he sat up abruptly and glared at Sasuke. “And when were you going to tell us about <em>Neji?!</em>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Neji?” Sakura asked curiously before she noticed Sasuke’s blush. “Oh my gosh!” she said excitedly. “This can’t be happening, Sasuke has a crush?! On a </span>
  <em>
    <span>guy?!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like Neji,” Sasuke coughed into his arm as he looked away from inquiring emerald crystals and doubtful deep blue oceans. “. . . that much.” He finished lamely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sakura clapped her hands in excitement as Naruto stared in shock. He didn’t think Sasuke would admit to having a crush so quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, when did you start liking him?” Sakura gushed as she moved closer to the boys. “Come on Sasuke, details!” she urged as she grabbed a blueberry muffin with brown sugar sprinkled on top.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke still felt awkward talking about these things. Unlike the two before him, who were comfortable with the sexual orientation they identified with, Sasuke was just realizing he was gay. He sighed as he raked a hand through his spiky hair in defeat. Maybe it was time to open up, especially if it would help Naruto share what was on his mind too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since the first time I laid eyes on him.” Sasuke muttered as Sakura squealed and Naruto scoffed loudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How cliché.” Naruto muttered as Sakura swooned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s true,” Sasuke said defensively. “When we first met at that stupid party,” He murmured as he folded his arms on top of his knees, his chin resting on them as he looked out at the tall trees surrounding them. “I remember not wanting to be there, but then I met Neji and everything just fell into place and I knew I had to be there in that very moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, because after you met Neji you </span>
  <em>
    <span>locked</span>
  </em>
  <span> yourself in the </span>
  <em>
    <span>closet—ow</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sakura,” Naruto cried as she elbowed Naruto in his rib to shut him up. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Literally</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>!”</em> He emphasized.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What Naruto means is,” Sakura began quickly. “You didn’t seem to like Neji much, what changed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I was just in denial about my attraction to him.” Sasuke answered before looking at Naruto. “Sounds familiar?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boys, boys,” Sakura said sternly. “We’re talking about our feelings here! Try to be nice!” she chastised them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t <em>want</em> to be attracted to him.” Sasuke admitted after they settled down again. He reached for some more grapes on the blanket as he finished his thoughts. “I mean, I always thought I was straight, even if I never really thought about dating or anything. I just assumed the default was heterosexuality.” He ruminated as he thoughtfully chewed on grapes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feeling a lot better after finally speaking about it out loud, Sasuke continued, mildly surprised that his normally talkative friends before him were actually quiet as they listened. “So, when I noticed that whenever Neji came around I couldn’t formulate coherent sentences, I guess I realized I wasn’t as straight as I thought.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds about gay,” Naruto laughed, speaking from experience as Sakura joined in his laughter, even earning a chuckle from Sasuke. “Welcome to the club teme!” He grinned before swinging his arms around Sasuke’s shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you said you didn’t like Neji <em>as much</em>,” Sakura began as Sasuke wiggled out of Naruto’s grasp. “So, what or </span>
  <em>
    <span>who</span>
  </em>
  <span> made you change your mind?” she prodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you don’t just get over a crush that quickly, especially someone as hot as Neji, unless you moved on!” Naruto realized as he gave Sasuke a suspicious look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who says I have to like someone else?” Sasuke fibbed. “Neji’s with Tenten anyways, so it’s illogical for me to continue liking him.” He reasoned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s like a computer,” Sakura mused as Naruto rolled his eyes at Sasuke’s rationale. “Alright, your turn Naruto!” Sakura smirked, turning to the blonde who flinched at the sudden attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto sighed as he reached for a pastry. He didn’t know what kind it was, but knew he liked cream filling and Sakura sure as hell delivered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” He began reluctantly to the expectant faces before him after chewing. “I don’t like Itachi,” he repeated quickly as Sasuke rolled his eyes and Sakura groaned. “But I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> find him attractive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright Naruto,” Sakura sighed reluctantly. “Fine, you don’t like him but you find him attractive. Now, let’s pretend you did like him, what’s stopping you from pursuing him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>Itachi</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Naruto complained exasperatedly as Sasuke sighed at his baseless reasoning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that shit again.” Sasuke gave him a knowing look. “Naruto,” he began but Naruto interrupted him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, come on,” Naruto began. “The Uchiha’s are like royalty in Japan and Itachi Uchiha is this extra special person in your family. How could I ever compare? Like how could <em>I</em> make someone like that happy? Why would he even want someone like me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasuke sighed. If only Naruto knew how special he was in Itachi’s eyes . . . but he promised his brother he wouldn’t tell Naruto about his fondness of the blonde. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you think that <em>you</em> could be special to <em>him</em>? All his life Itachi grew up being different.” Sasuke began, trying to explain his older brother’s childhood. “I mean, I barely even saw him and he’s <em>my</em> brother.” Sasuke emphasized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was taken away and isolated because everyone believed he was this special tool that needed to be hidden away. They treasured him, but not for <em>who</em> he was, but for <em>what</em> he could do.” Sasuke finished. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not like that Naruto,” Sasuke said as he turned to his best friend. “From the very first time we met, you never cared that I was an Uchiha.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I hated you for you,” Naruto joked as his friends laughed, releasing some of the tension around the subject.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh man, Naruto,” Sakura laughed. “Why didn’t you like Sasuke?” she asked. “I always wondered.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno,” Naruto laughed. “Maybe it was because he looked at me like he wouldn’t even spit on me if I caught on fire!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The trio laughed at the past, recalling all the years they’ve known each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, I was kind of a prick.” Sasuke began as Sakura and Naruto shared a look before bursting out laughing all over again. “Ok, I was an egotistical fuck, I get it.” Sasuke laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what happens when you’re treated like this special . . . object, all of your life.” Sasuke smiled faintly as he looked up at the sky. “But you didn’t treat me like an object, you didn’t give a shit I was an Uchiha.” he murmured as a flash of someone with maroon hair and gold eyes came to mind . . . another person who didn’t give him the special treatment. Oh shit. He was in danger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Sasuke grew quiet as he mulled things over on his own, Sakura looked at Naruto, who was looking down at the grass, a forlorn expression on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Naruto . . . do you think you <em>can’t</em> be loved?” She asked quietly. “Because you think you’re not . . . special?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I . . .” Naruto began, tears pricking his eyes, but he blinked them away quickly. “I don’t know,” he sighed, becoming angry at himself. God, he was so bad at this. “It’s just that, ever since my parents died,” he began and ended abruptly. He scratched his nose, embarrassed. Argh, he sucked talking about his emotions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sakura remained silent, patiently waiting for Naruto to work out his feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After my parents . . .” Naruto began again. “When they left . . .” Naruto said delicately. “I was alone for awhile. I didn’t have any immediate family to take care of me you know?” He chuckled to himself. “When Jiraiya finally came back from overseas, I started living with him and things got better, but this hole,” Naruto struggled to make sense of things as he unknowingly placed a hand on his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not like I didn’t feel loved you know?” He asked while looking at Sakura. “Iruka-sensei,” Naruto smiled at the memory of his old high school guidance counselor and others in his life like Gaara, Kiba, and his friends before him who came into his life and meant so much to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why did I <em>still</em> feel so alone?” Naruto asked suddenly, gripping his chest tightly. “Why couldn’t I get rid of this emptiness in my chest?” He asked, tears slowly falling from his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sakura inched closer to Naruto, wrapping her arm around him as Sasuke unknowingly leaned closer to the blonde to give him comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sakura didn’t know the details, but was aware Naruto spent some time in foster care after his parents passed away due to a tragic car accident. His godfather, Jiraiya, was abroad and couldn’t get back immediately due to the kind of research grant he was using that didn’t allow him to return without forfeiting it. When Jiraiya finally returned, he went straight for Naruto and quickly built a large publishing empire now known as Icha Icha Paradise, allowing Naruto a life of luxury.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Naruto never quite got over feeling unwanted all those years in the orphanage. Even though he was an adult now, he couldn’t just erase the memory of the young boy who cried every night, wishing someone would come for him, before assuming that nobody wanted him because he wasn’t worth anything. He just wasn’t special.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it wasn’t because I wasn’t wanted,” Naruto began as he dried his tears on his shirt sleeve. “I know it’s just that nobody could get to me at that time.” Naruto recalled remembering that Jiraiya and other adults in his life just couldn’t be there. “But, why didn’t anyone try harder?” He asked. “Am I selfish for wondering?” Naruto thought out loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sakura couldn’t imagine what Naruto went through as a child, and what he was currently going through as an adult. The system had failed him, abandoning a child who believed he wasn’t worth the effort, and now he was still recovering from it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Naruto,” Sasuke began softly, much to Sakura’s astonishment. Usually she was tasked with most, if not all, of the emotional labor in the group. “Fuck the past, all that matters is now. You’re my best friend and that’s not a title you should take lightly.” Sasuke muttered as he blushed when both Sakura and Naruto stared at him. “It’s literally one of the most wanted positions in Japan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your ego is something else, teme.” Naruto said as he and Sakura laughed at Sasuke’s attempt at cheering up his friend as Naruto grinned and slung his arm over Sasuke’s shoulders, bringing him closer to the group.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Naruto, what I’m trying to say is,” Sasuke sighed after their laughter died down. This is why Sakura was tasked with this kind of stuff. Sasuke was usually the person you called when you needed to threaten and beat someone while Naruto was the social butterfly. Their group had perfect balance. And here he was, ruining it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you go through life thinking you need to be . . . wanted by others, you’re only ever going to notice the people who <em>don’t</em> want you.” Sasuke reasoned. “And you’re going to sit there overthinking small things and using it as an excuse to call yourself worthless and not let anyone get too close.” Sasuke surmised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Truth is, you’re not going to be wanted, loved, or appreciated by everyone. There are eight billion and counting people in the world, and you know what?” Sasuke asked as he looked over at his companions who were hung on every word. “No one can determine your worth but you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First you need to realize you’re not that helpless kid anymore who felt worthless. Second you have to understand you were never worthless to begin with.” Sasuke said as he looked up at the white clouds in the sky. “When you start doubting yourself you lose focus by always seeking validation on whether or not people like you and things fall apart. You’re usually the brightest person in the room, even on your bad days, nobody can overshadow your light Naruto.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to change for others . . .” Sasuke told his best friend. “Naruto, you have so much to offer by simply being yourself, all you have to do is accept who you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not hearing a response, Sasuke looked over and found Sakura and Naruto silently crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh,” he grimaced as the duo jumped on him, burying him in a pile of tears and hugs. He could feel his energy being drained from his very being.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww Sasuke,” Sakura cried. “That was so sweet!” she sniffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sasuke I didn’t know you had it in you!” Naruto exclaimed. Sasuke’s response was muffled and Sakura, who was on top of the pile, leaned down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh, what did he say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, I think he said, “I can’t breathe” or something.” Naruto guessed before they both laughed just as Sasuke threw them off his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Owww,” Sakura cried as she landed on her ass as Naruto fell face first into the dirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Back to being a dick,” Naruto complained as he spat out some grass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me?” Sasuke asked as he gasped for air. “You two almost <em>killed</em> me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sakura laughed as she got up and sat in between her best friends and wrapped an arm over both of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t realize I had such softies,” Sakura cooed, giggling at their reluctance at being called such. “Hey, that’s a good thing!” She grinned before releasing them and making herself comfortable in her new spot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Naruto-kun, what did you learn from Sasuke-kun?” she asked as if she was a teacher in class.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He thinks the sun shines out my ass,” Naruto joked while simultaneously dodging as Sasuke reached over Sakura to choke him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sums it up,” Sakura agreed as she held Sasuke back with a laugh. After they calmed down, she looked up at the sky with a smile as she waited for Naruto to continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that I’m not . . . as bad . . . as I think I am.” Naruto muttered with red cheeks. “I need to start realizing that and not be so hung up on how others perceive me.” He finished with a cheeky grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guess you know how to listen after all dobe,” Sasuke smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off teme!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sakura suddenly laughed loudly, interrupting their bickering. She reached for a cookie before turning to Sasuke with a smirk. “Now back to your love life Sasuke . . .” she pestered as Naruto cheered her on while Sasuke groaned, regretting his decision to divulge any information in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>321</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun was setting when the trio finally finished talking and reminiscing about the past. Sakura was chatting animatedly as Sasuke listened while Naruto stood, stretching after sitting for so long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto held out his hands to help Sakura up as Sasuke collected the empty containers and cleaned up, mentioning how he could have baked better sweets than the store bought ones Sakura brought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t even <em>like</em> sweets!” Sakura accused him as they started going back and forth on the matter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naruto smiled to himself as he walked between the two as they headed back to town. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sure had some great friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A/N: This is such a late update because I needed to get my life together this week, lmfao. This 9-5 job is killing me, KILLING ME. Next life I'm BEGGING to be reincarnated as a golden retriever in an affluent upper middle class family with a pool and outside deck. They'll create social media for me and I'll be internet famous and will be sponsored for a life time supply for some organic dog food that taste like grass but make my stool soft so I'll settle for it. I'd fall in love with my doggo rival when we finally meet at a signing event. We would not have puppies because reproductive organs were removed prior to this. I'd die happy. The end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Also, before I forget - remember that this is Rated MA for Mature Audiences despite it being a comedic crack story. <em>Giggity</em>. Oh yes. </span>
</p><p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Bom Chika Wow Wow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>a/n: Listen. I'm not saying not to read this on your way to work or around family. But I'm saying, don’t read this on your way to work or around family.</p><p> </p><p>Itachi entered the condo and smiled when he noticed Naruto sitting at the dining table wearing a thin white cotton sweater and joggers later in the evening. His hair was slightly damp as if he recently took a shower. </p><p>Naruto didn’t usually show up again at the condo after class and It looked like he had a lot on his mind. He stared at his notes with his forehead creased with worry. Despite Naruto’s troubled expression, Itachi was still happy to see him.</p><p>“You’re here.” Itachi smiled slowly as he removed his shoes and walked over to Naruto who blushed at Itachi’s tender smile and looked away. </p><p>“Y-yes,” Naruto answered, trying to overcome his uncharacteristic shyness at seeing Itachi’s smile. Oh no, maybe he really <em>was</em> falling for Itachi?! </p><p><em> No shit Sherlock </em>. A little voice inside his head sneered at Naruto’s extremely late realization.</p><p>“I’m sleeping over actually.” Naruto mentioned while looking down at his feet. Ugh, where did all of these butterflies in his stomach come from? </p><p>“Hn,” Itachi responded, but internally he was screaming and doing backflips. “Where’s Sasuke?”</p><p>“He went out to get some stuff,” Naruto grinned as he looked back up at Itachi who smiled when he saw Naruto’s smile. “We’re going to make some homemade ramen!”</p><p>“You can cook?” Itachi asked, a bit surprised as he loosened his tie around his neck. He only ever noticed Sasuke cooking for them, not surprising since he loved to do it. He rested his briefcase down by the table with one hand before removing his tie with both hands.</p><p>“Uh, yes, a little.” Naruto said, a bit distracted as he watched Itachi . . . well basically undress. He shamelessly stared as Itachi removed his suit jacket and began unbuttoning his shirt to reveal a black tank top underneath. Naruto was amazed at how he went from business professional to sexy bad boy in two seconds. He often forgot that Itachi wasn’t some old ass adult despite the important position he held at work and how mature he seemed. He was still in his 20s and wasn’t that much older than himself.</p><p>“I learned at the orphanage.” Naruto continued, trying to focus on their conversation and not the way Itachi's biceps flex as he removed his blazer.</p><p>Itachi held his blazer in his hands and simply stared at Naruto. “I thought you lived with Jiraiya-san?” </p><p>“Oh, about that,” Naruto laughed awkwardly while naturally following Itachi as he headed to his room to put his clothes away to continue the conversation. “I didn’t move in with him until I was 13, but I was at the orphanage when I was ten.”</p><p>“Ten?” Itachi echoed as he opened the door to his room and headed to the closet to hang his blazer. “You lived at the orphanage for three years?”</p><p>“Uh-huh.” Naruto said as he looked around in awe. He’d never been inside Itachi’s room before and was not surprised at how clean it was. Naruto looked on top of Itachi’s dresser and saw the petunias he accidentally knocked over the first time he met Itachi and chuckled. “It’s not as bad as it sounds, I learned how to cook pretty well from my time there!” Naruto grinned.</p><p>Itachi turned to Naruto with a slight frown on his face. “Naruto,” he began before he changed his mind, a small smile gracing his features. “Well, I’m glad you’re here now.” He finished. </p><p>“Y-You are?” Naruto asked, a bit startled at hearing that from Itachi. </p><p>“Of course. You’ve been a great influence on Sasuke, and I’m glad I finally got a chance to meet you.” Itachi mentioned as he looked into Naruto’s eyes. “From the first time I met you . . . I wanted to get to know you better.”</p><p>“Really? I remember you threatening to skin me alive.” Naruto deadpanned.</p><p>“You knocked over my prized petunias.” Itachi argued, as if that was a perfectly logical reason to threaten to skin a man alive.</p><p>Naruto laughed loudly and Itachi chuckled as he watched Naruto laugh before him, finding the blonde’s smile infectious as usual. “I’m serious Naruto,” Itachi muttered as a slight blush dusted his cheeks. He brought a hand up to pull the hair tie out of his hair and it tumbled down in loose waves. As his hair fell down around him, he looked back at Naruto. “I still want to get to know you better.”</p><p>“Oh,” Naruto began as he looked down quickly and began fidgeting with his hands. “Don’t waste your time, I’m not anything special.” He said, instantly regretting saying it and knew for a fact Sasuke would curse him out if he heard him right now.</p><p>“You’re special to <em>me</em>.” Itachi responded quickly as he took a step closer to Naruto. He wanted to reach out for Naruto’s hands, but opted not to. “You’re . . .” Itachi knew what he wanted to say, but just couldn’t right now. He sighed before heading to his dresser and pulling out some clothes. “I’m going to take a quick shower; do you mind waiting?” He asked as he pointed towards his bed.</p><p>“Here?” Naruto asked as he turned a bright red. Here in <em> Itachi’s </em> room?! “S-Sure,” Naruto stammered before moving to Itachi’s bed and sitting down.</p><p>“Ok, I’ll be out soon.” Itachi promised before heading to the master bathroom in his room, leaving the door slightly ajar.</p><p>‘<em>Noooo, don’t do that! </em>’ Naruto screamed in his head while turning his head before he saw something that would make him question his self control, such as Itachi stripping to the nude. He needed to stay cool. He couldn’t hook up with Sasuke’s older brother!! That was against the bro code, wasn’t it?!</p><p>Deciding to focus his attention on other things, Naruto was amazed at how big Itachi’s room was, gawking at how spacious it was. He looked around the dark warm colors and looked down at the king sized bed he was sitting on with dark red sheets. Kind of gothy.</p><p>Naruto laughed to himself, remembering their conversation last night when Itachi admitted to being into grunge music in his adolescence. He could see that his “bad boy” days still influenced his present. </p><p>As some time went by, Naruto listened to the sound of Itachi’s shower before finally noticing something in the corner of the room. It was a piano!</p><p>‘<em>He never mentioned he played the piano! </em> ’ Naruto thought excitedly before standing and walking over and sitting down on the piano bench. ‘ <em> How the hell did I not see this before? </em>’ Naruto asked himself before realizing that it was shoved in the corner as if it hadn’t been in use for some time.</p><p>Turning it on, Naruto hesitated before finally pressing down on the F sharp key. He started playing as a child and would practice every now and again as an adult, often visiting the music school on campus and booking a studio to play in. </p><p>Naruto went back and forth about whether or not he should play, before he began playing a slow song, easing into the composition. As the music began to fill the room, Naruto didn’t notice when Itachi came out and stood behind him as he listened.</p><p>Itachi was in awe as Naruto played, his hands running across the keys expertly, his eyes closed as he seemed to be in a trance; bewitched by the very song he was playing. It was a sweet yet sad melody, creating a feeling of longing and wistfulness. Naruto wore a small smile on his face as he finally came to the end of it.</p><p>“Claude Debussy,” Itachi mentioned the name of the composer as he stood behind Naruto, causing Naruto to jump a little in surprise. </p><p>“How long were you standing there?” Naruto asked, a bit embarrassed and hoping Itachi didn’t witness him making any weird expressions. </p><p>“Almost for the entire song.” Itachi smiled as he sat down next to Naruto on the piano bench. “I had no idea you could play. Clair de Lune is an interesting song choice.” Itachi then chuckled to himself. “You weren’t kidding when you said you liked classical and impressionist music.” Itachi said, referring to their long conversation last night.</p><p>A dark blush overcame Naruto’s feature as he groaned, looking up at the ceiling and covering his face with his hands. “Please don’t tell Sasuke.” He muttered, the words muffled by his hands. “I have no idea why I told you that. It’s not something I broadcast.” He sighed as his hands came down by his sides. He leaned back a little as he looked at the piano. “My dad was so into it, and when I learned, he taught me by playing these songs. I don’t listen to this stuff every day or anything like that. Just appreciate it from time to time.” Naruto laughed before he turned a little to look at Itachi. “How do you know it?”</p><p>“I studied abroad in France for a year.” Itachi mused. “Went to some classical music festivals for an elective music class and heard this song and wrote about it for class. It’s about someone thinking about their lover isn’t it?”</p><p>“Yes,” Naruto began. “It was inspired by the poem by Paul Verlaine I think. Debussy turned it into what we have here.” Naruto smiled. “It’s originally in French so the true meaning may be lost a bit. I think it’s about a person thinking about someone they love and fighting with . . . their insecurities about love.” Naruto ended quietly. “I haven’t thought of this song for a long time.” He sighed before closing the keyboard cover and turning it off. </p><p>“That was beautiful Naruto,” Itachi said. “I didn’t realize there was this side to you.”</p><p>Naruto blushed as he suddenly stood. “It’s no big deal, it kinda makes me sad to play so I don’t do it often. I only keep up with it because . . . just for my dad’s memory.” He said as he removed himself from the piano, his heartbeat quickening from realizing how close he was to Itachi, whose hair was still damp from the shower he took and his enticing scent seemed to fill the room. </p><p>Naruto returned to sit on the edge of Itachi’s bed, this was a much safer distance. Jumping Sasuke’s brother was NOT going to happen tonight or ever. It couldn’t! “Anyways, I didn’t know you played!” Naruto continued.</p><p>“I don’t.” Itachi chuckled as Naruto gave him a confused look. He grabbed the hand towel that was around his neck and used it to wipe some water that dripped down the side of his face. “It came with the condo and I hadn’t gotten around to throwing it away.” He didn’t leave it out in the living room because it didn’t really go with the theme out there, so his quirk wouldn’t allow him to.</p><p>“Throwing it away?!” Naruto yelled appalled. “That’s an electric spinet piano!” Naruto deadpanned. “Do you know how much money those costs?!”</p><p>Itachi raised an eyebrow. </p><p>“Not that it really matters to you,” Naruto sighed, forgetting for a moment Itachi was completely loaded.</p><p>“Do you want it?” Itachi asked, earning a startled expression from the blonde before him.</p><p>“W-What?! No, I couldn’t!”</p><p>“It’s just going to collect dust here.” Itachi smirked at how flustered Naruto got. “I would love to give it to someone who would actually use it.” he reasoned.</p><p>“I . . . I don’t know.” Naruto began as he looked down at his hands in his lap. “It would remind me too much of my dad.” He said softly before feeling Itachi’s hands over his own. He looked up suddenly, surprised at the contact seeing that Itachi was just sitting next to the piano. </p><p>“Is that such a bad thing?” Itachi asked as he sat next to Naruto on his bed. He still held onto his hands as he continued. “What are you worried about?”</p><p>Naruto remained silent as he looked down at their entwined hands. “When I play, it feels like my parents are still here,” he began slowly. “I can feel my dad sitting next to me while my mom dances around us.” He said with a soft smile before looking up at Itachi. “Then I open my eyes and they’re gone.” He shook his head as he looked away. “I know, it’s pathetic that I still feel this way after all of this time.”</p><p>“No,” Itachi said earnestly as he brought a hand up to hold Naruto’s chin, moving his face back to look at him. His heart ached to see the loneliness in Naruto’s eyes, the very emotion that haunted him throughout his life. “Your feelings are valid.” He said before offering a smile as he looked into deep blue eyes. He could see a bit of brightness slowly filling them. “If you want, I don’t mind being here with you while you play. I can’t replace your parents, but having someone there with you might help.”</p><p>“I . . . I would really like that.” Naruto said, his voice barely above a whisper. Now that he thought about it, this was the first time he didn’t feel so . . . empty . . . after playing music. He looked into rich obsidian eyes as a thought dawned on him.</p><p>Itachi was with him . . . and Naruto was finally realizing how important that was for him. How much he . . . wanted Itachi right now.</p><p>Itachi still held his chin and Naruto subconsciously leaned forward, his eyes lowering to gaze at Itachi’s slightly parted lips. For once his heart was not hammering in his chest, but was rather like a smooth steady beat, finally realizing that being here with Itachi like this was ok. He was . . . safe.</p><p>Meanwhile, Itachi wanted this for so long he couldn’t believe this was happening, but he didn’t lean forward. This had to be up to Naruto; Itachi wanted to allow Naruto to decide what happened. </p><p>“Wait,” Naruto began quickly as a dark blush overcame his features. He paused his ascent to Itachi’s lips but was close enough to barely grace them as his lips moved. “Are you sure? About this, I mean . . .” Naruto stammered over himself. He didn’t want Itachi to kiss him just for <em> his </em> sake! “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want—”</p><p>Itachi interrupted Naruto with his lips – he’s been waiting for this for 23 fucking chapters – as they descended on Naruto’s quickly. He slowly worked his way inside, his lips softly sucking on Naruto’s, seeking entrance. Naruto’s mouth beckoned him in and Itachi entered gingerly, taking his time as his tongue explored every curve and dip in Naruto’s soft sweet mouth.</p><p>Kissing Naruto felt as everything he imagined came to life; sweet, mesmerizing and <em> euphoric </em>. Soft kisses hungrily transformed into a string of long heated caresses as Itachi leaned into Naruto, wanting to devour every inch of him. His hands moved to hungrily grip either side of Naruto’s face as he repositioned Naruto in a way that allowed him better access to his delicious mouth. He pressed the length of his entire body into him, needing to feel Naruto’s body beneath his own. Naruto’s arms wrapped around Itachi’s neck, bringing them even closer together as the blonde slowly lowered himself to the bed, taking Itachi with him. </p><p>They finally pulled away to catch their breaths. Itachi hovered over Naruto as they panted, looking into each other's eyes. Itachi’s long hair spilled over the side of him, creating a dark velvet blanket that confined them in their own world as he stared into Naruto’s lustful gaze. Itachi couldn’t believe this was happening. </p><p>Was he really with Naruto or was this another fantasy his mind conjured up? </p><p>Not wanting to waste any more time, his head dipped low to kiss Naruto’s lips again as Naruto’s hands gingerly combed through his soft damp hair, amazed at the softness at his fingertips.</p><p>Another moment passed gracefully as they stopped to breathe. Naruto’s lips continued it’s trek to explore the contours of Itachi’s beautiful face, trailing kisses down Itachi’s jaw then toward his neck as innocent kisses transformed into sucking and biting. Itachi gasped when Naruto pulled his hair slightly, dragging him down to him until his body rested firmly on top of the blondes.</p><p>“Naruto,” Itachi began softly, already regretting what he was about to say. “We should stop.” He murmured as Naruto continued kissing his jawline before coming back up and kissing his lips once more.</p><p>“Why?” Naruto's speech sounded a bit slurred, inebriated by being with Itachi like this. “I don’t want to,” he whispered against the Uchiha’s lips before they kissed passionately, Naruto’s tongue driving Itachi mad with need.</p><p>Well, shit, don’t have to tell Itachi twice!</p><p>Itachi smirked against Naruto’s lips. “You had your chance,” He growled, surprising Naruto with his tone seeing that he was so soft spoken before. His hands reached up, gripping Naruto’s before removing them from around his neck. Itachi smirked at Naruto's slight confusion. The Uchiha grabbed the end of Naruto’s white shirt, pulling it up to reveal Naruto’s toned and lean body underneath, tan skin flushing as Itachi’s eyes regarded him as he licked his lips.</p><p>Dark smoldering eyes ravished Naruto’s toned body, pale fingers slowly tracing the shape and form of his naked flesh, loving how Naruto shuddered at his touch. Itachi finally decided which part he would devour first. Leaning forward, his tongue flicked a pink aroused nipple as Naruto sucked in his breath in anticipation.</p><p>Teeth gently bit down on Naruto’s exposed nipple and Naruto covered his mouth to hold back his moan as pleasure erupted throughout his body. “Don’t,” Itachi warned as he moved Naruto’s hands away from his mouth, his eyes full of hunger and lust as he gave Naruto a penetrating stare. “I want to hear you.” His voice was husky before his mouth bit down on Naruto’s nipple again, this time harder.</p><p>“<em>Ngghh </em>,” Naruto moaned as his back arched as a thrill raced throughout him, awakening every nerve in his body. He gasped as Itachi’s lips trailed lower, his journey slow and deliberate. Itachi’s tongue left blooming wild roses as he sucked on Naruto’s warm tan skin as he moved toward his abdomen. He kissed and sucked on Naruto's abs, smirking when Naruto squirmed in erotic bliss at Itachi torturing him as he continued on to kiss his Adonis belt. Itachi paused as he gripped Naruto’s joggers hesitantly. “Please . . . don’t stop,” Naruto panted out, begging him to continue.</p><p>123</p><p>Meanwhile Sasuke was in fucking hell.</p><p>“Sasuke, I’m so happy you’re finally home!” Mikoto gushed as she hugged her youngest while they sat in the living room “enjoying” each other’s company. </p><p>“Mother,” Sasuke groaned as he tried moving away from her embrace. He’s been at his house for a fucking hour now and his mom was still all over him! You’d think he had ran away or something with the way she was acting. </p><p>“You should visit more often.” Fugaku said gruffly as he continued reading the paper in his hands. “We hardly see you.”</p><p>“Maybe because someone <em>fired</em> me from Rinnegan.” Sasuke began. “Oh wait, it was you!” He said sarcastically while glaring at his father.</p><p>“What’s the point of working there when you’re planning on . . . I don’t even want to say it.”</p><p>“You’re acting like becoming a lawyer is a bad thing!” Sasuke yelled. “I don’t have to be at Rinnegan, Itachi is the heir anyways!”</p><p>“It’s always been Uchiha-led in key positions.” Mikoto frowned. “If you don’t work there . . .” she pursed her lips. “It’s just unprecedented Sasuke.” She sighed. “Why do you want to become a lawyer all of a sudden?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Sasuke complained. “I don’t think I even want to be a lawyer anymore.” He muttered the last part, realizing it was actually true.</p><p>Oh shit, was he going through a midlife crisis already?! He was only 22!</p><p>Truth is, he never thought about his life on his own terms. It was always, Uchiha’s do this, Uchiha’s do that and he followed whatever he was told to do. He never stopped and thought about what he wanted . . . not until he started questioning his sexuality. </p><p>Fugaku perked up as he peeked over the newspaper in his hands. “Oh?” he asked. “Since you are uncertain, you should work at Rinnegan instead of concerning yourself with this lawyer nonsense.”</p><p>“How does that make sense in your head?” Sasuke deadpanned before being smacked by his mother. “Ow, mom!”</p><p>“Don’t talk back to your father!” Mikoto scolded him tersely. “Sasuke, what’s gotten into you? You were always so obedien—”</p><p>“I’m gay!” Sasuke blurted out, not knowing what came over him.</p><p>He only returned home because he had nowhere else to go after ditching Naruto and his brother at Itachi’s condo. </p><p>After they returned from hanging out with Sakura, Sasuke convinced Naruto to sleep over and they stopped to pick up some of Naruto’s clothes from his apartment before heading over to the condo. He then told Naruto to wait with false promises of ramen when in reality Sasuke planned to leave Naruto and Itachi alone. </p><p>For whatever reason, he sensed a strong connection between the two and wanted to give them their space to explore it. After their conversation after Naruto’s class, he hoped it pushed Naruto in the right direction to accept an opportunity to be happy with Itachi.</p><p>So he went home and ate dinner with his folks, suffering through tedious and utterly boring conversations about Rinnegan and politics.</p><p>Now here he was. </p><p>Confessing and shit when he wasn’t even sure he was ready to.</p><p>“Oh,” Mikoto said, not knowing what else to say to his declaration. Her earlier spunky attitude seemed to be deflated at the mention of Sasuke’s sexual orientation. </p><p>Fugaku sighed before continuing to read the paper. So now both his sons were gay. “Did Itachi turn you gay too? Is that why you decided to live with him all of a sudden?” Fugaku grumbled. </p><p>That was part of the reason why he separated his sons in their childhood. He didn’t want Itachi, who Sasuke looked up to and adored, to influence his younger sibling. He was extremely upset when Sasuke declared that he was moving in with Itachi and now all his qualms had realized.</p><p>“I’m leaving.” Sasuke suddenly stood, wishing he never said anything and remembering how negatively they reacted when Itachi came out all those years ago. He should have known better.</p><p>“No, wait Sasuke-kun!” Mikoto yelled as she grabbed his hand, stopping him from leaving. “Please, stay.” She begged as she looked into his eyes. “We . . . are just a little surprised,”</p><p>Sasuke remained standing, waiting for what she would say next before deciding if he should leave or not.</p><p>“Do . . . you, um.” Mikoto didn’t know how to approach this subject. She knew they didn’t have the best reaction for Itachi, and didn’t want to repeat that. She didn’t want to lose the little connection she had with her youngest son too due to her ignorance and implicit bias. “Are you seeing someone now? Is that why you’re so . . . <em> confused </em>?”</p><p>Sasuke sighed. He really didn’t feel like delving into this topic again after bearing his soul with Sakura and Naruto earlier today. At least his friends were understanding and spent their time uplifting him rather than acting as if something was wrong.</p><p>“Actually, I have a <em>boyfriend</em>.” Sasuke spoke up. “And I’m leaving now.” He said before he left, forcing his wrist out of his mother’s grip and walking out of the door, his head held high as his father yelled after him.</p><p>123  S  M  U  T  321</p><p>Itachi pulled Naruto’s pants down, becoming even more excited at discovering the large bulge that had already formed in Naruto’s boxers. He then removed them, throwing them to the side before feeling his own cock stirring at witnessing Naruto’s erection standing tall among soft blonde hair.</p><p>A throaty growl escaped his lips as Itachi thought about all the things he wanted to do to Naruto as he lowered his head between Naruto’s thighs, smirking at the gasp that emanated from Naruto as he guided the head of Naruto’s cock to his lips, fully taking it in and loving the sounds of Naruto’s deep moans with each stroke of his warm moist mouth. </p><p>Itachi’s head began moving quickly, taking more and more of Naruto as he continued sucking Naruto whole, his hand reaching up to tightly pinch his erect hard nipples.</p><p>“<em>Itachi </em>,” Naruto gasped out, his back arching as he thrusted his hips forward in need. “D-Don’t stop,” Naruto moaned as Itachi’s tongue flicked over the head of Naruto’s cock before moving faster, up and down his shaft, sucking up his sweet and sticky precum that had already begun to spill out of him.</p><p>Itachi’s hand held Naruto tightly at the base of his cock, pumping faster as he paid special attention to Naruto’s head, sucking and moving his mouth to ravage it as Naruto’s body quivered beneath him. </p><p>Naruto couldn’t even think straight as he gripped Itachi’s sheets, trying not to make too much noise. It’s been a year since he last had sex, and Itachi was quickly making him reach his limit – he didn’t know how long he could last. He was losing his mind and all Itachi was doing was sucking his dick! </p><p>Naruto feverishly reached for the back of Itachi’s head, holding it tightly, black strands of silky soft hair falling in between tanned fingers. He thrusted upward into Itachi’s welcoming mouth, moaning louder the faster they went.</p><p>Feeling himself about to cum, Naruto opened his mouth to warn Itachi but ended up just moaning even louder as he came inside, warm sticky fluid filling Itachi’s mouth before he swallowed Naruto in one go.</p><p>Naruto was completely dazed as Itachi licked his lips, taking in Naruto’s sweaty naked body before him. He adored the way Naruto’s body responded so avidly to him.</p><p>“Why am I the only one naked?” Naruto asked as he leaned forward, gripping the ends of Itachi’s shirt as he tugged upward. Itachi smirked before removing his shirt and moving to take off his pants, but Naruto stopped him. “I’ll do it,” he said huskily, causing Itachi’s erection to jump at his boldness.</p><p>Slowly, Naruto trailed kisses down Itachi’s stomach, nipping his pale soft flesh while inching his pants lower with each kiss until it came to the beginning of his member. Naruto looked up at Itachi with a raised eyebrow at noticing that he wasn’t even wearing underwear.</p><p>“I usually sleep in the nude.” Itachi shrugged. The pajamas were a formality since Naruto was over.</p><p>Well alrighty then.</p><p>Naruto was really just stalling as he was now on his knees, staring at a rather large dick.</p><p><em> ‘Impressive</em>.’ He thought while sizing it up. <em> 10/10 would highly recommend this size </em> . <em> Now how the fuck am I going to fit this in my mouth </em>?’ </p><p>He was so out of practice; would he choke on dick and die? Was that even possible? How shameful to meet his parents in the afterlife after so long then explaining his cause of death was the gayest possible reason. <em>Surprise!</em> <em>Choked on some good dick!</em></p><p>Not known as a quitter, (<em> believe it, bitch! </em>), Naruto gripped Itachi’s erection and decided then that he was going to give him the best fucking head he ever received.  </p><p>Meanwhile, Itachi was already so turned on just by having Naruto’s hand around him. Jesus, was he going to immediately cum as soon as Naruto’s lips touched him?! </p><p>Smirking in satisfaction at the way Itachi held his breath in anticipation, Naruto moved forward, licking the full length of Itachi’s cock, leaving it wet with saliva before fully covering it with his mouth (atta boy!) feeling it in his throat before moving back to the tip. </p><p>Itachi wasn’t even ashamed at how loudly he moaned as Naruto began working fucking <em> magic </em>. Itachi’s legs spread wider apart as he thrusted his hips forward. Naruto continued to bob his head back and forth, mouth moving up and down in rhythmic bliss while looking up at Itachi with curious blue eyes. He drank in the sight of an unrestrained Itachi completely full of lust and erotic rapture. Naruto never thought he’d ever see the serious and proud Uchiha like this, and it was turning him on all over again.</p><p>Naruto decided to leave hot kisses on Itachi’s cock as his lips travelled to his balls, licking and sucking, swallowing them whole as he heard Itachi exclaim “<em> Fuck </em>!”</p><p>Itachi suddenly grabbed Naruto, picking him up and pushing him onto the bed. Their lips found each other again as Naruto pulled Itachi down, wrapping his arms around his neck once more, his hands gripping his hair and pulling tightly. </p><p>They tasted each other on their tongues, sucking and demanding more from the other in a heated frenzy. Naruto could feel himself becoming hard all over again and knew he wanted more of Itachi. He gasped slightly as he felt Itachi’s fingers grab his ass, spreading him liberally as two lubricated fingers gently slipped inside, teasing and testing Naruto’s control.</p><p>“Ah <em> shit </em>,” Naruto's voice was hoarse as he moaned loudly while Itachi fingers stretched him out. Sudden pleasure overcame him when Itachi expertly found the bundle of nerves inside him that almost made him cum all over again right then and there.</p><p><em> Fuck </em>.</p><p>Adding a third finger, Itachi's erection was in full force as he watched lewd emotions flicker across Naruto’s face as the blonde’s body withered under him with his fingers knuckle deep inside. </p><p>Naruto’s body was so overridden with pleasure; he didn’t even notice when Itachi removed his fingers as he moved to open a condom he kept in the drawer of his night stand with a bottle of lube. Itachi dipped his head again to kiss Naruto as he generously applied lube to himself before entering him slowly, swallowing Naruto’s moans at his intrusion. Naruto dug his nails into Itachi’s back as his body stretched to fit his girth, breathing heavy as his body greedily sucked Itachi in. </p><p>“Fuck, <em> Naruto </em>,” Itachi moaned through gritted teeth at the way his ass tightened around his hard member, swallowing his erection. When Itachi finally fit all of himself inside, they stayed unmoving for a few moments as Naruto got used to his size. As they waited, Itachi left heated kisses all over Naruto’s face before slowly thrusting forward, feeling a shudder race throughout Naruto’s body beneath him while his thrusts built up speed. </p><p>“Ah, <em> fuck </em> Itachi!” Naruto yelled full of sensual lust as the Uchiha lost control and slammed into him in a heated frenzy. Naruto moved his hand to grip his own cock and pumped his fist to match Itachi’s thrust as he masturbated. His tan fingers wrapped around his excited member as fast hard strokes had the tip of his dick swelling in arousal. Itachi watched him, becoming even more turned on as he watched Naruto pleasure himself while being pleasured.</p><p>Itachi moved forward and pressed their foreheads together as he thrusted faster and faster, moaning as he felt himself coming closer to the end.</p><p>The way he felt inside of Naruto was indescribable. Itachi was an analytical genius, but in this moment the only thing his brain could generate was incomprehensible gibberish along with a random string of curse words, ‘<em>Fuck, shit, FUCK </em>!’</p><p>In one swift fluid motion, Itachi turned Naruto around, having him on his knees as Itachi continued pounded him from behind. He didn’t want this to end just yet. His hand pressed down on Naruto's back as his taut ass came up higher, baring himself as Itachi drilled into him. Naruto took him in eagerly, leaning forward until his chest touched the bed and he arched his back.</p><p>‘<em>I’m fucking broken </em> .’ Naruto thought to himself as he gritted his teeth and pushed back on Itachi’s cock as his own cock dripped with cum he could barely contain any longer. ‘ <em> I won’t be able to walk tomorrow and I don’t even car</em><em>e</em>.’  </p><p>Itachi relentlessly slammed into the bundle of nerves that made Naruto scream his name, the way he cursed and moaned sounding like music to Itachi’s ears. “Don’t stop . . . faster,” Naruto begged as Itachi gladly complied. </p><p>Naruto moaned loudly as he came hard and fast, his orgams having his body spasm as he squeezed Itachi while he rode out his release. Itachi felt his own climax on the horizon. Labored breaths hitched in his throat before he was spilling everything, cumming into the condom as his body shuddered while his orgasm hit him like a freight train.</p><p>Thoroughly ravished, Naruto collapsed onto the bed, his body weak from such an intense climax. Itachi went to get a couple of towels from the bathroom quickly to clean up with. </p><p>Returning to the bed, he gently wiped Naruto's sweaty body lovingly as he bent over to kiss him, whispering sweet nothings as he worked. He kissed him tenderly on his forehead, cheeks, lips, neck, and back as he went down, cleaning him up, leaving nothing untouched. </p><p>Breathing heavily, they each laid side by side facing each other, orgasmic sleep starting to take them hostage.</p><p>“Itachi,” Naruto murmured against Itachi’s body as he now laid wrapped in his arms. “Thank you,” he said shyly. He’d never been taken cared of so gently after sex and was amazed that he’d somehow attracted the man before him. </p><p>Itachi smiled softly as he pressed their lips together again. He gently brushed Naruto’s blonde hair aside as he lovingly caressed him. “Of course,” he murmured before sleep finally claimed the both of them.</p><p>321  E N D  S M U T  123</p><p>Sasuke found himself in front of Kiba’s address at 12 o’clock midnight. Sometime last year, Naruto dragged him to Kiba’s for something and he still remembered the way to get here. </p><p>Curse his photographic memory. </p><p>Why the hell didn’t he go to Shikamaru’s, even Sakura’s? Literally, <em> anybody </em> else.</p><p>He sighed before knocking on his door loudly, part of him hoping that Kiba moved for the new semester.</p><p>“Oi, shut the fuck up I’m coming!” he heard a gruff voice yell from inside before the door was yanked open. “Oh for the love of,” Kiba began before rolling his eyes. “What the fuck are <em> you </em> doing here?”</p><p>“I just came out to my parents.” Sasuke blurted out. What the fuck was happening to him today?! He was giving out <em> waaaay </em> too much information to everyone!</p><p>Kiba blinked owlishly. He looked behind him to check the clock on the kitchen wall before turning back to Sasuke. “The fuck are ya’ll doing up so late anyways?!”</p><p>“We’re vampires.” Sasuke said with a roll of his eyes. He actually left his house around 9pm and spent his time walking around contemplating his feelings and somehow ended up here. </p><p>“That really explains a lot.” Kiba sighed before standing aside. “Come in.”</p><p>Sasuke gave him a startled expression. “What?”</p><p>“Oh, hurry up,” Kiba snapped. “I have work in the morning!”</p><p>Sasuke walked inside and was surprised at how clean it was. He didn’t know why, but he expected it to be as messy as Naruto’s room, if not even dirtier.</p><p>“I don’t know why, but looking at your surprised expression is really pissing me off.” Kiba grumbled as he turned on a lamp and plopped down on a black couch. “Alright, so you came out to your parents? How did they react?”</p><p>Sasuke sat down opposite of Kiba. “Not exactly warm and fuzzy.”</p><p>“Wait, isn’t Itachi gay though?” Kiba asked vaguely, remembering hearing about the Uchiha heir coming out in the tabloids and papers years ago. It was the biggest scandal of the decade!</p><p>“Yeah he is. I guess they were hoping I turned out . . .” Sasuke sighed. “Normal I guess.”</p><p>“They had to be told you were gay to realize you weren’t normal?” Kiba joked as Sasuke gave him a look. “Ok, ok, back to being serious.” He sighed. “Hey you want anything to, I don’t know, drink or something? I’m not offering my blood though.” </p><p>“No.” Sasuke answered flatly. “And in case you were wondering, I too have no idea why I’m here.”</p><p>“How’d you even know where I lived?” Kiba asked as he rubbed his eyes. He absentmindedly wondered why Sasuke was here at this time. </p><p>“I’ve been here before.” Sasuke muttered. “Last year Naruto forced me to drive here after he forgot his scarf.” He opted to wait outside while Naruto went inside and chatted away with Kiba.</p><p>“Oh, wow, that was a long time ago.” Kiba recalled, slightly impressed with Sasuke’s memory. “You really are a prodigy, huh?”</p><p>“Yeah, a shitty one.” Sasuke muttered as he slumped in his seat. Even when he did everything his family wanted, he still wasn’t good enough.</p><p>“Hey, don’t say that.” Kiba sighed. How odd that he was trying to console someone who he hated since the day they met. But something drastically changed these past few days that made his voice soften when he spoke to the sullen Uchiha before him. </p><p>Let’s just blame the hormones and keep it moving. </p><p>“I came out to my mom when I was 14.” Kiba chuckled. “And if you knew my mother you would know how crazy she blew up about it. But she came around and now it’s not even a big deal. Just wait and if they still give you shit about it, well, you’re an Uchiha, probably could find work anywhere anyways.”  He reasoned. “And you have great friends to support you.” He didn’t have to stay around an unsupportive family.</p><p>“Yeah, you’re actually right.” Sasuke replied slowly. He never really got along with his parents anyways. His family weren’t all that close and this year was the first time he was rekindling his relationship with his brother. </p><p>“Wow, I had my suspicions, but now I know for sure this is just a dream.” Kiba laughed. “Can I get that in writing? You saying that I’m right?” he reiterated.</p><p>“Shut up,” Sasuke grumbled as Kiba laughed, his muscles flexing from the movement.</p><p>Oh yeah, Kiba was in nothing but his boxers.</p><p>He stood and stretched, causing Sasuke to blush slightly, before he looked at Sasuke. “Well come on,” he said before leaving the room.</p><p>“Where are you going?” Sasuke called out.</p><p>“<em> We’re </em> going to bed.” Kiba sighed before returning and grabbing Sasuke’s arms and dragging him up. “Let’s go before I lose even more sleep.”</p><p>“I can stay out here,” Sasuke offered quickly. “Actually, I don’t have to stay here.” He should have gone to Sakura’s!</p><p>“Yeah right, you’re already here.” Kiba muttered as he dragged Sasuke behind him. What if Sasuke left now and got murdered on his way over?! Didn’t most murders happen in the middle of the night?! Sure, Sasuke was an asshole but didn’t deserve to die over it! “Besides, you just came out to your parents. Trust me, you do not want to sleep on a lumpy couch after that. Totally fucks up your mood even more.”</p><p>Sasuke remained silent as Kiba dragged him to his room before finally releasing him and heading to his dresser and throwing some clothes at him, which he caught.</p><p>“Put that on,” Kiba muttered before heading to the bed and snuggling under the covers and promptly falling back to sleep.</p><p>Sasuke was starting to believe Kiba really thought this was a dream. He looked at the maroon shirt in his hands before he removed the one he was wearing. He didn’t feel like looking for the bathroom to change and realized he was actually exhausted. Today was full of too many unfamiliar emotions for Sasuke.</p><p>He unbuckled his pants and although Kiba gave him some sweats to sleep in, he didn't see the point in wearing them seeing that they would be too big for him anyway.</p><p>Sasuke placed the clothes on Kiba’s desk before getting in bed.</p><p>This shouldn’t be a big deal right? They made out twice before, so sharing a bed should have been a piece of cake. He slipped under the covers and his heart was practically jumping in his chest. Why was he suddenly so nervous? When he kissed Kiba in that parking garage he was in complete control and brimming with confidence! Why did just laying here, innocently, as if it was a friendly sleepover, so overwhelming for him?</p><p>Sasuke burrowed into the covers and turned to look at Kiba and flinched when he saw gold eyes peering at him. “Holy shit,” Sasuke swore. He scared him!</p><p>“Argh, so this isn’t a dream?” Kiba groaned before he closed his eyes grumbling to himself. “Great, my biggest pain in my ass is sleeping in the same bed as me.”</p><p>“Kiba, all we did was kiss.” Sasuke smirked. “We didn’t have sex yet,” he said, referring to being the pain in Kiba’s ass. </p><p>Kiba’s eyes shot open as he glared at Sasuke. “Real funny, as if your inexperienced ass would ever top.” Kiba snapped before groaning at Sasuke’s confused expression. “Oh my God, you really are a new gay.” How the hell did he not know what “top” meant?!</p><p>“Just go to fucking sleep already.” Sasuke grumbled as he reached out and covered Kiba’s face as an uncharacteristic blush overcame his features. “You said you have work in the morning.” He muttered as Kiba’s lips formed a smirk under his fingers.</p><p>“Ok, I’m just teasing you,” Kiba laughed as he closed his eyes. Each time he talked, it felt like he was brushing kisses against Sasuke’s skin, sending a shiver down his back. “Good night.”</p><p>Sasuke removed his hands from Kiba’s face and looked on as the Inuzuka began to fall asleep. “Night,” he ended as he closed his own eyes, oddly feeling at peace despite having such a shitty night. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: This is the longest chapter so far and I’m so proud of ya’ll for waiting 23 fucking chapters for this. My true ride or dies. We made it. We finally fucking made it. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. The Morning After</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Intoxicating.</p><p>That’s what it felt like being with Naruto.</p><p>And also, <em> inside </em>.</p><p>As if he had one too many drinks, which led to him willingly falling into the deeper end of inebriation, having no desire to return to sanity. </p><p>Why would he want lucidity when everything he ever needed was screaming his name before him?</p><p>“I-Itachi,” Naruto whimpered, not wanting to make too much noise so early in the morning. He winced as he felt Itachi pulling on his hair, his body aroused with the feeling as his back arched at the biting sensation.</p><p>“Louder,” Itachi growled, not liking when Naruto held back.</p><p>‘<em> I need to go to church this Sunday </em> ,’ Naruto thought as he cried out Itachi’s name over and over again as said man pounded into him from behind. ‘ <em> Go to church, gurgle holy water, and confess my sins </em>.’</p><p>Here he was, fucking his best friend’s brother, and having no idea where said best friend currently was. Was Sasuke dead? What if he was kidnapped while buying some noodles?! Sasuke always got hit on by random strangers, what if he was chopped up in a box somewhere?!</p><p>Early that very morning, Naruto found himself enveloped in Itachi’s arms as his eyes slowly opened to see a sleeping angel before him.</p><p>Itachi’s thick lashes casted dark shadows against his cheeks as dark hair cascaded over sharp features while he slept. Naruto felt compelled to reach out and gently remove the strands of hair that fell in his face, his fingers trailing against his jawline before he leaned forward and kissed Itachi’s unsuspecting lips.</p><p>Now here he was getting his back blown all the fuck out.</p><p>He felt Itachi’s hand grip his waist tighter before moving Naruto onto his back, quickly leaning forward to taste Naruto’s lips as sweat drenched his brow. </p><p>“Good morning,” Itachi murmured just before their kiss deepened while Naruto’s tongue slid deeper into his mouth, tasting every inch of him.</p><p>“Mhmm,” Naruto hummed as he eagerly pulled Itachi closer to him by his hair, wanting – no needing – to feel more of him. His walls tightened around Itachi’s pulsating cock and Naruto knew he was in for it at Itachi’s sharp intake of breath at his tautness.</p><p>He felt Itachi’s smirk against his lips before he continued thrusting into Naruto, sending the blue eyed man moaning beneath him over the edge one delightful more time.</p><p>They came at the same time and cleaned up like before, Itachi lovingly wicking away Naruto’s sweat as Naruto kissed him softly as he worked. Naruto was in complete and utter amazement at how gentle Itachi became when he had just been demolishing his insides a few short moments ago.</p><p>Itachi stood upright, causing Naruto to blush after realizing he was staring quite blatantly at his naked flesh. “I’ll prepare the bath.” Itachi smiled softly at his lover who lay beneath him, panting heavily from their lovemaking. </p><p>Naruto nodded, seeing that he was so out of breath he couldn’t even talk. Damn, rugby didn’t prepare him for this. </p><p>Itachi couldn’t help it as he reached for Naruto one more time, coincidentally at the same time Naruto reached out for him, sharing one last kiss before Itachi left for the bathroom to prepare their bath.</p><p>Naruto never quite felt like this before. The blonde rolled over to his side so he could watch as Itachi moved around the bathroom as the door was left ajar. He was completely enamored by the Uchiha.</p><p>Deep blue eyes couldn’t stop lusting after the sight of Itachi, tan hands always reaching out for some part of his godly pale flesh, and his body immediately missed Itachi’s when there was just a little space between them.</p><p>Naruto's features turned into a slight frown as he watched Itachi fill up the bathtub. Was it normal to be falling so hard for someone so quickly? </p><p>He always did this, fell too fast for someone before realizing nothing was going to come out of their relationship. Was the same thing happening again? Was this emotion he felt right now how he really felt about Itachi or was it all just lust?</p><p>And what about Itachi? Was this just a quick hook up for him? Was he just intrigued by Naruto's distinct features and wanted a chance to do it with him? Naruto met a bunch of people in the past who fetishized his foreign features and started to feel extremely saddened with the thought. </p><p>He didn’t want this to end, he didn’t want Itachi to lose interest in him like everyone else! </p><p>Naruto was starting to think it was best for him to just leave before things inevitably led to that point. He groaned softly to himself as he turned onto his back, gripping his face with his hands as his elbows pointed up at the ceiling. </p><p>There he goes again, overthinking things and making himself feel worthless just so he could give himself an excuse to run away. He didn’t like getting too attached to people, with the exception of friends. But romantically? He couldn’t bear the pain of losing someone he loved all over again.</p><p>He tried remembering the advice Sakura gave him after Sasuke’s surprising spiel about not living to please others and chasing after this incessant desire to be wanted.</p><p>Sakura mentioned how he needed to stop trying to figure everything out all at once and just go with the flow – trust his gut one day at a time before jumping to conclusions.</p><p>Naruto wasn’t even startled when he suddenly felt Itachi’s lips on his own, having sensed the man’s presence the second Itachi turned toward him.</p><p>Itachi slowly pried Naruto’s hands from his face gently as he looked down into troubled waters.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” He wondered, hoping that Naruto wasn’t beginning to regret everything.</p><p>“Nothing, I just . . .” Naruto sighed as he sat upright, looking up at Itachi. He didn’t want to hide his emotions but didn’t know how to express himself. “I’m going through a lot of emotions right now.” He confessed, hoping he didn’t sound lame.</p><p>“Me too.” Itachi confided in Naruto, who was startled by such a confession. Itachi had been lost in thought about them.</p><p>At Naruto’s panicked expression – was Itachi thinking about ending things <em>already?!</em> – Itachi decided to clarify. “About how much I like you,” he blushed slightly at having to admit that so suddenly. “Come here,” he urged as he helped Naruto to his feet and led him to the bathroom.</p><p>Upon entering the space, Naruto’s nose was met with enticing citrus tones with a lingering husky scent of sandalwood. Exactly how Itachi smelled every time he was with him.</p><p>Naruto lowered himself into the almost hot bath, his sore muscles sighing in bliss as the tension slowly left this body. Itachi slid in behind him, and Naruto was amazed at how spacious the tub was seeing that there was still a lot of space leftover despite having two grown men inside.</p><p>He leaned back against Itachi’s chest and peered up at him cutely, noticing a slight blush on the Uchiha’s cheeks. “So, you like me?” he teased.</p><p>Itachi sighed as his arms wrapped around Naruto’s waist, pulling him closer to his body as Itachi’s forehead came down to rest on top of his broad shoulders. “Yes Naruto, I really like you.” He said softly, slightly embarrassed. If only Naruto knew how much. </p><p>Naruto slowly closed his eyes, feeling at peace with everything with that simple declaration. Maybe he would take Sakura’s advice and take it one day at a time, one feeling at a time, one moment at a time. </p><p>And this moment, at this time, realizing these feelings, meant so much to him.</p><p>“Itachi,” Naruto softly called out his name, barely above a whisper as his hands came out of the heated water to push Itachi’s head up off his shoulder so he would be looking at him. He didn’t need to say anything else as Itachi’s lips descended on him, kissing away the last of his doubt.</p><p>123 321</p><p>“You can cook?” Sasuke uttered in amazement as he rubbed his eyes while entering Kiba’s kitchen after waking up to an empty bed and smelling food.</p><p>“Do you not realize you’re not the only fucking person who can do things?” Kiba complained as he stirred something in a pot on a stove. “You conceited Uchi-” Kiba began again before his words died on his lips when he turned around and saw Sasuke casually leaning against the doorframe with nothing but his form fitted boxers on and a black necklace around his neck that sported a small Uchiha fan.</p><p>It was later in the morning and the sun was high up in the sky. Kiba swallowed roughly as he got a full look of Sasuke’s lean and strong body. </p><p>“Didn’t I give you clothes?” Kiba’s mouth was parched as his eyes finally looked up to find dark eyes laughing at him. He scowled at Sasuke, embarrassed that he was caught staring, before turning around to finish preparing breakfast. He hadn’t realized Sasuke was basically naked when he woke up before him because the dark haired man was wrapped up in his sheets. Apparently the prideful Uchiha was a sheet hoarder.</p><p>“Yes,” Sasuke admitted. “I don’t usually sleep with much on.” Or with any clothes on for that matter. He must have taken off Kiba’s shirt in his sleep, completely forgetting he wasn’t alone in his own room in Itachi’s condo.</p><p>“Clearly,” Kiba sighed as he wasn’t one to judge seeing that he answered the door last night in nothing but his own underwear. He now sported an extra wide sleeve blue tank top with fitted black joggers after a much needed cold shower. </p><p>Sasuke was surprised to see a tattoo on his ribcage; two red upside down triangles.</p><p>“I thought you had work in the morning?” Sasuke questioned as his eyes moved back to studying Kiba’s face as the man turned off the stove.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m late.” Kiba muttered, having overslept. “This is what happens when you fuck with my rem cycle.” He said before he motioned for Sasuke to come over to his dining table as he placed two wide mouth bowls on their respective placemats. Luckily he texted Hana about not coming in till the afternoon. She didn’t mind, seeing that it was a slow day.</p><p>Sasuke obliged as he sat on Kiba’s high top bar stools that matched his dark mahogany table. He raised an eyebrow at the food. “Stir-fry for breakfast?” he questioned.</p><p>“It’s a breakfast stir-fry.” Kiba informed him. On closer inspection, Sasuke noticed sausage, eggs, and peppers mixed in with the rice, shredded carrots, spices, green onions, and something else he couldn’t immediately recognize.</p><p>Sasuke picked up his chopsticks and picked up a pale green flake. He thoughtfully chewed before looking at Kiba surprised. “Is this shredded broccoli floret?” he inquired.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kiba muttered as he ate.</p><p>Kiba must have been an experienced cook if he used these as they were an uncommon ingredient for the inexperienced. “So, you do actually cook.” Sasuke goaded as Kiba looked up and glared at the Uchiha with dark golden eyes.</p><p>“Fuck you Uchiha,” Kiba snarled, not realizing that was how Sasuke complimented people. </p><p>Sasuke chuckled to himself as he ate the stir-fry, finding it delicious. Kiba took this moment to look at the Uchiha as he ate, his eyes lingering at the way his chopsticks entered his mouth before chewing and swallowing.</p><p>Oh Jesus not again.</p><p>After his class ended yesterday, Kiba found himself in his apartment masturbating to the thought of Sasuke. He couldn’t get the feeling of Sasuke’s vexing lips from out of his mind from all the times the Uchiha kissed him. </p><p>Then he woke up in the middle of a good ass wet dream to find the object of his torment standing before him in the middle of the night.</p><p>He could tell Sasuke didn’t have the best night and many things were troubling him, so he opted to be hospitable and let the man stay the night.</p><p>It took all of his self-control and prayers to God to not ravish Sasuke’s body as the Uchiha slept soundly next to him.</p><p>Now Sasuke was damn near naked in front of him eating with not an ounce of embarrassment or shame. The conceited Uchiha probably was confident as hell . . . no surprise seeing that his tall lean body was fucking amaz—</p><p>Alright now, slow the fuck down. Kiba interrupted himself as he shoveled more food into his mouth. He had to do something to distract himself from his lewd thoughts.</p><p>Sasuke noticed Kiba shoveling food into his mouth quickly and opened his mouth to caution him to slow down, but it was too late as Kiba began choking.</p><p>Mildly entertained, Sasuke leaned his chin into the palm of his hand as he watched Kiba choke as the Inuzuka reached for a cup of water and downed it. He gasped before glaring at Sasuke.</p><p>“Thanks for the help!” he growled sarcastically.</p><p>“I’m surprised you don’t know how to eat at your age, even for you.” Sasuke mused, a smirk gracing his attractive features.</p><p>“One day I’m going to wipe that smirk off your face.” Kiba muttered as he pushed his empty plate away from him.</p><p>“Didn’t you already try that?” Sasuke inquired, smirking at the dark blush that crept over Kiba’s cheeks. That didn’t end too well for him, seeing that he ended up making out with Sasuke all night the first time.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Kiba began as he looked at Sasuke with a grin. “I think that smirk disappeared when I kissed you back.”</p><p>Sasuke's eyes narrowed. “I doubt it did.”</p><p>“What? Do you want round three?” Kiba taunted the Uchiha before him.</p><p>“Depends, are you going to run away this time too?” Sasuke goaded, smirking when Kiba frowned.</p><p>“I didn’t—”</p><p>“I literally chased you through campus and had to slam you against a wall to get you to stop running.” Sasuke deadpanned.</p><p>“I was just taking a faster way to my class.” Kiba pointed out.</p><p>Sasuke raised an arched eyebrow. “By going in the <em> opposite </em> direction?” </p><p>“Why the hell were you even looking for me?!” Kiba snapped annoyed, getting up to remove their bowls.</p><p>Sasuke remained silent as he watched Kiba clean their bowls, watching as his hands worked quickly. </p><p>Why did he seek him out? Usually Sasuke would have a plan in mind . . . but this time, he didn’t.</p><p>Uchiha Logic <em> activated </em>.</p><p>“Well Uchiha?” Kiba sneered as he rinsed their dishes.</p><p>“So I need a reason to see my <em> boyfriend </em>?” Sasuke asked, wincing as he heard Kiba drop a glass bowl and the shattering noises that followed.</p><p>“Fuck!” Kiba cursed as the glass he tried to pick up sliced through his finger. “Dammit,” he complained before moving to open a cabinet and reaching for rubbing alcohol and a band aid. </p><p>He was surprised when Sasuke was suddenly before him, grabbing the band aid he was fumbling with and opening it as Kiba cleaned his cut. Sasuke simply stared at the Scooby Doo themed band aid.</p><p>“What?” Kiba snarled, ready to fight.</p><p>“Nothing, it’s fitting.” Sasuke smirked while wrapping it around his finger before Kiba could bark out a response. </p><p>“Uh, thanks.” Kiba said uneasily as he watched Sasuke return the products to the open cabinet, not missing how his toned torso and abs flexed slightly as he reached upward. “Could you please put some clothes on?” he asked, distracted at the sight of his naked pale flesh.</p><p>Sasuke shrugged before he left the kitchen. When Kiba was sure he had gone back to his room, he sunk to the kitchen floor, an actual hysterical mess. Kiba covered his face as his blush intensified.</p><p>Should he just ignore what Sasuke called him? Was the Uchiha just trying to fuck with him?!</p><p>“Ugh,” Kiba groaned while looking up at the ceiling. He didn’t do relationships. Ever. </p><p>And he certainly never did stuck-up rich boys!</p><p>I mean, sure, he was all over Naruto (who lived with Jiraiya who was rich as fuck). But that was because of his kink and also Naruto was genuinely a good person! He was the only person Kiba would break his “no relationship” rule for! Then again, he needed to pull back on that seeing that Itachi was very serious about the blonde. And Kiba didn’t put up that much of a fight when he did learn of Itachi’s fondness for Naruto, so maybe he hadn’t been so crazy about him as he originally thought.</p><p>But <em> Sasuke </em> though?! </p><p>The whole reason why Kiba didn’t date was because he didn’t like the problems that came along with it. As an Inuzuka, he was usually surrounded by rich snobs because of the pricey schools he attended and the functions his mother forced him to attend.</p><p>He hated being around obnoxious people who thought they were better than everyone else simply because they had the wealth to make them appear as such. Their egos were hard to handle and they couldn’t care less who they hurt.</p><p>So what sense did it make to even think about Sasuke – the richest and most conceited person ever – in this way?!</p><p>Maybe it was just lust. Maybe all he needed to do was fuck him and get it out of his system. Kiba was sure Sasuke was just exploring anyways and after having sex with a man, would look for a real partner. </p><p>He doubted the Uchiha wanted anything more than just sex. So what if they suddenly realized they had some kind of pull towards each other? It was purely physical, nothing more!</p><p>“Kiba,” Sasuke’s voice cut through his crazy thoughts and Kiba jumped, slamming his head against the cabinets he was leaning on. He groaned and grabbed the back of his head in agony as he looked at the stupid condescending smirk on Sasuke’s face. Kiba was so preoccupied with his thoughts he didn’t realize Sasuke was crouched down directly in front of him.</p><p>While Sasuke appeared brazen outwardly, it was a whole other situation inside.</p><p>He was starting to become concerned about the Inuzuka – he didn’t remember Kiba being so . . . clumsy. </p><p>Sasuke was crap at showing any emotion besides brooding contempt (something Itachi told him in the past) and anything else that didn’t give him the air of a perfect and confident Uchiha. A bravado he was forced to learn growing up in his fucked up clan.</p><p>That’s why he unknowingly clung so desperately to his friends, Naruto and Sakura, who somehow had this ability to read through his bull shit. Especially Naruto. The blonde knew Sasuke like the back of his hands and didn’t bother believing his snarkiest comments because he knew the real Sasuke wasn’t like that.</p><p>He just wanted to make sure that Kiba was ok . . .</p><p>“Why the fuck are you so clumsy?” Sasuke asked the maroon haired man glaring at him.</p><p>Kiba scowled at Sasuke. </p><p>Oops.</p><p>“Why the fuck are you so close to me? Why are you even still here?” Kiba snapped in return as he pushed Sasuke away from himself as he stood. </p><p>Sasuke was wearing the clothes he originally arrived in, and although it was a simple t-shirt and jeans, he sure as fuck looked damn good in them. It was doing things to Kiba, and Kiba decided he needed to do other things than the thing in front of him and that Sasuke needed to get the fuck out now before things began to thing. <em> Whew </em>.</p><p>Kiba hated himself for being attracted to the Uchiha and was about to really kick Sasuke out, but Sasuke interrupted him.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to say that.” Sasuke began slowly as he stood, looking down at the ground. He wasn’t as open as Naruto or Sakura about his feelings . . . but he could start. He needed to if he wanted to make things work with Kiba. This time he was going to make an honest effort to, unlike with Neji.</p><p>Kiba didn’t know Sasuke the way that his friends did. He didn’t know that he had to read between the lines to really get the truth out of him.</p><p>There was a part of Sasuke that wished he wasn’t like this, that he could just bare it all at times. But years growing up, and being scrutinized, in the public eye made him build a wall to keep people out. He needed to stop expecting the people around him to bear the emotional task of trying to figure out what he really meant behind his harsh words. </p><p>Kiba was forcing him to truly be himself . . . to be vulnerable in a way he normally wasn’t . . . it scared him. But Sasuke was up for the challenge.</p><p>“Are you ok?” Sasuke asked softly as he finally looked up after a long moment of silence as he wrestled with himself. He wasn’t surprised to find Kiba’s gold orbs wide in shock at his gentle tone. </p><p>“Uh,” Kiba began, forgetting that he had just slammed his head against the cabinets and fucked up his fingers earlier as he gawked at Sasuke’s expression. Sasuke looked . . . different somehow. </p><p>He had never seen Sasuke so . . .</p><p>Vulnerable.</p><p>Gone was the prideful Uchiha who swore he was perfect. Now before him was . . . Sasuke. And he kind of wanted to know what exactly that meant. Who was this person standing before him now?</p><p>Kiba swallowed roughly.</p><p>Oh Boy. </p><p>“You can stay here.” Kiba suddenly blurted out. “Until your folks calm down,” What the hell was he saying? Sasuke lived with his brother! No way in hell was he about to take him up on his offer. Itachi lived in a beautiful condo and while Kiba’s was spacious for a one bedroom, was pretty modest in comparison.</p><p>“It’s ok,” Sasuke began slowly as he raked a hand through his hair. “I don’t live with them anymore, so it’s not like they could kick me out.” He murmured as he thought things over. Surprisingly, Kiba felt a bit saddened at his offer being turned down. </p><p>“But,” Sasuke began, looking down at the ground. “Could I . . . cook for you sometime?”</p><p>Kiba’s eyes narrowed. “If you didn’t like the food I made, you could have just ate cereal or something,” he snapped, becoming defensive.</p><p>“No!” Sasuke yelled, knowing Kiba took it the wrong way. He wasn’t trying to say Kiba’s food earlier sucked and therefore wanted to make something better, but wasn’t too surprised the man before him was defensive seeing that Sasuke spent most of his time hurling insults at him when they were together. He would have to work hard to undo the damage he caused. “That’s not what I meant, your food was delicious.” He explained. “I just want to return the favor.” He explained.</p><p>Kiba stared at how flustered Sasuke became. He never saw this side of him . . . it was kinda cute. </p><p>He knew Sasuke loved cooking, so this must have been his way of saying thanks, and also perhaps spending more time with him? Kiba squashed the little bit of hope that sprung up in his chest. Not today Satan!</p><p>“Ok,” Kiba grinned before he grabbed Sasuke’s hand and headed to the door. “But how about we cook something together?”</p><p> </p><p>A/N: To be honest, naming the chapters is one of the hardest things for me and I have no idea what the title of this chapter should be - <em> ANY SUGGESTIONS?! </em></p><p><br/>EDIT 1: SHOUT OUT TO nina_kun FOR THE CHAPTER NAME!!! &lt;3</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Curable Quirk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Where’s Sasuke?” Naruto wondered as he and Itachi were now at brunch since <strike> their cook </strike> his brother was nowhere to be found to make them breakfast and Itachi didn’t dare try to cook. </p><p>Naruto sat across Itachi in a sunny outside café and watched as people walked by while waiting for their meal to arrive.</p><p>“Good question.” Itachi said as he pulled out his phone to send Sasuke a text. He would have done it sooner if he wasn’t more than a little preoccupied with a certain blonde this entire morning.</p><p>As Itachi texted, Naruto couldn’t help but turn to him and stare as Itachi’s long thick lashes looked down at the shiny black cell phone in his hand. </p><p>Itachi was so sexy, Naruto mused before ogling at the way Itachi’s long slender fingers moved across the screen, knowing exactly what those fingers were capable of. </p><p><em> ‘Oh God </em> <em>,’</em> Naruto thought, horrified at his perverted thoughts. <em>‘</em><em>I can’t even look at him text without getting aroused!’ </em> he cried in his head as he shifted in his seat. </p><p>At the sudden movement, Itachi glanced at him, his dark mysterious eyes meeting Naruto’s bright blue ones briefly as he offered a small smile before he went back to texting. </p><p>“Did Sasuke respond yet?” Naruto asked as he tried calming his racing heart and returning his focus on his missing best friend instead of the idea of baring it all on the table, spreading some cheeks and getting fucked raw at this blessed family café.</p><p>“No, something at work came up.” Itachi replied as his brows furrowed forward and his lips were dragged into a frown the longer he looked at his phone.</p><p>Naruto almost forgot that today was only Tuesday and Itachi was supposed to be at work.</p><p>“You should go,” Naruto began, starting to feel guilty for pulling Itachi away from his job. Naruto was the college student on summer break, not Itachi. The Uchiha was busy with many responsibilities. “I don’t want to keep you here.”</p><p>“I wish you did,” Itachi said as he immediately locked his phone screen and put it away, his laughing eyes searching for bright blue ones. He leaned forward with a smirk that had Naruto’s heart hammering. “There’s nowhere else I would rather be right now.” He said before looking at Naruto seductively. “Well, maybe there is.” He finished, chuckling as Naruto blushed.</p><p>Was he swooning? Is this what it meant to swoon?! Naruto questioned himself as he got a little lightheaded with the sudden attention Itachi’s onyx eyes were giving him as the waitress returned with their orders.</p><p>Itachi was a lot more open and . . . fun with him somehow. Naruto didn’t think Itachi was guarded around him before, but now Naruto had some exclusive access to the Uchiha and saw this fun charming side to him. It was the best fucking thing ever.</p><p>But he was still an Uchiha. With the Uchiha quirk.</p><p>Naruto carefully poured syrup over his pancakes, making sure nothing spilled on the table and cut them into neat tiny triangles. He slowly moved them to his mouth and chewed carefully. He did not want to get pummeled to death.</p><p>“Naruto,” Itachi sighed, hating to watch Naruto move so unnaturally before him. “You don’t have to eat like that.”</p><p>Naruto waited until he swallowed before answering, not wanting to accidentally spit out food. “Do you or do you not have the Uchiha quirk?” Naruto deadpanned.</p><p>Itachi looked uneasy as he glanced down at his French toast. </p><p>“Thought so,” Naruto responded before offering a sunny smile to Itachi. “It’s ok, we’ll get around this soon!”</p><p>Itachi smiled softly at his positive aura. Naruto was always so pure and happy; he couldn’t believe he could finally call him his.</p><p>“What are you working on at Rinnegan?” Naruto asked. “Sasuke tried explaining to me what it is you guys do one time, but I didn’t really get it.”</p><p>“Rinnegan is a tech company that focuses on cybersecurity solutions,” Itachi began as he chewed. “Right now we’re working on a new security system.”</p><p>“Wow,” Naruto gushed. “That sounds so cool!”</p><p>“It is, but can be demanding.” Itachi mentioned, thinking back to the long hard nights. “It takes a while to do anything and we’re finally in the prototype stages, but when Sasuke left . . . things slowed down.”</p><p>“I hate to say it, but he <em> is </em> a genius.” Naruto laughed as Itachi smiled. </p><p>“Yes he is,” Itachi chuckled. “But I’m glad he left, his heart just wasn’t in it. He is less stressed now and just living like a normal college student.”</p><p>“What about you?” Naruto questioned as he finally finished his pancakes and moved onto his fruit bowl. </p><p>“I’m . . .” Itachi began delicately before shaking his head, his fingers fiddling with the chopsticks he held in his right hand. “It’s too late for me.” He was the heir to the company and deeply rooted in the industry. Itachi was already an executive at 27! He was a prodigy and couldn’t imagine himself anywhere but at Rinnegan. “Besides, I helped build this company, I couldn’t imagine leaving it nor want to.”</p><p>“Did you ever stop to think about why you do this?” Naruto suddenly asked as he chewed thoughtfully on a pineapple. “I mean, you were always told you were going to do this work and told exactly how to do it. Maybe it’s time you thought about how you want to do things; why you want to continue? You may feel content at Rinnegan, but you shouldn’t feel unfulfilled.”</p><p>Itachi thought things over, surprised at the fact Naruto could easily read through his feelings to get to the truth. Well, he had all these years to practice with Sasuke and they weren’t that different. The blonde truly had a gift for communication and touching the gruffest of souls.</p><p>Itachi was content with staying there . . . but far from fulfilled. Could he really change that? </p><p>“Of course you can,” Naruto grinned in response. Itachi hadn’t realized he had asked that out loud. Naruto leaned forward and looked up at Itachi with sparkling blue eyes and steadfast determination. “You’re Itachi!”</p><p>Itachi lips pulled back into a wide smile at how much Naruto simply believed in him. He leaned forward and kissed Naruto suddenly, causing the blonde to blush at the sudden show of affection in public as he recoiled back in embarrassed panic. </p><p>“I-Itachi,” Naruto stammered as they ended their kiss. He looked away as he fiddled with his hands, but his smile couldn’t be stopped as it spread out across his face. </p><p>“Ew.” They heard a dull voice remark at their public display of affection.</p><p>Gasping, Naruto turned and saw Sasuke before them as he and Kiba were walking past the café and noticed them.</p><p>“Sasuke?” Itachi asked, surprised at seeing his brother. Why was that little shit out here gallivanting and taking a stroll while ignoring him?! “Why aren’t you answering my texts?”</p><p>“My phone died.” Sasuke shrugged as Naruto gasped yet again when he noticed Kiba standing next to Sasuke. They were in the area Kiba lived in, but Kiba was usually at the clinic during this time! They were standing pretty close to one another and Naruto just couldn’t believe his eyes. “I was with Kiba.” Sasuke added by way of explanation.</p><p>“Kiba are you ok?!” Naruto screeched as he turned to the Inuzuka. “Breathe if you’re being held against your will!”</p><p>“Shut up dobe!” Sasuke snapped as he threatened to hit him as Itachi smirked and Kiba laughed at their antics.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine Naruto.” Kiba began as he sheepishly scratched the back of his head. “Just . . . hanging out with Sasuke.”</p><p>“Is this a prank?” Naruto suddenly asked, disturbed. “Because this isn’t funny.”</p><p>“What is wrong with you,” Sasuke sighed, a blush threatening to stain his pale cheeks. “It’s not that big of a deal.”</p><p>“Who are you?!” Naruto yelled as he pointed to Sasuke before turning to Kiba. “You didn’t even want to hang out yesterday because I told you Sasuke was coming!”</p><p>“Oh, really?” Kiba asked, thinking back. “I was just busy.”</p><p>“Itachi, call the cops.” Naruto said as he turned to the amused Uchiha. “They have been abducted by aliens!”</p><p>“What are you going on about now?” Sasuke asked, exasperated at Naruto’s dramatics. “What’s so weird about me hanging out with my boyfriend?”</p><p>“YOUR <em> WHAT </em>?!” Naruto screamed as his eyes widened in shock before he stood quickly, knocking over the pitcher of orange juice with his sudden movements.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>123 321</p><p>“You just had to be a klutz,” Sasuke sighed while Naruto cried face first into Sasuke’s pillows. Oh, he was <em>so</em> washing that as soon as the dobe left.</p><p>After Itachi reflexively went ape shit, they returned to the condo (after being kicked out of the café), to nurse Naruto’s wounds. </p><p>Seriously, knives went flying as Itachi panicked and fucking ninja kick the table with inhumane strength.</p><p>As Itachi apologized profusely to a bleeding Naruto (a fork had stabbed his head a few moments before), they drove back to the condo and applied some ointment and a band aid before Itachi was summoned to work by their father, not being able to play hooky any longer.</p><p>Kiba also had to work and after making sure his friend was ok, left.</p><p>Now Sasuke and Naruto were alone in the condo and Naruto could not stop crying about the entire ordeal.</p><p>“This day started out <em> fucking </em> amazing,” Naruto hiccupped.</p><p>“Please spare me the details.” Sasuke grimaced.</p><p>“And I ruined it!” Naruto cried into Sasuke’s bed. “I was trying to be careful!” he sobbed. “What’s wrong with me?!”</p><p>“Like I said before, it’s more of an Itachi problem than you.” Sasuke remarked calmly, used to Naruto’s tantrums, as he turned a page in a magazine he was reading.</p><p>Naruto sighed as he finally sat up, inching to the edge of Sasuke’s bed to sit. He looked at the dark haired man who was at his computer desk reading. How odd, Naruto thought Sasuke would be studying law or something.</p><p>“So, Itachi and I are dating now,” Naruto began nervously as Sasuke flipped to another page. Might as well say it officially now.</p><p>“That’s nice, Naruto.” Sasuke said absentmindedly. He was looking through the latest Konoha cooking magazine and was trying to find some new recipes to try with Kiba. They were supposed to shop for some food, but then the whole fiasco occurred and they decided to meet up some other time to plan it, Kiba giving Sasuke his number. </p><p>Not sure if Sasuke truly understood the gravity of this situation, Naruto pressed on. “We’re seriously a thing now. So don’t be surprised if you catch us making out or something.” Like he had today.</p><p>“Sure,” Sasuke muttered, his eyes hungrily staring at a lamb chop recipe. Oh this was nice. Would Kiba like this?</p><p>“We fucked three times already!” Naruto blurted out.</p><p>Sasuke sighed as he finally put down his magazine and looked at Naruto, giving him the attention he was apparently <em>begging</em> for. “What do you want me to do? Update my Facebook profile to say ‘my brother and best friend are fucking’?” Did Facebook even have that option? Maybe he should email Mark Zuckerberg. </p><p>Naruto’s jaw hit the floor at Sasuke’s indifference. “Do you really not care that I’m dating Itachi?” Was Naruto the only one freaking out over this development?! Naruto couldn’t even believe it and <em> he </em> was the one in the fucking relationship! </p><p>“No,” Sasuke muttered as he picked up the magazine again, mentally bookmarking the lamb chop recipe for later. “I already had weeks to mentally retch over it before today.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Naruto asked, confused at the implications.</p><p>“Itachi had the biggest crush on your dumb ass and it was just a waiting game for you to realize you liked him too.” Sasuke responded, bored out of his mind with this conversation. He peered over at a dumbfounded Naruto to make sure the blonde was still with him. </p><p>“You knew Itachi liked me this entire time?!” Naruto screeched, causing Sasuke to roll his eyes.</p><p>“Yes, of course I did. Who else would be able to get the two of your dysfunctional personalities together?” Sasuke boasted. Afterall, <em>he</em> was the perfect Uchiha!</p><p>“Argh, you’re such a bastard!” Naruto yelled as he glared at Sasuke. “Then why did you make it seem like Itachi hated me or something when you were going on about him wanting to kill me?! Do you not remember how stressful that was for me?!”</p><p>“A slight miscalculation.” Sasuke confessed as he turned the rest of his body to Naruto. “But you’re happy now, right?”</p><p>“Well . . .” Naruto pouted.</p><p>“Exactly.” Sasuke smirked triumphantly. He always won. “Now go back to crying or something.” He muttered.</p><p>“Wow, well ok.” Naruto said, completely shocked that Sasuke had no problem with things. “But what about <em>you</em> and Kiba?!”</p><p>“What about us?”</p><p>“You called him your boyfriend! And Kiba didn’t object!”</p><p>“Yeah,” Sasuke responded as he flipped a page. He came across a cherry pie and immediately turned the page again. He really disliked sweets, especially cherry flavored things. </p><p>“How did that happen?” Naruto prodded before realizing something. “Oh my God, you hit Kiba.” He gasped. “You said you guys didn’t fight!”</p><p>“Oh yeah, thanks for not telling me about his kink dobe!”</p><p>“I was trying to protect you!” Naruto defended his reasoning. “I didn’t want him all over you because I thought you would hate him even more! Now you’re gay and in love, like what the fuck is happening?!” Naruto yelled. “It’s like we’re in a cheesy fan fiction story and the author is now rushing the plot after realizing they spent too damn long on stupid shit!” </p><p>“Naruto, you’re so dramatic.” Sasuke sighed before putting down the magazine once more. “And I’m not in love,” he scoffed. </p><p>“You’re not?” Naruto questioned, tilting his head to the side. “Then why are you suddenly interested in Kiba?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Sasuke muttered. “I just . . . don’t know how to explain how I feel for him right now.”</p><p>Naruto sighed. First step denial.</p><p>“Ok, maybe it’s not love yet since you literally hated him not even a week ago.” Naruto conceded, “But you do feel something for him . . . right?”</p><p>“Yeah I do . . .” Sasuke admitted after a few moments. “I feel something . . . and I want to figure it out with him.” He finished softly, staring down at his hands, remembering how Kiba’s lips felt against them when he had covered his face last night, as he tried to think. He never felt this way about someone before, this chaotic feeling that was driving him in so many different directions.</p><p>Sure, he had been infatuated with Neji, but he didn’t feel this crazy pull. What he felt with Neji was more like, “oh shit, I’m gay and this is the first boy I’m attracted to!” It was a crush, an obsession. He spent most of his time filling in this bizarre love story about the two without knowing shit about the Hyuga personally. </p><p>But what he felt for Kiba . . . </p><p>He wouldn’t pretend and suddenly declare it was love, but it <em> could </em> be. It was something honest and raw, something new and exciting, something he desperately needed to grasp. </p><p>And that’s all he needed to know for him to pursue this thing with the Inuzuka. Uchiha’s didn’t have time to wait around, time was money!</p><p>Sasuke glanced at his phone, wanting to call Kiba but knew he would just be sent to voicemail since the man was at work.</p><p>“Well, that’s great I guess.” Naruto sighed as he flopped back onto Sasuke’s bed, staring up at the ceiling. “Weird, but it’s better than you guys hating each other.”</p><p>“Yeah, way better.” Sasuke smirked as he continued looking through his magazine.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi looked absolutely miserable as he typed away on his work laptop in his office. Despite his father demanding he return to the office, Itachi had yet to see the man as he was in all-day meetings. Fucking asshole. </p><p>Besides that, he had to avoid Kisame who would be able to tell something was up with Itachi since he willingly missed work and couldn’t help breaking out in a stupid ass grin whenever he thought of Naruto.</p><p>He didn’t feel the need to tell his friends about his relationship just yet. Especially Pein. Oh God, he wasn’t ready for that!</p><p>Itachi heard a knock interrupting his thoughts before telling whoever it was to come in, not caring as he went back to being borderline depressed about hurting Naruto. AGAIN.</p><p>Shisui appeared before him with a frown. “Itachi you look like a pile of dry shit.” </p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>Shisui sighed before sitting down in front of his younger cousin’s desk. “I have exactly 26 minutes before my next meeting. Talk.”</p><p>Itachi sighed before closing his laptop. “I finally found someone I want to spend my life with . . . but my quirk is coming between us.” A typical Uchiha problem.</p><p>“I thought Orochimaru said you two were working on “fixing” your quirk?” Shisui asked, remembering a conversation he had not too long ago with their company’s lawyer.</p><p>“Yeah . . . it didn’t work and they told me to come back in two weeks due to damages to their office.”</p><p>“I . . . see.” Shisui stated. He in fact, did not see. “Well, who’s the lucky guy?”</p><p>“Naruto,” Itachi said, a smile coming to his face at the mere thought of him.</p><p>“Oh, Sasuke’s friend? I liked him.” Shisui nodded his approval. </p><p>“I just don’t want to hurt him.” Itachi said, his face appearing troubled at the thought. He needed to control his quirk, but <em>how?!</em></p><p>“There is a genius I know of who might be able to help.” Shisui said. “He is super smart and known for his intellect.”</p><p>“Who?!” Itachi asked as he leaned forward in anticipation.</p><p>123  321</p><p>“What’s wrong with you?” Hana asked while grabbing a clipboard near her brother, who had been sulking all afternoon. “Did Henry kick you again?” she joked, recalling how Henry the miniature pony they were currently treating for a shoulder injury liked kicking people who came near him. Kiba explicitly avoided his enclosure.</p><p>“Leave me alone Hana,” Kiba sighed as he stared at his phone that was laying in front of his face on the desk he was leaning against.</p><p>“Jeeze,” Hana scoffed. “What’s up your ass?” she grumbled at Kiba’s attitude.</p><p>“N-Nothing!” Kiba yelled defensively. He was <em> just </em> thinking about all the naughty stuff he wanted to do with a certain Uchiha!</p><p>Hana stared at him. “It was a rhetorical question…” She answered before sitting down with him. </p><p>“Come on Kiba, what’s up?” Hana prodded as she crossed her arms. “You only get like this when you’re starting to get caught up with someone.” She mused as she smirked at Kiba’s sneer. “Is someone threatening your ‘no relationship’ rule?” she inquired.</p><p>“When did you become so nosey?” Kiba snapped as he turned away from his sister so she wouldn’t see the blush on his face. </p><p>“Well when are we going to meet your new boyfriend?” Hana asked curiously, knowing she was spot on.</p><p>“Hana, seriously.” Kiba groaned. “I’m not dating anyone.” </p><p>Hana sighed at this. She had no idea why Kiba never settled down with anyone. He had little flings here and there but never had a boyfriend. “Why don’t you try it out with whoever is on your mind right now? Maybe things might end well.”</p><p>“I guarantee you it won’t.” Kiba muttered. He could not handle stuck up Uchiha’s . . . but then why did he say yes to Sasuke’s cooking date?</p><p>“Kiba,” Hana groaned at his sour attitude.</p><p>“He’s a stuck up rich boy and the minute I give in he’s going to run off after the next conquest.” Kiba said darkly as his eyes narrowed in annoyance. “That’s how they all are.”</p><p>Hana sighed. “Kiba you can’t assume that.”</p><p>“That’s how dad was,” Kiba argued as he turned back around to look at Hana, pushing off the desk he was leaning against to sit upright. “He got bored then left, never giving a shit about anyone’s feelings.” Kiba said bitterly. “Our family was a joke to him!”</p><p>Hana frowned as she listened to her brother talk. When they were younger their parents went through a messy divorce that left her poor little brother scarred.</p><p>Hana and Kiba ended up separated as their mother got custody over Hana but Kiba had to live with their father until their mother finally won custody. Their father was a womanizer and basically a manipulative egomaniac from a rich clan, so Hana could only imagine why Kiba was the way he was and so untrustworthy of rich haughty men from his time with him. </p><p>“Kiba, dad’s a piece of shit, sure.” She agreed. “But that doesn’t mean your guy will be.”</p><p>“He has a national fan club.” Kiba deadpanned. They called themselves ‘The Sasuke’s’. Not a creative bunch.</p><p>“That doesn’t mean he’s a dick!”</p><p>“No, but he really is! I’ve known him for years now!” Kiba argued. “I’m not falling for this guy.”</p><p>“Well, you can still give it a chance.” Hana muttered.</p><p>Kiba decided to shut up and Hana sighed at the silent treatment he was giving her. </p><p>As he leaned back onto the front desk, Kiba decided he needed to get a grip and figure out how to handle the situation. What even was this situation?!</p><p>Current situation: being sexually attracted to a stuck up Uchiha.</p><p><em> How the fuck did this happen </em>?! Kiba thought as he sighed heavily. Sure, he kissed him because he has a thing about being dominated that turned him on. But why the lingering feelings? Why wasn’t it a kiss and done type of thing this time around like all the others?</p><p>“Kiba,” Hana began after watching multiple emotions run across her brother’s face. “I think you deserve more than just being someone’s one-night stand.” She began softly, knowing how promiscuous her brother could be at times due to his “rule.”</p><p>“Someone who can tell you off when you’re being too stubborn,” Hana went on as Kiba thought of how Sasuke didn’t back down whenever Kiba taunted him throughout the years. “And someone who also can be gentle with you and help you understand that not every guy out there is our father.”</p><p>Kiba remained silent as he thought of how gentle Sasuke was when they kissed on campus . . . how vulnerable he allowed himself to become when he wanted Kiba to understand how he really felt. </p><p>“He’s still a . . . snob.” Kiba muttered before Hana rolled her eyes and stood abruptly, having had enough of Kiba’s stubbornness. She quickly smashed his head with the clipboard in her hand as he yelled out in pain. “What the fuck was that for?!” Kiba screamed.</p><p>“If this person is making you question your ‘no relationship’ rule, they can’t be a complete snob!” Hana yelled. “That’s not all there is to them and you should give them a chance! You think you’re perfect or something?!” She yelled. “You have your own baggage too! If you ever want to be happy you’re going to have to sit down and unpack that shit!” she huffed before turning on her heels and storming out of the office toward the back where the animals were kept.</p><p>Kiba sighed as he rubbed the back of his sore head.</p><p>Maybe . . . maybe he could give this a shot.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi waited nervously as he sat in a chair in Orochimaru’s office with the man and Kabuto after work.</p><p>“Shisui thought it would be a good idea if we were here to share our notes with him.” Kabuto explained when Itachi gave them the ole <em>‘</em><em>why the fuck are you assholes still here?</em><em>’</em> look.</p><p>It was later that evening and Itachi had sent Naruto a text that he would be late while he headed to Orochimaru’s office to meet the genius. </p><p>Itachi really hoped they could come to some kind of solution.</p><p>The door opened to reveal a man with black hair pulled into a spiky ponytail that somehow reminded him of a pineapple.</p><p>“I’m only here because of the recommendation you gave me that helped me get into Hyuga Law Firm,” Shikamaru sighed as he sat down in front of the trio waiting for him. He blinked before recognizing Itachi’s face. “Man, what a drag.” Shikamaru complained. First Sasuke, now his brother. Did he have bad luck or what?!</p><p>“So you know how dire this situation is,” Orochimaru began as Shikamaru sighed while Itachi looked offended by Orochimaru's words.</p><p>“Alright,” Shikamaru said as the lazy genius slouched in his chair. “Sasuke mentioned before how your quirk was disorder, right?” he began, cutting straight to the chase.</p><p>Itachi nodded. “I become extremely violent when I see mess.”</p><p>“We tried helping him combat it with our experiments,” Kabuto began as he read over his notes. “They all failed.”</p><p><em> “Horribly </em>.” Orochimaru added for extra measure as Itachi glared at them.</p><p>“Let me see that.” Shikamaru mused as he reached out for Kabuto’s notes and began reading as soon as Kabuto handed them over.</p><p>“Itachi,” Kabuto sighed. “I don’t think there’s a way to cure you of your quirk.”</p><p>“We could just sedate you for the rest of your life,” Orochimaru added. “But that might affect your love life.”</p><p>“You mean affect <em> all </em> aspects of my life?” Itachi deadpanned.</p><p>“True, but you really won’t be able to . . . get it up, if you catch my drift.” Kabuto mentioned while directing Itachi’s attention to his finger that was hooked as if it was a limp member.</p><p>“Noted.” Itachi responded with a grimace, not appreciating Kabuto’s grand visuals.</p><p>“Trust me, we thought about drugging you,” Kabuto added. “But <em>someone</em> forgot to bring the paperwork for the consent form.” He said pointedly as he looked at Orochimaru.</p><p><em>“You’re</em> the one who originally misplaced them.” Orochimaru reminded Kabuto. </p><p>“Did you really think drugging me would work?!” Itachi yelled. Was there no other option for him?! How sick was he?!</p><p>“Itachi, you almost killed me when I sprinkled Pepsi on your shirt.” Orochimaru deadpanned.</p><p>“Do you know how long it took me to get the stain out afterwards?!” Itachi snapped, his hands twitching, wanting to strangle Orochimaru all over again.</p><p>“How about, instead of reacting violently to mess,” Shikamaru began wearily as his eyes looked over Kabuto’s notes while half listening to their squabble. “. . . you just clean it?”</p><p>. . .</p><p>. . .</p><p>Shikamaru looked up from the notes when he didn’t hear anymore conversing. “What?” he asked at the blank stares.</p><p>“What did you just say?” Itachi asked slowly.</p><p>“Listen, when you see mess, you become irrationally violent.” Shikamaru recounted as he handed Kabuto his notes and pulled out a book he was reading before coming here. He read all that he could from the notes and got the gist of what was happening.</p><p>“How about you channel that anger into cleaning the mess instead of hurting others?” Shikamaru asked as he flipped a page in his book. He was really getting into the story – something about ninjas and how this kid wanted to be something called a “Hokage.” </p><p>“You already like to clean, so it won’t be difficult to rewire your brain to clean immediately as the initial reaction instead of violence.” Aw damn, a cool character was just killed off in this chapter. </p><p>Itachi eyes widened at the thought. “Just like water . . .” Itachi gasped, which was the loophole for his quirk. </p><p>One time Naruto spilled water all over him and Itachi didn’t even react violently because his brain saw water as a cleaning agent rather than a mess. </p><p>So if he just cleaned instead of . . . fucking going hulk, he would be safe. Maybe. There was only one way to find out for sure.</p><p> “I . . . I have to go.” Itachi began as he abruptly stood and ran outside to his car.</p><p> “Was it something I said?” Shikamaru wondered out loud at the stunned expressions on the remaining faces.</p><p>321</p><p>After Shikamaru left, Orochimaru and Kabuto stayed behind, still in awe of his simple solution.</p><p>“I can’t believe Shikamaru thought of that.” Orochimaru stated shocked, “That’s way better than what we were doing.”</p><p>“Throwing dirt on him every night was fun though.” Kabuto confessed. They were trying to build up his tolerance to mess.</p><p>“Yes, but I don’t think it worked.” Orochimaru recalled. “We had to tie him down every night and one time he escaped and you had to get stitches in your arm where he hit you with the crossbow.”</p><p>“Why <em>do</em> you have a crossbow in your office again?” Kabuto questioned, frowning at the memory.</p><p>“Kabuto, I am your boss. Do <em> not </em> question me.”</p><p>“Alright, alright.”</p><p>
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</p><p>A/N: It’s me. I’m the author that spent too damn long on stupid shit.</p><p>* uncontrollable sobbing *</p><p>Please review and give me a chapter naaaaaame :( &lt;3</p><p><br/>EDIT 1: SHOUT OUT TO nina_kun FOR THE CHAPTER NAME YET AGAIN AHAHAHA!!! It was hard to choose this time around! &lt;3</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Guess Who’s Coming To Breakfast</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Naruto and Sasuke were hanging out in the living room, streaming a random show that neither cared for but argued about watching for over 10 minutes because that’s what their relationship consisted of; senseless arguments.</p><p>Noticing Naruto’s pout as he hugged one of the sofa’s cushions to his chest, Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Fine, we’ll watch Princess Diaries,” he grumbled and moved to grab the remote, but Naruto shook his head.</p><p>“No it’s fine, I’m not even paying attention.” he muttered.</p><p>“Then why do you look constipated?” Sasuke asked absentmindedly as he scrolled through his phone.</p><p>Naruto glared at Sasuke. “I’m not constipated, I’m—ah never mind!” Naruto yelled at him before continuing. “Well, I’m dating Itachi now . . .”</p><p>“Yes, for the 500th time, yes you are!” Sasuke snapped irritated that Naruto wouldn’t shut up about it all afternoon.</p><p>“Shut up teme!” Naruto yelled, throwing the cushion at his easily irritated bitchy best friend with a huff. “I’m just saying . . . I miss him and I want to get to know him better.” the blonde said softly while smiling down at his hands in his lap as Sasuke was again fiddling with his phone. “I want to know everything about him!” He suddenly declared as Sasuke winced at his loudness as Naruto turned to him on the couch.</p><p>“I can’t believe I’ve known you for so long and know so much about you but know absolutely nothing about Itachi! This isn’t a fair trade off, I got the short end of the stick!” Naruto wailed while failing his arms around, cursing every god he could think of for this predicament.</p><p>“If you met Itachi first I guarantee you you’d be dead long before you even reached puberty.” Sasuke deadpanned. Itachi would have <em>ended</em> Naruto’s life because of his quirk.</p><p>“Nuh-uh! He wouldn’t just kill me off, he liked me the moment he saw me!”</p><p>“Cocky are we?” Sasuke smirked at Naruto’s dark blush. “Itachi had less patience in his youth. He wouldn’t hesitate to stab someone, he even stabbed <em>me</em>.”</p><p>“Well, I can kinda see that.” Naruto said thoughtfully at Sasuke mentioning his brother stabbing him. He ignored Sasuke’s glare as he leaned back into the leather seats. “What was Itachi like in his youth? Is he allergic to anything? Does he have any crazy exes?!” Naruto yelled while looking at Sasuke expectantly.</p><p>“Dobe,” Sasuke sighed, deciding to put his phone away and give Naruto some attention. “You should get all this information from Itachi himself.”</p><p>“Oh, you’re right Sasuke, it’s good to establish healthy forms of communication with your partner.” Naruto nodded, surprised at Sasuke’s mature attitude about all of this.</p><p>“No, I just don’t remember any of that.” Sasuke was not above finding secrets—err, <em>information</em> on someone instead of just asking them directly. Cough <em>Neji</em> cough.</p><p>“ . . . ” Naruto stared blankly at the bastard before him before he heard Itachi opening the front door.</p><p>“Itachi,” Naruto grinned as his body felt compelled to quickly jump up from the sofa and walk over to the entrance of the condo to stand before him. Itachi was returning later than usual, so he was starting to get worried. What if his father punished him for playing hooky earlier? Was it all Naruto’s fault? The blonde hesitated, not knowing what to do after coming so far.</p><p>Itachi's heart turned to mush at how excited Naruto became after seeing him before shyly trying to conceal his enthusiasm as he looked down at the ground while Itachi removed his shoes.</p><p>The older Uchiha rested his briefcase down before reaching out to Naruto, pulling him into a tight hug.</p><p>“I missed you,” Naruto said softly as he looked up at Itachi with a smile, his mesmerizing blue eyes showcasing raw idyllic emotion.</p><p>Itachi returned the smile before holding Naruto’s chin up, kissing his lips, showing Naruto how much he missed him while he was at work.</p><p>“Oh for the love of,” Sasuke muttered before turning off the TV and standing up. “I’m going to be in my room with noise cancellation headphones on, so if you want to fuck go right ahead.” He muttered before spinning on his heels muttering to himself.</p><p>“Wait Sasuke,” Naruto called out to him, laughing at his attitude, knowing Sasuke didn’t dislike their affection but just wanted to give them privacy. In his own way, he was encouraging their love for each other.</p><p>“We’re supposed to be making ramen tonight!” Naruto reminded him as Sasuke paused in his step. They never got around to it last time.</p><p>“You can do that while I take a shower.” Itachi responded as he removed himself from Naruto to pick up his briefcase.</p><p>“Fine,” Sasuke sighed as he returned while Itachi headed to his room.</p><p>“So why do you keep looking at your phone?” Naruto asked as he sat down at the kitchen island, smirking at the way Sasuke put on his apron and tied his hair up. Just like Naruto, his hair grew longer over the summer, but his was so long now, his bangs were in the way as he cooked.</p><p>“Mind your business Uzumaki.” Sasuke snapped. He didn’t feel the need to give Naruto a status report every two seconds.</p><p>“Waiting for Kiba to call?” Naruto teased before Sasuke threw his oven mitts at Naruto’s face. Naruto sighed as he caught the mitts before they fell to the floor. “Rude.” He complained. He was surprised Sasuke threw them like he did, he always treated them like his prized possession.</p><p>“I’m not waiting for anything.” Sasuke scoffed as he went to the refrigerator for some ingredients. He bent over to reach for some radishes in the bottom drawer as he contemplated where he put the green onions.</p><p>“Oh? So I guess I shouldn’t tell you that your phone is lighting up on the counter?” Naruto mused, his chin resting comfortably in the palm of his hand as he saw Sasuke’s body flinch. He knew Sasuke kept his phone on silent and needed to visibly see it to determine if someone was calling him.</p><p>“What?!” Sasuke yelled before he shot up, glancing at his phone on the kitchen counter before frowning at the blank screen. He glared at Naruto who was laughing where he sat. “Fuck off dobe.”</p><p>“Oh my gosh, you should have seen your face!” Naruto roared as Sasuke walked over and shook him by his shirt collar with a dark blush, the produce he was holding before long forgotten.</p><p>“S-Sorry,” Naruto stuttered as it was difficult to talk while Sasuke rattled his very core.</p><p>“This isn’t a joke dobe,” Sasuke snapped as he glared at Naruto’s smiling eyes.</p><p>“Ok alright, but what if I said you were getting a call for real this time?”</p><p>“Naruto I’m going to punch you in your face,” Sasuke growled as he gripped up the laughing idiot – He wouldn’t be fooled again! Itachi walked over, his hair damp from his quick shower, and sighed at seeing Sasuke and Naruto bickering as usual.</p><p>“Someone is calling you otouto.” Itachi mentioned as he watched Sasuke threaten Naruto, wondering what on Earth they were fighting about now. They hadn’t noticed Itachi as they argued and he now wore a navy blue t-shirt and joggers.</p><p>“What?!” Sasuke snapped before turning his head so fast it gave Naruto whiplash. His phone was lighting up before going dark as he missed the call. “Nooo,” he cried as he ran over to the counter to check who was calling.</p><p>It was Kiba!</p><p>“Naruuutooooo,” Sasuke growled as he turned to send the blonde a look that had Naruto scurrying down from his seat and hauling ass out of the kitchen.</p><p>He didn’t get far as Sasuke tackled him in the living room and sat on his back as Naruto yelled and tried squirming free from under him, but despite looking so lean, Sasuke was tall and as a result heavy as shit.</p><p>“I was waiting this entire time for his call!” Sasuke groaned as he looked at his phone dejectedly, ignoring Naruto’s feeble attempts at getting free.</p><p>“Why can’t you just . . .” Itachi began as he turned towards them. “Call him back?”</p><p>“Sasuke’s too prideful to call back so quickly,” Naruto explained before gasping as Sasuke shoved an elbow into his back. “Owww!!” Naruto whined.</p><p>Itachi sighed at how childish Sasuke was being. “Just return his call.”</p><p>“He already thinks I’m not serious about things,” Sasuke muttered. “If I act like I’m infatuated and return the call in five seconds he’s going to get suspicious.”</p><p>Itachi raised an eyebrow. “That’s . . . not how these things work, Sasuke.” He sighed. Perhaps he should have been more present in his little brother’s life, because evidently their parents had failed in many areas in his upbringing.</p><p>“Aww, this is Sasuke’s first relation—” Naruto began excitedly.</p><p>“Quiet you!” Sasuke snapped as he squashed Naruto.</p><p>“Owww, ok shit!” Naruto complained loudly before the phone in Sasuke’s hands lit up again as Kiba called back.</p><p>“He’s calling again!” Sasuke yelled excitedly before standing quickly – Naruto greedily gasping for air – before Sasuke took a deep breath to steel his nerves then answering the call.</p><p>“Hello?” Sasuke answered calmly as he walked away to his room.</p><p>“What a bastard,” Naruto muttered under his breath as Itachi chuckled before helping him up.</p><p>“You know better than anyone how prideful Sasuke is.”</p><p>“Yeah, but it’s hilarious seeing him act like this.” Naruto grinned as he looked up at Itachi. “I have to rub it in while I can!”</p><p>Itachi laughed at Naruto’s boyish charm. “Try not to get hurt in the process.” He chuckled as Naruto sighed dramatically.</p><p>123</p><p>“Hey Sasuke,” Kiba answered as Sasuke picked up his call. For some weird reason Kiba was sweating as his hands shook a little. Was he nervous?! For what?! “I wanted to call about the cooking thing.” He continued.</p><p>“You could have just texted.” Came the nonchalant and borderline rude response from the Uchiha.</p><p>A vein almost bursted in Kiba’s head at how irritated he became at such a taunting answer. Sasuke made it seem like he was too busy to talk, which was probably true since he didn’t answer the first time Kiba called.</p><p>Was Kiba acting desperate?! Was he already sprung?! Cue T-Pains smash hit “I’m Sprung”.</p><p>“Listen asshole,” Kiba breathed into the phone with his temper. “It’s quicker to do it this way. You’re the one who suggested it but I didn’t get a text from you!”</p><p>“No need to yell.” Sasuke sighed but he was actually smirking at the thought that maybe Kiba was staring at his phone all day waiting for Sasuke to reach out first. The thought sent a weird feeling in his stomach, probably those proverbial butterfly’s everyone talks so damn much about in these situations. Gross.</p><p>“Hey, I wasn’t waiting by my phone all day or anything,” Kiba began defensively. Which was also a fucking lie. “I just want to get this over with.” He repeated.</p><p>“Do you?” Sasuke asked sarcastically. Someone who wanted to “get this over with” would have made Sasuke cook for him the minute he suggested it in his kitchen and be done with it even if all Sasuke had to make was some damn hotdogs. Not suggest they cook together and shop for groceries.</p><p>“Could have fooled me.” Sasuke continued, knowing Kiba was probably just as into Sasuke as he was into him. He wasn’t the only one that felt the sudden pull of attraction they had towards one another. Sasuke just needed Kiba to admit it so they can get on with things.</p><p>Kiba took a deep breath, remembering what Hana shouted at him earlier with the added help of her clipboard. She really knew how to drive home a point.</p><p>Shirtless, Kiba sat down on his bed as he tried to quell his anger. Kiba was a pretty “go with the flow” type of person but something about Sasuke irritated him.</p><p>Hana was right, he had baggage to unpack, and he needed to do so if was seriously going to give Sasuke a fair shot. Sasuke also had his own way of showing how he cared about people, he must have if Naruto proclaimed the irritable Uchiha as his best friend. He couldn’t be a complete asshole, right?!</p><p>“Alright Uchiha,” Kiba began switching tactics. “This was your idea so I’ll let you take the lead. I don’t have work or class tomorrow, so that’s your best shot unless you don’t mind waiting till the weekend.”</p><p>Sasuke thought it over. He wanted to see Kiba as soon as possible and didn’t think he could wait until the weekend. “Ok, I’ll stop by your place tomorrow morning.” Sasuke answered.</p><p>“Was that so hard?” Kiba snapped, he couldn’t help himself.</p><p>He could tell Sasuke was rolling his eyes at the taunt. “You still could have sent a text.”</p><p>“So you could ignore it?” Kiba scoffed. “Text me back in three days? Is that the rule for you players?”</p><p>Sasuke frowned. Sure, he had all sexes flocking to him and a national fan club to prove it, but he wasn’t a player. He was too busy to be a player, and kind of lazy. His motto was work smarter, not harder, and trying to play people took too much brain power and his time. It was inefficient. Sasuke was the perfect Uchiha, not the inefficient one!</p><p>“You really think poorly of me, don’t you?” Sasuke sighed, feeling kind of shitty about it. I mean, he didn’t help by being a complete dick to Kiba, but he started it!</p><p>“I . . .” Kiba began, knowing he was the one that started the bad blood between them initially. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, surprising himself by actually meaning it. “The first time I met you, well you just reminded me of all the snobs I’m forced to be around. I was surprised Naruto considered you a friend.”</p><p>“Hn,” Sasuke thought over what he said. “I’m sorry too, I just went along with things.”</p><p>“Ok, so tomorrow we’ll start over?” Kiba asked hopefully.</p><p>“Yes, let’s do that.”</p><p>“Great! Well, I’m going to bed now so I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Sure, night.”</p><p>“Night!” Kiba yelled before hanging up, feeling a sudden burst of energy somehow as he stared down at his phone in his hands. He grinned before putting it on his night stand and diving under his covers with a smile on his face.</p><p>Sasuke smiled softly as he looked at his phone in his hands, the faint glow from the screen casting a glow on his face. He was genuinely happy things were starting to fall into place with Kiba. He laid back and stared up at the ceiling, thinking about all the things he wanted to do with Kiba tomorrow on their date.</p><p>It was a late start, but it was finally heading in the right direction.</p><p>123321</p><p>“Did you get any of that?” Naruto whispered as both he and Itachi leaned against Sasuke’s door from outside, trying to listen in to the conversation.</p><p>“No,” Itachi murmured regrettably as he straightened up. Honestly, this was unbecoming for an Uchiha to stoop so low as to eavesdrop! But this was his little brother’s first relationship! He couldn’t just sit back and let him fuck this up do this alone!</p><p>“You think he’s going to come back out?” Naruto asked as they began walking back to the living room, hand in hand.</p><p>“I don’t think so.” Itachi mused, watching Naruto pout. “Ramen night has been postponed again.” He informed Naruto with a chuckle as he eased into the sofa, Naruto sitting next to him and leaning against his larger frame.</p><p>“Dammit,” Naruto pretended to be upset but couldn’t hold in his laugh. “I can’t believe it . . . Sasuke and Kiba. I didn’t see it coming!”</p><p>“What about us?” Itachi asked as Naruto looked up at him thoughtfully.</p><p>“Honestly, I thought you were plotting to kill me at some point, so this was surprising too.” Naruto admitted awkwardly as he scratched his chin, looking away from Itachi’s bewildered expression.</p><p>“Plotting?” Itachi became alarmed (did Sasuke tell Naruto details?!).</p><p>“Don’t worry, it was all a simple misunderstanding!” Naruto laughed before looking up at Itachi with his deep blue eyes. Itachi had been stressed while he was away at work, but something about the hypnotic gentle waves in his ocean blue eyes swept away all his worries. With Naruto, everything would be ok, he believed it.</p><p>“Hey,” Naruto began slowly, reaching out to touch Itachi’s face softly. “Is everything ok? You were out late . . .”</p><p>Itachi smiled gently while leaning his face into the palm of Naruto’s hand. “Yes, I was late today because I was catching up on some work, and also working on my quirk.”</p><p>Naruto looked guilty for being the reason why Itachi had to stay behind and catch up, but that quickly melted away to curiosity. “Working on your quirk?” Was such a thing possible or even remotely safe?!</p><p>“Yes, I’ve actually been trying to work on it for a while now . . .” Itachi mentioned sheepishly.</p><p>“How long?” Naruto prodded, a sly smirk beginning to form on his face.</p><p>“Since I met you,” Itachi muttered as Naruto laughed again. “It’s because you’re so messy! messier than average!” Itachi insisted as Naruto grinned at him. He began to settle himself in Itachi’s arms, leaning against his chest as they continued speaking.</p><p>“How did it go? Did you make any progress?” Naruto asked him.</p><p>“I’m not sure.” Itachi sighed. His arms were wrapped around Naruto and his hands held Naruto’s. He gripped them tighter before continuing. “There was a suggestion . . . but to test it out means I would be intentionally activating my quirk and I don’t want to do that with you.”</p><p>“But how else will you test it out?” Naruto asked, looking up at Itachi again.</p><p>“. . . I’ll figure something out.” Itachi mentioned, already thinking of a bitchy and unsuspecting test subject down the hall from them.</p><p>Naruto frowned, but decided to let it go. He wanted to work together to overcome this, but he could understand why Itachi was a bit apprehensive about it. Oh yes, he understood very well.</p><p>A yawn escaped him and he rubbed his eyes tiredly. Welp, it was that time. Naruto untangled himself from Itachi, which he hated doing, but he needed to be on his way home now.</p><p>Naruto stood before moving to grab his duffle bag that was at the foot of the sofa. He brought it over whenever he had sleepovers with Sasuke.</p><p>He hoisted the strap over his shoulder before grinning at Itachi. “I’m heading back; I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” He asked. He wasn’t too sure if Itachi got in trouble for skipping work earlier and wanted to make sure he wasn’t in some kind of penance. He’d seen in the past how their father dished out his divine punishments when Sasuke crossed him and wondered if the same applied to Itachi.</p><p>“Of course,” Itachi said before reaching out and grabbing the strap of Naruto’s bag, bringing the blonde closer to him. “But you don’t have to leave.” He said softly as heat flooded Naruto’s cheeks.</p><p>“I’m out of clothes, <em>sooo</em>,” Naruto managed to squeak out under Itachi’s gaze. He only packed for one night and a day! Naruto tugged on his bag, but Itachi’s grip was strong.</p><p>Itachi frowned at Naruto’s excuse. “I’ll let you borrow something.” he said which finally made Naruto pause in trying to wrestle his bag from Itachi’s grasp. He wasn’t anywhere near successful, but it was cute watching him so determined to succeed.</p><p>“Hmmm.” Naruto began to think, putting a finger to his chin. “You just want to see me in your clothes.” he muttered with a blush starting to appear on his cheeks while moving to grip the strap of his duffle with both hands. Itachi only had one hand on the strap but was still overpowering him.</p><p>“What’s the point of having a boyfriend if you can’t wear his clothes?” Itachi asked.</p><p>“Wow, that’s actually really tempting.” Naruto said. Dammit, why were Uchiha’s so fucking smart?!</p><p>A smirk began to make its way to Itachi’s lips as he pulled Naruto closer where the blonde fit snugly between his legs as his hands now held Naruto at his waist. He looked up at him with dark eyes that seemed to swallow his lighter ones. “You can take whatever you like.” he added with a teasing smirk.</p><p>“. . . e-even the ones you’re wearing now?” Naruto stammered, his blush getting deeper as he felt Itachi bringing him even closer, pressing their bodies together.</p><p>“Only if you promise to take it off me.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Hi, Sasuke.” Shikamaru sighed when he answered the phone. One day he would stop answering, but for now he was too fucking nosey! “It’s after 12 and I had a long day at work, not to mention I was dealing with your crazy quirk-ridden brother.” What the hell was going on now to get a call from <em>another</em> crazy Uchiha?!</p><p>“My headphones are currently charging so I screwed myself over when I gave Naruto and Itachi the ok to fuck.” Sasuke muttered as he stared longingly at his headpiece at his desk that was dead. “I had no idea people can fuck so obnoxiously loud before.”</p><p>“Your greetings are always . . . something.” Shikamaru ended dryly. “What do you want?”</p><p>“I need help,” Sasuke ignored Shikamaru’s groaning as he continued. “I have a date with Kiba tomorrow.”</p><p>“I don’t really know more than you about him so if you’re trying to pry information out of me like before—”</p><p>“No! This time I’ll do all the data collection myself.” Sasuke said determinedly.</p><p>Shikamaru was worried. Sure, he was never close with Sasuke like that, but they did get a little closer during his weird stalker phase with Neji. He was kinda invested in his romantic life and was rooting for him. That sentence however was . . . troublesome.</p><p>“You should learn more about the guy you’re interested in by actually talking to him.” Shikamaru muttered. “That’s probably where you went wrong with Neji.”</p><p>Sasuke scowled in annoyance. “That’s what the dobe said earlier too.”</p><p>“Oh? Then that should be your next move.”</p><p>“But I don’t know how to . . . how to . . .”</p><p>“Have a conversation?”</p><p>“Yeah that! Not without insulting someone!”</p><p>“Yeah, I know.” Shikamaru muttered. Their first couple of conversations ended with Sasuke calling him “pineapple head” because he hadn’t memorized his name yet.</p><p>“And I have a feeling that I can’t just rely on my looks with Kiba.” Sasuke sighed, regrettably. “I actually have to fix my personality or something.”</p><p>“Wow, this must be quite a shock for you.”</p><p>“So I need your help to teach me how to . . . I don’t know, be a decent human being?”</p><p>“Why me?” Shikamaru complained.</p><p>“I don’t want to learn from the <em>dobe</em>! He’s an idiot. Sakura’s . . . well she’s an idiot too since she’s dating that wanna be elmo guy. I can’t learn from Kiba for obvious reasons, so that just leaves you. The only normal person I know. The average Joe in the group. The basic one—”</p><p>“I get it, Sasuke.”</p><p>“And you’re still dating Temari so whatever you’re doing must be working. Or she’s just given up on finding another less than average man.”</p><p>“ . . . ”</p><p>“Hey, are you still there?”</p><p>“Unfortunately.”</p><p>“So is that a yes?”</p><p>“Oh, were you asking me something?”</p><p>“Shikamaru, don’t be like that. I know you must be invested in my dating life since you watched my first attempt crash and burn under your tutelage. You may be a lazy genius but even you have enough pride to want to fix this mess.”</p><p>“The mess being <em>you</em>, right?”</p><p>“That assumption was fair but rude.”</p><p>“Alright Uchiha. Sure, I’ll agree to anything to end this phone call faster.” Shikamaru sighed tiredly, glancing at his clock on the desk next to his bed.</p><p>“I can’t let you do that.” Sasuke answered.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“End the call.”</p><p>“. . . why?”</p><p>“It’s a nice distraction from listening to my best friend get fucked by my brother.”</p><p>“Ah, yes, that <em>is</em> happening isn’t it?” Shikamaru asked not so innocently as he discovered a way to get revenge from Sasuke calling him less than average.</p><p>“Yes.” Sasuke answered.</p><p>Sasuke gasped when he heard the dial tone. That <em>jerk</em>! They hadn’t even come up with a game plan to make him a decent human being yet!</p><p>123 321</p><p>The next morning, Itachi’s hand reached out from under his sheets to turn off his alarm. Argh, he did not want to go to work. How could he leave?</p><p>He smiled softly at the man snuggled into his side, his arm wrapped around Itachi’s torso affectionately as he slept. The sun was still making its way up into the sky, so Itachi didn’t want to wake Naruto up when it was still so early.</p><p>Chuckling to himself, he leaned over to kiss his <em>boyfriend</em> (God, he’d never get tired of saying that!) on his forehead, his heart melting at the way Naruto suddenly smiled in his sleep at the action. He gently moved Naruto’s arm before getting out of bed, sighing as the loss of Naruto’s warmth was immediately felt. He watched as the blonde grumbled and turned over to grab a pillow as he continued sleeping.</p><p>He headed straight to the bathroom and hopped in the shower, not needing to do anything else since he was already naked from their previous activities.</p><p>This was really happening. They were <em>finally</em> together!</p><p>Itachi couldn’t stop thinking of all the things he wanted to do; all of the places he wanted toexplore with Naruto! He couldn’t help planning out the next day he could spend time with Naruto, the day after that, the week after, the month, the years down the line! Naruto was finally with him, and Itachi would do anything to keep him happy and loved.</p><p>Besides fantasizing on grandiose trips with Naruto, what about his family? His friends?</p><p>Itachi knew his parents never liked the fact that he was gay . . . more like they tolerated it for their company’s sake. They probably never imagined he would seriously ever settle down with someone. That would be an annoying hurdle to jump when he got there. And Kisame would be distraught at the news. His other friends appeared to like Naruto well enough, so he wasn’t too concerned about them.</p><p>Well . . .</p><p>Itachi frowned suddenly at the thought. Naruto didn’t meet <em>all</em> of his friends . . . there was still—</p><p>The Uchiha shook his head before reaching to turn off the water. He’d worry about <em>that</em> later. As long as he avoided that person and made sure they never met, his relationship with Naruto would be fine.</p><p>Itachi quickly dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist as he headed back inside his room, smiling to himself as Naruto had rolled over on his side and hugging his pillow as if he was pretending it was Itachi. Ah, Naruto was just too cute.</p><p>He quickly got dressed and headed over to the bed again. Itachi initially wanted to let Naruto sleep, but the blonde was just too cute! He gently rubbed his soft hair, rousing Naruto gingerly out of his slumber. Naruto sleepily looked at him through half lidded eyes.</p><p>“Itachi,” he smiled, still half asleep as Itachi bent over to kiss his lover sweetly on his lips. Itachi smirked as he felt Naruto become more awake underneath him as he kissed him more and more.</p><p>They pulled back just enough to catch their breaths, their foreheads touching as Itachi looked into beautiful yet sleepy eyes. “I’ll wake you again before I leave.” Itachi whispered against Naruto’s lips as the blonde nodded tiredly, holding Itachi to his promise as he drifted off to sleep.</p><p>It was both a blessing and a curse to wake up like this. A blessing that he had such an amazing person to see first thing in the morning yet a curse that he had to force himself to leave. Itachi sighed wistfully as he closed the bedroom door softly.</p><p>Although he was in the hallway, he could smell cooking, and made his way to the kitchen. It wasn’t unusual to find Sasuke waking up early to cook before heading back to bed. He did this for two reasons, one being the obvious (not wanting Itachi in the kitchen) and two being that Sasuke still woke up at this time from working so many years at Rinnegan so he just cooked while he was up.</p><p>Itachi paused when he didn’t see his brother as he rounded the corner, but rather a taller man with spiky orange hair. He felt his blood drain as he noticed leather dress shoes, a dark suit, and that unforgettable stare as he turned to him.</p><p>“Itachi.” Pein’s deep commanding voice cut through Itachi’s now panicked thoughts.</p><p>“Pein.” Itachi responded as he stared into rich brown eyes that looked him over in turn.</p><p>“You have a lot of explaining to do.” Pein said as he leaned against Itachi’s cabinets with his arms crossed, his eyes narrowing as he pinned Itachi down with a penetrating and unforgiving gaze.</p><p><em>Fuck</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: Drama Drama Draaaama! *scurries away*</p><p> </p><p>Ya’ll gonna have to bear with me cuz this was supposed to end at chapter 27 but I just added more shit and now who knows when it’s gonna end?! I sure as hell don’t!</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Dummy Thick</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Itachi simply watched as Pein moved around his kitchen while he finished making breakfast. If it was anyone else, Itachi would have wondered how the hell they got inside, but Pein wasn’t a new face around here and had visited Itachi many times throughout the years so the condo staff was familiar with him and knew of their relationship. Also Itachi told them to let him in whenever he visited. Fuck. Should he rescind that order?</p><p>“What brings you here?” Itachi asked as Pein placed a plate of food in front of him and some coffee. The older man gave him a look.</p><p>“Take a wild guess.” Pein replied while sitting at the opposite end of the dining table. “Now, let’s skip the unnecessary small talk and jump into why you’ve been distracted all summer.”</p><p>While Itachi did like this side of Pein; the no nonsense approach he had to things, it was intimidating now. And unavoidable, so he might as well fess up.</p><p>Itachi was inwardly shitting bricks as he watched Pein’s frown deepen as he spoke about basically spending all summer trying to get someone to notice him. That someone being the blonde in his bed currently.</p><p>“So you’re . . . <em>dating</em>.” Pein said slowly, tasting how that sounded on his tongue before deciding it tasted like disappointment.</p><p>“Yes.” Itachi confirmed, flinching as Pein reached out for his mug of coffee he poured for himself.</p><p>This is what Itachi was afraid of. He didn’t want Pein to find out this way! Not so soon!</p><p>“May I ask who?” Pein asked as he rested the now empty mug down.</p><p>Itachi glanced at Pein’s left hand that was resting on the table. He wore a ring Itachi had given him back in their Akatsuki days.</p><p>“It doesn’t concern you.” Itachi responded coolly, leaning back in his chair as he spoke. Itachi still had his ring, buried somewhere in his sock drawer.</p><p>“Oh?” Pein answered before leaning forward, his left hand twitching slightly. “That’s surprising, since I’m your—”</p><p>“I don’t care.” Itachi interrupted, eyeing how Pein shifted to lean on his right hand as his elbow braced against the table. “That doesn’t mean you need to know every aspect of my life.”</p><p>“True.” Pein said patiently. “But I don’t meddle in most of your affairs.” He went on to say. Itachi eyes flickered back up to his expressionless face. “But this . . . this is something I needed to know sooner rather than later.”</p><p>Itachi sighed. “It literally happened a day ago.”</p><p>“Too late.” Pein snapped. “I’m your fucking PR agent, Itachi!” Pein yelled as Itachi sighed, this time heavier.</p><p>Here it comes.</p><p>“This is a scandal waiting to happen!” Pein began scolding Itachi. “I worked so hard cleaning up your reputation about being a gay pervert – which our rivals were trying to paint you as need I remind you – and now you’re dating without alerting me?!”</p><p>“Pein,” Itachi sighed, already beyond drained at his nagging.</p><p>“I’m not finished.” Pein snapped. “Is it a man?!”</p><p>“Of course.” Itachi sighed. “I’m g-a-y.”</p><p>Pein groaned. “How old is he?” he asked quickly.</p><p>“. . .”</p><p>“Don’t tell me you’re an actual pervert?!”</p><p>“He’s 22!” Itachi shouted Naruto’s perfectly <em>legal</em> age.</p><p>“Hmm, and you’re 27.” Pein murmured as he held his chin in deep thought. “Could be worse.” He went on to say before pausing and looking at Itachi. “Wait, isn’t that Sasuke’s age?”</p><p>“Yeah. . .”</p><p>“This is horrible. By next week everyone’s going to call you a predator who fucks his little brother’s friends.” He paused. “Don’t tell me you two fucked already?”</p><p>Itachi groaned as Pein stalked off to the living room.</p><p>He knew Pein was going to blow everything out of proportion! Sure, they were good friends for many years, but Pein took his job seriously and was steadfast in his determination to maintain a squeaky clean reputation of Rinnegan. On top of dealing with their quirks, Pein was at his wits end and as a result, always on edge. It’s like he developed his own quirk by being around Uchiha’s. The stress quirk.</p><p>“The tabloids don’t play fair Itachi.” Pein snapped as Itachi followed him. He turned to look at the Uchiha. “Are you serious about him?” he asked, searching his eyes for an answer.</p><p>“Yes.” Itachi said firmly, not missing a beat. Pein looked into Itachi’s eyes, and seeing that the Uchiha didn’t back down, shook his head in defeat.</p><p>“Then I have no choice but to make this work.” Pein sighed as he raked a hand through spiky orange hair. “You’re lucky I give a shit about you ‘Tachi.” Pein grumbled. “If I was anyone else I would just force you to break up with this guy.”</p><p>“Why?” Itachi goaded.</p><p>“Since you don’t want to tell me who it is, I’m assuming he’s not from some elite clan or with proper connections. Probably a lot of dirt can be found or easily fabricated about him.” Pein explained. “You know how the public eats people and spits them out. Is your resolve so strong as to drag your partner through this shit?”</p><p>Itachi remained silent. He hadn’t thought that far ahead – no, he just didn’t want to think about it and had been avoiding this reality.</p><p>He had been so happy and in love with the idea of being in love that he forgot the ugly reality of being an Uchiha. He was so caught up in the little bit of joy being with Naruto gave him that the truth escaped him. Naruto wouldn’t just be dating Itachi, he would be dating his name and all the cruelty that came with being associated with such an infamous title.</p><p>“And with the company’s launch of the new security system,” Pein continued. “Everyone will be looking at Rinnegan. If the paparazzi catches wind of this . . .”</p><p>“They’ll be talking about this for the rest of the month.” Itachi realized, shuddering at all the rumors that would spread like wildfires as all of Japan began snooping into his love life.</p><p>“No, for <em>months</em>,” Pein corrected. “It’ll cause a scandal and Japan is not as welcoming to gay men as other countries.” Pein reminded Itachi. “You remember how bad it was when you first came out.”</p><p>“I . . . know.” That scandal changed his life and was why he didn’t open up to others, even within his family. The only family who hadn’t changed were Shisui and Sasuke.</p><p>“I hope the person you’re in love with is prepared for this new life. There’s no turning back once it’s official.” Pein snapped. “It’d be a whole other scandal if he scrams the minute the media jumps on you both.”</p><p>“He’s not like that!” Itachi yelled. Naruto wouldn’t just leave him because things got rough!</p><p>Would he?</p><p>Naruto hated this lifestyle. He purposely distanced himself from his godfather and all social elite events. Maybe this was something Naruto couldn’t get behind? A life he wouldn’t burden for anyone . . .</p><p>It couldn’t be! He was Sasuke’s best friend! Sasuke was always in the news, he even had a national fan club!</p><p>But that was nothing compared to the scrutiny Itachi received as heir to one of the wealthiest companies in Japan. All the events he was forced to go to . . . the long nights he worked. He was only able to really be with Naruto after work or the weekends if he didn’t have any meetings or to fly to some country for a conference. Recently, he had been shoving off all of those weekend excursions on Shisui as he had been desperately trying to get closer to Naruto, and thus was why Shisui was so damn busy.</p><p>Itachi couldn’t keep doing this . . . he was unintentionally creating this false expectation of what being with him would be like, and Naruto may not have been prepared for the truth once that illusion shattered. Was the blonde in way over his head? Was Itachi asking for too much too soon?</p><p>Right now he was playing hooky, taking every spare moment to be around Naruto. How long could he keep this up before his father started paying attention to his whereabouts?</p><p>Not long, seeing that Fugaku sent him a scalding text about being in the office on time today.</p><p>“Pein,” Itachi began softly, his hands tightly coming to fists by his sides. Was he selfish for what he was about to say?</p><p>“Make this work.” Itachi said as he looked at his long time best friend with steadfast determination in his eyes.</p><p>Pein smiled for the first time since he arrived. “That’s what I always do.” he smirked. “But I can’t exactly do my job if you won’t tell me who you’re dating.” he said, amused at how protective Itachi was of his boyfriend already.</p><p>“Pein?” a voice rang out and they turned to see Sasuke already up and dressed. He found it odd that as soon as he left his room he smelled food, but his “Uchiha in the kitchen” senses weren’t tingling. It all made sense now. “What are you doing here?” Sasuke asked as he wandered over to the table.</p><p>“Scolding Itachi.” Was his response as Sasuke eyed his brother who gave him a look daring him to say something slick.</p><p><em>Nope</em>, Sasuke was not going to give in to temptation and get choked out by Itachi. He had a very important day today and wanted to look his best. “Alright, I’m leaving.” Sasuke declared as he turned toward the entrance of the condo.</p><p>“You’re not going to eat?” Pein asked him. “Also, where have you been all summer? I haven’t seen you at all.” he noted. Granted, Pein had been in and out of the country all summer for one reason or another, but that was besides the point.</p><p>“Father fired me.” Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly as Pein sputtered on his coffee. “And I’ll eat while I’m out.” he said as he headed to the door. Jeeze, Pein was already starting to nag him and Sasuke did not have time for that!</p><p>“Sasuke was <em>fired</em>?” Pein asked in complete shock as he turned to Itachi, who didn’t look alarmed in the slightest. “Then where is he going to work after graduation?!”</p><p>“Something about a lawyer.” Itachi responded.</p><p>“A <em>lawyer</em>?!” Pein screamed, aghast.</p><p>Sasuke sighed as he sat at the entrance putting on his shoes. Honestly, being a lawyer wasn’t a bad thing! Why did everyone act like he decided to beg on the side of the road or something?! “I’m still thinking it over. I might do something else.” Sasuke muttered.</p><p>“We’ll talk about this later.” Pein sighed. That was going to be a PR nightmare when word got out that an Uchiha heir was not going to work for Rinnegan. “Who are you meeting with at this hour?” While some time had passed, it was just turning 7am.</p><p>Sasuke paused. To tell Pein about his relationship or not? Looking at how annoyed/horrified Itachi was . . . “Grocery shopping, there’s an early bird special on . . .pistachios.” Better to be safe than sorry.</p><p>“Pistachios?” Pein deadpanned, his bull shit meter screaming at him.</p><p>“There are a lot of things to make with pistachios.” Sasuke snapped in annoyance as he stood.</p><p>“What about pistachios?” a sleepy voice asked and they all turned to find Naruto wearing a navy blue t-shirt and gray joggers he borrowed from Itachi. He had enough sense to throw on some clothes before walking out of the room after hearing voices coming from the living room.</p><p>“Naruto?” Pein called out to the blonde much to the Uchiha’s surprise, “What are you doing here?” he asked confused at this entire situation.</p><p>“He’s with me.” Sasuke said quickly at Itachi’s panicked look and before Naruto could respond. Shit, how the hell does Pein know Naruto?! They hadn’t seen that coming!</p><p>“Just had a sleepover.” Sasuke added. He wasn’t completely lying, seeing that Naruto originally slept over to hang out with him in the first place. Sasuke threw Naruto a ‘<em>you better shut the fuck up</em>’ look.</p><p>Pein paused as he looked at a confused Naruto, a suspicious Itachi, and a lying ass Sasuke. Something wasn’t adding up. “Do you normally leave your guests?” Pein prodded the younger Uchiha.</p><p>“Just wanted to let him sleep in, not everyone has what it takes to get pistachios this early.” Sasuke fibbed.</p><p>“What is everyone talking about?” Naruto yawned as he moved to sit next to Itachi, leaning against his shoulder as he almost fell asleep right then and there. Naruto was <em>not</em> a morning person. “Nagato, what are you doing here?” He asked while rubbing his eye.</p><p>Pein just stared as he slowly began connecting the dots. 22 . . . Sasuke’s age . . . dating . . . Sasuke’s friend . . . fucking?!</p><p>Itachi sighed as Pein shot up and pointed at him. “YOU’RE DATING NARUTO?!?!!” he screamed.</p><p>Itachi was trying to wrap his brain around everything, but had to get one thing straight. “How do you know each other?” he asked.</p><p>“We’re cousins!” the two of them yelled. For the first time, Itachi saw the similarities; they had the same shape eyes and bone structure, not to mention the spiky hair despite it being different colors. Pein growled as he walked around the table, grabbed Naruto by his arm, and began dragging him to the door.</p><p>“Wait, N-Nagato,” Naruto squirmed in his older cousins grasps. “What are you doing?!” Naruto wasn’t even fully awake and this entire situation was confusing as fuck!</p><p>“I’m taking you home.” Pein snapped. “You are NOT allowed to date Itachi!”</p><p>“What?!” Both Itachi and Naruto yelled.</p><p>“Welp, I tried. See ya!” Sasuke waved before running out the door, avoiding Pein’s grasp by just a hair as he ran down the corridor.</p><p>“Pein,” Itachi began as he moved to the entrance and held onto Naruto’s other free arm. “Calm down and let’s talk this through.”</p><p>“Oh hell no, I’m not letting my baby cousin date one of you crazy ass Uchiha’s!”</p><p>“Wait, how do you even know them?” Naruto asked. Sure, he mentioned Sasuke all the time, but Pein never gave any indication that he <em>knew</em> him enough to be visiting or reacting like this. He certainly never mentioned Itachi before to him!</p><p>“I work with Itachi.” Pein answered before looking at said Uchiha. “I do not approve of this relationship!” he glared at Itachi who looked at him defiantly as he held on to Naruto tighter.</p><p>“What?! Whyyyy?” Naruto complained as he tried struggling out of their grip. At this point he felt as if they would rip him in half. “Can you both . . . uh, let me go?” he asked but was ignored.</p><p>“This is between Naruto and I.” Itachi snapped as Pein eyes narrowed at Itachi.</p><p>“Like hell it is, Naruto doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into!” Pein argued as he pulled Naruto out the door.</p><p>“Like I said, we just started going out,” Itachi reminded him. “We still have a lot of things to talk about!” Itachi hissed while pulling Naruto back inside the room.</p><p>“My arms!” Naruto wailed.</p><p>“Oh, so you’re going to inform Naruto that the media is going to rip him apart?!” Pein yelled over Naruto’s screaming.</p><p>“I’ll protect him!”</p><p>“The media won’t have anything to destroy if you two do it first!” Naruto snarled before having enough of their tantrum and using all his strength to pull both Pein and Itachi forward as they slammed into each other as all three of them fell to the floor.</p><p>Pein rubbed his forehead that just collided with Itachi’s in annoyance. “Naruto, we are leaving right now!” he ordered.</p><p>“But I don’t understand what’s happening, why won’t anyone tell me anything?” Naruto complained.</p><p>“Pein, it’s ultimately Naruto’s decision!” Itachi yelled at his friend who was glaring daggers at him.</p><p>“He can’t decided anything if he doesn’t even understand what’s happening!” Pein argued.</p><p>“That’s it!” Naruto yelled as he abruptly stood. “I’m leaving until you both stop arguing!” He snapped while heading to the entrance to put on his shoes. He jammed his feet into his sneakers, not giving a damn that he wasn’t even wearing socks. “Don’t even think about calling me until you’ve sorted this shit out!” he demanded before he left angrily.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Sasuke was in a foul mood.</p><p>Not only was Pein aware of Itachi’s relationship with Naruto, now their overzealous PR agent was suspicious of his dating life and would probably start asking more questions once the whole Naruto situation blew over.</p><p>Oh, and said Dobe was ruining his date!</p><p>“Damn Naruto,” Kiba was telling the crying blonde on his couch after Naruto recapped what had happened to him this morning. After running out of the condo, he actually ran into Sasuke who was still waiting for an uber in the lobby. Sasuke couldn’t just leave the sniffling idiot alone so he told Naruto to come with him. Now they both were at Kiba’s place.</p><p>Instant regret.</p><p>“If it makes you feel better, you can stay with me for a while.” Kiba said gently while patting the blondes hair as Naruto looked up at him with tears in his eyes.</p><p>“Really Kiba? Thanks, that would mean a lot!” Neither Pein nor Itachi knew where Kiba lived, so they wouldn’t know to come here to find him.</p><p>Sasuke had remained silent during the entire ordeal and was just being moody where he sat at the kitchen table. But now this was too much! Not only had Naruto hogged <em>all</em> of Kiba’s attention, now he would be here every time Sasuke came over!</p><p>“Dobe, you’re not going to solve anything by avoiding them.” Sasuke spoke up as they turned to look at him in surprise. What?! Did they forget he was here or something?!</p><p>“Well, I didn’t get much done when I was with them. They just talked over me and argued the entire time.” Naruto muttered, starting to become annoyed as he thought it over. “I get that they’re older, but that doesn’t mean that they know everything. They didn’t even ask for my opinion!”</p><p>Sasuke sighed. While he didn’t want to say anything bad about his brother, Naruto had a point. “Itachi’s just trying to protect you.” he settled on.</p><p>“Of course you’d be on <em>his</em> side!” Naruto yelled before falling against the couch annoyed.</p><p>“What, it’s not even like that!” Sasuke yelled back. “I’m not picking sides, I’m just saying I understand where Itachi’s coming from.”</p><p>“I don’t know, I think I agree more with Pein.” Kiba mentioned as he thought things over. “Being associated with a famous clan is no joke Naruto.” Kiba sighed, having had his issues with his own well known clan. “Maybe you really don’t know what you’re getting into?”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sasuke asked with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>Kiba rolled his eyes at Sasuke. “Come on Sasuke, you know Naruto doesn’t like being in the press!”</p><p>“He’ll get used to it!” Sasuke argued. The dobe was social, so this wouldn’t be a hard adjustment.</p><p>“Argh!” Naruto screamed as he began having a tantrum while throwing his arms and kicking the air on the couch. “I’m tried of everyone deciding what I like or what I can handle!” he yelled before jumping up. “I’m leaving!” he announced dramatically.</p><p>“What the hell man, where are you going to go?!” Kiba yelled as they followed Naruto to the entrance.</p><p>“Uhhh . . .” Naruto had to think after swinging the door open. Where could he go that Nagato didn’t know of?! While his cousin was extremely private and Naruto didn’t really know much about his life, Naruto on the other hand blabbered everything and anything going on. Nagato knew all his “spots”. He’d easily find him.</p><p>“Dobe, don’t get so worked up if you don’t even know where you’re going!” Sasuke yelled at him.</p><p>“It’s best if you just stay here until you cool down.” Kiba said as Naruto glared at them.</p><p>There it was again, everyone assuming Naruto didn’t know shit and telling him what was best for him. Fed up, Naruto ran outside and left a gawking Sasuke and Kiba.</p><p>“Dammit.” Sasuke muttered, knowing damn well Itachi would be pissed later if he didn’t know where Naruto was. “Well, we tri—” he began, ready to throw in the towel, but Kiba interrupted him.</p><p>“I’m going after Naruto!” Kiba yelled before he ran after the yelling dobe running down his driveway.</p><p><em>Fuck it all to fuck</em>! Sasuke cursed in his head as his cell phone rang. “What, pineapple head?!” he answered.</p><p>“ . . . wow, so we’re back to this?” Shikamaru frowned.</p><p>“You hung up on me and I had to listen to sex all night!”</p><p>“Speaking of sex . . .you sound sexually frustrated.”</p><p>“I am about to be! Naruto is cock blocking!”</p><p>Shikamaru had to take a second to understand things. He hung up on Sasuke last night because he assumed he could call early in the morning to think of a plan . . . it was only about 8:30am — why the fuck was Sasuke already up and with Kiba on their date?!</p><p>“Sasuke, stalking is a criminal offense punishable by law.” Shikamaru began seriously.</p><p>“I’m not stalking anyone, I was with Kiba but he just ran after Naruto!”</p><p>“Why was Naruto there in the first place?”</p><p>“I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it later.” Sasuke snapped, knowing the blonde used Shikamaru as his therapist. “Let’s focus on me now.”</p><p>Shikamaru sighed heavily. “Ok, what do you want to talk about?” he asked while pulling out a notebook from his desk where he kept all of the notes on his patients. He turned the page until he got to the ‘Sasuke’ section. Hmmm . . .perhaps he should have become a psychiatrist instead of a lawyer. Oh well, too late now.</p><p>“How do I kill someone without getting caught?” Sasuke asked not so subtly.</p><p>“ . . . ok, new rule. Let <em>me</em> decide the topic.” Shikamaru muttered while writing ‘S<em>odium levels are higher than normal in patient</em>.’ he scratched his chin in thought. “You’re thinking about this the wrong way Sasuke.” he began, trying to find a way to stop the Uchiha from murdering his best friend for some dick. He was positive there were other avenues to explore before homicide.</p><p>“How?” Sasuke asked, clearly not convinced. He was currently leaning against the door frame watching Kiba try to tackle a frantic blonde in his yard.</p><p>“Think about it. The three of you always used to hang out.”</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“And what were <em>you</em> usually doing in those moments?”</p><p>“I don’t know, brooding in the corner or something. Just letting the idiots talk and past the time to my inevitable death.”</p><p>“ . . .” Shikamaru added a new note. ‘<em>Patient needs a thorough psychological evaluation</em>.’ He shifted in his chair as he continued. “Well, you’re trying to convince Kiba that you’re a good person, right?”</p><p>“I already am a good person.” Sasuke corrected as he watched Kiba finally tackle a screaming Naruto to the ground. “I just need to be nice or something. So he can lower his guard and let me love him.”</p><p>‘<em>Patient is a sour patch kid</em>.’</p><p>“Right.” Shikamaru said sarcastically. Well, he was trying to get Sasuke to see it for himself, but he lacked more self awareness than the lazy genius anticipated. “Sasuke, this is your chance to show Kiba you are willing to change by using this opportunity to be more present in your interactions. Take more of an active role. Join their conversations and be friendly.”</p><p>“<em>Friendly</em>?”</p><p>“Look it up later.” Shikamaru snapped. “I don’t think you’re ready to be alone with Kiba romantically just yet, so take this as an opportunity to get used to being around him in a friendly way before the first official date. Take it slow.” Shikamaru finally ended. “Any questions?”</p><p>“What the fuck is <em>friendly</em>? And Uchiha’s don’t take things <em>slow</em>!”</p><p>Shikamaru groaned as he slapped his forehead. Was he still stuck on that?! “Sasuke just tell them or do things for them <em>you</em> would want to hear or be done to you!”</p><p>“What <em>I</em> would want to hear?” Sasuke echoed. “What <em>I</em> would want done?”</p><p>“Yes!” Shikamaru yelled.</p><p>“Hn, ok.” Sasuke said as he watched Kiba drag Naruto back by his ankles as the blonde grabbed onto grass to keep from going back but soon learn that wasn’t helpful. Naruto desperately reached for a gnome on the lawn to attack with. The lawn gnome in question had a rather large posterior.</p><p>“I have to go now.” Sasuke said before hanging up on a protesting Shikamaru who was starting to regret everything.</p><p>He jogged over to Kiba and grabbed Naruto’s ankle that had gotten free. Kiba gave him a surprised expression. Was Sasuke being . . . helpful?</p><p>“Allow me.” Sasuke smirked.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi was a nervous wreck.</p><p>He tried calling Naruto seven times, but he never picked up. All he wanted to do was apologize for his behavior and explain things!</p><p>Itachi sighed as he looked through tech models on his computer. Now he was at work worried sick and couldn’t focus.</p><p>What if Naruto got hit by a car as he ran away distraught by the situation?! If Naruto couldn’t handle a dispute between his boyfriend and cousin, was he really going to be ok once their relationship inevitable became public?!</p><p>His cell phone began ringing and he checked caller ID but didn’t recognize the number.</p><p><em>Odd, nobody has my personal number besides some family members, annoying friends, and Naruto</em>. Itachi took a gamble and picked up.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Oh, uhhh, is this Itachi?” he heard a familiar rugged voice ask.</p><p>“Who is this?” He asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion.</p><p>“Oh, right! It’s Kiba and Sasuke may or may not be dead. Wait, huh?” Kiba was interrupted before he continued. “Ok Naruto says he isn’t dead <em>dead</em>, but it doesn’t look good.”</p><p>“Wait, Naruto is with you?” Itachi asked perking up at that information.</p><p>“Well yeah, but Sasuke’s bleeding out.”</p><p>“Put Naruto on the phone!”</p><p>“He says he doesn’t want to talk to you . . . did you hear the part about Sasuke being dead orrr. . .?”</p><p>“Where are you? I’ll come to you.” Itachi said quickly.</p><p>123 321</p><p>“What if I accidentally killed him?” Naruto hiccuped as Kiba kept a towel pressed against Sasuke’s forehead.</p><p>“Once the floor stops spinning I’m going to <em>murder</em> you dobe.” Sasuke hissed as Naruto “eeped” and hid behind Kiba who was crouched in front of him where he lay propped against the sofa on the living room floor.</p><p>“I thought you would dodge the gnome!” Naruto yelled a bit hysterically. “Kiba, why is your gnome so fat?!”</p><p>“He’s not fat, he just has hips for days!” Kiba defended his rather thick gnome.</p><p>When Sasuke joined Kiba in capturing Naruto, Naruto had finally managed to grab the gnome and fling it back, smacking Sasuke dead in the face as he went down like a hooker on their knees; limp as dick!</p><p>Both Naruto and Kiba was floored. One, Sasuke was actually trying to help for once (he usually just left them to their devices), and two, he should have dodged that, it was a fairly obvious throw!</p><p>“Maybe his reactions are slow because he used up the bulk of his energy being helpful.” Kiba thought out loud as Naruto nodded.</p><p>“Yeah! Like when your body is exercising for the first time so you tire out faster because you’re not used to it?!” Naruto theorized.</p><p>“Yeah, that must be it!” Kiba yelled.</p><p>“Stop holding the towel,” Sasuke sighed as he tried pushing Kiba’s hand away.</p><p>“Why, you’ll bleed out!” Kiba yelled.</p><p>“Exactly, just let me die.”</p><p>“Oh noooo, he lost so much blood and he’s in so much pain he’d rather die!” Naruto cried. “Kiba, do something before he bleeds out!”</p><p>“Me?! What can I do?!”</p><p>“Aren’t you studying to be a doctor?!”</p><p>“Yeah, for like, animals!”</p><p>“We’re all just animals!”</p><p>“I mean, you’re not wrong but—”</p><p>“Arrgghhhhh,” Sasuke groaned as his head fell back.</p><p>“Oh God!” Kiba began to panic. “Naruto, go into my room and on my desk you’ll see a white kit for my classes. Bring me that!”</p><p>“Oh man, I hate this game.” Naruto complained. “If I go back there and it’s not there—”</p><p>“Just go!” Kiba yelled and Naruto grumbled but did what he was told.</p><p>“Hey Sasuke, stay with me,” Kiba said as the Uchiha had closed his eyes. While Kiba was panicking about his imminent death, Sasuke was just trying to zone them out so his headache wouldn’t get worst.</p><p>“Ok, so I found something called Medicine/Nursing Surgery Rotation tool kit, is that it or are you going to make me go back again?!” Naruto yelled as he stomped back over to them. The kids at the orphanage used to play this game where they would send him off to find something but each time he returned it was wrong and he had to go back for something else. This was giving him PTSD!</p><p>“Yes, that’s it!” Kiba yelled as Naruto showed him a shiny white box. “OK, open it and take out a needle and surgical thread.”</p><p>“Needle?” Sasuke said as his eyes shot open. “Ok, maybe you’re taking this a little too—”</p><p>“It’s either that or death Sasuke!” Naruto yelled as he grabbed the needle and handed it to Kiba.</p><p>Oh God, they were going to kill him, Sasuke thought miserably. His death was going to be by idiots, as he always knew it would be one day.</p><p>“Wait, you can’t just sew my head close—” The Uchiha began to protest.</p><p>“Why, we tore it open, it’s only fair.” Kiba reasoned.</p><p>“Without anesthesia or sterile tools?!” Sasuke yelled. The more worked up he got, the more blood there was.</p><p>“Naruto, we’re going to need another towel,” Kiba was starting to get emotional. “Oh my God Sasuke, I don’t want you to die in my living room but before you go, you were a great kisser.”</p><p>“ . . . want to verify that?” Sasuke asked.</p><p>“Are you seriously trying to make out with me while on your death bed?” Kiba asked incredulously.</p><p>Before anything else could be said, the doorbell rang.</p><p>“That must be Itachi!” Naruto yelled excitedly as he stood eagerly before he frowned. “Oh wait, I’m mad at him.”</p><p>“Open the fucking door Naruto!” Sasuke screamed at him. Finally, an adult was here! Granted, they were all adults, but Itachi was an older adult. He was adulting longer than them. He was adultier.</p><p>Naruto pouted but obliged as he headed to the door, steeling his nerves before he opened it. He had to be cool. Be calm. His pride, oh and Sasuke’s life, depended on it.</p><p>When he opened the door, he almost drooled at seeing Itachi in a dark sexy Armani suit looking as immaculate as always as he waited for someone to answer the door.</p><p>“Damn,” Naruto said as he looked up at him. All he wanted to do was tear that suit off him. How was he so unaware of his charm for so long?!</p><p>Itachi was relieved to see Naruto safe and sound. “Naruto,” he said with a sigh of relief as he reached for him, holding him in his arms. “I’m sorry for this morning.”</p><p>“Really?” Naruto asked suspiciously but he couldn’t help hugging Itachi back. “Do you know why I’m even upset?” he asked while his blue eyes studied his face.</p><p>“ . . . ”</p><p>“I can’t believe this!” Naruto yelled as he pushed Itachi away. “You don’t even know <em>why</em> you’re apologizing!”</p><p>“You’re upset, so I thought—”</p><p>“No, that’s the wrong answer!” Naruto huffed while crossing his arms and looking away from Itachi angrily. “This is the first time I’m seeing the similarities between you and Sasuke.” Self-awareness was not a strong Uchiha trait.</p><p>Itachi looked offended, before realizing something. “Oh wait, Kiba mentioned Sasuke had a little accident?”</p><p>“<em>Oh my God</em>!” Naruto yelled hysterically, finally remembering his best friend damn near passed out in the living room while he was here having a lovers spat with his boyfriend!</p><p>He looked up at Itachi frantically. “I ran away but Kiba tackled me on the grass and my ankles are sensitive and Sasuke gorilla hands gripped them too tight triggering my fight or murder response and a 20lb gnome split his head open with its butt!”</p><p>Itachi just stared as Naruto panted heavily after his mini rant. “So many things in that sentence I didn’t understand.” Itachi said as Naruto looked up at him with wide eyes. “Impressive.” he nodded.</p><p>“I think Sasuke’s dying.” Naruto realized while biting the nail on his thumb nervously.</p><p>At the action, Itachi took a second to look Naruto over. He still wore Itachi’s clothes from earlier. The shirt had rode up and showed toned hips and the defined abs on Naruto’s stomach peaked out. From his earlier events, Naruto had a bit of grass stains on the shirt while his hair was tousled from all the running he had done previously. Naruto looked hot and rugged, as if he had been working out in the yard all day.</p><p>Itachi needed to lure—err, get Naruto away so they could <em>discuss</em> things in private. Yeah, in a private room with a bed! Itachi slowly licked his lips. “You <em>think</em>?” Itachi prodded.</p><p>Naruto nodded his head before looking back up at Itachi, wondering where he was going with this. “So, it’s not confirmed?” Itachi asked.</p><p>“Well, I mean . . . he’s bleeding out.” Naruto began slowly.</p><p>“But there’s a possibility he’s ok?” Itachi said.</p><p>“No, I don’t <em>think</em> so . . .” Naruto deadpanned.</p><p>“You <em>think</em> . . . ?” Itachi asked again.</p><p>“Uhh,” Naruto didn’t know what to say. Confusion was super effective!</p><p>“So it’s not confirmed?” Itachi suggested to a dumbfounded blonde.</p><p>“Stop trying to fuck Naruto and come help your brother Itachi!” Kiba screamed from the living room as Itachi scowled and finally headed inside.</p><p>He was surprised when he saw all the blood on the towel pressed to Sasuke’s head. “Wow, this actually looks serious.” He said in awe. “You said a gnome did this?” he asked impressed.</p><p>“It’s dummy thick.” Naruto insisted.</p><p>Dummy . . .thick? Itachi wondered as he pulled out his cell phone. What the fuck did that even mean?!</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Where’s my favorite little cousin?!” Shisui yelled as he entered the privately owned clinic that treated his family for years. “Itachi I swear if you stabbed him again—” Shisui began as he glared at his other younger cousin who was sitting in the waiting room with Naruto and Kiba.</p><p>“I didn’t, Naruto hit him with a fat gnome.” Itachi snapped.</p><p>“He’s not fat he’s just packing.” Kiba corrected.</p><p>“Packing what?” Shisui asked confused.</p><p>“That ass!” Naruto answered.</p><p>“Oh, word?” Shisui said as he looked thoughtful.</p><p>“Can we focus?!” Itachi yelled. He was tired of hearing about thick gnomes! Wait, what?!</p><p>“I always hate when there’s more than two Uchiha’s in a room.” a blonde woman said wearily as she walked over to them with Sasuke in tow. Maybe it was because she was a Senju and her grandfather notoriously hated Uchiha’s.</p><p>“Grandma Tsunade!” Naruto yelled as he jumped out of his seat. “Did you have to put his brain back in?!”</p><p>“What? No Naruto, it’s just a flesh wound!” Tsunade yelled at him. “He only fainted because he didn’t eat anything before that fight you idiots got into!” she snapped. “And stop calling me grandma!”</p><p>“What’s with the lollipop?” Kiba questioned as Sasuke was shoved over to them as Tsunade left muttering to herself. He currently had a large candy the size of his head.</p><p>“I got it for good behavior.” Sasuke boasted as both Kiba and Naruto marveled at the rainbow colors.</p><p>“Is Fugaku really paying private school tuition for this?” Shisui deadpanned as both him and Itachi watched the three college seniors interact like children over a lollipop.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: This was supposed to be a sErIoUs chapter but that dastardly thick ass gnome ruined it!</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Where’s Waldo?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Naruto,”</p><p>“I don’t want to hear it!” Naruto yelled while jumping out of Itachi’s car later that day.</p><p>After Sasuke got checked out of the hospital, Shisui offered to take him for some rest per the doctor’s instructions, while Kiba was called into the clinic for an emergency. That left Naruto getting a ride back from Itachi.</p><p>Naruto worriedly walked back to his apartment with the morning’s event weighing heavily on his mind. It was just the second day of their relationship and they were <em>already</em> arguing!</p><p>Man, what the hell was he doing?</p><p>Naruto wasn’t made for relationships! They never worked out, why did he think this would be any different? The normally sunny blonde dejectedly entered an empty apartment and sighed, knowing his roommates were away but wanted someone to talk to.</p><p>Firstly, he needed to pack some clothes and get the hell out of here before his cousin came and dragged him back home. He was honestly surprised that Nagato wasn’t already here lurking, but that was probably because he had to go to work. Nevertheless, Naruto looked around suspiciously as he opened his apartment door before running inside quickly and slamming the door shut and locking it.</p><p>Nagato was extremely protective of him ever since they were children. Naruto knew he always regretted not being there for Naruto after his parents died, but as a minor himself at the time, Nagato couldn’t retrieve him from the orphanage.</p><p>When Jiraiya finally returned to Japan, he brought Naruto to his home where him and Nagato lived.</p><p>But Naruto was an adult now! He didn’t need Nagato thinking he can still tell him what to do! Yeah!</p><p>Naruto grumbled as he threw clothes into a bag and tried thinking about where he could run off to. Sakura? Nah, that would be an obvious place. Shikamaru? Nah, he’d be the next person. Who could he go to that no one would suspect?!</p><p>123 321</p><p>Sasuke sighed when Itachi retuned later that evening looking like depression. He turned down the TV volume from where he lounged on the sofa and gave his brother a look. “Naruto <em>still</em> isn’t talking to you?” he tsked while Itachi scowled at him.</p><p>“Tell me where he is.”</p><p>“I don’t know where Naruto ran off to.” Sasuke replied with a shrug. Naruto knew Sasuke would give him up with the quickness, so he didn’t tell him anything. “Does Pein know?” Sasuke asked.</p><p>Itachi shook his head. “He wouldn’t tell me even if he did.” he muttered while walking over to the couch and sitting down. Pein had spent the work day glaring at him and cursing his name under his breath.</p><p>“Why is Naruto so upset with you?” Sasuke wondered.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Itachi sighed. “All I’m trying to do is protect him.” Itachi thought while thinking about this morning.</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t think you did anything wrong.” Sasuke agreed. “All you did was take complete control of the situation without consulting Naruto or considering his feelings and expected him to just listen to you like he’s some kind of idiot that lacks common sense.”</p><p>Itachi looked at Sasuke who was absentmindedly fiddling with the bandaid he now sported on his forehead. Sasuke had a pretty fucked up mind, so Itachi couldn’t really tell if he was serious or not.</p><p>“Are you . . . being sarcastic?” Itachi questioned.</p><p>Sasuke glanced at his brother. “What? No. It’s exactly what I would have done, and I’m <em>perfect</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>And that’s the exact moment when Itachi knew, he fucked up.</p><p> </p><p>The older Uchiha groaned as he fell back against the sofa. “I need to find Naruto as soon as possible and apologize for real this time.”</p><p>“Why? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Sasuke insisted. Why all the fuss? Naruto would eventually come around.</p><p>Itachi turned toward him. “I can see why you’ve never dated before.”</p><p>“Why?” Sasuke challenged with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“ . . . never mind. How was your date with Kiba?” Itachi asked, trying to change the subject and keep tabs on his brother’s situation.</p><p>Sasuke motioned to his forehead. “This is how it went.” he deadpanned. “Your boyfriend ruined everything!”</p><p>“You shouldn’t have taken him!” Itachi argued. “You should have left him here and we could have talked it out!”</p><p>“See, this is why I don’t like being nice.” Sasuke muttered to himself. “Whatever, he’s <em>your</em> problem now.” Whenever Sasuke tried to be a decent human being, it usually bit him in the ass expeditiously. <em>Especially</em> concerning Naruto. He tried to help out his upset best friend by bringing him along and boom! Immediate cock block! How was Sasuke going to go on his first date with his first boyfriend with the dobe around?!</p><p>Something suddenly dawned on Sasuke. The longer Itachi and Naruto was fighting, the longer his cherry would be intact!!</p><p>“You need to make up with Naruto <em>immediately</em>.” Sasuke demanded as he sat up with renewed interest in others besides himself. He turned to Itachi who gave him a wary look. “I’m going to help you get Naruto back.”</p><p>321</p><p>Naruto was napping before he did a full body shudder and woke in a cold sweat. He looked around the room he currently occupied with dread.</p><p>“Whoa, that was weird.” the oblivious blonde muttered before rolling over and going back to sleep.</p><p>123</p><p>“To get to a man’s heart,” Sasuke began as he walked over to Itachi, each step his older brother dreading. “Is through his stomach!” Sasuke exclaimed before standing in front of Itachi in an apron in the kitchen.</p><p>Itachi had a sudden sense of deja vu. “Haven’t we tried this before?”</p><p>“Yeah and it worked.” Sasuke snapped. “This time you need to be sincere and make something for Naruto <em>yourself</em>.” he emphasized while pointing at Itachi with a whisk.</p><p>“But I can’t cook!” Itachi complained. “You know I’m cursed! Why would you do this to me?!”</p><p>“Oh stop complaining,” Sasuke said with a roll of his eyes before motioning to the ingredients on the counter. There were about nine items on there. “Today we’ll be baking a cake.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Naruto likes sweets. Make a cute cake for him and he’ll really appreciate it.”</p><p>“Isn’t this just a bribe so he’ll stop being mad at me?”</p><p>“Ultimately yes. When your '<em>sincere</em> <em>apology' </em>as you call it fails, this will be needed to show Naruto that you’re at the very least trying.” Sasuke said while motioning for Itachi to come closer.</p><p>Itachi looked irritated but rolled up the sleeves of his sweater and walked over. “My apology won’t fail.” he insisted.</p><p>“No offense,” Itachi now dreaded whatever was going to come out of his brother’s mouth. “But you’re a fucking idiot.” Sasuke ended as he grabbed a glass bowl from the cabinet.</p><p>“No I’m not, I’m actually the Uchiha prodigy and all around genius.” Itachi humble (?) bragged.</p><p>“Sure, and <em>I’m</em> imperfect!” Sasuke snorted.</p><p>Itachi decided not to comment on that for his own sanity.</p><p>“Ok <em>genius</em>,” Sasuke mocked before pointing to the eggs. “What are you supposed to do with this?”</p><p>“ . . . open them?” Itachi asked cautiously.</p><p>“What are you unsure about <em>already</em>?!” Sasuke yelled as the feeling of an impeding headache started forming in the back of his head. “When have you ever eaten a cake and bit into a whole fucking egg?!”</p><p>“That one time Shisui made my birthday cake.” Itachi said as Sasuke shuddered. It was a weird 15th birthday.</p><p>“Yeah . . . it was raw too.” Sasuke grimaced at the memory before continuing. “Let’s disregard that.” he said as he reached for the three eggs and handed one to Itachi. “Now how do you open it?”</p><p>“That’s easy!” Itachi said enthusiastically before throwing his hand in the air and getting ready to crack the egg, but Sasuke’s screaming stopped him.</p><p>“Nooo! Don’t just smash it like that against the counter!” he yelled while wrestling the egg from Itachi. “Just watch me for next time.” he snapped as he expertly cracked the eggs and added them to a glass bowl quickly. “Ok . . .” he gave Itachi an expectant look. “What do we do with them now?”</p><p>Itachi merely stared at the egg yolks in the bowl. After two minutes, Sasuke handed Itachi the whisk as if to prompt him for what was supposed to come next.</p><p>“This is a weird spoon.” Itachi commented while looking at the whisk in his hand.</p><p>Sasuke groaned. “You have to beat the eggs!” he yelled, at his wits end.</p><p>“Beat the eggs?” Itachi asked before renewed energy and fire cackled in his eyes at the challenge. “At what?!”</p><p>Sasuke simply stared at the man before him who somehow thought that beating eggs meant beating them in some kind of competition. If that was the case, the eggs were already winning the IQ test, <em>significantly</em>.</p><p>“Get the fuck out.”</p><p>321</p><p>Itachi sat on the sofa idly watching TV before Sasuke sat down next to him.</p><p>“Is it finished?” Itachi asked his annoyed younger brother.</p><p>“No, it has to bake.” Sasuke sounded irritated at the question, but he was a grumpy person naturally so Itachi ignored the attitude.</p><p>“<em>Still</em>? What were you doing this <em>entire</em> time in there?”</p><p>“I was mixing everything! Most people don’t know this, but when baking it’s best to mix the eggs in slowly into the batter for—oh, never mind just wait 25-30 minutes!” Sasuke snapped at Itachi’s annoyed ‘<em>I didn’t ask for all that detail’</em> expression.</p><p>“Well, which one is it?!” Itachi asked.</p><p>“What?” Sasuke returned his question with a question.</p><p>“25 or 30?!”</p><p>“Itachi,” Sasuke deadpanned. “I am this close to jumping out of the window.” Fuck it all!</p><p>“Ok, I was just joking.” Itachi reassured his little brother who was glowering at him.</p><p>“You can’t do that to me.”</p><p>“I’m sorry Sasuke, stop shaking.”</p><p>There was a moment of silence before Itachi glanced at Sasuke and noticed his left eye wasn’t twitching anymore, so that was usually a good sign to start more bull shit.</p><p>“Do you have any idea where Naruto could be?”</p><p>“He wouldn’t be with Sakura or Shikamaru because he’s not that stupid and knows we would look for him there. Pein probably already checked it out.” Sasuke muttered before continuing. “Next is Kiba, but since you now know where he lives, Naruto’s not going to go there. Any other friend we have I’m going to assume Pein knows their address. Apparently they’re cousins and Pein seems to be as much as a control freak if not more with Naruto than with us.”</p><p>“Well, that was a lot of useless information.” Itachi snapped. He asked where Naruto <em>was</em>, not where he wasn’t!</p><p>“You don’t know where he is either!” Sasuke growled.</p><p>“Think Sasuke!” Itachi demanded. “Who would be the most unlikely person out of Naruto’s friends that he would run to now?”</p><p>Sasuke shuddered. “Well . . . there is <em>one</em> person.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Well if it isn’t my old rival in love Sasuke Uchiha!”</p><p>“Lee, you never had a chance with Sakura.” Sasuke sighed as said man opened the door to his apartment to find the Uchiha brothers waiting for him.</p><p>“Oh my God, so <em>tight!”</em> Itachi yelled while taking a step back at the green spandex wearing man in front of him.</p><p>“I told you not to look down!” Sasuke yelled back at a horrified Itachi before turning to a confused Rock Lee, Sasuke’s onyx eyes never wandering below Lee’s torso. “Never mind him. Where’s Naruto?” the Uchiha demanded.</p><p>“I am confused Sasuke!” Lee said. “Why are you suddenly asking me about Naruto? Is he <em>lost?”</em></p><p>“No he’s—”</p><p>“Did he get kidnapped?!” Lee yelled before turning around and screaming. “GAI-SENSEI!”</p><p>“WHAT? WHAT IS IT MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT?!” Gai-sensei yelled before running to the entrance in a matching green leotard much to Itachi’s dismay.</p><p>“Naruto has gone missing and Sasuke—”</p><p>“Sasuke, <em>your old rival in love</em>?”</p><p>“My <em>old rival in love</em> has appeared to request my aid in finding him!” Lee yelled enthusiastically.</p><p>“Why . . . why do they have to <em>match</em>?” Itachi whispered in fright as the brothers began slowly backing away.</p><p>“I don’t know, this is more than I bargained for.” Sasuke whispered back. Dammit, he should have brought his darkest shades to obscure as much detail as possible. Curse his perfect eyesight!</p><p>“Don’t worry young youthful men!” Gai exclaimed while stepping forward, thrusting his hips toward two cowering Uchiha’s at his youthful mercy. “With our help, we shall find your youthful counterpart!”</p><p>“Oh Gai-sensei, you’re so selfless!” Lee cried with tears in his eyes. “We were having a get together but you are willing to disregard having fun for a comrade! You truly are the epitome of springtime purity!”</p><p>“Why thank you Lee. As I always say—” Gai-sensei began before a voice rang out from behind them.</p><p>“Why are you both screaming at the door?” A smooth velvet voice inquired before shooing the two men away.</p><p>Sasuke gulped nervously as Neji suddenly appeared before them. He hadn’t thought about how he would react to being next to his first crush since he was a little preoccupied with getting into someone else’s pants at the moment, but he couldn’t help but notice how nice and <em>normal</em> Neji looked standing inbetween Gai and Lee.</p><p>“Sasuke, Itachi?” Neji asked as his light eyes regarded them. “What brings you here?”</p><p>Noticing how Sasuke clamped up, Itachi decided it was finally his turn to say something. “We’re looking for Naruto.” he said as a genuine concerned expression graced the handsome Hyuga’s face.</p><p>“Is everything ok?” Neji asked while shooing Gai and Lee away from the door.</p><p>“Yes, he’s just . . . mad at us.” Itachi explained.</p><p>“At <em>you</em>.” Sasuke muttered.</p><p>“<em>So</em> he’s avoiding us.” Itachi talked over Sasuke. “We were wondering if he came here because we’re concerned about him.”</p><p>“Hn, I see.” Neji nodded. “Naruto isn’t here and he surely didn’t contact any of us.” Neji answered. “If he does, I’ll let you know.”</p><p>“Thanks Neji.” Itachi said gratefully to the Hyuga before he gave Lee and Gai who were now both doing handstands further in the house a weird look. “If you don’t mind me asking . . . why are <em>you</em> here?”</p><p>Neji looked behind him before he turned back with a slight blush. “I didn’t really have much of a choice . . .” he admitted reluctantly.</p><p>“Hn, I’ll pray for you.” Itachi said before getting ready to leave. “We’ll see you around Neji.”</p><p>“Ok, bye Itachi . . . Sasuke.” Neji offered a polite smile to the stoic Uchiha who was avoiding his eyes.</p><p>“Hn,” Sasuke said before turning on his heel and briskly walking away.</p><p>“What was <em>that</em> about?” Itachi asked when they were out of ear shot.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Sasuke grumbled with a slight blush on his cheeks he desperately tried to hide from Itachi as he turned his head away from him.</p><p>“Why were you so awkward with Neji? I thought you were over him?!”</p><p>“I don’t know anymore!”</p><p>“What about Kiba?!”</p><p>“I like him too!”</p><p>Itachi just stared at Sasuke. “You need to figure it out before you make any more moves on either of them.”</p><p>“Whatever, don’t try to give me love advice as if we’re not looking for <em>your</em> boyfriend who <em>ran away</em> from <em>you</em>.”</p><p>“. . .”</p><p>“That’s what I thought.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: Where do you think Naruto ran off to?!</p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Cryptic Notes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The next day Itachi grabbed a sleeping Sasuke by his shoulders harshly.</p><p>“Did Naruto call you?”</p><p>Sasuke squinted as he was now awake, glaring at his older sibling who woke him up early as shit to inquire about his idiot best friend.</p><p>Knowing it was futile to complain, Sasuke checked his phone, the bright screen causing him to squint even more in the dark room. “No.” he almost hissed in annoyance as Itachi sighed and left the room in a huff.</p><p>Now up, Sasuke decided to check the rest of his messages, happily coming across Kiba but soon frowning when he learned that Kiba was asking about Naruto.</p><p>God dammit all to hell!</p><p>Groaning, Sasuke got up and headed for Itachi’s room, knocking on the door with his knuckles before throwing it wide open without waiting for a response. He found Itachi looking at his phone dejectedly and he rolled his eyes.</p><p>“We’re going to find Naruto today because I don’t like being forced to think about others and he’s all everyone is thinking about now.”</p><p>Itachi merely stared. “Where did you get that shitty personality from?”</p><p>“From your father.”</p><p>“ . . . ” Itachi knew Sasuke wasn’t wrong, but he sounded a bit defensive.</p><p>“Anyways, I have a list of people to visit in order to find the dobe so get ready.” Sasuke muttered as he looked at his notes in his cell.</p><p>“But I have work. . .” Itachi reminded him.</p><p>“Is work more important than Naruto?” Sasuke asked, raising an eyebrow at his brother.</p><p>“No, but I have bills to pay.” Itachi snapped. “Including yours.” he emphasized.</p><p>“Fine, I guess you leave me no choice,” Sasuke said dramatically before clicking through his contacts on his phone. “I’ll have to request Kiba to come with me since you insist.”</p><p>“You could go alone . . .” Itachi stated. He knew this was all a lie and Sasuke just wanted to spend time with Kiba.</p><p>“Shut up.” Sasuke glared before dialing a number.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Kiba threw open the door quickly before Sasuke even finished knocking.</p><p>“You said you found Naruto’s body in a ditch?!” He screamed as he looked at Sasuke with wide tear filled eyes.</p><p>“No, I said he could end up in a ditch if you didn’t help me look for him now.” Sasuke reiterated as he looked at a frantic looking Kiba. He wore a black t-shirt where the sleeves hugged his biceps and gray sweats that hugged lean narrow hips. His wild maroon colored hair was disheveled and his eyes appeared puffy from crying.</p><p>Sasuke licked his lips. Kiba looked cute and not his usually rugged self. It was yet another side of him Sasuke rarely, if ever, saw and he wanted more.</p><p>“Sasuke you bastard!” Kiba yelled while snatching said man by his collar and dragging the taller man down to his level. “You didn’t say it like that on the call!!”</p><p>“Yes I did.” Sasuke lied without an ounce of remorse seeing that now he was being “pulled into Kiba’s arms” as said man attempted to strangle him.</p><p>123Flashback of 47 minutes ago321</p><p>“Hey Sasuke,” Kiba yawned as he moved around his kitchen that morning. He was fixing himself some breakfast and wasn’t all that surprised to find Sasuke calling him so early. Apparently Sasuke was a morning person. Kiba definitely was not. “Did you hear back from Naruto yet?” He asked as he fought back another yawn.</p><p>“Come hang out with me.” Sasuke demanded, ignoring his question.</p><p>Normally Sasuke’s commanding tone would turn Kiba on, and it kinda did still, but he had his priorities straight and knew it was important to find their dramatic blonde friend who had a knack for getting into stupid situations.</p><p>“I can’t, you know I have work today.” Kiba reminded the Uchiha. “Besides, don’t you have something more important to keep you occupied?” He hinted at the obvious. Sasuke was the only one available right now to look for their best friend!</p><p>“No, you’re the most important.” Sasuke stated simply. Kiba actually paused as he reached out to grab his coffee pot.</p><p>There wasn’t a hint of the snarky sarcastic tone Sasuke’s voice naturally carried nor did it sound like a lie. Sasuke spoke as if it was merely a fact; as if he just stated the obvious and said that gravity was real.</p><p><em>Don’t get choked up, don’t get choked up!</em> Kiba repeated in his head.</p><p>“You still there?” Sasuke inquired at the silence.</p><p>“<em>Y-yeah</em>.” Kiba squeaked out as he got choked up. The hand reaching for the pot changed direction to cover his mouth as a dark blush overcame his features. Why was Kiba such a sucker for these romantic gestures?! It wasn’t even a gesture! Sasuke barely did anything and he was putty in his fucking hands!</p><p>“So, when am I going to see you?” Sasuke asked, his voice sounding more gentle than before. “I want to see you . . . we didn’t get to go on our date yesterday.” Sasuke almost sounded like he was whining . . . aww, this was kinda cute.</p><p>Kiba sighed heavily. “Sasuke,” he muttered, still trying to cover his blush despite being the only one present in his apartment. “We can . . . go on our date, <em>after</em> we find Naruto.”</p><p>“Naruto’s body is in a ditch. There, now let’s go on our date.”</p><p>“WHAT?!”</p><p>123 End Flashback 321</p><p>“It was just an analogy to emphasize how I would rather be with you than fussing over Naruto.” Sasuke scowled as Kiba finally let him go as he sunk into his couch.</p><p>“Sasuke I already told Hana and took off work because of this!” Kiba yelled at him.</p><p>“Trauma aside, you’re . . . <em>free</em> now?” Sasuke asked eagerly as he sat next to him.</p><p>“You and Itachi . . .” Kiba began. “You both have some serious tunnel vision.” Once an Uchiha got an idea in their head they became fixated on accomplishing whatever that task or goal was.</p><p>“Thank you.” Sasuke nodded as he took Kiba’s words as a compliment.</p><p>“That’s not . . . never mind.” Kiba gave up, knowing it was all futile. “Yes, I guess I am free now.” He muttered. “<em>But</em>,” he began quickly, shutting down whatever Sasuke was about to suggest. The Uchiha waited with an annoyed expression. “We should spend this time looking for Naruto. You know when he’s all sulky like this he gets into the dumbest situations!”</p><p>“That’s his fault! I’m not his baby sitter.” Sasuke scowled. Naruto was ruining his dating life!</p><p>“Fine, I’ll just go ask <em>Gaara</em>.” Kiba snapped as he stood. “Since <em>he’s</em> Naruto’s <em>best friend</em> I know he wouldn’t mind looking for him!”</p><p>123 321</p><p>Gaara opened the door only to close it immediately, but Sasuke already had his foot wedged inside, stopping him from reaching his objectives.</p><p>“Naruto isn’t here.” Gaara sneered through the cracks before his pissed off expression softened at noticing Kiba besides his nemesis.</p><p>“Hey Gaara, we know. Actually, Naruto’s kinda missing.” Kiba laughed awkwardly as Gaara raised an eyebrow at this.</p><p>“Is he seriously missing or is this another sulky phase?” Gaara asked as he opened the door a bit, if only to talk to Kiba properly who was standing next to a loathing Uchiha.</p><p>“Ahh, I think he’s just sulky. But this time he’s pissed too.”</p><p>Gaara sighed. “What happened?” he asked as he motioned for them to come in. He wore a black business suit and looked like he was about to go into work.</p><p>“Naruto’s mad that people cares about him.” Sasuke’s toxic ass replied as Kiba punched him in his shoulder to shut him up.</p><p>“That is NOT what happened!” Kiba yelled as Sasuke scowled and rubbed his shoulder. Gaara stared in utter bewilderment at Sasuke not immediately throwing hands at someone touching him. Well . . . this was interesting. It must be a rather cold day in hell.</p><p>“Naruto’s upset because he got into a fight with his cousin and Itachi. They were being way too protective of him and trying to make all the decisions for him.” Kiba explained as Sasuke rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Well, that explains the cryptic note he left on the refrigerator.” Gaara mused while glancing at the kitchen.</p><p>Both Kiba and Sasuke turned to look at said fridge. Kiba walked over to grab the orange sticky note on its shiny black surface.</p><p>“<em>This is a cryptic note. XOXO </em><strike><em>Naruto</em></strike><em>.</em>” Kiba read out loud. “He scratched out his name!”</p><p>“Wow, that <em>is</em> pretty cryptic.” Sasuke admitted as the men nodded in agreement, stumped on how to proceed after that. Sometimes, Naruto was a genius.</p><p>“He’s probably with someone who wouldn’t rat him out.” Gaara mentioned as Kiba walked back over to the living room. Naruto always had these sulky phases and everyone agreed to just snitch when he showed up crying and whining about something.</p><p>“Yes we figured, but I already checked with Lee, that loyal son of a youthful green bitch.” Sasuke shuddered at the memory while Kiba and Gaara gave him concerned expressions.</p><p>“Well, who else is plot armor loyal to Naruto?” Gaara asked, describing the degree of loyalty needed to not get tired of a sulky Naruto and send him back home.</p><p>Kiba slapped his forehead as he had an epiphany. “God, it’s <em>so</em> obvious!”</p><p>123 321</p><p>“H-Hi K-Kiba-kun. Oh, you b-brought y-your . . . f-friends?” Hinata greeted her best friend with a confused smile when she opened the door to her apartment to find Kiba, Sasuke and Gaara standing before her. She stood by the door with her hand touching the door knob and the other behind her back obscured from view.</p><p>What an . . . odd group of personalities. Kiba was too horny most of the time and kinda stupid. Sasuke was in constant denial. Gaara was . . . surprisingly normal but he didn’t really hang out with the two men next to him unless he had a blonde buffer.</p><p>It was weird to see the trio together and they all looked like they were dressed for different occasions. Kiba wore his standard attire; t-shirt, sweats and sneakers. Sasuke was a bit more dressed up, sporting a navy blue dress shirt and dark pants; as if he was going on a fancy date. Gaara wore a business suit and was probably on his way to work before being derailed by Kiba and Sasuke.</p><p>“I-Is something w-wrong?” Hinata asked with a frown. She knew Kiba should be at work at this time and it would have to be an emergency for him not to go into the clinic since he loved working there.</p><p>“Why does she always stutter like that?” Sasuke rudely asked out loud but was immediately shushed by Kiba.</p><p>“God Sasuke, you can’t just ask why someone stutters!” Kiba yelled before Gaara spoke up over them.</p><p>“We’re looking for Naruto and can’t seem to find him.” Gaara explained as the men next to him bickered as per usual whenever Naruto wasn’t around to monitor them.</p><p>“N-Naruto-kun?” Hinata asked worriedly as she ushered them into her apartment. “No I h-haven’t h-heard f-from him! W-What h-happened?”</p><p>“Oh, it’s nothing too serious, he’s sulking again.” Kiba reassured the Hyuga princess who looked like she was about to faint from worry.</p><p>“O-Oh, th-then he’s o-ok?” Hinata asked while one hand came to clutch at her chest.</p><p>“Well, news of a blonde idiot’s death didn’t make the front page yet.” Sasuke muttered while being glared at by everyone for being insensitive to the situation.</p><p>“W-Well, h-he’s not h-here, b-but I-I’ll k-keep an <em>e-eye</em> out f-for him.” Hinata promised.</p><p>“Because you’re a Hyuga?” Sasuke asked.</p><p>“Wh-What?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“<em>Anyways</em>,” Kiba interrupted, he’d have to cuss Sasuke out for harassing Hinata later. He was being more of a bastard than usual and only because he saw shy and timid Hinata as an easy target. “Thanks Hinata, just keep us posted if he does show up here eventually!”</p><p>“O-Ok!” Hinata responded with a smile before frowning when she noticed Sasuke’s practically disgusted expression while looking at her.</p><p>Sasuke didn’t really talk to Hinata much, or rather, ever. And it was obvious why. Sasuke hated weakness and imperfection and Hinata was a weak sappy girl from his point of view. He couldn’t believe at one point Naruto and Sakura tried getting them together. They were complete opposites and besides her looks, Sasuke had no idea why anyone would be friends with someone without a backbone.</p><p>“Can you say a sentence without stuttering?” He questioned, having had enough of her words breaking off and sounding choppy. He knew he was being a jackass, but he felt compelled to.</p><p>“I’ll <em>cut</em> you bitch.” Hinata hissed in her whispery voice.</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Man Sasuke, I tried to warn you!” Kiba turned in the passenger front seat to yell at Sasuke while Gaara drove off from Hinata’s place. “Hinata’s nice, but even she get’s upset at times!”</p><p>“She fucking tried to stab me!” Sasuke screamed from the back seat. She wasn’t <em>just</em> upset, the bitch was crazy!</p><p>“Oh, she didn’t mean it,” Kiba brushed off as Gaara gave him a look.</p><p>The red head glanced in the rearview mirror at Sasuke who was glaring at the part of his shirt that had been sliced clean through when Hinata lunged for him with a knife she apparently held behind her back. If it wasn’t for Sasuke’s fast reflexives, he definitely would have been bleeding out for real this time.</p><p>“I think she meant it.” Gaara deadpanned.</p><p>“No way, Hinata’s an angel! Sasuke just rubs people the wrong way!” Kiba insisted.</p><p>“Why would an angel have a knife?!” Sasuke demanded to know.</p><p>“She’s a woman living alone in the city! She was just protecting herself since she didn’t know what to expect when she answered the door!” Kiba argued.</p><p>Sasuke suddenly realized something. “Wait a minute, she turns you on doesn’t she?!” He yelled in heated jealousy. That's the reason why the horny kinky bastard was best friends with her, wasn’t it?!</p><p>“W-What pssshhh. No! I wouldn’t d-date a Hyuga!”</p><p>“Oh my God,” Sasuke yelled as he lurched forward, gripping the back of the seat as he glared at Kiba. “Did you sleep with her?!”</p><p>“No, she dated Naruto a bit, it would be weird!” Kiba snapped. “And I’m <em>gay</em>!” he emphasized. Certainly wasn’t bisexual like Naruto!</p><p>“Then why did you look all happy when she pulled out the knife?!”</p><p>“I just thought it was cool how she expertly tried to kill you!”</p><p>“Is that all?!”</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>“Ok, it better be.” A jealous Uchiha snapped before crossing his arms and falling back against the backseat muttering to himself about cheating boyfriends.</p><p>“You know . . . If <em>I</em> wasn’t the one driving, I would let myself out.” Gaara muttered while he looked at a sulking Uchiha in the rearview mirror before glancing at a guilty looking Inuzuka next to him in the front seat.</p><p>123 321</p><p>“So what do we do now?” Kiba asked Gaara as they were waiting in his jeep in front of the Uchiha’s condo while Sasuke ran up to change his shirt. </p><p>“I’m not sure.” Gaara admitted. They were running out of options. “Should we call Jiraiya?”</p><p>“No, that’s where Pein wanted to take Naruto and he didn’t want to go there in the first place.” Kiba shook his head. “Maybe Iruka-sensei?”</p><p>“Our old guidance counselor?” Gaara asked as Kiba nodded. “No, he’s the one that initiated the whole snitch on Naruto if he’s sulking thing!”</p><p>“Oh yeah . . . you’re right.” Kiba muttered as he thought deeply. “I feel like it’s someone pretty obvious.” He muttered.</p><p>“Yeah, someone that’s close to Naruto . . . who he'd turn to when things get hard.” Gaara added.</p><p>“Perhaps Sasuke also knows this person and they would all be close.” Kiba said while rubbing his chin in deep thought.</p><p>“I’m back.” Sasuke grumbled as he let himself inside, flinching when he witnessed Gaara slapping his forehead.</p><p>“We’re idiots!” Gaara exclaimed as he thought of the most obvious place for Naruto to be hiding.</p><p>123 321</p><p>“Hey honey, wait, shouldn’t you be at work?” Sakura greeted as she opened the door to her place. She wore scrubs and was just about to head out to the hospital where she interned. “Oh, Sasuke, Kiba!” She greeted them with a smile as the two crowded around Gaara.</p><p>She frowned. Why the hell were the three of them together?!</p><p>“Wait a minute, why are you all together?” Sakura asked suspiciously. “Is Naruto dead or something?” She joked.</p><p>“He might as well be!” Sasuke exclaimed as he threw his hands up in the air in annoyance at not finding Naruto once again.</p><p>“What do you mean? Don’t tell me he’s sulking again!” Sakura yelled at the guilty looking men before her. “Aren’t you his best friends?!” She scolded them. “You’re supposed to look out for him when he gets like this!”</p><p>“We couldn’t stop him this time, he ran away!” Kiba cried, he didn’t like being scolded by a fuming pinkette.</p><p>“Argh, men are useless.” Sakura muttered as she took a step back and motioned for them to come inside. “Did you check with Shikamaru?” She asked as they followed her inside.</p><p>“No,” Sasuke scoffed. “Naruto’s not that dumb.” He snapped. “Even he knows that’s an obvious choice.”</p><p>“<em>I’m</em> an obvious choice but yet you’re still here.” Sakura deadpanned.</p><p>“Shikamaru would immediately rat him out.” Kiba explained. “He’s too lazy to deal with a sulky Naruto.”</p><p>“But Naruto would be able to charm you.” Gaara mentioned.</p><p>“Well . . .” Sakura looked away uneasily. “To be honest, Naruto <em>was</em> here earlier.”</p><p>“What?!” Sasuke yelled at her. “And you didn’t tell anyone?!” Useless!</p><p>“I didn’t know he was sulky!” Sakura defended herself. “And he stopped by for like two seconds last night and left!” Sakura explained. If she wasn’t having a girls night with Ino and Tenten when he appeared, she would have let him in and learned what had happened. “I didn’t know the situation.”</p><p>Kiba groaned. “Dammit, we almost had him!”</p><p>“Naruto got into an argument with Itachi and his cousin.” Gaara began explaining.</p><p>“His cousin?” Sakura asked.</p><p>“Pein.” Sasuke confirmed.</p><p>“Your overzealous PR agent?!” Sakura exclaimed.</p><p>“Yes, he and Itachi got into it about whether or not Naruto was allowed to date and Naruto became angry and stormed out.” Kiba nodded. “Long story short,” He decided to skip the part about thick gnomes, “Naruto’s MIA.”</p><p>“See, this is why you need to keep me in the loop of things!” Sakura complained. “If I knew that I could have grabbed him!”</p><p>“<em>I</em> just found out this morning.” Gaara said and Sakura turned her anger to Sasuke and Kiba.</p><p>“Oh, so I should be mad at <em>you</em> idiots?!” She growled.</p><p>“We thought we had the situation under control!” Kiba muttered as he hid behind Sasuke who was starting to get a headache.</p><p>“Ok listen,” The Uchiha commanded everyone’s attention in the room. “We just have to put our heads together and find him. Between the four of us, we definitely will.”</p><p>123 321</p><p>“They’re never going to find him.” Pein muttered where he sat in front of Itachi in Rinnegan’s cafe. They decided to have a late lunch together to talk things through.</p><p>“Why did he run away?” Itachi asked dejectedly as he pushed around the food on his plate.</p><p>“Naruto may not look it, but he was anxiety. It’s something he got from staying at the orphanage for so long.” Pein sighed heavily.</p><p>This is why he was so protective of the blonde. He never wanted Naruto to feel the pain of being unwanted again, so it was imperative that they find him soon. “Although, he’s never stayed away longer than a few hours.” He pondered. The blonde was missing since yesterday!</p><p>Itachi sighed, “That’s probably my fault.” He admitted reluctantly.</p><p>“Gee, you think?” Pein asked sarcastically. “Naruto is very serious about creating bonds with people, now that he’s fallen in love with you he’s just going to take it even more personally.”</p><p>“What did you just say?” Itachi asked, suddenly sitting up at attention. “You said Naruto’s fallen in love with me?!” Sure, they were together, but Naruto never explicitly said the L-word to him!</p><p>“Regrettably, yes.” Pein snapped while angrily stabbing a piece of beef on his plate with his chopsticks. “I saw the way he looked at you while we were arguing . . . it’s more than just infatuation.” At Itachi’s uncharacteristically happy expression Pein decided to bring him down a notch. “That’s why he’s even more hurt at the situation.” He snapped, causing Itachi to frown.</p><p>“Right . . . the situation.”</p><p>“Yes . . .” Pein said, giving him a look.</p><p>“The situation that we are both fully aware of that made Naruto upset.”</p><p>“ . . . ”</p><p>“The situation that we will talk more about, in detail, to understand better so it never happens again.”</p><p>“You have no idea why Naruto is so upset . . .” Pein deadpanned. Fucking Uchiha’s. “I’m only going to tell you this once Itachi since we are actually friends despite everything.” Pein muttered as he leaned forward. “Naruto has abandonment issues.” Pein explained carefully. “He’s also anxious and secretly thinks nobody wants him around.” He stated bluntly as Itachi frowned.</p><p>Why would Naruto ever think that? Everyone loved being around the sunny blonde and he was a great friend to many!</p><p>“He probably felt like you were the first person to honestly want him for him, that he was something precious and special to you, but then you, well, <em>we</em> shattered that by how we reacted to the situation.” Pein sighed while sitting back in his chair.</p><p>“By trying to tell Naruto what to say . . . how to act . . .” Itachi began as he connected the dots. “We tried to tell him <em>who</em> to be.”</p><p>“And Naruto began to think I didn’t really love him for who he was anymore, that he had to put on another facade so I could be happy with him. That he had to act a way I liked in order to be . . . loved.” Pein nodded after Itachi realized just how serious the situation was.</p><p>“I would never want Naruto to be anyone but himself . . .” Itachi mumbled. “I shouldn’t have dismissed his feelings like that . . . I should have listened to what he had to say.”</p><p>“Don’t be too harsh on yourself. We both fucked up.” Pein shrugged. He came to the same realization earlier, thus why he was now reconciling with Itachi over lunch.</p><p>“I just wanted to protect him.” Itachi actually pouted and Pein chuckled, remembering a younger Itachi in their youth at his expression.</p><p>“And I’m sure Naruto knows that deep down inside . . . but his anxiety will tell him otherwise. It makes him subconsciously self-sabotage his romantic relationships.” Pein said. “And with the added pressure of the press if you two went public . . .”</p><p>“It would just be even more stressful for Naruto.” Itachi admitted. “I don’t want to put him in that kind of position . . .” Itachi said softly. He loved Naruto and wanted to protect him at all cost!</p><p>“So you understand what has to happen, don’t you?” Pein prodded.</p><p>“I have to break up with Naruto.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: Well, that escalated quickly. </p><p> </p><p>Please comment your thoughts! I love reading all of your comments and how you're enjoying(?) the story! </p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. What happens in Vegas . . .</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“<em>Or</em>,” Pein butted in. “You could just sincerely apologize. Then you both can communicate your concerns to sustain a healthy partnership moving forward.” He deadpanned.</p><p>“Oh . . . I could do that.” Itachi nodded thoughtfully as Pein groaned at his friend.</p><p>Honestly, why were Uchiha’s so quick to misunderstand things?! This is why he became known as the “overzealous” PR agent because he <em>had</em> to be on top of things before these stupid self proclaimed geniuses sabotage everything!</p><p>“I wanted you both to break up before I realized that you could actually make Naruto happy,” Pein began with a frown. “But now I think you’re both too fucking stupid to be together.”</p><p>“That was uncalled for.” Itachi frowned as Pein pushed away his now empty plate with a huff.</p><p>“Let’s just think of a way to find Naruto.” Pein sighed while rubbing his forehead. “Where have Sasuke looked so far?” he asked, knowing that Sasuke was giving Itachi updates on where they checked.</p><p>“Lee, Gai, Neji, Gaara and his siblings, Hinata, Sakura, Ino and Tenten have all been accounted for.” Itachi began, getting straight to business.</p><p>“Shit, why do I feel like he’s someplace obvious?!” Pein yelled in frustration as he raked a hand through spiky orange hair as they thought things through. Due to work, he hadn’t had a chance to go look for his cousin, but he was starting to get a bit leery of where the blonde cold possibly be hiding.</p><p>“. . . let’s just ask Sasuke to check with more of their friends.” Itachi sighed. There wasn’t much they could do from the office anyway.</p><p>“I’m sure he’ll turn up eventually.” Pein reluctantly agreed.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Sasuke was in the backseat of Gaara’s jeep with Kiba since Sakura claimed shot gun as she now travelled with them on their quest to find the dobe.</p><p>“While we have time,” Sasuke began, interrupting Kiba’s moping as he stared out the window. The Inuzuka warily turned toward Sasuke suspiciously. “We should plan our date.” Sasuke reminded him.</p><p>“Oh, come on Sasuke,” Kiba groaned. “We’ll think of something later!”</p><p>“Why can’t we do it now? Do you even want to go on a date with me?” Sasuke frowned.</p><p>“Yes, I do.” Kiba said earnestly and meant it. “But right now . . . we gotta look for Naruto.”</p><p>“I forgot you can’t chew gum and walk at the same time.” Sasuke muttered under his breath.</p><p>“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!” Kiba asked defiantly as Sasuke rolled his eyes.</p><p>“You can’t multitask.” Sasuke responded flippantly.</p><p>“Yes I can!” Kiba growled, moving in closer on the backseat to glare at him.</p><p>“Then where are we going on our date?” Sasuke sneered as Kiba was now in his face. Mission successful!</p><p>“Well,” Kiba murmured as he began thinking hard. “We were supposed to cook together, so let’s do that and have a movie date at my place?” He offered a secretly gloating Uchiha.</p><p>“This weekend?” Sasuke answered with a smirk.</p><p>“Yeah, that works!” Kiba nodded enthusiastically. There, he sure showed Sasuke what he was made of!</p><p>“Pathetic.” A voice from the front seat said in disappointment.</p><p>Kiba turned to look at Sakura who was looking at them in the rearview mirror. “What now?!” Kiba wailed, why was everyone insulting him?! He usually shared being insulted with Naruto, but now everyone was just picking on him!</p><p>“I can’t believe you let Sasuke manipulate you so easily.” Sakura tsked.</p><p>“Shut up Sakura, I’ve been manipulating you for <em>years</em>.” Sasuke scoffed.</p><p>“Honey, Sasuke’s being mean to me!” Sakura cried while turning to her boyfriend who was just trying to tune everyone out the entire car ride.</p><p>“Well, you started it!” Kiba defended Sasuke who stuck his tongue out at Sakura who was yelling at them in the backseat.</p><p>Gaara really wanted to disappear at this moment from all the noise they were making, but as the only sane adult with more than one braincell, he had to sacrifice his ears so they could hurry up and find their best friend. He felt as if he was caring too much for others, but his psychiatrist did say it was important to have friends. Something about the importance of bonds . . .</p><p>“Let’s focus on where Naruto would be if we don’t find him now.” His deep voice cut through their petty arguing.</p><p>“If he’s not there, he’s dead.”</p><p>“Sasuke, stop saying that!” Sakura yelled at him.</p><p>“Well, I honestly don’t know where he would be if he’s not here.” Kiba admitted worriedly as Gaara pulled up in front of a house.</p><p>“I guess we’ll just have to brainstorm inside.” Gaara said as he put the jeep in park.</p><p>123</p><p>“Hello, wanna-be me.” Sasuke greeted when Sai opened the door.</p><p>“Hello Sasuke, still in denial about being gay?” Sai asked with an unfriendly smile.</p><p>“Jokes on you, I’m no longer in denial.”</p><p>“. . . ok.” Sai answered. He wasn’t expecting that response.</p><p>“You’re gay?” Gaara asked, surprised at the turn in conversation as he gaped at Sasuke. “I didn’t know you and Sai were close enough to share that with him.” He muttered while glancing at Sai who gave him a hollow smile.</p><p>“We’re not, Sai just thinks <em>everyone</em> is gay.” Sasuke deadpanned.</p><p>“Everyone is gay unless proven heterosexual!” Sai blurted out as they stared at him. “I still think there’s hope for you Gaara!” he said while Sakura looked offended at the implications, especially since Sai himself was straight and dating Ino.</p><p>“Let’s just leave and assume Naruto isn’t here.” Kiba whispered not so subtly to the group.</p><p>“You are looking for Naruto?” Sai asked. “He left a while ago.”</p><p>“He was here?!” Sakura screamed. “Oh my God!”</p><p>“What’s with that reaction? Just call him.” Sai said to the shocked faces around him.</p><p>“He’s not answering our calls!” Kiba yelled. Naruto had been ignoring everyone who was looking for him!</p><p>“We’re narrowing in on him.” Gaara said as the four of them huddled together to think.</p><p>“If he was first with me, then he ran to Sakura, now Sai . . . who else is next?!” Sasuke screamed, a bit unhinged. This entire ordeal was driving him insane! The usually stoic Uchiha was slowly losing his fucking mind!</p><p>There was a slight pause as everyone waited for Sasuke to get his shit together.</p><p>After a few more moments his breathing calmed down despite his twitching left eye, but they decided it was good enough and to proceed with their investigation.</p><p>“There’s gotta be a pattern.” Gaara mused before Sakura stood up straight from their huddle, slapping her forehead.</p><p>“I know where Naruto is!” She exclaimed suddenly.</p><p>321</p><p>“Sakura you’re late.” Tsunade grumbled when she heard the door open. She turned around and sighed at the group of young adults entering her hospital. Why the hell were they dressed as if they were all supposed to be at different events?! “What the hell is going on now?!” She yelled at them. “Did you split your head open again?!” She accused Sasuke who scowled at her.</p><p>“<em>I</em> didn’t split my head open, <em>Naruto</em> did.” Sasuke corrected her as if that made a difference in anything.</p><p>Deciding to ignore Sasuke, Tsunade turned to her pupil. “Sakura, you have five seconds to explain why you brought these idiots and Gaara here.” There was a lot of work to be done at the hospital and she didn’t have time to deal with whatever nonsense they were cooking up!</p><p>“Lady Tsunade, we’re looking for Naruto!” Sakura explained quickly, knowing the blonde had a nasty temper and was not above violence. “He’s sulking again.” she sighed.</p><p>“And what made you think he would be here? I would have sedated him and sent him to Jiraiya!” Tsunade yelled at them. Were they all idiots?! Rhetorical question.</p><p>“Dammit,” Sakura complained. “I was so sure he would be here!”</p><p>“Do you have any suggestion on where he could be?” Gaara asked the angry blonde in front of them.</p><p>Tsunade sighed as she thought it over. Since Gaara was asking and he was relatively normal, she’ll play nice. “Naruto isn’t as dumb as he wants us to believe.” Tsunade thought. “He’s going to be in the most random place you would never think of, but somewhere that make sense.” she muttered before she thought of the perfect person. “Is he with Lee?!”</p><p>“That was the first place accounted for.” Kiba sighed.</p><p>“Shit, well I’m fresh out of ideas.” Tsunade shrugged before grabbing Sakura. “It’s time for you to get to work,” She snapped before the pinkette could complain. “And for the rest of you to get the hell out!”</p><p>321</p><p>“I don’t get it.” Shikamaru complained as he stared at Naruto eating snacks on his couch. “Why haven’t anyone called me yet?!”</p><p>“Because they will go to an obvious place first, but not <em>too</em> obvious, like Sakura. I went to her last night to give the illusion that I would go to a close friend.” Naruto grinned at Shikamaru who was staring at him in disbelief. “They probably checked in with the random options next then back to obvious people and are now disillusioned on who could be next.” Naruto shrugged as he grabbed a handful of popcorn. “Now it’ll just hurt their pride if they even think about checking your place.” he said happily before shoveling popcorn into his mouth.</p><p>Shikamaru opened the door last night to find Naruto with a bag full of his things grinning at him. After Naruto spilled everything, he had to tackle Shikamaru to the ground and forcibly remove his cell phone from his hand. He knew Shikamaru was about to contact Sasuke to get him because he was not about to get caught up in drama.</p><p>After Naruto grabbed his cell phone, he made a bet with the lazy genius. He’d stay with Shikamaru until someone called to inquire his whereabouts. Shikamaru readily agreed because come on, why <em>wouldn’t</em> he be an obvious choice? Naruto would be out of here ASAP!</p><p>But night turned to day and even though Naruto left for a few hours to hang out with Sai earlier, he had returned and was currently watching a movie on his couch and eating snacks obnoxiously loud while smacking his lips.</p><p>Should he be fearful? He wondered as he watched Naruto momentarily choke on an unsuspecting kernel. The fact that Naruto was low-key an intelligent conniving shit when he actually tried?</p><p>Stupefied, Shikamaru sunk to the couch, taking the bowl of popcorn Naruto offered him after nearly choking to death. He took a couple of scoops and ate silently while watching TV before he thought of something.</p><p>“While they may be disheartened now, soon they’ll become desperate.” Shikamaru theorized. “Then you’re going to be caught.” In sheer desperation, Shikamaru would inevitable be contacted.</p><p>“Yeah, but I’ll be gone by then.” Naruto replied flippantly. “They’re with Sasuke who’s probably spiraling out of control now. He’ll only give in to coming here once Kiba or someone complains long enough.” Naruto shrugged.</p><p>“Then where will you go next?” Shikamaru asked curiously.</p><p>Naruto smirked at Shikamaru. “I’ll tell you if you guess correctly.” he grinned as he grabbed the bowl back and began eating.</p><p>“Kakashi?” Shikamaru wondered.</p><p>“Nope, I already set that up to be the next place they check.” Naruto then threw back his head and cackled. “I can’t wait to see Sasuke lose his mind!”</p><p>“Don’t tell me . . . you’re going back to your apartment?” Shikamaru deadpanned.</p><p>Naruto winked at him. “I’m still thinking about it.” he grinned.</p><p>Shikamaru just stared as Naruto went back to watching TV. Naruto wasn’t really a “plans” type of guy. He was the type that learned better on the job, he was great when just thrown into the action; the opposite of Shikamaru. That’s why the two were best friends; they excelled at the others weakness.</p><p>“Man, what a drag.” Shikamaru sighed as he settled against the couch in defeat.</p><p>321</p><p>“Naruto’s not here.” Shikamaru sighed when he opened the door to see Kiba and Sasuke later that afternoon. Gaara went back to work after dropping them back to his apartment where Kiba’s car was.</p><p>“See? I told you!” Sasuke snapped, a bit relieved, while Kiba groaned.</p><p>Shikamaru didn’t even bother to elaborate and say Naruto <em>was</em> just here, as that would probably shatter Sasuke’s pride altogether and he’d be the one left with cleaning up the utter hot mess <em>that</em> would leave behind.</p><p>“So,” Shikamaru began as he leaned against the doorframe. “Where will you go next?”</p><p>“We don’t know!” Sasuke snapped. “We’ve been everywhere!”</p><p>And cue the desperation.</p><p>“Oh, that’s troublesome.” Shikamaru tsked.</p><p>Sasuke looked at him suspiciously. “You <em>know</em> something.” he took a step closer to the Nara and glared at him.</p><p>“All I know is that I want nothing to do with this.” Shikamaru sighed heavily. “I’m tired.” and absolutely dumbfounded!</p><p>“You better not be lying, Nara.” Sasuke snapped to Shikamaru’s nonchalant expression.</p><p>“I’m surprised you care so much.” he noticed while looking Sasuke up and down. The Uchiha looked a bit . . . disheveled.</p><p>“I don’t.” Sasuke deadpanned while Kiba gasped next to him. “I just can’t believe Naruto have evaded me for this long.”</p><p>“Ah . . . I see.” Shikamaru nodded before Kiba reached out to grab Sasuke’s arm to pull him along.</p><p>“Thanks anyway Shikamaru.” He nodded to the lazy genius. “Come on Sasuke, let’s wait for Itachi at the condo and try to come up with something there.” Kiba sighed as he had to use extra force to drag Sasuke. For some weird reason Sasuke was starting to get jittery.</p><p>Shikamaru waved goodbye, fighting back a smirk while Sasuke literally growled at him.</p><p>123 321</p><p>“WHAT?!” Itachi screamed into his phone later that day.</p><p>“Ow.” Sasuke deadpanned at having his eardrums shattered from Itachi’s overreaction.</p><p>“What do you mean you still can’t find him?!” Itachi yelled in pure desperation.</p><p>“Itachi, I spent all damn day looking for the fucking dobe.” Sasuke hissed. “If <em>I</em> can’t find him, <em>you</em> certainly won’t.” Sasuke stated. “Use this time to think of a way not to fuck up when you see him again.” Sasuke sneered before hanging up.</p><p><em>That rude little shit</em>.</p><p>Itachi was feeling tempted to throw his phone but decided against it at the last second. He needed it in case Naruto decided to call him. He was close to losing his mind; he could barely focus on his work today! That’s why he was still here despite it being after 6pm!</p><p>How was he going to make it up to Naruto?!</p><p>Sighing, he got up and decided to get some water to clear his head. He left his office and headed to the companies good ole reliable water bubbler in the corridor. As he rounded the corner, he walked right into someone that spilled — was that a fucking margarita?! — over his shirt, but most of it fell to the floor as orange fluid soaked the carpet.</p><p>“OW!” Naruto screamed when Itachi’s fist automatically connected with his head with enough force to almost knock him unconscious.</p><p><em>FUCK</em>!</p><p>“<em>Naruto</em>!” Itachi yelled in shock as Naruto cried while gripping his head, his alcoholic beverage long forgotten on the floor. “I am so sorry, I didn’t mean—” Itachi then realized something as he cradled a sobbing Naruto in his arms. “Wait what the hell are you doing here?” At Rinnegan?!</p><p>They heard multiple footsteps and Itachi looked up to see Orochimaru and Kabuto catching up to Naruto. Orochimaru donned a large fedora hat while Kabuto simply wore gray cat ears with his business suit and . . . was that a dog collar around his neck?!</p><p>“Remember Naruto!” Orochimaru began before he began coughing and sputtering at the run, a strawberry margarita on hand as he caught his breath. He wasn’t as young as he used to be.</p><p>“What happens in Lord Orochimaru’s office, stays in Lord Orochimaru’s office.” Kabuto reminded Naruto with a knowing smile and pointing a purple cocktail in Naruto’s direction with a wink.</p><p>Naruto nodded to them before looking up at Itachi with a slightly annoyed expression. “I thought you would be back at the condo by now.” he muttered under his breath as he rubbed his aching head.</p><p>With the motion, Itachi noticed Naruto wore a lei around his neck. “. . . I still have work to finish.” Itachi said before wincing at the evident bruise he just landed on Naruto. Dammit, he needed to control his quirk! “Let’s get you to the infirmary.”</p><p>“Yeah, that doesn’t look too good.” Kabuto tsked at the bruise forming on Naruto as he sipped his purple concoction and patted Orochimaru on his back as the man gasped at having to run the very long distance of around a fucking corner. Itachi had to remind himself that Orochimaru wasn’t as young as he looked and had to be pushing age 275.</p><p>Itachi glared at him to shut up before ushering Naruto away for some much needed answers.</p><p>123</p><p>“You know we have to talk about this.” Itachi sighed as he finished putting ointment on the blondes bruise.</p><p>“Oh, are you going to listen to me this time?” Naruto muttered a bit childishly. He knew he was going about everything immaturely, but dammit he couldn’t help the way he felt! It was more hurtful that <em>Itachi</em> was the one that made him feel this way in the first place.</p><p>Itachi inwardly sighed as he stood up straight. Ok maybe he deserved that. Maybe he should ease into the conversation instead of just diving in. “Were you with Orochimaru this entire time?” he asked instead as he motioned for Naruto to follow him as they headed back to his office.</p><p>“No, I was with Shikamaru.” Naruto explained reluctantly as he hopped off the bed and followed Itachi.</p><p>Itachi’s left eye twitched . . . “Shikamaru?” He asked out loud as they neared his office. Why THE FUCK wasn’t that the <em>first</em> place Sasuke’s dumb ass looked?!</p><p>Naruto nodded while he looked around Itachi’s office, starting to feel a bit better after easing into a normal conversation with him. “Yeah, I slept over by his place.” he mentioned absentmindedly as he looked around the spacious office.</p><p>“Oh, well . . . what were you doing with Orochimaru? Did he . . . do anything to you?” Itachi asked suspiciously.</p><p>“Besides show me a great fucking time?! I—I mean,” Naruto clamped up. “What happens in Orochimaru’s office—”</p><p>“Please don’t finish that sentence.” Itachi frowned as he unbuttoned his shirt that had dried a bit from Naruto’s margarita. “The idea of alcohol and Orochimaru doesn’t sit well with me.”</p><p>“I didn’t even get a chance to drink it,” Naruto muttered as he watched Itachi take off his shirt before heading to a door that opened up to reveal a closet. His mouth suddenly felt a bit dry as his blue eyes greedily drank in the sight of a shirtless Itachi.</p><p>“Why were you running through the halls with a margarita?” Itachi deadpanned as he looked for a new shirt. He just recalled Naruto had a lei around his neck.</p><p>“Because Kabuto has this game where—” Naruto began before he quickly covered his mouth. “Stop asking me about that, you know I can’t tell you!”</p><p>Itachi wasn’t trying to pry, he was just concerned! “Ok,” he sighed as he reached for a black short sleeved button down. It’s not like he was going to be wearing it for long so it didn’t have to be something extravagant, just a few hours as he finished up at work before heading to his condo. He turned to Naruto as his muscles flexed as he shrugged it on. “I just wanted to make sure you were safe since I didn’t know where you were. You weren’t answering my calls.”</p><p>“I’m s-sorry.” Naruto stammered while watching Itachi button his shirt. Was he <em>trying</em> to be erotic right now?! His eyes hungrily looked over Itachi's naked smooth flesh as the older man slowly buttoned his shirt up as he thought.</p><p>While Naruto was trying to shove his perverted thoughts to the deep abyss’ of his mind, Itachi was trying to figure out a way to have an open conversation with the blonde. “I understand why you needed some alone time to gather your thoughts.” He began as he finished dressing and headed over to where Naruto leaned against his desk.</p><p>“Naruto, I’m sorry for being dismissive of your opinions and feelings. I shouldn’t have done that and I want us to be more open about these things moving forward.” he said as he reached out to hold Naruto’s hands in his. He nervously looked into Naruto’s eyes but was surprised to find Naruto avoiding eye contact as he stared intently at their entwined hands. Itachi smirked as he noticed Naruto’s ears. They were turning a bright pink. He gently rubbed his thumb over the blonde’s smaller hand. “Naruto?” he prompted.</p><p>Naruto nodded his head as his cheeks turned red. “Thank you, I’m sorry for just ignoring you and I won’t act so immaturely next time. I really want to be open with you too and I shouldn’t have let my insecurities assume you were trying to intentionally hurt my feeling.” he said softly before shyly looking up with ocean blue eyes. “I’ll be more vocal because you’ve proven to me that you’re willing to listen.” Naruto smiled at Itachi. “I . . . I really missed you.” he ended softly as he looked up at Itachi, wondering if the Uchiha was upset at being ignored.</p><p>His heart absolutely melted when Itachi’s normally stoic face graced him with a smile before pulling him into his arms in a strong embrace. “I missed you too Naruto.” he laughed into blonde hair as Naruto wrapped his arms around Itachi, having missed the now familiar feeling of being embraced by his strong arms.</p><p>They pulled away just enough to look at each other, Naruto already tip toeing up to reach Itachi’s lips, but the mood was ruined by Itachi’s cell phone ringing.</p><p>He would have ignored it, but Naruto sighed as he pulled back. “That’s probably Kiba. You need to get that cuz it’s about Sasuke.” Naruto muttered under his breath before pulling away from Itachi.</p><p>The Uchiha gave him a confused expression as Naruto almost appeared guilty as he looked away. Itachi grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and was floored at seeing Kiba’s contact. He saved his number after the first time the Inuzuka called him.</p><p>“What Kiba,” he answered, irritated at being interrupted.</p><p>“Itachi I don’t know what to do!” Kiba screamed.</p><p>“What happened?” Itachi wondered as he heard growling zombie noises in the background. “What the hell is that noise?”</p><p>“We just came back from Kakashi’s and Naruto wasn’t there but I think Sasuke’s fucking losing it man!”</p><p>“What do you mean, what’s happening?!” Itachi asked, instantly alerted after hearing Kiba scream, “<em>No, don’t bite her</em>!!”</p><p>“I don’t even fucking know, he just started growling and foaming at the mouth!!” Kiba sounded like he was close to panicking as Itachi heard dragging noises paired with absolute struggle.</p><p>“Ah, his ego.” Itachi sighed while glancing at Naruto who was looking outside his office window intently. “Just knock him out for now before he becomes a danger to society.”</p><p>“Huh?!” Kiba yelled. Itachi would have elaborated but he heard a scuffle and a loud noise as if the phone had dropped to the floor. After panting and running foot steps, he heard Kiba say, “I’m so sorry Sasuke!” followed by a loud CLANG!</p><p>Kiba then grabbed the phone off the floor. “What the fuck is wrong with you Uchiha’s?!” he screamed.</p><p>123 321</p><p>Itachi suspiciously watched Naruto as he looked down at his shoes while they rode the elevator up to his condo.</p><p>Did Naruto intentionally drive Sasuke to madness?</p><p>“Naruto . . .” Itachi began as said blonde took a rather loud gulp. “You know . . . Sasuke’s quirk . . . don’t you?”</p><p>“What?! <em>No</em>,” Naruto said loudly. “Sasuke doesn’t have a quirk!” he repeated before looking up at Itachi. “Remember?”</p><p>Itachi inwardly sigh. He was starting to think Naruto wasn’t as ditzy as he let on. “Remember we promised we’d be more open with each other.” Itachi reminded him.</p><p>“Well, you know part of Sasuke’s quirk is thinking he doesn’t have one. That’s why we’ve all been lying about it this entire time.” Naruto pouted at being caught. “He pissed me off so I guess I was being a bit of an asshole as payback.”</p><p>Itachi sighed. “We’ll talk about this later.” He chuckled with a slight smile at the harassed sigh Naruto let out as the elevator dinged open.</p><p>“Oh come on, he had it coming!” Naruto complained as they walked back. “Sasuke is such a bastard all the time!”</p><p>“You’re not wrong but you know how fragile he is.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah.” Naruto admitted reluctantly as they made it to the door. He watched as Itachi took out his keys and opened the door to let them inside to complete chaos.</p><p>“Naruto?!” Kiba cried as he dropped Sasuke’s feet where he was currently trying to drag him to his room. One of his t-shirt sleeves were ripped and barely hanging on by a thread while his breathing was heavy and ragged.</p><p>“Where’d you get the heavy duty rope?” Naruto asked as they saw that Kiba had apparently tied Sasuke up . . . after knocking him out with a frying pan if the porcelain pot lying nearby on the floor was any indication.</p><p>“Oh, it’s a long story.” Kiba shrugged before he glared at the blonde. “Where the fuck were you?!”</p><p>“Oh . . . with Shikamaru.” Naruto answered sheepishly as he kicked off his shoes and headed over to Kiba.</p><p>“Are you fucking serious?!” Kiba screamed as he grabbed Naruto’s shoulders and shook him. </p><p>“And with Orochimaru . . .” Naruto admitted.</p><p>“Who the fuck is that?” Kiba asked suspiciously before Naruto sighed and reached for his back pocket, pulling out Orochimaru’s head shot.</p><p>“Oh, this guy!” Kiba yelled before releasing Naruto and looking through his pockets before pulling out another picture of the gray skinned man.</p><p>Itachi was a bit concerned. Why did everybody have a fucking picture of Orochimaru?! I mean, he had one for very <em>practical</em> reasons, but why did they?!</p><p>“Why would you go there?” Kiba asked suspiciously as Naruto moved away from him.</p><p>“Because I know Sasuke wouldn’t think I’d go there.” Naruto explained patiently as he began untying the unconscious Uchiha.</p><p>“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Kiba warned while reaching for the frying pan as he began to panic.</p><p>“It’s ok, he’ll be fine once he wakes up. He probably won’t even have any recollection of the last 48 hours.” Itachi explained.</p><p>“What the hell is going on?!” Kiba yelled. “Why are you both so calm?! Sasuke damn near bit my arm off and he almost killed the receptionist in the lobby!”</p><p>Naruto sighed heavily before looking back at Itachi. “Do you want to tell him?”</p><p>“Tell me what?!”</p><p>“I think it’s time you learn about his quirk.” Itachi begun gravely while Kiba clutched the frying pan to his chest with wide eyes.</p><p>“<em>Sasuke has a quirk?!”</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A/N: WHAT YA’LL THINK OROCHIMARU AND KABUTO DID WITH NARUTO?!</p><p> </p><p>Listeeeeen, the reason why I’m late in uploading is because I, and I don’t mean to brag, but <em>I</em> just thought of another <em>trash ass crack fic</em> that I am currently writing. I’m still working out the kinks but it’s gonna be straight dumpster if you know what I mean!</p><p>Just know crazy ass Uchiha’s, unsuspecting blondes, and suspicious brunettes are definitely part of the storyline, muwahaha!</p><p> </p><p>Well, I’m finished rambling, please comment your thoughts on this chapterrrr~ &lt;3</p>
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